Louise Belcher, age 9
Bob Belcher, age 45
"Come on, Louise, admit it! You look up to me!"
"No! I mean-"
"Come on! You said you wanted to run the restaurant."
"Maybe... just a little."
"Would you re-name it Louise's Burgers?"
"Probably. That is a much better name than Bob's."
"No it isn't. Bob's is great."
"Mmm... No."
"Yes."
"No.
"Yes."
"H-hey guys! Whew! That... urh... sure was a long climb."
"Oh, hey Rudy."
Louise Belcher, age 15
Bob Belcher, age 51
Linda Belcher stalked outside her youngest daughter's room, waiting for her to come out.
"Come, Louise! You have to come out of there sometime!"
"Never!" Was the defiant response. Linda sat down and folded her arms,
"Well then I'm not moving from this spot, missy! If I have to, I'll sit here all day!" The younger Belcher scoffed,
"Then I guess we'll see who falls first!" Linda glared at the door,
"I guess we will!" The older woman huffed and tapped her foot against the hardwood floor.
-8 hours later-
Linda snored against the wall, while Louise, for the third time, snuck back into her room, arms full of chocolate, hamburgers, and soda. The door shut, and Linda woke with a start just as the lock clicked into position. She groaned and knocked her hand against her head,
"Louise open this door right now!" She yelled, banging on the wood,
"No! I refuse!"
"You can't refuse your mother!"
"Watch me!" Linda thought for a moment,
"I can't because you won't open the door!" Louise quieted for a moment, and Linda grinned.
"Nice try."
"Urrghh!" Bob walked up the stairs to their apartment.
"Hey Lin, I'm closing up... Oh my god. Are you two still fighting?" Two answers came at once,
"Yes." From Louise,
"No." From Linda, who stood up and strutted past her husband, Bob groaned,
"You've been fighting since seven." He blinked, "Wait. Did Louise even go to school, today?"
"Maybe you can talk to her, Bobby. Lord knows she won't listen to me." Bob sighed as his wife went down the stairs to the shop to get their other children. Looking at the door, the fry cook walked up to it.
"Come on, Louise. Come on out."
"No." Bob groaned again,
"Come on, Louise. Get outta there so we can talk face-to-face. Like adults."
"...No." Sinking down against the door, Bob rested his head against the green paint.
"Then at least let me talk. Face to...door...to...face." Louise stayed silent, and her father took it as a signal to keep going. "Listen. I don't really want to get on your bad side, but as your dad, I have to." Louise 'hmmf-ed'. "Your mom is just worried about you. You should be nicer to her."
"Right." The girl said sarcastically, and Bob could practically hear her eyes rolling. Bob put a hand to his head, looking for the right words.
"We just don't know how to deal with you sometimes, and-" He looked up and thought. "You know what?" He said, standing up, "Do whatever. Act like a child. I don't care. The family's going through some pretty rough stuff right now, and honestly?" He took a last glimpse at the door, "I don't have the time or energy to deal with your crap. So stay in there all your life. At this point, it doesn't matter." He pretended he didn't hear the small sniff coming from the room as he headed to bed.
The next morning Bob was sitting at the kitchen table in their small apartment, reading the daily paper. while Linda quietly made eggs and bacon. Gene was practicing on a keyboard that didn't have pre-recorded sounds, while Tina mumbled under her breath about something and wrote on a piece of paper. All conversation (one-sided or otherwise) and music came to a stop, however, when the youngest Belcher entered the room. She cleared her throat awkwardly, before looking at her family, her signature pink bunny ears flopped up and down with her cough.
"Listen up, relations. I'm only going to say this once. Ever." She turned red slightly, "I'm sorry." She sat down in her chair and grabbed a couple of sausages. Linda threw down her spatula and rushed to hug her daughter.
"Oh I'm so glad this is over! Let's never fight like that again." Louise, with a very pained face, awkwardly patted her mother on the back. Bob looked at her, and she gave a nervous smile as Linda released her. Bob patted her hat between the ears and went back to his paper.
Louise Belcher, age 18
Bob Belcher, age 54
"Well, Louise I officially hire you as an employee of Bob's Burgers!" Bob announced with a smile as he handed his daughter an apron. Gene played a small jingle, giving a laugh, while Tina clapped slowly with a smile.
"I'm so happy for you." She said monotonously, "I hope that you have a great time here." Gene nudged his older sister,
"Give it a minute..." Louise grinned and took the apron and tied it around her waist.
"Great that you finally hired me, pops. I'm glad you didn't fire me like you did with," She leaned away from her siblings and covered her mouth in a faux-whisper, "Ya know... Anyway, I've got some great ideas on how to make this place great! Just follow my lead and we'll go places!" Bob held up his hands, "Okay, okay, that's enough of that. Now, Louise, being my only permanent employee, I am going to put you in charge of the..." He looked around. First at the grill, but Louise's manical laugh came to mind. And though she was older and more mature, her appetite for destruction and mayhem seemed to have grown even more. "Uh... the..." Louise looked at him expectantly and he realized she was no longer was she the tiny, pink-eared child that he could pick up. She was at least his height now, and though thin, he recalled her eighteenth birthday party when she had smashed through the windshield with a single punch after Gene had gotten them trapped in the junkyard demolisher. He looked to the empty napkin-dispenser.
"Napkins!" He said quickly, and with false excitement, "Your job from here on out is fill the napkin-dispenser!" Linda gave him an odd look before giving a 'buh-buh-buh-buuuh!'. Gene looked indignant, while Tina merely looked more depressed than usual.
"How come she didn't get fired, like we did?" He asked loudly and Tina nodded in agreement.
"Yeah." Bob scratched his head.
"Well... Because honestly I could only afford to hire one of you. And now, I can keep an eye on her. Make sure she doesn't- Wait where'd she go?"
"Oh she ran out the door when you said napkins." Tina said. Gene still looked miffed, but nodded. An explosion echoed from down the street, followed by the shrieking of innocent bystanders. Bob rushed to the window while the livid screeching of 'NAPKINS!' echoed down the lane. Slowly closing the curtains and ushering the family down into the basement, Bob and his family waited out the rest of Louise's fit.
Louise Belcher, age 25
Bob Belcher, age 61
"Come on, Tina. Hold still." Bob grunted as he pulled the wedding gown around his eldest's waist. The young woman fidgeted with a groan.
"Sorry dad." Linda, dressed in a nice peach dress clasped her hands together,
"Aww, look at my baby, all grown up!" She wiped a tear from her eye, "I can't believe my baby's getting married!" Bob scratched his head.
"Well if this dress keeps doing what it's doing, she may never." Tina let out a low single-toned groan. Though she never outgrew her strange awkwardness, she had found a man with just as strange an affliction. His name was, for some reason, Pepper, a fact which Gene found endlessly hilarious, much to the chagrin of everyone. Gene smiled and took a photo with his camera, the flash going off in everyone's eyes.
"Come on Tina, cheer up! You're not only gaining a husband, you're gaining a lifetime supply of seasoning!" Louise groaned and smacked him upside the head and stepped forward.
"Here dad, move." Reaching into her purse, she withdrew a large roll of duct tape, "I'll get that dress to stay on." She gave a toothy grin and stepped forward, but Bob stopped her.
"Uh-uh. No. This is rental." Louise stretched a piece off,
"You sure dad? Because I'm pretty sure I only need one strip..."
"No." Bob affirmed, and continued to fiddle with the white material. Gene looked out from behind the curtain,
"I think the crowd is getting restless. I'm gonna go entertain them!" Bob looked over his shoulder quickly, but the man was gone.
"Wait, Gene, no!" Suddenly a soul-shattering 'rip' came from Tina's back. The Belchers went silent. Linda gasped, and Louise blinked.
"Uh-oh."
"Uh-oh, what?" Tina tried to turn around, but Bob stopped her with a hand,
"N-Nothing. That was... uh... My tux. It ripped."
"Oh dad, I'm sorry. Here, maybe I can help." This was when Linda jumped in,
"No, no! It's alright Tina, Just focus on being the pretty bride!" Bob sighed.
"Alright Louise, you're up." The woman snickered and came up behind him, reaching into her purse. Bob felt a loosening on his tuxedo pants, and looked at his daughter, who was holding a pair of scissors and grinning.
"Louise!" He hissed, "Why would you do that?"
"All lies have a grain of truth." She ripped some of her duct tape, "Or in this case a whole field's worth." Bob sighed in exhaustion.
-5 minutes later-
"It's ruined." Louise growled as Tina turned to Pepper. Bob shrugged.
"No it's actually really good. How did I not know you were this gifted with duct tape?" He whispered.
"Bad parenting?"
"Muh-huh-huh." Bob sarcastically laughed under his breath. Pepper's mother gave them an aggravated look and shushed them. Louise waited until her soon-to-be in-law had turned to watch the wedding to throw both her middle fingers up at the woman's back. Linda jabbed her through her tears, and Bob merely gave a small laugh.
"You may now kiss the..." The priest paused, "Bride?" Tina immediately dove in, which was reciprocated by Pepper. Some in the crowd, namely Gene, Louise, and Bob, cringed. Linda dabbed at her streams of tears and laughed,
"Well now it's time to party!" Louise stood up on her chair.
"Alright! Let's get wasted!" She screeched and stormed her way through the crowd, closely followed by Gene.
"Yeah! I'm going to puke out my mouth and my butt!" Bob looked at Linda.
"Well I guess we know who the kids take after..."
"Yeah yeah. Let me at that bar." Bob followed her and headed to the bar.
"Hey Uncle Teddy!" Louise sidled up to the bar and leaned over it, "Gimme the thing that my body loves to hate!" Teddy smiled, reached behind the bar and pulled out a couple beers.
"Okay, but be careful, Louise." He said in his low voice. Louise grabbed one an flipped the cap off with her thumb. Gene began gnawing on the top of his, while Bob pulled out his house key and jimmied the cap off.
"Thanks for bartending Tina's wedding, Teddy."
"Yeah no problem, Bob."
"I gotta be honest though, I didn't realize you could bartend." He stopped for a moment, "Wait. You can bartend, right?" Teddy pulled out a couple of alcohol bottles and twirled them expertly in his hands.
"Yeah don't worry. I bartended in Polynesia during my youth." Bob looked amazed.
"Really? Wow Teddy. That's... That's amazing. How did I never know this?"
"You never asked."
"Yeah, but it seems like something you'd want to talk about. Like, in general conversation."
"Mmm... No."
"Well then, why did you stop?"
"Bikini Atoll." Bob's eyes widened.
"Oh. Like..."
"Yeah. It was real bad." He mimed an explosion with the bottles, "Shbooosh."
"Wow, Teddy, I-I had no idea..."
"Nah it's alright Bobby."
"Hey Unc Ted," Louise shouted, "Tina and..." She looked at Pepper with a wobble, "Salt-Shaker,"
"Pepper."
"Whatever, loser. Anyway Tina and Wet-Towel here,"
"Pepper."
"I said shut up loser! Beer. Now!" Teddy looked at the numerous beer bottles that all had Louise's tell-tale pink lipstick on the necks,
"Mmm... I think you've had enough, Louise." Bob nodded.
"Yeah, Louise. I think... I know you've had enough." Louise swayed.
"You know nothing, old man!" Bob sighed,
"Well, it's her twenty-first all over again. See ya Teddy. I gotta get this one home." Teddy nodded.
"You okay to drive, Bob?"
"I'm fine Teddy, thanks."
"No problem, Bob. I'll keep an eye on the flock?"
"Yeah. Please do."
"See ya, Bob."
"Bye Teddy." Bob grabbed Louise's arm, and, despite her indignant shouting, dragged her towards the door. Gene was still trying to open his beer, unsuccessfully, while Linda was dancing with a glass of red wine in her hand. And Tina and Pepper seemed to be staring at each other in the corner with an almost creepy intensity. Louise shouted an incomprehensible slew of words as Bob pushed her to the car.
"Come on, Louise..." Bob grunted as Louise dug her feet against the asphalt.
"Mmmmgurh." Finally Bob managed to wrangle his daughter into the back seat and buckled her in. Louise seemed to have calmed down and was breathing heavily in the back as Bob pulled into the now empty streets. Sighing he looked at his daughter in the rear-view mirror, who grumbled.
"Jeez Louise." He giggled. "Jeez Louise. Hehe. How did I never see that before?" They continued through the city towards the restaurant. Louise mumbled.
"Buhneedtohup."
"Louise, you literally drained me of all my energy trying to get you into the car."
"Buh need ta trow up!" Bob processed the words.
"Oh. Oh my god! Oh okay! Here comes the adrenaline! I'm pulling over! Just hold it!" Bob pulled into an empty spot and turned in the front seat just as Louise got sick all over the seats. Bob pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Goddamn it, Louise."
"Mm 'orry 'ad." Bob pulled out and continued towards the restaurant.
"It's fine. Don't worry about it." The drive continued in relative silence, broken only by Louise's small moans, until they reached the burger joint. Bob unbuckled Louise and slowly shuffled her into the apartment above the shop. Laying her down on the couch, he headed to the closet and dug around inside for a bucket. He listened to Louise moan on the couch and shoved aside multiple coats, old cooking utensils, a couple of strange bags until he pulled out a blue bucket. He returned to Louise, who had passed out. Placing the bucket beside the couch, he slumped down against the side.
"Whoo... I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I miss the nine-year old you. Arson and voodoo aside, you were easier to lift back then." He looked over. Inside the bucket, a pair of pink ears were flipped over the side.
"No..." He pulled them and something he hadn't seen in years came out of the bucket. A little pink pair of bunny ears. "Man, I haven't seen these in forever..." Rubbing the pink fur, now old and worn, he smiled. Pulling the old hat over Louise's head, he rubbed her cheek. Louise's hand came up and gripped his, as she mumbled into the couch pillow.
"Mmm...Tanks 'ad. Ah muv 'ou."
"Yeah. I love you too, honey. Even if you cut up my tux."
Louise Belcher, age 32
Bob Belcher, age 68
Louise waved her hand at the top of the greasy spoon. The old 'Bob's Burgers' sign had come down, and now 'Louise's Lounge' replaced it. She smiled at the new sign and clapped her hands.
"Alright, everyone! Let's move it out! Louise's Lounge is now open!" Bob watched with pride as his youngest daughter took over his business. In all truthfulness, he was amazed (and sort of jealous) at the one-eighty the greasy spoon had taken. While the only thing that had changed was the name and banner, the cash just seemed to flow with the once-tiny Belcher. She drew customers in like bees to honey, and then proceeded to milk the bees for all their cash.
Now he was retired, and lived in a small apartment a little ways away, but still came to help out around shop. He would walk in to the same yellow wallpaper, the same terrible 'burger of the day', to the same counter, and sit down next to Teddy and Mort. And watch his daughter, in the same pink bunny ears serve customers one after the other. He loved it.
Louise loved it as well. All the attention she got was not wasted on her. She had lines all the way around the block on some days, yet still kept three seats permanently for her three faithful customers. At a certain point in time, neither Bob nor Louise could imagine her having any sort of sentimentality, and even now, she was considered to be a wolf in sheep's clothing. Yet that small little bit of humanity was there and exercised.
Louise Belcher, age 37
Bob Belcher, age 73
"I loved Linda. She... She...uh... sorry. She was my life. And I..." Bob rubbed his hand over his forehead. He stood in front of a small crowd of people near the wharf. Overlooking the water was a large photo of Linda Belcher. The urn in front of it gleamed in the afternoon light. Bob took a deep breath. "I wanna thank everybody who came today. It...It means a lot to me and my family. And I'm sure it would have meant a lot to Linda." He gestured to his kids. Gene, Tina, Pepper, and Louise sat in the front row. Gene and Tina both had tears flowing down their faces. Louise stoically sat, watching the eulogies come and go. Bob stepped off the small stage that had been set up, and picked up the urn. Slowly the crowd dismissed itself and they started to talk quietly. Many approached the children and their father with varying words of comfort. Louise pushed Teddy in his wheelchair up to Bob.
"You alright, Bob?" Teddy, though old, still had his prickly almost-beard and deep voice. Louise had taken to caring for him, since he had nowhere else to go. Mort the mortician came up to Bob as well. He too was now old, and had long since given up his toupee, and though he required a cane to walk, he still came to funeral.
"Hey Bob." Bob nodded in acknowledgment,
"Hey Mort." Teddy put a hand on his arm,
"It'll be okay, Bob." He said.
"Yeah. I've heard that a lot." Bob murmured. Mort patted his arm as well,
"Listen, Bob, I told Burnie to waive the cremation and funeral expenses."
"You didn't have to do that, Mort."
"It's what family does."
"Thanks." Bob looked at them, "Thanks." Louise looked out over to Kingshead Island, where the marine layer had shrouded just that morning. Suddenly Teddy broke into a fit of coughing, and she dug in the back of the wheelchair for a small oxygen tank.
"Here you go, Uncle Ted." She said as she covered his face with the mask. He nodded and subsided into low wheezing. Mort pulled one of the folding chairs from the audience and sat down next to Teddy.
"Heya Mort."
"Hi Teddy."
"So how's Burnie?"
"Ah. He's building the business. Just like his old man."
"Mmm. That's good."
"How's Louise?" Teddy looked down,
"She's... doin' alright."
"That's good." The two seemed to be talking in circles. Finally Teddy sighed.
"How are you holding up, Mort?" Mort looked at his hands, old and wrinkled.
"Not well. It's getting harder everyday."
"You're tellin' me." The pair shared a short laugh before falling silent.
"Years of dealing with death and I still can't get over it." Teddy looked at him.
"Whattya mean?" Mort gave a wry chuckle.
"I mean I never saw myself dying. At least not so slowly." Teddy looked at his own oxygen tank,
"Yeah, I get that. Just sitting around waiting to croak..."
"So..." Mort looked nervous, "What do you think happens after?" Teddy gave him a serious look,
"I dunno. But I can tell you this: when I die, I'd want it to be with something I love." Mort nodded.
"I guess that's all we can hope for..."
Louise Belcher, age 38
Bob Belcher, age 74
It was a normal day for Louise. She got up, took a shower, got dressed, and went down to the restaurant. First she ground the meat, then seasoned it, then took it upstairs to the walk-in, started the grill, and waited. The first customer showed up at seven, like they always did. She smiled and set a patty on the grill with a hiss. And so, the day continued. She looked around and checked the clock on the wall. A couple minutes late. She continued to serve customers, all smiles and (some) maniacal laughter. Finally Teddy wheeled in on his electric scooter. She set his usual on the grill and he wheeled up to counter,
"What's cookin', good lookin'?" He asked, like he did every time.
"Not much, Hutch." She retorted, "The usual, Teddy?"
"Yeah."
"Coming right up." She said with a wink. A few minutes later she placed the burger in front of him. He smiled softly and lifted it. She turned away, but his low voice called her back,
"Louise. I love these burgers." She grinned,
"Duh. Who doesn't?" And he took a bite of his burger, leaned back in his wheelchair with a sigh. She continued to cook and serve. It was normal day. An hour had passed, when suddenly Louise's Lounge went silent. Louise herself, disturbed by the silence, looked up from her grill. A young man was leaning over something at the bar. Coming out of the kitchen, she stepped closer. The man stepped back, shaking his head.
"About an hour ago." He said. She frowned.
"What do you-" She was cut short and dropped her spatula when she saw. Teddy, burger resting in his lap, was smiling contentedly.
Louise Belcher, age 43
Bob Belcher, age 79
"He's in here." The doctor led the woman into the white room, "Your brother and sister have already spoken to him. I believe you're the last one." Louise nodded solemnly. She passed Gene and Tina, both of whom were looking down and had long faces. The doctor led her into the beeping room. He looked at her,
"His mind is in a very fragile state. He... He may not recognize you." Louise nodded,
"I understand." The doctor gave her one last look before backing out the door. Louise looked over to the bed where her father lay, breathing through tubes in his nose. She approached the bedside.
"Dad?" No response. "Dad. It's me." The figure on the bed stirred,
"Louise?" She nodded, grinding her teeth.
"Yeah."
"Louise, why aren't you at school right now?" Louise took a deep breath and in her youngest, cheeriest voice,
"I came to see you, duh." Bob's eyes were closed, and Louise was fairly certain that he couldn't open them.
"Yeah, Gene and Tina said that too. What's wrong with me?" Louise rolled her tongue under her lip and nibbled on it.
"Nothing, dad. Nothing's wrong."
"I know you're lying." She blinked.
"What?" He laughed, or tried to; it came out as a weak cough.
"No snotty remark, no sarcasm. You must really be worried about your old man, eh?" Louise's jaw worked,
"Am not." He smiled again,
"Are too."
"Dee-too." She tried a weak joke.
"Haha... He murmured softly, "Star Wars." She nodded
"Yeah."
"Guess you're still thinking about last night's Burn Unit, huh?" She blinked in confusion. 'Burn Unit?' "I was on fire last night. Hehe. I hope Tina had fun at prom, though." Suddenly it all came crashing back to her. Tina's prom that Gene got invited to play at. He thought she was fifteen again. It was their last Burn Unit together. She could barely remember. She had been furious about not going with her siblings and locked herself in her room for an entire day.
"Listen, Louise?" She looked at her father, "I'm sorry for what I said. I-I didn't mean it." Tears welled up in her eyes as his voice grew weaker, "I know I don't say this enough, but I love you." She nodded through her tears,
"I know. I know. I..." Bob had quieted, "I love you too, daddy." As soon as the words left her lips, a long monotonous beep filled the room. She wiped her eyes, took several calming breaths, and left.