Our Fallen Comrade
'We All Float Along'
In this 'new' world, Homura and Sayaka had been 'friends'.
Perhaps this was why even Kyouko thought something was up with her when she didn't burst into tears over her dying. Or maybe it was the drastic personality change between, as she put it, "ditzy doormat" to "cold-hearted bitch".
Homura hadn't forgotten that they were once friends in the old world; but then again, she hadn't forgotten that they were enemies as well. It wasn't that Homura hated Sayaka, and in fact, she even went as far as to try and save her from her fate.
Of course she would be disappointed in the end, but that didn't move her to reset time. Sayaka was an acceptable casualty-
But it would have been nice to see her alive and well.
Sayaka had brought a sense of...Normalcy. When she was alive, it was as if the whole Puella Magi system had gone away for a few moments. Where Madoka was kind, Sayaka made worries go away. She was a like distraction.
And Homura...couldn't afford to be distracted.
Maybe that's why they stopped being friends.
Or perhaps it was because being friends with her was too painful. It was one thing to watch, again and again, Madoka die. It was quick and painful, but Homura always was able to pull through and try again.
When it came to Sayaka, it was like watching a train wreck. She was powerless to stop it from happening, or at least try to stop the wreckage from piling up.
If she had cared for Sayaka as a friend, she probably wouldn't have even made it this far.
That was why watching her turn into a witch wasn't as painful as it could have been.
When Sayaka made her an enemy time and time again, she hadn't gone against it.
When her classmates laughed at her when she basically flunked her jumping test, Sayaka smiled and laughed along with them.
When she was caught "borrowing" notes from Hitomi, she tried to laugh it off and smooth things out.
When Madoka was concerned about her when she tried not to feel pain, Sayaka yelled at her and threw it right back her face.
Being friends with Sayaka...really would have been too much to bear.
It was easier not to care.
There wasn't a body.
In short, to the rest of the world, Miki Sayaka had just disappeared, never to be seen or heard from again.
The first few weeks had gone by smoothly. In fact, it didn't phase her that Sayaka was gone. She was use to the rumors that floated around, the worried glances at the empty desk Sayaka once occupied, and the police who would ask around.
...It wasn't until after these things had just sort of gradually settled down that Homura noticed that Sayaka was dead for good.
There was no time looping that would (indirectly) bring her back to life.
There was no funeral to bring any sort of closure.
She really was gone.
And it bothered her.
It made everything so out of place, out of routine, that Homura wasn't really able to completely adapt to this new world.
Sayaka's life had been unimportant.
Once.
Homura could've honestly learned to stop caring about her completely.
But then, the sense of 'normalcy' she had once felt had gone with her.
Her classmates hadn't really been the same since Sayaka disappeared. Neither had Kyouko or Mami.
They probably won't ever be.
...It made her feel uneasy.
Like something was wrong.
Yet, there wasn't anything wrong at all. Sayaka had always died in the old world. It wasn't any different in the new one- or at least, it shouldn't have been.
She couldn't grieve for someone she didn't care about, nor could she suddenly start caring.
Then again, she couldn't grasp the fact that Sayaka was going to stay dead, and she couldn't have done anything about it.
She couldn't have made amends with her. She couldn't have come to call her her 'friend' without it sounding fabricated.
Even so, Sayaka was able to befriend the "Homura" she knew. Sayaka was able to die without causing all that pain, and to hold true to everything she believed in until the bitter end.
...She could accept that. She could appreciate that.
Sayaka wasn't cut out to be a magical girl, to be honest. The fact that she died the way she did seemed like a miracle.
So if she could go back and change things...she probably wouldn't have changed the fact that she died.
In the end, it was the best possible way for her to die.
Homura respected that.
Perhaps she could never consider her to be her friend.
But they were most certainly comrades.
After-thought Notes: So, resisting the urge to write 'I wrote this in rush', which is total bullshit-
I know 'Comrade' is considered a synonym for friend, but I associate it more with Allies and combat type stuff than as opposed to the person you hang out with everyday and stuff. In other stuff, I tried to write and connect 'ideas' while smoothing it out, which is probably why this piece bothers me a little (along with the lack of substance. Lack of plot seems to do this.) A "Thank you" to the Moiderah of Writing for beta'ing this for me.