Okay. By now, I know you all know what goes up here.
DiSCLAIMER: None of the stuff you recognize as someone else's is mine.
Blah blah blah.
As always, troublesome chapters will have an 'ImPORTANT NOTE' up at the top, before the chapter so all of you know it's not a very happy chapter. I do that for your benefit, not mine, so pay attention to it. This chapter is fine. No worries there. Minus the language. It's been worse before.
Um.. That's about it. Here we go.
Chapter One
"Get him away from me!" I darted from my seat, "I swear, if he barfs on me one more time, I'm flinging him out the goddamn window!"
Unfortunately, three weeks later, my baby half-brother, Hunter, was still around. Apparently, the attempt to give him away was useless, as the state thought the best place for a sibling was with his sister. Something about keeping them together. Just my luck, he had to stay for now until they found a family in the area willing to take him.
My family, despite being more than willing to take him in, couldn't make me like the little bastard. They tried to give him space in my room, but after I threatened to kill him in his sleep, they quickly moved him. They knew better than to test it, after I did what I did to our mother.
"Oh, Leandra." Alice sighed from where she sat on the couch with him, "It's not that-"
"Carlisle!" I called, already heading up the stairs. I knew where to find him these days when he wasn't downstairs. In his office.
"Yes?" He stepped out before I could reach the door. I came to a stomping stop directly in front of him.
"Get rid of him." I demanded, pointing toward the stairs. He sighed, knowing who I was talking about.
"We're trying." He assured me, "There are only so many places-"
"Give him to Heather and Mike." I plead, "I can't stand looking at him."
"They can't afford-"
"Then pay them to take him." I insisted, "Please. Pay them to take him, throw him into the lion cage at the zoo, release him into the wild. I don't care what you do with him, but get rid of him. Puh-leese."
My begging this way was a normal thing now. I knew it was mostly jealousy that had me hate the infant, but I couldn't help it. This was my family.
"I'm sorry." Alice sighed, exasperated on her way up the stairs. She looked to Carlisle, "I accidentally got too close to her while holding him." That usually triggered these fits. I glared at the baby still in her arms, babbling happily.
Naturally, his presence repelled me, but I had a few parting words for him. I pointed my finger in his face, glaring heatedly.
"Your days here are numbered." I growled, "Don't get comfor-" I cut off as he grabbed onto my finger, and pulled it into his mouth. I flinched, and stomped again, "Ew! No! Bad baby!" He only laughed as I stormed my way back to the stairs. He was used to me freaking out by now, and found it intensely hilarious, and unfortunately, the rest of my family did as well. All but Carlisle and Esme.
The others struggled not to laugh whenever I'd have a fit like this. They wouldn't be laughing if they knew just how much he bothered me just by being here. Every time I saw him, all I wanted to do was sob, and throw up at the same time. It really upset me, and part of me wasn't even sure why.
"Get out of my house, you little bastard!" I called back up the stairs as I reached the bottom.
I left the house, descending the steps before I actually did start to cry. I couldn't stand this. I didn't like Jack's son being kept in the same house with me, baby or not. I didn't care if he was just a baby. All that mattered to me was that Hunter was there at all, and I had to look at him. Knowing exactly how he was made. Every time he looked at me was a reminder of it, and it made my skin crawl. It wasn't quite as intense of a hate as I had felt toward our mother, but it was quickly getting there.
I didn't exactly feel like warming up to the baby that kept chasing me from where I wanted to be. I also didn't exactly appreciate my emotions being laughed at, and waved off. They didn't know how much this was hurting what I'd tried so hard to build. I was probably overreacting, but to me, it was that important. Even Jasper seemed to underestimate how I felt, and that was saying something.
I sobbed quietly, kicking a rock as I circled the house.
"What's wrong, princess?" I jumped a little at Mikah's voice beside me, "The baby bugging you again?"
"They just don't get it." I cried quietly, shaking my head.
"Leandra, he's just a baby." Mikah reminded me.
"I know." I sobbed incredulously, "But if you were.. If you.." I trailed off, sobbing, "Never mind. I guess nothing matters anymore."
"Now, don't say that." He gently pulled me to a stop, "Really. What's bothering you so badly about him?"
"I'm getting replaced again." I cried, and he immediately hugged me.
"No you're not." He told me, "You're not."
"I can't be in there when he's in there. I can't stand him, because I know. They don't know what that was like." I sobbed into his shirt, hugging him tightly, "They weren't there."
"I know." He murmured, smoothing my back lightly, "Have you tried explaining it to them?"
"No." I sobbed, "They'd just laugh at me some more, but it's not funny! It hurts!"
"So explain it to me." He suggested, "And I'll talk to them." That wasn't such a bad idea, "Tell me, princess. Why does having him around bother you so much?"
I took a breath, stepping back away from him. We started to walk again while I gathered my thoughts.
When I started talking, it was tough to stop. Some points, it was tough to keep going, but I made myself. The truth was, that was when I fully realized what kind of person I was, and it was so hard to make myself remember it. Surprisingly, more than I had before. More details this time explaining than I could explain before.
He stayed silent through my explanation, my recollection of the events that changed me forever, including everything that was said. Everything Jack told her while I peered into the window, and everything she said in reply. How I could ever forget those words was beyond me, but I found myself repeating the things I heard that I'd never repeated before.
"I know it seems stupid." I mumbled after a few moments of silence, "But because I know how he was made, and the reason why he was made, I hate looking at him. It's not the fact that he's here that bugs me. It's what he means."
"It's not stupid at all." Mikah finally spoke for the first time, "You were.. What? Nine years old? Leandra, that's far too young to hear and see those kinds of things. That, on top of everything else that's happened to you in your life, it makes perfect sense why you'd find yourself bothered so deeply by Hunter."
"Nobody else seems to think so." I murmured, looking down. I watched my feet, watching every step I took, "They all just think I'm being silly."
"One thing you need to realize, however." Mikah murmured in reply, "Is that right now, he doesn't have anywhere else to go." I kept my eyes down, "The state has made its decision for right now, and that's for him to stay here. Since he.. Really has no parents anymore, they want him to stay with you."
I didn't say anything to that. I didn't like what he was saying, even if it was the truth.
"Try looking at him differently." He suggested quietly, "Don't see him for what he means. See him as someone. A person who needs help, like you did."
"I don't care if he needs help or not." I countered firmly, "Something about him just.. I can't stand it. Just looking at him makes it hard to breathe."
"Have you tried?" Mikah asked, "Have you honestly given him a chance?" I kept quiet. I knew the answer to that, but admitting that answer would make him right. He sighed, "For right now, he's here to stay, princess. That doesn't mean you're being replaced. You're not going anywhere, but neither is he. Like it or not, he's family. He's your brother. Just.. Try to adjust."
"I can't." I mumbled, and he sighed.
Taking my hand, he led me back toward the house. I knew what he was doing, but I'd had my fit for the morning. I couldn't find the energy for one so soon after the first, so I let him lead me into the living room where Rosalie sat with him.
Hunter wasn't a bad baby. He was actually quite easy, but sometimes, he still acted his age. Especially during his crying fits. Sometimes, I could swear he missed mom, because it was so hard to get him to stop crying. I kept my eyes down, crossing my arms over my chest as Rosalie stood with him.
She was usually pretty good at avoiding keeping him in the same room as me, but to my surprise, Mikah stopped her. He gestured for him, and Rose hesitated.
"It's okay." Mikah told her, and she glanced to me, before handing him over, "I'm pretty good with babies."
I listened closer. Something in my mind sort of clicked, and I looked up. I hardly noticed as the room became even more populated. Probably not trusting Mikah that alone with the baby, they slowly filed in.
But I paid them no attention. I watched as he held Hunter in his arms. He continued to cry, and he seemed especially fussy this afternoon. I watched Mikah very closely, my arms uncrossing slowly as I leaned forward.
In that moment, my memories seemed to clear. The ones of my very early vampire life. Like finally being able to focus. The memories of my early vampire life were still hard to see, but what I'd struggled to remember of Mikah before suddenly cleared, and as they cleared, it was like watching it in real time right in front of me now.
The way he held Hunter in his arms reminded me forcefully of who he held in this one particular memory, and I couldn't breathe for a second. The first memory I had of Mikah in my vision, and I truly couldn't figure out what he'd been holding. That's because it wasn't a what, it was a who. How could I have ever forgotten?
Remembering this one particular memory seemed to almost painfully unlock all the others involving this one particular person that I never should have forgotten. Like a waterfall, every single detail of my new life, and the months before it came falling into place.
I remembered my sixteenth birthday, something that had been hidden from me, and with a rush of emotion, everything after that day became painfully clear.
"Leandra?" Esme noticed my sudden emotion.
"Edward." I mumbled, looking to her, "I won't remember all this later. Where is he?"
"Right here." Thankfully, he was around right when I needed him. I looked back at him, suddenly beginning to cry.
"What is it?" Mikah asked, concerned.
"Rose, take him from the room." Edward gestured to the baby, which she immediately did so. His crying faded, but my memories stayed clear, and the room stayed crowded. Much like how crowded it had been before when I woke up from my unconsciousness at the start of the summer, when I couldn't remember what I'd shown Edward.
In a rush, I attempted to show him all I remembered through panic.
"Slow down." Edward murmured, and I sniffled hard. Trying to do as he told me, watching his frown as he intently listened. Eventually rounding the couch and sitting gently beside me. Knowing he was in for a lot. Yet again.
I forced myself to think straight, and I recalled for him everything I could suddenly remember. My sixteenth birthday, anticipating fulfilling the agreement with Aro. The last few months, weeks and days with the family, and how strong I tried to be while it was killing me inside.
I recalled for him the day I had to leave, and what my first few months there were like. To both his and my surprise, finding Josh there waiting for me. Immortal three years by then. I hadn't known he'd been immortal when I first remembered him clearer, and to my embarrassment, I couldn't skip over the memories of the night I had with him.
That wasn't what made me start crying again. It was memory of the result of that night that tore me up.
"What is it?" Emmett asked this time, and Edward immediately held up a hand. I wasn't nearly done. After the brief interruption, it was hard to straighten my thoughts again, but I managed to. I continued remembering for him. Every single detail of what I went through to eventually survive the birth of my son human.
Isaiah.
"It is possible." Edward murmured, nodding. I didn't reply to that, knowing he found that intensely fascinating. He shook his head a little, "Continue. Please continue."
I took a breath, now sobbing quietly as I remembered every moment I had with him until I had to leave again to protect him. That was what led to my being turned.
Aro finding out I no longer had my gift, and what that prevented him from doing to me. The plan Aro had for me, but the fact he never got to act on it. My rescue from Volterra by Carlisle and Esme, and the fear I had that they hadn't made it.
The intense effort to keep them off our trail by splitting up, and what that eventually led to. I recalled exactly how I'd come to be hurt enough to have to be turned, and we both winced at the memory of that. How crystal clear that memory was, the memory of the pain of being turned and the fear I had each time I tried to open my mouth only to have blood pile out. Turning me was necessary. It wasn't a choice for me either.
Waking up, my first hunt, and seeing my son for the first time after being turned. My emotions, thoughts, actions and instincts as a newborn, and how they all piled into one intense memory of facing off with Jacob as Renesmee held Isaiah.
As a side memory, I recalled for Edward what Renesmee was like. How brave, and loving she was, and how beautiful she was. How wonderful of a person I knew she was. How grateful I was to her for keeping my son safe during our family's attempts to rescue me.
I continued on to the main memory I had, the one that had started this large cascade of flooding memories through my mind. The one of Mikah. Standing in the exact same position he had been when I remembered. Holding Isaiah the same way he was holding Hunter, and why he did so.
I recalled perfectly my feelings for Mikah, and I fully understood now what he meant to me then as well. It suddenly made perfect sense to me why I'd be so attached to Mikah now. He'd been around for quite some time at that point, and he'd always been just as supportive then as he was now.
My new memories collided fiercely with the fragments of the memories I'd always had of my newborn life, and ended with me sitting on the front porch, right before I woke up to be nine years old again.
How confusing this all was, but this time when my recollection for Edward ended, I didn't need to fall unconscious. I didn't forget it all immediately, and the second I 'woke up' to this reality, I could cry again. Looking down, and remembering everything easily.
It hurt. It really did to remember my son and exactly what he meant to me. There was no other feeling in the world like it, and I still couldn't believe it took me this long to remember it.
"That was quite a lot." Edward finally murmured nearly silently, "Leandra, I'm so sorry." I knew why he was apologizing. He saw why I was hurting so much.
I understood the fact that I couldn't have my son. Even if I could somehow force myself to be with Josh that way again, it wouldn't be the same. Nothing in my life would be the same as it was in that vision, and the pain of that realization was heavy.
"What happened?" Esme asked, concerned, "What did she show you?"
He didn't reply right away, watching me. Probably thinking.
"The missing piece." Edward answered after a moment, glancing around, "Several weeks ago, I was wondering how she could get from the agreement made with Aro to being turned by Carlisle at seventeen." He paused, and they waited, "She finally remembered what events took place to make that happen." He sighed, standing, "Carlisle, we cannot let Aro get ahold of her. Not ever. We have to do something to prevent that."
"What can we do?" Esme asked, "If he's as determined as you say he is, there isn't much we can do. There's no possible way to fight him-"
"Yes there is." Edward murmured, and I looked up. How? Aro wasn't someone easily gone against. He looked to me, "Leandra, think. You've skipped over the answer so many times."
"What answer?" I asked, sniffling, "There's no way to physically go against Aro. He's too strong."
"You've given me every bit of inside knowledge you gained over that year between sixteen and seventeen." He murmured, "Think hard. What was the plan?"
I frowned, thinking. Moving passed the pain of mourning for my son that'll never be born, I tried to clear my thoughts. I recalled again everything, looking through them carefully now.
"You have everything right there." He pointed out, "You know every gift he has on his side, and you know every gift we have on ours." He prompted, nudging me in the right direction. I stayed quiet, considering it.
"Cole." I suddenly looked up, and he nodded, "The other covens." I paused, thinking harder, focusing on that, "Two shields. Plus the numbers." It was amazing to remember, standing up, "All willing to stand. To fight with us that day. There was no way we could lose." He smiled, "There was no way they could even stand a chance. Not with what he had, versus what we had. Sixteen of us, fifteen under Cole. Plus the forty-eight, making two more covens. Plus the wolves, both Jacob and Sam's pack of thirty-five, plus six new ones, altogether. All of us, he never would have even tried if he knew about all of us. No way. We out-numbered him by twenty, at least."
"Goodness." Esme seemed surprised.
"I woke up before I could find out how that went." I muttered, "That's what we were waiting for."
"You're remembering." He nodded.
"The gifts on our side would have been enough to turn Aro right around." I mumbled, deep in thought, "It was there, sitting there, waiting for the moment Aro heard about all the members we had on our side, that I first felt it. I remember being confused, wondering how I could feel pain, or be tired. It was so weird to me."
"I see that, too." Edward murmured, "You were feeling the physical pain from this life while still partially in the vision. Before you fully woke up." I nodded, "Just pulled from that life you'd known for eight years, and suddenly right back where you started. That had to have been very, very disorienting."
I didn't want to go over that again. I shook my head.
"The point is, there's hope. There's a way to beat Aro and his group, but we'd need Cole's help to pull it off." I mumbled, "If Aro decides to come for us, we don't go looking for the single nomads, or the pairs. That's what Cole said. Something about how something like facing the Volturi wasn't something easy to do, and we needed to look for the large covens. The ones that know how to stand as a group."
"Exactly." Edward smiled, "That's our answer."
"But what if he wouldn't want to help us?" I asked, "What then?"
"Leandra, I think you're underestimating how much you mean to him." Edward replied, "You've won him over." I smiled slightly, but it faded quickly.
"Even so." I murmured, "Without him, I doubt we'd be able to get the help of those other covens. Even if you could find them. He's our connection to them."
"He'd want to help any way he could, Leandra." Mikah spoke up again, "That's what he does. He helps."
"Maybe." I sighed, sitting back down, "I just don't want to count on him."
"So, if there's hope, why was she crying?" Emmett asked, frowning. I looked to Edward as he glanced to me, and I looked down again. It hurt. So much more than I was sure Edward would ever be able to describe, and to be honest, I was worried about being laughed at. I didn't like that.
"It's stupid." I mumbled, shaking my head.
"Not in the least." Edward countered, turning to look at me, "Not at all, Leandra. Essentially, you died protecting him. I saw your reasons, and I saw how much he meant to you, and now that you remember him, and fully know he's someone that'll never live, that's hard. Believe me, I know."
"Who?" Emmett asked, confused. I ignored him, though, looking to Edward.
I sighed, and now knew what decision he and Bella had come to. I knew he had to know how I felt. It really did hurt. Though I was still eleven now, I was sixteen when Isaiah was born, and I had grown up enough by then to know what it felt like to love someone so much, to give my last breath for, and that was something that hurt to break, knowing it could never happen.
"It's so much harder for you, Leandra." Edward shook his head, "I see your memories. You lived those things. I'm just an on-looker." I looked down, "And I see the struggle. I see how hard it is on you, but the more you show me, the more I am convinced that you were supposed to find us. You've shown me some amazing things, and for that, I thank you."
I smirked sadly, "It's really not like I had much choice."
"I know." He said, "But you wanted to let me see those things. Your life before was so full. There was so much worth living for, and I know it's not the same this time around, but I want you to find that again. I want you to find that fight. I know you're tired, and I know you've given up. I don't want to see what that changes."
"It's worse this time." I reminded him, sitting back down with a sigh, "I have limits, too."
"I know you do." He murmured, "I know how much harder it is this time, but I think it's an impressive statement of your strength to see you still here, and trying, but I want you to know something." I glanced back up, "The more you show me, and the more convinced I am that you were supposed to find us, only makes me more determined to keep you safe. I see the hesitancy, and I see the doubt, and the fear, but I promise you. We're doing everything we can."
I looked over at the quiet sound of the baby in the doorway. My gaze instantly hardening as I spotted the now calm baby in Rose's arms. She was actually quite good with babies.
"Bring him in, Rose." Edward said, "Let her hold him."
"Uh.." I muttered, "I really don't think that's a good idea." I hadn't held him at all since he'd been here. Not once. I'd refused before, "I don't want to hurt him."
"You're not going to hurt him." Edward murmured.
"How do you know?" I squirmed uncomfortably as Rose sat the baby on my lap. At first, I refused to touch him, just letting him sit there. Until he moved forward unexpectedly, and my hands quickly lowered to steady him.
"Because of that." He said with a small smile, "It's okay." I whimpered my hesitancy, "I know it's not the same, but I would like to give you some form of comfort while he's here, and who knows? You might just get used to him."
"I hope not." I mumbled, cringing a little as he looked up at me. It was true. Because my son had been made by Jack's nephew, Isaiah and Hunter shared a lot of the same features. Dark hair, bright blue eyes. The only problem I saw in Hunter's features, was he looked an awful lot like Jack. He had not only his eye color, but the shape of his eyes, and his nose.
I hadn't looked at him that close before, but now that I had, I had to think. What if this kid was raised right? There was no guarantee he'd turn out like Jack anymore. Considering he didn't have Jack in his life anymore, and my mom wasn't around to ignore him.
We both had shitty parents, but now that they were both gone, I had to be the one to set an example, because he was my brother. It wasn't his fault how he was made, just like it hadn't been Isaiah's fault how he was made. Hunter was just as innocent in all of that as Isaiah had been innocent in everything. I refused to see that before.
Hating Hunter purely because of who his dad was, was like someone hating me because of how I was raised. Nobody hated me for things I should be hated for, like killing my own mother in cold blood. So why couldn't I overlook some small little detail like who Hunter's father was? We shared the same mother. That made him family.
He didn't deserve to die because Jack is an asshole, I figured. That thought alone calmed the majority of the hate in my heart, and I adjusted how Hunter sat on my lap, holding him more securely as I kept my gaze down shamefully.
"And there you go." Edward smirked again, looking to Carlisle, "She should be okay now." And I heard the quiet sighs of relief.
"What changed?" Esme asked beside me, confused. I looked to Edward, and I knew he wouldn't say a word, because of how hesitant I was to reveal that particular part of my life before. In an odd sort of way, not telling them about Isaiah felt to me like protecting him.
"No." Edward said, "I won't say a word if you don't want me to. I wouldn't do that to you." I nodded, eased quite a bit.
I still didn't like the situation any, but it couldn't be changed for now. Until Hunter could go somewhere better, he would stay here.
After that rocky day, things got easier. The wedding was set in three days. Two, now that night had fallen, and I hated it, but I found it much easier to hold him. Now that I could, I let myself adjust, and it seemed to happen almost automatically, but I swear that whenever he sat on my lap, he'd look at me with an I-Told-You-So look. Nobody else ever saw it, but just holding him, actually looking at him told me he wasn't just a normal nine month old baby.
Sure, he could crawl pretty effectively, and take a few independent steps. That wasn't anything special, because he still lost his balance now and then, and if he didn't have something or someone to catch himself on, he wound up on his butt. It was interesting to me, though, how he never face planted.
That disappointed me a bit, as I was watching for it, as cruel as it sounded. It was like every time he felt himself falling over, he just sat down, just to ruin my day. That was happening less and less, though, as he got to be a better walker.
Did babies have instincts?
He could recognize who he liked best, and who he didn't like quite as much. I knew for a fact that he missed mom, and I did feel a little bad about that, but I also knew he'd be so much better off now that she was gone, and that was nothing special either. When I asked about it, it was explained that babies at his age were beginning to recognize the bonds Carlisle had been talking about a year ago. The bonds that were so important to babies and kids. I wondered briefly if I'd just fucked everything up for him.
Though I could tell he missed mom, in the times when he just really refused to want anything to do with anyone for a little while, most of the time, he was pretty easy going about everything. He had his moods, though I doubt they were intentional at his age.
I shrugged it off, though, as nobody else seemed to think he was anything other than ordinary. Then again, I never asked. He just seemed smarter. It didn't bother me, really. Only an observation, and it certainly wouldn't have surprised me, given who his father was. My mom was about as bright as a burnt out light bulb, but Jack was smart.
Of the family, Hunter preferred Esme or Rose. Emmett next, then Jasper. Probably because Emmett played with him. Emmett was the fun one. He tolerated me, seemed content with me, especially the more I interacted with him, instead of run from the room. He just didn't seem to care either way.
With my adjusting over the next day or so, unfortunately came attachment. I denied it, I fought it, but I couldn't help getting attached to him. I just knew it'd make it that much harder when Hunter had to leave. Now that they didn't have to worry quite as much about me hurting Hunter, the family seemed to ease a bit.
Which was good, considering the wedding was the following day, and they had things they had to do, so I was on temporary babysitting duty. Which involved the rigorous activity of laying on the couch watching TV and eating chips while he crawled around on the floor and drooled. I just had to make sure he didn't get into anything he wasn't supposed to. It was a pretty safe bet he wasn't going to, considering how thoroughly the area had been baby-proofed.
Bella came over to talk to Alice while the family decorated out back, and she just had to stop and greet Hunter before she went searching for Alice. Hunter, who was seated on the floor, fascinated with trying to pull the arms off one of his stuffed animals, smiled at her behind his pacifier, giving a grin.
She'd met him before, as she was over a lot recently, but it was new to her to see me in the same room with him.
"What changed?" She asked curiously.
"Edward taught me how to be a little more open minded." I answered, sighing, "I guess he's not so bad."
"Well, I'm glad. You were having a pretty hard time, I hear." She murmured, and I nodded. She sighed, glancing back in the direction of the backyard. I smiled a little, seeing the obvious apprehension in her expression.
"Good luck." I murmured as she stood up.
"Thanks." She replied, "I think I'm going to need it."
"You'll be fine." I told her, "I know it." She smiled a little, and I had a feeling I helped her as she left the room. Hunter watched after her until he looked to me.
I could tell he was getting tired, and I could understand why. He hadn't had a nap that afternoon other than a twenty minute snooze around two, and it was already almost eight. I sighed and stood up, reached down and picked him up, pausing to grab the teddy bear he'd been so fascinated with as well. That was his favorite thing, so I figured he'd want it with him. Given the way he took it from me, I was right.
By then, I already knew his bedtime routine, so I turned. Carrying him into the kitchen to make his bottle. He knew what I was doing, and obviously wanted it, but I knew not to give it to him until he was already down.
"Hold on." I told him, laughing a little as he tried to take the bottle from me, "It's not even done yet."
I made sure it was right, both amount and consistency, before taking him upstairs. Esme had sectioned off part of her and Carlisle's room for him to stay, considering I refused to let him in my room, so I walked in.
I'd never had to change his diaper myself before, but I'd watched it enough times over the last several hours to figure it out fairly easily. He tolerated my obvious inexperience.
"Don't you pee on me." I muttered at one point, which of course, he didn't reply to. Only looking around curiously, and babbling.
I made it through that without a crisis, and dressed him in his pajamas. Which was equally as tedious, given the way he squirmed around.
I laid him down in his crib, and handed him the bottle, which he immediately started on, but I stood there for a second. Watching him, as he watched me.
"What is it about you?" I wondered out loud. I stayed quiet for a moment, "I hate your dad, you know. It's his fault you're here at all. You should hate him too."
He continued watching me, but I guess something about my voice soothed him or he was more tired than I thought, because he started to fall asleep. I stayed quiet this time, though, not wanting to interrupt him falling asleep. I didn't appreciate people interrupting me, so I assumed he didn't either.
Eventually, I turned with a sigh, and left the room. Closing the door behind myself. He was a very good night sleeper. He hardly woke up at all, and all he needed was a dark, quiet place to sleep, and he was out until the next morning. I hoped I put him to bed right.
I went through everything in my mind, making sure I didn't forget anything. I actually didn't want him to die because I didn't do something right.
Just as I was descending the stairs, Esme was ascending them. Surprised to see me.
"He's in bed already." I told her, and she gave a surprised smile, "Can you go check on him, though? Just so I can stop worrying if I did it right."
"I'm sure you did just fine, honey." She murmured, but did as I asked.
I walked back into the living room as she made it up the stairs, and stepped out on the back porch to watch the activity in the yard. Maybe having Hunter around would be like what helped me in New York. Like a chore type of thing, and it'd distract me enough to keep me from freaking out.
"You did great." I glanced back at Esme's voice returning, "He's fast asleep." I smiled a little at her smile, nodding. Actually relieved.
"I have to say," Esme murmured, coming to my side, "I'm amazed at how you've turned around lately. You were so against him for so long."
"I was being stupid." I admitted, "I wasn't thinking about anything else but who his dad is. I guess that scared me, because I know how he was made, but that's not his fault. How irresponsible my mom was isn't his fault. Because she let it happen."
"So I'm assuming we don't have to worry about you alone with him anymore?" She asked hesitantly.
"No." I sighed, "No. I think I'm okay."
"Because you said the same thing that day with your mother." She pointed out, and I looked down.
"That's true." I murmured, "But I know now that he doesn't deserve that. She did."
"I know." She hugged me into her side, which I accepted gratefully. It told me she still didn't hate me. She still supported me.
I stood there, holding onto her and watching the others decorating. I couldn't help feeling nervous. There was going to be so many people here the next day. I wasn't any better with large crowds, and they knew this, so they understood my apprehension.
A breeze blew by, taking a strand of my hair across my face.
"You'll do just fine tomorrow, sweetheart." She assured me, "Just stay with one of us." I took a deep breath, and nodded.
"Is Mikah going to be there?" I knew the answer to that.
"Maybe a little." She replied, "His eyes haven't lightened enough for him to be around very much, honey, and he doesn't want to push his self-control." I nodded a little.
It was quiet for a moment, until Esme spoke up again.
"Your hair is getting so long." She pointed out, and I smiled a little.
"I'm surprised Alice hasn't trimmed it yet." I sighed, "I'm going to ask her to cut it."
"Really?" Esme asked, surprised, "Why?"
"I keep getting headaches." I answered quietly, "I'm thinking maybe it's because my hair is too long."
"Why haven't you said anything?" She asked, concerned.
"Because it's not really a big deal." I said, "They're not horrible. I mean, I can live with them, but I'd just rather not."
I knew what was probably causing my headaches, however. It wasn't my hair. I just wanted less hair to deal with.
I knew enough about what I told Edward that day to know that he and Bella needed to come to a decision about whether or not to conceive their daughter, but that was only by listening in later on. What else was there?
Unfortunately, I didn't know what else there was, and unfortunately, I needed to know. Pushing myself against that brick wall was something I never decided to do. It just happened, which was the cause of my constant headaches, but I was sure having my hair cut would help.
"Think she'll mind?" I asked, "I mean, it'll grow back, right? Pretty quickly."
"I'll do it for you." Esme offered, and I smiled. Nodding a little, as I knew Alice already had so much to do before the next day, and I followed her inside.
I didn't want it too short, but shoulder length was fine. Considering before, it had been down to the middle of my back, and Esme seemed hesitant.
"Are you sure, honey?" She asked, "That's seven inches." I nodded.
"I'm tired of fighting with it." I admitted, "It'll be nice not to kneel on it when I'm trying to climb into bed." She laughed a little and sighed.
"Alright." She murmured.
I sat completely still for her, laughing a little.
"Think Alice will be mad?" I asked and Esme laughed also.
"I know she won't be too happy." She said, "She loved your long hair, but it's yours to decide what to do with. She'll remember that." I hoped she was right.
To both of our surprises, though, Alice loved it. She wasn't upset at all, and the second she saw me, she flipped out.
"Leandra," She grinned, "You look so cute!" I couldn't help laughing a little. Relieved, mostly, that her reaction was a good one.
"Thanks." I smiled, "Esme cut it for me."
"I'm glad you didn't decide to do it yourself." She said, stepping around to get a good look, "Oh, I think this was a very good idea."
Emmett, of course, couldn't help picking on me a little.
"Where's the rest of you?" He asked as he and the others stepped inside, "I know there was more to you than that."
"Is it that bad?" I asked, smiling nervously.
"I like it." Jasper chuckled, looking to Emmett, "Leave her alone."
"So?" Alice prompted me, "Do you feel better about tomorrow?" I sighed, sitting back.
"No, not really." I mumbled, shaking my head, "But you know that could just be because I don't remember everything yet. Like it's going to be new to me for once, instead of having to compare both times."
I worried a lot lately, however. What would happen once I reached the point now in the vision that I couldn't see passed? Either I'd hate life, in constant mental pain, or I'd just not be able to remember anything, and everything that happened would be brand new. The second scenario didn't seem so bad to me. Not constantly having to compare everything that happens to a dream I had a year and a half before.
"That's very true." She said, "I can't blame you, but I will tell you this. What you showed Edward before, showed that the wedding and reception went great. Nothing went wrong, so you don't have anything to worry about. All thanks to my impeccable planning, no doubt." I smiled a little at that.
"Nobody dies?" I asked, partially joking.
"No." She replied, "Nobody dies, and from what I've been able to see, Mikah does great."
"Like you doubted me." Mikah chuckled from across the room, "Come on. I've got to have gained a few points by now."
"This is true." Alice allowed.
"Are you sure you don't want to come along with us tonight?" Jasper asked him, "It might be a good idea."
"Nah." Mikah replied, "I think I'll stay here tonight."
"Alright." Jasper seemed skeptical, "But you'd better behave tomorrow." Mikah only replied with a look, and Jasper chuckled, "Right."
"Where are you going?" I asked curiously.
"Just a pre-wedding hunt, shorty." Emmett answered, "Nothing major."
"Well, have fun with that." I murmured, smiling a little, "Mikah, maybe you should go. There are going to be a lot of people here tomorrow."
"Aw." He grumbled.
"I know." I mumbled, "But it's a good idea. Just as a precaution. I know you like to test yourself, but tomorrow probably wouldn't be a good time to do that."
"Now I'm taking orders from the eleven year old."
"Hey." I snapped, sitting forward, "I'm only eleven on the outside. Deal with it."
"Whoa." Emmett chuckled, surprised, "Listen to her."
"But if you want to eat everybody, knock yourself out." I was really unhappy with Mikah's choice of words. I stood up with a glare his way, "Just do me a favor, and leave me out of that little plan."
He seemed surprised that he'd upset me that easily. I didn't care what he did. I was just mad as I turned, leaving the room.
"Oh boy." I heard Emmett chuckle again behind me, "Dude, are you in for it."
"What was that?" Alice asked as she and Esme came to my side.
"Just because I'm young, doesn't mean I'm stupid." I replied with a calming sigh, "And the way he said that made me think he thought I am."
"I highly doubt he meant it that way, Leandra." Esme assured me quietly.
"Well, he needs to watch what he says." I countered, "It doesn't matter what it is. The way he says it says just as much as what it is he says." That made perfect sense to me, and to both of them as well, given their laugh.
"Trust me." She said as I sat in the kitchen, "It takes practice for guys. Even as a vampire. Sometimes they just don't think before they speak. They'll teach him."
I took another breath, sighing heavily. I felt a little bad now for snapping at him, but I hadn't expected it any more than he did.
I was asleep, and dreaming before I saw him again, but that was only a little glimpse of him. It was a good dream, and I was sure it made me smile. It was bright in this dream, but dark at the same time. Mikah was standing with me, closer than I was used to, but I wasn't mad at him anymore in the dream.
When I woke up, the morning almost bright, I couldn't remember my dream, but for once, I knew it was a good one. Despite not remembering it, I wanted to go back to sleep just to dream about it again.
Only a few hours later, only slightly freaking out at expecting so many people over, I was just sitting there. I was nervous, biting my lip. Letting Esme fix up my hair, because Rose and Alice were busy. In hindsight, I was suddenly grateful I asked her to cut my hair. The whole fixing up process would have taken three times as long.
I actually didn't mind what Esme did with my hair. She secured it with a clear band, and over-top of that, tied a violet flower to match the color of my dress. Hunter stood in his crib, watching the whole thing while I sat with her on her bed. Not too eager to move yet.
She stood and moved to lift Hunter from his crib as Carlisle stepped into the room.
"Do I have to be there?" I asked, "Can't I just stay inside with Mikah?"
"Not alone, you can't." Esme murmured, "I know he's done well lately, but I'm not entirely comfortable leaving you alone with him. We're going to have our attention split so many ways today, and I want you right where I can keep an eye on you."
"I blame Alice." I grumbled, scooting off the bed, "For making the whole thing so damn huge."
"Language." Esme corrected lightly, finishing up with changing Hunter's diaper.
"Sorry." I stepped to her side, taking Hunter's hand in my fingers in greeting.
"Go get dressed, Leandra." Alice urged, poking her head in, and I looked back at her, "Everything is already laid out for you. You've got ten minutes before everyone else starts showing up." I didn't see the point in arguing, so I just went along with it.
I turned, and jogged from the room. I dodged Jasper and Emmett in the hallway on the way toward my room. Of course, they were already dressed.
"You two look nice." I commented on my way by.
I hardly looked twice at myself in the mirror once I had the dress on. I hated it, but I wouldn't put up a fuss today. The one time I did give myself a glance in the mirror was before I left the room again, just to make sure I didn't mess up my hair. I was careful while pulling it on, but I had to be certain.
This time, when I came back out, Jasper and Emmett had descended the stairs, waiting around in the living room this time, and they had someone else with them. I hardly recognized Mikah by how nice he looked.
"Shorty." Emmett smiled once he saw me, "You look like a girl."
"Really?" I muttered, irritated, "I am a girl, genius, and I hate this thing enough." I looked to Mikah, "Nice."
"Just a precaution." He smirked, "I'll be staying inside all night, but can't have anyone wondering why I'm not all dressed up in case they spot me."
"You still look nice." I murmured, shrugging a little, "You're sure you can't baby sit me?"
"Only if you baby sit me." He chuckled and I found that funny, "I know you're nervous, princess, but you'll do fine. I know it. Everyone's gonna be focused on Bella anyway."
"I hope you're right." I murmured, sighing, "I just.. I don't like people. I feel like I can't breathe." His expression softened.
"Well, if you've had enough, just come inside. I'll keep you company." Jasper gave him a look, and I remembered. He wasn't allowed to be alone with me for any reason. Especially not when they'd all be distracted by the activity around.
"I hunted." Mikah reasoned, looking to Jasper, "I think I'll be alright. I wouldn't offer if I didn't think I could handle it." I believed him, but Jasper seemed less inclined to. Looking to me, Jasper sighed.
"If you've had enough, come find me. I'll help you out." I frowned at Jasper's correction, but nodded.
"How long are you going to keep using that excuse to keep shorty away from boys?" Emmett chuckled, and I couldn't help finding that funny.
Esme descended the stairs finally, and I looked to her. Hunter dressed in his own little tux, I had to laugh. He looked so cute. Alice didn't skip a single detail. I offered to take him, which she allowed.
I noticed that he already looked tired, and briefly wondered if he'd gotten a nap that afternoon. He was in for it if he was already tired, and he still had such a busy time ahead. I'd just drop him on someone else if he started throwing a fit.
"That still amazes me." Emmett muttered, and I looked to him, "Seeing you not only not killing him, but willing to hold him." I looked back to Hunter, refusing to meet Emmett's eyes again. If only they knew. Fascinated with the strap to my dress, Hunter only briefly looked to me.
"I guess we owe Mikah that, at least." Emmett mused.
"It wasn't just that." I muttered, "I just remembered some things, even though I probably couldn't have remembered if it weren't for him."
"I thought you'd said Hunter wasn't around last time?" Jasper asked, curious.
"He wasn't." I said, but that was all the response I wanted to give.
"Well, whatever the reason, it's so nice to see you getting along with him, honey." Esme offered and I smiled a little. I could always count on Esme not to press.
"It's about time to head outside." I looked over as Carlisle descended the stairs.
Emmett spoke up, "Who's keeping an eye on shorty so she doesn't go super-psycho?"
"Hey." I frowned, "I'm not gonna hurt anyone."
"I will." Esme told him, "There won't be many kids around, so I can devote most attention to her."
"I think we should all be vigilant." Carlisle murmured, "Just in case."
Esme took Hunter from me again, which I let her. Taking her free hand, I followed wherever she went. Outside, it really didn't take much longer for the people to start showing up. And when they showed up, a lot showed up.
Of course, as she greeted the guests, they noticed me, which I didn't like.
I couldn't deny though that none of this was new to me. Aside from holding Hunter, everything else was the same, I realized. It was unsettling, the way the view around me echoed in my mind with what was being uncovered of the vision I'd blocked.
I held tight to her hand as we walked around, feeling a little overwhelmed by how many people were here so suddenly. I felt like I had a permanent blush on my cheeks as I looked around.
I was allowed to hold onto Hunter again, not minding in the least. It kept me from having people tempted to touch me, despite the way they were drawn to him and his cuteness. With him in my arms, it was a good way to get used to people's attention without having to worry about the threat they posed to me.
Lots of people were there that I recognized as friends of Bella and Edwards, but a lot of people I didn't recognize. Probably friends of friends, or coworkers of Carlisle's. I found myself staring up into the trees, amazed by the thousands upon thousands of tiny white flowers hanging from them.
Once I pointed them out to him, Hunter seemed amazed as well. Keeping his gaze upwards when he wasn't fascinated with the strap to my dress.
The sound of the river nearby seemed to only complete the setting. Looking around the backyard was absolutely breathtaking, and I found myself fascinated by everything. I briefly wondered how many people had the same reaction as I did.
I'd met so many people, I knew there was no way I could possibly remember all of their names. Still overwhelmed by the beauty of the yard, I hardly noticed when Esme stopped beside three women. Releasing my hand, she reached forward and hugged them one at a time.
"Oh, is this the little one?"
"Leandra." I looked up to Esme, "These are our cousins. Tanya, Kate, and Irina." A brief reflection of a memory forced itself forward again. Like a faint echo, and for a moment, I could only stare.
All three of these women were breathtakingly beautiful, and as nice as I hesitantly considered I looked, I felt my self-esteem drop a few thousand notches at just the sight of them. I remembered them, but I knew there was more to them than I could remember yet. The rest of it was hidden, stuck behind that brick wall I couldn't get passed.
I murmured a greeting shyly, stepping closer to Esme. She laughed a little, hugging me gently to her side.
"She's shy." Esme explained, and they only smiled at me.
"That's okay." The one she pointed out as Kate told me, "I am too." I smiled a little, comforted by that. She seemed fine. They all did. They were family, so I wasn't sure why I had to be uneasy.
"Esme, she's so beautiful." Kate said, smiling down at me. That was a very big compliment, coming from her.
"Thank you." I murmured.
"And polite." Irina spoke quietly, smiling at me also, "You don't see that in children much these days." If only she knew what I was capable of doing.
I looked over as Carlisle stepped up, two more I didn't recognize behind him. A man and a woman, golden eyes much like my family's. I smiled up at them, giving the sweetest smile I could manage.
"Leandra, this is Carmen and Eleazar." Carlisle introduced the two others. These two had dark hair, instead of blonde like Tanya and her sisters. Eleazar was handsome, sharp features. He greeted me with a warm smile, and he held his hand out to me. I took it without much hesitation, placing my small hand in his, and he shook it gently with a smile.
"It's nice to meet you." I repeated, my voice quiet. I took Carmen's soon after, giving her a smile as well, "And you."
"She's precious." Carmen commented. Looking back down to me, she continued, "We've heard so much about you, Leandra." Her voice was heavily accented, which I found I liked. It interested me, not having heard many accents in my lifetime.
"Good things, I hope." I laughed a little, as did they, "Because I can be a pain."
"But of course." She laughed. Carlisle's hand placed itself on my shoulder, silently telling me it was okay. She looked up, looking to Carlisle again, "I think it's wonderful that you chose to take this one in. She seems very happy."
This was too weird for me. The echoing way this coincided with the memory of the vision uneased me even more. It was unsettling, and it worried me. I needed to change it. To move differently than I'd moved in the vision.
I quietly excused myself, with a murmured caution from Esme not to go far. I just needed to move away. As much as I missed how it was before, it bothered me now that it seemed so similar.
I paused to grab a napkin off a table, just to wipe the drool from Hunter's face as I wandered away.
"You can't be doing that." I told him, and he looked to me, "Makes you look bad. Like that's even possible, right?"
Hunter continued tugging on the strap to my dress, fascinated with it while I looked around the crowded yard. Spotting Heather across the small area, I couldn't help feeling surprised that she actually came. Smiling a little as I wandered over to her. Heather spotted me also, smiling as she watched me approach.
"Hi there, Leandra." She said, "Don't you look nice?"
"Thanks." I laughed a little, "It isn't by choice." Her gaze found Hunter on my hip, and her expression changed. It softened in something like sadness, but she smiled a little again anyway.
"This must be him." She said quietly.
"This is Hunter." I said, bouncing him a little as I paused, "Jack's son."
"I can tell." She murmured, almost amazed, "Wow. Leandra, I'm so very sorry to hear about your mother. She was one of my best friends back then." I appreciated the last two words. Back then, meaning back before she changed. Before she turned into a self-centered bitch.
"Do you want to hold him?" I asked, and she hesitated, before she sighed.
"Sure." She said, "Alright." I handed him up to her, and she took him gingerly at first, and I smiled a little as he smiled at her. His smile was contageous, as she had to return it, "Goodness, he looks just like him."
"I overlook that part now." I admitted quietly.
"Uh-oh." Mike's joking voice had me looking over as he and the boys approached, "She's already holding him, and dammit, he's adorable. I was hoping he'd be hideous."
"Right." I muttered skeptically.
"You've seen my brother." Heather looked to him, "There's no way he'd make ugly children." She was right. Jack had always been on the right side of handsome. No part of him could ever be considered less than good looking. Other than the fact that he was in-fucking-sane. Completely nuts. On the wrong side of smart and highly unstable.
"We're already full." I laughed a little at Mike's next statement, knowing what he was talking about. Kids wise, they were full, but given Heather's expression as she looked at Hunter, I knew the discussion wasn't over yet. I had the strongest feeling that Hunter would wind up with them. At some point, some point soon, he'd go to them.
It comforted me, and bothered me at the same time.
"Even fuller than us?" I asked Mike, joking in return. Surprising myself as I felt like joking. He smirked. Josh moved to my side, facing his mom now as she held onto the baby. I glanced over at him, offering a hesitant smile, which he returned.
"I.. Well.. That's different." Mike laughed, knowing he was caught.
"We're outta room." I told him incredulously, "And I'm not giving up my room for him."
"We do have that extra room, Mike." Heather smiled over at him, "We can make it work. Somehow. Look at this face."
"No." He drew out the word, more in a whine than firm statement, "Oh, come on." Heather handed Hunter to him, and at first, he blatantly refused to look at him. Jokingly, but I could sense his hesitation. After all, Hunter wasn't his son, but if Heather had her way, he would be close enough to it soon.
Just like I used to do, Mike turned his head the opposite direction, so it was no surprise that Hunter would find that funny. He gave a laugh, a little grin, and Mike's sigh was one of resignation.
"We'll discuss it." Mike finally said, supporting Hunter more securely, "This isn't like getting a puppy, you know." Hunter squirmed in his arms, and I knew why.
"We're getting a puppy?" Zack piped up, suddenly excited. I found that very amusing, actually laughing. Hunter whimpered, and I laughed as Mike had to readjust him as he wriggled in his arms.
"If your mother has her way, you'll be getting a brother." Mike muttered, studying Hunter closely, "Wouldn't that be fun?"
"Hell yes it would." Josh spoke up, looking up at him, "Come on, dad. Let's keep him."
"Watch your mouth." Mike told him, "And it's not definite yet." Yes it was. I knew it was. With Josh excited about it, it seemed to allow Zack to get excited about it, and he agreed now with Josh. Mike was outvoted. By quite a bit.
"We'll still get a puppy, right?" Zack asked, grinning at me. He knew he was annoying his parents, which we both found very amusing.
"See what you've started?" Mike asked me with a chuckle, to which I had to laugh, "I go from dad of two, to dad of three with a dog all in the course of a few minutes. Sheesh."
"His favorite color is green." I told Heather, in a joking attempt to be subtle. She laughed as Mike pointed to me in a playful scold.
"You're not helping, Missy." He chuckled, and I smiled innocently at him, "What is this kid's problem?"
"He wants down." I told him, "He likes to walk."
"Oh, already walking?" Mike chuckled, "Good. Then he can get a job." Heather smacked his arm playfully, and I watched as she took Hunter from him gently.
"Leandra?" I looked back at Esme's voice coming over. She gave me a smile, "How are you doing over here?"
"Fine." I told her truthfully, and she greeted Heather and Mike with a smile as she came to my side.
"I'd keep tabs on this little guy." Mike sighed to Esme, "Heather may try to steal him."
This was going much better than I thought it would. Heather seemed only too excited to hold Hunter in her arms, and he definitely seemed to like her. He even forgot all about wanting to waddle around. I wondered if he saw the resemblance between Heather and Jack, and if he liked her because of that. He was usually okay with strangers, not that he'd been around many of them in the few weeks he'd been here, but he usually didn't do this well.
I knew I'd just found him his new home, and who better for him to go with? A nice, normal human family with two brothers to teach him things. A good mom, and a kind dad, he'd do well there. I knew Heather would do anything for her sons to be raised right, and Hunter would be no different.
The look in Heather's eyes as she murmured to him only solidified that knowledge. I looked up at Esme, just to see if she saw what I saw, and given her slight knowing smile at me during a pause in the conversation with Mike, I knew she did.
It wasn't just wanting him out of the house now. I was actually wanting to do something nice for Hunter. Considering it was my fault he was parentless now.
Jack was still out there somewhere, but nowhere near father material. Not that he ever had been. Mom was gone, and that was my fault.
And the sooner we got him out, and into Heather's family, the better for him. They had never seen him before, probably for just this reason. Mike was worried about Heather's instant attachment to him. Hunter was family to her. Her one and only blood-related nephew. Her brother's son. She'd get her way.
In a weird way, she was family to me now too. She had been before, Jack having been my stepfather, but Hunter's birth, my half-brother, sort of connected her to me now too. It was odd to think about. Even if it was just me considering it.
A/N: Okay. First chapter out of the way. I know it seems like an odd place to end this, but I've got chapter two waiting for another go-over and editing before I can throw it out there too.
As always, I want to say THANK YOU to all those that reviewed the final chapter of last story, and hope this made up for the long wait lol
Chapter two is really where it starts getting interesting, but I promise that one isn't far off. Not at all.
Until two, my friends. :D