Everyone knows that Chef approached Izzy before he approached DJ for an alliance in Total Drama Action. But what if Chef asked another contestant before he asked Izzy? WARNING: Lots of strong language and some other expletives involved!

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing related to Total Drama. This one-shot was inspired from a fan-made Harry Potter video I saw on YouTube.

Bridgette and Geoff had just been eliminated and not even their friends on the show could care less. The couple were too busy having sex to even pay attention to their surroundings so it made no difference to everyone else. Furthermore, why Bridgette and Geoff couldn't just have sex in one of the many blind spots throughout the set where Total Drama Action was being filmed was beyond everyone else who were participating in the competition. Speaking of which, Duncan was just heading to one of those blind spots to masturbate over himself having an orgy with Courtney, Gwen and Justin.

However, as soon as Duncan reached the blind spot, he noticed Chef standing there; leaning against the wall. Apparently, he was waiting for Duncan.

"What are you doing here?" Duncan raised an eyebrow. "If you were expecting me, it better not be for what these blind spots are for. Princess has eagle eyes and she'd kill me if she ever found out."

"In yo dreams, maggot," Chef sneered. "That ain't what I'm here for. What I'm here for is to propose an alliance. You in or out?"

"An alliance?" Duncan asked.

"Yeah, how about it?" Chef asked. "I help you win challenges for your team, help you after the merge and in exchange you'll share the winnings with me if you win."

"I figured there had to be a catch," Duncan rolled his eyes. "Do you have a mortgage or something?"

"That's none o' ya damn business," Chef glared. "It's just Chris doesn't pay me enough for everything I go through."

"You should be lucky," Duncan scoffed. "Chris pays us nothing except for the winner."

"Look, do you want a lot of money or what?" Chef was getting impatient.

"Why else do you think I'm on the show?" Duncan quipped. "But I'm here for the full million. Nothing less. Besides, I don't ally with people who initiate alliances. They're not very consistent."

"So is that a no?!" Chef demanded.

"Yes," Duncan replied. "Obviously."

"Well I ain't taking no for an answer," Chef growled.

"Looks like you have no choice, then," Duncan snickered.

"No, you are the maggot who has no choice," Chef insisted. "We are going to form an alliance, and that's final!"

"I'm not joining, and that's final!" Duncan was getting angry.

So was Chef. "Yes. You. Are!"

"Listen here, Chef, you old, piece of shit!" Duncan raised his voice. "I do not want to join your fucking alliance!"

"Oy! Watch yer mouth!" Chef snapped. "This is a fucking kids' show for fuck sake!"

"They're not gonna watch this anyway!" Duncan snapped back. "I'm still not joining your goddamn alliance!"

"Well tough luck!" Chef squinted his eyebrows. "You and I are gonna team up, I'm gonna help ya win every challenge or prevent you from getting eliminated and you are gonna win this season and share the prize with me. DEAL! With it!"

"I'll throw the fucking challenges if you make me join!" Duncan shouted.

"Well that's not gonna happen if I have anything to say about it, ya ungrateful little brat!" Chef scowled.

"Fuck you, and fuck your alliance!" Duncan raised his voice higher.

Chef narrowed his eyes at the delinquent. "What did you just say?!"

"Get your ears tested as well!" Duncan jeered. "Maybe it'd help if you'd stop letting Chris put his dick in them!"

"Listen here you little shitbag!" Chef hissed. "You know nothing about me and Chris. And you'll know nothing about anything when I'm done with you if you continue to be a stubborn little bollock!"

"Come near me and I will fucking take yer hat and shove it up yer fucking asshole!" Duncan threatened. "Though it's probably gonna easy for you considering Chris has shoved his cock up there!" he added.

"Listen here; come near my hat and I will rip yer bloody head clean off yer bloody neck!" Chef stomped his foot on the ground.

"Go ahead then!" Duncan dared Chef. "I dare ya! And I had sex with yer mother and father last night! Yer mom is pregnant and yer dad is bleeding out of his arse!"

"Both of my parents are DEAD!" Chef's eyes were bloodshot.

"Oh yeah, that's right, you are an OLD FUCKING MAN!" Duncan retorted.

"At least I am a man compared to what you'll ever be ya little twat!" Chef snarled.

"Even though you cross-dress like a big fat bitch?!" Duncan sneered.

"ENOUGH!" Chef bellowed. "Now you are going to join this alliance, win this game and give me half yer motherfucking winnings! And you are going to be fucking happy about it, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!"

"I'll kick ya in the fucking balls assuming they're there!" Duncan kicked the ground.

"You get anywhere near my balls and I will rip yer dick off and I'll shove it down yer fucking mouth!" Chef warned the delinquent.

"What's the matter?! Cat got yer crotch?!" Duncan sneered.

"I'm gonna smash yer head against the fucking wall!" Chef bared his fists and fangs.

"Go ahead, if ye can stop me from pushing you down and cutting yer fucking belly open, ya prick-dick!" Duncan did the same. He and Chef were literally jumping around the place with their subsequent threats.

"I'll rip yer leg off and fucking strangle ya with it!"

"I'll burst yer fucking head open and fuck yer brains out if ya have any left in that shitty head of yours!"

"MON SO, LET'S GO, RIGHT NOW! I'LL FUCKING KNOCK YA INTO NEXT WEEK YA LITTLE CUNT!"

"Ahem!" came a familiar voice.

"CHRIS?!" Duncan and Chef were surprised.

"I've been standing here the whole time," Chris explained himself. "You'd be surprised at how easy it is for people to sneak past you two with the pair of you roaring your asses off. Seriously, it was like a Northern European comedy you two were putting on."

"How'd ya find us here?!" Chef demanded to know.

"There may be no cameras in the blind spots, but there are cameras on the way to them," Chris pointed out. "You do realise you're not supposed to be here, Chef. Those are for the teens to take their sexual frustrations out on each other. We don't want any scandals in you, now do we?"

Chef gritted his teeth.

"Oh, and no alliances between contestants and non-contestants!" Chris warned. "This ruins the whole point of the show!"

"Then give me a raise!" Chef ordered.

"Let me think about it… nope!" Chris smirked. "And if you do form an alliance, you'd better pray I don't find out. Now let's get out of here. Duncan has to have a wank or something." The host walked off into the distance. Chef turned around to face Duncan and glare at him.

"You are lucky, you little shit," he hissed.

"Not as lucky as you," Duncan hissed back. Chef flipped Duncan the bird and walked off, leaving Duncan to have his wank.

I think I've went a bit too far with the cursing and swearing, and the threats about strong violence on Chef and Duncan's parts. I think I've drank too many fizzy drinks as well (I had too cans). This is pretty much what happens when I get too hyper, or watch too many YouTube videos.

Speaking of YouTube, that video I saw which this fic was based from is You're a Wizard, Harry. I definitely recommend watching it for laughs.

Until next time!