Diary of the Watcher in the Water
by Architeuthis
Second Age, Year 1100 bThe Saga Begins/b
Number of critters eaten: 0
Some jerk flushed me down the toilet today. I'd hatched in the Sea of Nurnen a few weeks ago and was caught by a fisher-orc who brought me to some place called Barad-Dur as a present to some Dark Creepy Guy. The DCG then told another orc to look after me and feed me and so forth, as he didn't have much time for me. He was too busy working on some stupid magic rings that turn you invisible and corrupt your soul, as well as trying to take over the whole world. In any case, my so-called keeper didn't really want the job--so he flushed me down the toilet. I'm sort of curious as to how he explained my disappearance to the Dark Creepy Guy--but, hey, that ain't really my problem.
Second Age, Year ? bThe Trans Middle-Earth Pipeline/b
Number of critters eaten: lost count
My current location is and has been somewhere in Trans Middle-Earth Pipeline--a HUGE sewer system built by the Dark Creepy Guy's predescessor sometime in the First Age. For some damn reason, it extends throughout much of the Misty Mountains. Why the DCG's boss wanted it there is beyond me. It's dark and smelly. (What did you expect? It's a sewer after, all.) But, on the upside, there's plenty to eat--at least if you're not a fussy eater. I'm not. If it's alive, or used to be alive, and I can get my tentacles around it--well, down the hatch!
Another good thing is that there's room to grow. I was only a few inches long when I got flushed, and now I'm around four or five feet long, counting my tentacles.
Second Age, Year 1600 bHome Sweet Home/b
Number of critters eaten today: 5 (so far)
Well, it's about time! I'd been wondering if this stupid pipeline ended somewhere. Well, it does; it ends in a big lake near the mouth of an even bigger cavern. The lake is inhabited by all kinds of tasty fish, and the cavern is inhabited by dwarves, which are just as good to eat. They're actually a bit tough, but they still have a nice flavor. Oh, yeah, one of them told me what year it was right before I killed him. I'd lost all track of time while I was in that stupid sewer.
Second Age, Year 1710 bHello, Neighbor!/b
Number of dwarves eaten today: 10, number of fish eaten today: 17
A new guy moved in today. He's this big creature of smoke and flame and he carries a whip. He said he was something called a Balrog. I'm not sure how he got in here, as he is WAY too big to have come in through the Pipeline. I'm not sure I'd fit in there myself anymore; I'm now around 12 feet long, counting my tentacles. I'm guessing Mr. Balrog is here for the food, too--those dwarves are delicious. And the fish ain't bad, either.
Second Age, 1763 bBye, Neighbor...:(/b
Number of dwarves eaten today: 12, number of fish eaten today: 30
I haven't seen that damn Balrog in ages. I didn't think he'd come in the lake, as he doesn't look like something that would be any good at swimming. But still, I'd thought he'd at least visit from time to time. Well, according to one of my meals, the Balrog has moved way, way, down to the bottom of the cavern. I'd like to know what's down there that's so fascinating. I mean there's plenty of food up here...
Second Age, 2505 bBlast From the Past/b
Number of dwarves eaten today: 7, number of fish eaten today: 42
A guy working for my old owner, the Dark Creepy Guy, stopped by today. He said he was called--get this--the "Mouth of Sauron". Can you say "lame"? Anyway, he came to tell the dwarves that Sauron the DCG wanted their help against his enemies in recompense for some magic rings he'd given them way back when. The dwarves basically told this guy to bugger off: they weren't going to get involved in somebody else's war. As for the rings, they didn't use them much, and besides, dragons had eaten four of the things. Why ANYBODY would want to eat jewelry is beyond me.
Dwarves, unfortunately, aren't dumb. They've wised up to my presence, and are getting harder to catch. Hence, I'm eating more fish. I'm now around 16 feet long, counting the tentacles.
I made a grab for the Mouth of Sauron as he was leaving, largely because I've never sampled Man or horse before, but he cast some crazy spell that set my tentacles on fire. OUCH! Memo to self: do NOT try to eat a sorcerer again.
Second Age, 3412 bWar Is Hell/b
Number of dwarves eaten today: 1, number of fish eaten today: 50.
The dwarves went off to war after all, only they're not helping the DCG like he asked them to. Instead, they're helping his enemies. This means a SERIOUS food shortage for moi. The only dwarf I ate today was this blind old fart with stringy flesh who tasted like he was around 600 years old. Ick. The younger (and better-tasting) dwarves are all off fighting. I know from some of my earlier meals that the dwarves have been making money hand over fist from the war, since they found this metal called mithril that can be made into really excellent armor. Between that and their weapons, these guys are the arms dealers of Middle-Earth.
by Architeuthis
Second Age, Year 1100 bThe Saga Begins/b
Number of critters eaten: 0
Some jerk flushed me down the toilet today. I'd hatched in the Sea of Nurnen a few weeks ago and was caught by a fisher-orc who brought me to some place called Barad-Dur as a present to some Dark Creepy Guy. The DCG then told another orc to look after me and feed me and so forth, as he didn't have much time for me. He was too busy working on some stupid magic rings that turn you invisible and corrupt your soul, as well as trying to take over the whole world. In any case, my so-called keeper didn't really want the job--so he flushed me down the toilet. I'm sort of curious as to how he explained my disappearance to the Dark Creepy Guy--but, hey, that ain't really my problem.
Second Age, Year ? bThe Trans Middle-Earth Pipeline/b
Number of critters eaten: lost count
My current location is and has been somewhere in Trans Middle-Earth Pipeline--a HUGE sewer system built by the Dark Creepy Guy's predescessor sometime in the First Age. For some damn reason, it extends throughout much of the Misty Mountains. Why the DCG's boss wanted it there is beyond me. It's dark and smelly. (What did you expect? It's a sewer after, all.) But, on the upside, there's plenty to eat--at least if you're not a fussy eater. I'm not. If it's alive, or used to be alive, and I can get my tentacles around it--well, down the hatch!
Another good thing is that there's room to grow. I was only a few inches long when I got flushed, and now I'm around four or five feet long, counting my tentacles.
Second Age, Year 1600 bHome Sweet Home/b
Number of critters eaten today: 5 (so far)
Well, it's about time! I'd been wondering if this stupid pipeline ended somewhere. Well, it does; it ends in a big lake near the mouth of an even bigger cavern. The lake is inhabited by all kinds of tasty fish, and the cavern is inhabited by dwarves, which are just as good to eat. They're actually a bit tough, but they still have a nice flavor. Oh, yeah, one of them told me what year it was right before I killed him. I'd lost all track of time while I was in that stupid sewer.
Second Age, Year 1710 bHello, Neighbor!/b
Number of dwarves eaten today: 10, number of fish eaten today: 17
A new guy moved in today. He's this big creature of smoke and flame and he carries a whip. He said he was something called a Balrog. I'm not sure how he got in here, as he is WAY too big to have come in through the Pipeline. I'm not sure I'd fit in there myself anymore; I'm now around 12 feet long, counting my tentacles. I'm guessing Mr. Balrog is here for the food, too--those dwarves are delicious. And the fish ain't bad, either.
Second Age, 1763 bBye, Neighbor...:(/b
Number of dwarves eaten today: 12, number of fish eaten today: 30
I haven't seen that damn Balrog in ages. I didn't think he'd come in the lake, as he doesn't look like something that would be any good at swimming. But still, I'd thought he'd at least visit from time to time. Well, according to one of my meals, the Balrog has moved way, way, down to the bottom of the cavern. I'd like to know what's down there that's so fascinating. I mean there's plenty of food up here...
Second Age, 2505 bBlast From the Past/b
Number of dwarves eaten today: 7, number of fish eaten today: 42
A guy working for my old owner, the Dark Creepy Guy, stopped by today. He said he was called--get this--the "Mouth of Sauron". Can you say "lame"? Anyway, he came to tell the dwarves that Sauron the DCG wanted their help against his enemies in recompense for some magic rings he'd given them way back when. The dwarves basically told this guy to bugger off: they weren't going to get involved in somebody else's war. As for the rings, they didn't use them much, and besides, dragons had eaten four of the things. Why ANYBODY would want to eat jewelry is beyond me.
Dwarves, unfortunately, aren't dumb. They've wised up to my presence, and are getting harder to catch. Hence, I'm eating more fish. I'm now around 16 feet long, counting the tentacles.
I made a grab for the Mouth of Sauron as he was leaving, largely because I've never sampled Man or horse before, but he cast some crazy spell that set my tentacles on fire. OUCH! Memo to self: do NOT try to eat a sorcerer again.
Second Age, 3412 bWar Is Hell/b
Number of dwarves eaten today: 1, number of fish eaten today: 50.
The dwarves went off to war after all, only they're not helping the DCG like he asked them to. Instead, they're helping his enemies. This means a SERIOUS food shortage for moi. The only dwarf I ate today was this blind old fart with stringy flesh who tasted like he was around 600 years old. Ick. The younger (and better-tasting) dwarves are all off fighting. I know from some of my earlier meals that the dwarves have been making money hand over fist from the war, since they found this metal called mithril that can be made into really excellent armor. Between that and their weapons, these guys are the arms dealers of Middle-Earth.