Find Me

Chapter 1: Mirror, Mirror

She sat staring out the window. She wasn't looking at anything. She didn't see anything but her memories. She didn't hear Snow walking up behind her. She didn't care about anything. She knew that there wasn't anything that she could do. She caused her own heartache. She would have to learn to deal with it.

"Regina?"

"Snow."

"We'll find a way."

"I can't go back."

"Sure you can."

"Magic comes with a price and this is mine."

"I refuse to believe that, Regina. Emma found us once. I am sure that she'll find us again."

"She broke my curse because she was meant to do it. She will have no memory of that, Snow. She will have no memory of us. I tried to give her a better life than she had before that, but I can't know if it worked. She will have had Henry from his birth. The rest was up to her."

"She is resilient. She's fine. And, so is Henry. But, we'll find a way to get back to them or to bring them to us," Snow said.

"You would pull them out of their happiness to bring them here?"

"They are family."

"You would sacrifice their happiness to ensure your own?" Regina asked her.

"Wouldn't you?"

"I already did."

Snow looked at her. The curse was supposed to be Regina's happiness, but it wasn't. She was finally beginning to see that when they were cursed back to the Enchanted Forest. Snow has stopped her from burying her heart. She had promised to help her find a way back.

It had been weeks. Regina was losing hope. Rumple was dead. She had no other magical ally to help her in the search to find a way back to the "Land with no magic." She was losing everything again. Snow's promise to find a way was no longer a comfort. She didn't care that no matter what Snow always found a way. She need some sort of instant gratification.

"Regina, we'll find a way. The fairies are looking in old myths and legends. Even Tiny is working with Grumpy in the old gardens to grow some beans. We'll get them back."

"I doubt that Blue wants to help me," Regina stated.

"She isn't doing it for you."

"But, she has to know."

"She does."

"And, yet she is willing to help me?"

"Not everyone holds on to their grudges, Regina. Sometimes we can get past them to help our enemies mostly because it is the right thing to do. Besides, I think that Tink had something to do with it. She has become your patron fairy."

"Tink," Regina said with a laugh, "She'll never give up on me will she."

"She believes in second chances."

"But, I don't deserve one."

"You've proven yourself to me, Regina."

Regina turned sharply to look at her step-daughter, her brown eyes studying the blue hazel of hers. She couldn't see the contempt she used to see there, but only sadness, worry and was it possibly love. Regina gasped when she saw Snow's expression. She had grown not to hate her, but Snow still was Snow and cared for her.

"I…"

"Don't worry about it, Regina. I saw the woman that my father married return. You put Emma and Henry before yourself. There was no hatred in it, only love. I know that. I remember when you used to look at me like that, before Father died. I want them back, too."

Regina cast her look back out the window. There was still nothing new outside. Nothing to catch her eye, nothing to make her forget, there was nothing to help her out the window. She just continued to stare and tried to will her tears not to come.

"Regina?"

"What, Snow?"

"When we came back…"

"Yes?" Regina asked, her obvious agitation apparent.

"When we came back, did Sidney?"

"I am sure that he did," Regina said getting more and more agitated that Snow hadn't left her to her own misery.

"Did he return to the mirror or as a man?"

Regina turned at looked at Snow. She hadn't thought about it. Sidney was a genie. He had powers. She'd exiled him to her glass even after he'd been freed by King Leopold. She might be able to use him again, at least just to see Henry and Emma.

"I don't know," Regina finally answered.

Snow just smiled brighter at her. How they hadn't thought about it earlier, neither of them knew nor did they care at the moment. Snow waited for her to find one of her many magic mirrors. When Regina pulled one out from behind a curtain, Snow just smiled more.

"It might not work," Regina told her.

"It might work, as well," Snow replied.

"I can't believe that I am actually to about to say this. It is almost too cliché even for us, but here goes nothing," Regina said and then sighed, before continuing. "Mirror, Mirror on the wall, are you still there for me to call?"

The mirror swirled and swirled, but a face didn't appear. Regina's hope was crushed. But, Snow reached out to her and touched her hand. She heard Snow's gasp and looked up into the mirror again. It was swirling like it was waiting for another question.

"Ask it something else," Snow encouraged.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, can you show my son?"

The mirror's swirls changed color and suddenly there was a bright flash of light. When they both opened their eyes, they could see Henry smiling at someone. It was just his face, but it was enough to make Regina begin to believe again.

"We will get them back."

"Yes, I believe that we will."

Regina stared at the mirror long into the night, even after Snow had left. She could see Henry. She hoped that it would be enough to sustain her long enough for her to find a way back to Storybrooke and to the Land without magic. It gave her renewed strength. She would find a way back to her son. She would. She would use the mirror if she had to, but she would do it.

As the hours crept by and morning began to appear in the distance, Regina still sat at her dressing table in front of the mirror. She was watching Henry sleep. He looked so peaceful and happy. It did her heart good to see him like that. She knew that it was wrong to keep watching him, but she couldn't stop herself. He was her son.

It wasn't until she heard the alarm go off in his room that she realized that it was truly morning. She continued to watch, promising herself that she would sleep when he woke. She would watch over his nights, making sure that he was safe and protected, even though she knew that there was nothing she could do from the Enchanted Forest for him. She was amazed at how her heart actually sped up when she saw Emma come into his room and wake.

Suddenly, she couldn't breathe. She remembered being on the deserted road, holding Emma's hand and promising her a better life. She remembered staring into her green eyes and feeling her heart break. It was like a monumental damn had broken and she was going to lose it all again. The sight of Emma, smiling at Henry as she woke him in the morning, broke Regina's heart. There was nothing that she could do about either. She had given them both new memories for their best chance at happiness. They would live on in happiness while she did not. Emma's smile was too much for her.

She waved her hand at the mirror and the image disappeared. She walked back out to her balcony to greet the morning. She took each step with a heavy heart and a determined mind that she would find a way to get back to them, even if it wasn't to Storybrooke. She knew that Storybrooke was gone. She could go to them, wherever they were. They could all be happy there, without magic, but together. That was all that mattered.

Her mind was reeling and she was still unsettled by the happiness that she had seen in Emma's eyes that she hadn't heard Snow come back to her rooms. She was grateful for her step-daughter some days and others the old hatred still boiled in the back of her mind. Every time that she looked into Snow's eyes, she saw her own pain reflected. They had both lost their children, together they were trying to deal with it. Snow tried to comfort her, but Regina only wanted to get rid of her heart. The pain was almost too unbearable some days and with Snow's constant hope, she thought she might slip and kill her only to realize that she would end up destroying herself in the process.

This morning, however, Snow sensed that something was different. She could see it in Regina's body. She could feel it in the air. Regina was different. There was a different emotion racking her body and Snow knew what Regina was capable of when her emotions ruled her head.

"You didn't sleep?" Snow asked as she continued to get closer, noticing the still made bed.

"I couldn't."

"You didn't?"

"I didn't, what?"

"You stayed up all night watching him, didn't you?" Snow asked her.

"He is my son. I only wanted to make sure that he was happy and safe. I am sure that you would have done the same."

"I would."

"Then don't lecture me about it."

"I am not. But, I do know that staring into that mirror is only going to drive you mad. We need to work with Tink and Blue. They'll find a way. If you help…"

"They won't let me help them. My magic and fairy dust doesn't mix. I need to find a way around my darkness. I don't want to cast another curse. I just want to find a way home."

"This is our home."

"No, Princess, this is not my home anymore. It never really was. This was your father's castle. I was just living here for a while. It is your castle now, Snow. Keep it. I'll take my house at 108 Mifflin Street over this place any day."

"Regina?"

"That is my name. I am the daughter of a peasant and a prince. What does that make me? A queen? No, I am nothing more than a princess without a land or titles. I like it that way."

"I will share the kingdom with you," Snow told her.

"I don't want it. I never really did. I just wanted…"

"Daniel…I know," Snow replied.

"No…love. That is all I ever really wanted. Everything I have ever done was to find love. I didn't realize that I couldn't force anyone to love me. I was hurt and angry and I wanted you to feel the same way. I never understood how my magic was creating the darkness I felt and the hole in my heart. I never tried to look for anything better. Hell, even Tink tried to steer me away from the evil and towards Robin Hood, lot of good that did her."

"Blue let her back."

"Yeah, after the debacle in Storybrooke with Pan."

"You've proven that people can change. You've done more in the past three years for us than I ever thought you would. You finally learned that you can earn trust, love and friendship by putting others' feelings before your own. You tried to learn to temper your magic, but even I have to admit that on Neverland, I was glad that you were with us."

"Why?"

"Because I couldn't do what you did."

"What embrace my darkness to save us all?"

"Yes," Snow answered.

"You did once."

"I know."

"I have forgiven you for that."

"I haven't forgiven myself."

"That is what you think of when you get angry now, isn't it?" Regina asked.

"Yes, it is. Every time I feel myself starting to lose control and get angry, I think about your mother. I think about the one person's life that I…"

"You've taken other lives on the battle field, Snow."

"But, I murdered your mother."

"I murdered entire towns. Are you sure you want to play this game? I am sure that I could match your supposed darkness and raise you a curse. That isn't the point. I realized that with my mother's death, you finally realized that life wasn't black and white."

"There is a lot of gray," Snow stated.

"And, while you may never agree fully with my ways of doing things, you understand that sometimes evil is necessary for the means to justify the outcome. You can't order it to happen. You never could. That is what I was there for. I was to take the blame for all the evil that may or may not happen, because I am the one with the dark heart."

"But, you aren't. I remember seeing it in the woods, when you were trying to bury it. It was glowing red with love. I think that Henry healed you, but there is more to it than that, isn't there? There is someone else… who is it, Regina? Who helped you become Regina, again?"