(Notes: Firstly, I don't own Friends, nor do I own anything else that will be mentioned in this fic. None at all. :)
Ok, so I haven't written a Friends fic in…a really, really long time. And don't go looking back at any of those, because they were god awful. The only one I'd consider to even look at again is 'Would You?' but whatevers! This was meant to be a two paragraph drabble, and instead turned into a monster. Still a oneshot, but still a ton longer than I originally planned it to be, and I hope you enjoy! I just started re-watching the show again, so if I get anything wrong, just point it out in a comment or…ignore it. Timewise, this takes place a few months after Chandler moves in with Monica. In this world, TOW Chandler Can't Cry didn't happen.(Or it could've! I think it works better if it didn't exist.) Also, I swear the title will make sense later on…sort of.)
A Heart Full of Love
If you were to ask Chandler's friends to describe him, they would most likely include the words 'insecure and secretive.' Of course they didn't mean 'secretive' in the creepy and frightening way, but in the likes-to-pretend-his-childhood-didn't-exist sort of way. Monica Geller knew better than them all. Of course she'd agree in a heartbeat that he was insecure, that was obvious, but she would certainly argue the secretive part. Then again, she knew all of his secrets, and she does mean all of them. Things he'd never even told Ross. From the nightmare that was his childhood to a painfully hilarious prom night, over the years between friendship and a loving relationship, he had told them all to her. Even the darkest of all his secrets, the one he was ready to take to the grave with him.
He had hid it so well. She didn't even realize it had been going on for all these years, even when they were just friends from across the hall. She had started to notice he was hiding something after they moved in with each other. Every once and awhile, Chandler wouldn't come home right after work. He would slip into bed near midnight, telling a half-asleep Monica another meeting ran over. Like any self-respecting neurotic girlfriend, she panicked and suspected the worst.
So one night, she waited. At about 11:30, he finally came home. In her Monica, not-screechy-and-overbearing-at-all way, she leapt from the couch and demanded to know where he had been. He stuttered out the usual excuse of a meeting, but Monica noticed his hands behind his back, fiddling with something. Of course she attacked him, determined to uncover his secret life. After a struggle, and thanks to Monica being freakishly strong, she held her prize in her hands…a pamphlet?
No, no. A playbill for Phantom of the Opera.
She gave him a look that could only be described as utterly baffled. "Phantom of the Opera?" She finally managed to ask.
Avoiding her gaze with his hands in his pockets, he muttered, "There was a new Phantom on tonight…"
It took all her strength to contain her laughter and keep a neutral face. "Well, was it worth freaking out your girlfriend?"
"No," Chandler admitted shamefully. "…This guy sucked. His vibrato was ridiculous…" And that's when Monica lost control and laughed for a good ten minutes. Chandler confessed everything that night. What shows he had seen since they'd been together, where he hid all of his playbills, and where he kept his embarrassingly large collection of cast albums. He even admitted that every June, when the Tony awards are broadcast, he watches them in his office, so his friends would never find out his embarrassing secret. He begged her not to tell anyone, especially Joey. They were already convinced he was secretly gay, if this got out, he would never convince them otherwise. He even offered her some of his signed playbills. Monica was still giggling.
He explained that when he was a kid, musicals were the only way he could connect with his father. Once his father left, Chandler continued to listen to them, as a way to keep Charles in his life. "Monica, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hidden this from you…I love you?" He said, the last part more of a fearful question. Obviously to Chandler, this sort of situation was what was going to end their relationship. His insecurity was about to take over rational thought and send him into Chandler-freak-out mode. And Monica fell in love with him all over again.
Of course she kept his secret. And in June, she told the gang that she and Chandler were going to have a romantic night alone. Once they were alone, they watched the Tony awards and Monica listened to Chandler as he ranted over who should've won what award. And as an early anniversary gift, she surprised him with tickets for Les Miserables. And that night, she decided that going to the theatre with Chandler was one of her favorite things to do. Monica found herself sneaking glances at him the entire show. He looked so…young and happy, without any of his insecurities. He held her hand throughout the musical, leaning over to point out a particular actor once and awhile, squeezing it during the romantic bits.
What surprised her the most was towards the last half of the musical. Monica was choking back tears herself and she took a moment to glace over at Chandler, completely shocked to see him completely engrossed in the show, crying quietly. Now, he has always made it very clear to her and all of their friends, that he never cries. After being so emotionally scared by his childhood, there was nothing in the world left to make him cry! They had all taken his words with a grain of salt, but never pressed the issue to find out what exactly would make him cry, but Monica never expected this to be the answer.
And of course she didn't think any less of him. In fact, if anything, it endeared her even more to him. She understood it all perfectly. Chandler kept all his emotions bottled up, hidden under layers upon layers of sarcasm. This was his release, where he could lose himself and let go of his emotions. She was suddenly very grateful that they had private box seats as she leaned over and touched her hand to his cheek, wiping a tear away with her thumb. At her touch, he jolted in his seat, quickly wiped away any trace that he had ever cried, and then looked at her with wide eyes. "I…have something in my eye. Something large and horribly painful." He whispered in a panic. Monica just smiled, taking his hand again and looking away. She decided to give Chandler his privacy for the rest of the show, not wanting him to lock up again just because of her.
During the finale, Chandler leaned over, and whispered into her ear, "Listen carefully."
She looked at him in confusion, then she heard the cast sing. "To love another person is to see the face of God." She felt her eyes fill with tears again, for completely different reasons than before. Chandler smiled, leaning in to touch his lips to her. It deepened instantly, and for a moment they both forgot that they were still in the theatre, supposedly watching the performance. Eventually, they parted and watched the rest of the musical.
After the show, they walked around the city, hand in hand as Chandler denied ever shedding a tear over a 'dumb musical.' This amused Monica to no end, and she of course spent this time to tease him mercilessly. "Mon, why can't you just believe me? I swear that it was just something in my eye! My tear ducts went into overdrive to get it out!" He pleaded with her.
"When will the lying end Chandler?" She shouted over dramatically, giving him her sweetest smile.
"Monica!" He whined, throwing a child-like tantrum. She laughed at him as he stopped walking and pouted at her. Once her laughter subsided, he held both of her hands and looked her quite seriously. "Alright, if I admit that maybe there were a couple tears for this extremely tragic musical, wherein every character you care about dies a horribly sad death, but that's a big maybe! But, if I admit that you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone, and I mean anyone about my maybe-but-probably-non-existent tears."
She smirked at him. "More secrets to keep from our friends Chandler? I think they deserve better than that!" She teased.
"It would ruin our friends' perception of me forever! They see me as Chandler: hilarious funny man who never cries."
"Really? Because I know you as Chandler: world's worst liar. Who also cries at musicals."
As she giggled to herself, he frowned at her. "So what are you thinking about right now? Regretting taking me out to a show?" He asked, as if he didn't really want to know the answer.
It was her turn to frown. "What are you talking about?"
"Well, I thought seeing me cry at a musical was pretty much the kiss of death to any romantic situation." Oh, he was really serious. He really did think he completely screwed this up.
"Ah ha, so you admit that you cried!" That should've lightened the mood just enough.
He shoved his hands in his pockets, looking offended. "They were very manly tears."
Monica closed the space between them, touching his cheek and forcing him to look into her eyes. "Chandler, this night has been wonderful, and I can't describe how happy I am that I was able to share this with you. And I hope this isn't the last show we see with each other. Alright? So start planning another one. Your pick this time." He smiled at her, eyes sparkling and she leaned in and kissed him.
When they parted, he immediately pulled her into a tight embrace, burying his face into the nape of her neck. "I love you," he murmured, and the words had never sounded sweeter.
"And I love you too, you big woman." She replied, not able to resist one last poke at his pride. This time, instead of being overcome by his self-doubt, he laughed, and pulled away to give her another soft and perfectly sweet kiss.
They walked back to their apartment, arms around each other, and Monica listened as Chandler went on and on about what his favorite bits of the show was, what parts really worked, what miserably failed, what composers were geniuses, which ones were complete hacks, and what show they should go to next. She couldn't wipe away the smile on her face, his enthusiasm positively infectious.
That night, they slept curled around each other. And Monica fell asleep with a content smile on her face while Chandler hummed 'A Heart Full of Love' into her hair.
(See? The title totally makes sense!! I also completely based Chandler on myself, because I am a huge baby when it comes to Broadway shows. And I love to make fun of how Les Miz is over dramatic and all that nonsense, but I sob hysterically for the last half hour of the show. I like to think that Chandler, while he doesn't cry at everyday things (of Bambi's mom dying…) would be a total sap when it comes to shows. I couldn't remember if the gang ever made fun of Chandler about Broadway in any of the episodes so…just pretend that never happened if it did. I need to rewatch the entire series. Ok, this note is turning into a fic on its own. Please review! I have one more fic in the works, about Chandler and his dad, but I need to do research so I don't make an ass out of myself.)