Rhapsody est vendere
By: C. Mechayoshi
Created: 3/28/16
Disclaimer: I don't own Mario or Tomodachi Life...or TvTropes...or MacBooks. A strange list for a disclaimer right?...
In Bowser's Castle certain preparations were made for an upcoming Koopa Nation Concert. In King Bowser's personal arrangement, the person responsible for the performance was Ludwig Von Koopa. With the concert being a day away, music blasted from Bowser's royal concert hall.
On stage was a beautiful Koopa woman. She was adorned in armor, appearing like a viking. To the right of her was Ludwig himself, seated in front of an synthesizer with a MacBook to the side, as opposed to his usual Grand Piano. As she sung he played only a few keys as much of the music was preprogrammed. The only audience to this was Iggy in the front row seat, though mildly catatonic. He was personally invited by Ludwig. The doors to the hall were sealed however they ineffectively blocked out the music.
"I love loving
cats and sun
pizza and fun
Yeah yeah you know that it's true
Baby
Oh my I
love loving things"
*Dubstep breakdown*
Suddenly Bowser dashed through the the doors into the concert hall. He stopped halfway down the hall, panting profusely. His eyes were bloodshot and he was in pajamas.
"Ludwig Von Koopa! Shut up, everyone shut up! Stop the noise!"
The singer froze and Ludwig quickly pressed 'pause'. Iggy blankly stared at the stage with no other reaction. Bowser finally stomped towards the stage.
"Too loud?" Ludwig asked calmly. Or at least tried to.
"Well the entire castle was shaking. That would be a YES!" Bowser roared.
"You know father, if the room acoustics were better, the sound wouldn't be so pervasive-"
"Enough! No more tonight. Save it for tomorrow. That is an order- understood?"
"Y-yes father.."
"And," Bowser finally noticed Iggy setting catatonic in the front row. Bowser shrugged since Iggy is sort of known for that kind of thing. He turned back to Ludwig.
"Whatever else is going on in here, keep it down…" Bowser left. The moment he left through the doors, Ludwig turned to the singer.
"Madam. Let's take it from the top. It is only two in the morning after all." Ludwig waited for a confirmation from the singer but she stared back worriedly.
"Monsieur Koopa, your papa is very upset!"
"So long-a Bowser!" Iggy blurted out, as if dilivering the punchline to a nonexistent joke.
"Iggy? So now you say something? You have been staring blankly this whole time!"
"Oh really Luddy? You know I zone out. But believe me, I heard your music alright. Ha ha!"
Ludwig groaned and turned back to the singer.
"You can be...dismissed then- but we will start again at 7."
"I assume with our in ear monitors, Monsieur?" She smiled. Ludwig faintly blushed.
"Ah, yes of course. We can not have father disrupting our art can we?"
"Blah blah! Kiss already you too!" Iggy blurted out again. "Hey since where she comes from is six hours ahead of us, isn't is already past 7 for her?"
"Iggy-" Ludwig started.
"Sie haben einen lustigen Bruder," the singer teased.
"Oh ho ho, she is French and German? Some girl you got there, Luddy. No matter, Germany is still six hours ahead of us-"
"Enough!" Ludwig shouted. He was instantly taken back by his own outburst. The last thing Ludwig desired is to sound anything like Bowser. The singer giggled.
"I will go then. Au Revoir, Monsieur."
Ludwig watched her gracefully walk back stage, then he noticed Iggy watching as well.
"Stop admiring my singer. Now you got your amusement, Iggy. Do tell me what you think about my art."
"If music is art for you, what is actual art? How can music be real if our ears aren't?"
"Stay on topic please."
"Oh well, What I think? What I think?"
Then Iggy actually started to think about what he heard. The shocking realization hit him.
.
.
.
.
It was a pop song! The simple chord structure, the dumb party lyrics, the needless section where a rapper appears, and… the dubstep!
Iggy couldn't believe it. Ludwig Von Koopa, master composer making music like this? Surely his brother hadn't been working on "Top 40" material for six long nights. I'm secretly being filmed, Iggy thought.
"Well, Iggy?" Ludwig asked as he took a seat beside Iggy.
"Oh uh, Bravo," Iggy replied, clapping his hands in mock respect.
He would not lose his marbles over this. He lost his marbles years ago anyway, figuratively and literally. Though only environmental factors were at fault for the figurative case, and he had strong suspicion about Roy Koopa being the blame for the literal one. He would never forget that, but that's another story... If Ludwig was going to play games, Iggy would to.
"So it is good, yes?" Ludwig nodded slightly.
"Yeah, sure. That i, iv, vi, v chord pattern really threw me for a loop. Ha, oh and the last chorus shifted up in pitch was amazing. I'm sure no other song has ever done that before."
"You mean the 'truck driver's gear change'?"
"Huh? Where have I heard-?"
"-Tvtropes."
"You go there too?"
Ludwig grew bashful.
"You do not think that I stay up late working only on my music. That site, it has a way to altering time around you; I'll have to look into it later. Ahem. I must apologize for now I'm the one going off topic. What are you trying to say?"
"Oh right so that song of yours. How to put this? It's like you looked at Koo$ha and said, I want to do that! I want to make music that drops the intelligence of the listeners. For science. Because Luddy, I can totally imagine you saying something like that."
"Wrong as usual."
"Then.."
"Money, Iggy."
"What?"
"Don't you know about business? Well of course you wouldn't. You have no job." Ludwig smirked.
"Okay Luddy. Where are the cameras? For real! I never thought I would be saying this unironically but, don't trigger me!"
"Hm? No one will be filming anything until the performance most likely, you know this."
"But you can't perform that garbage! A rapping Viking opera singer with dubstep? That's.. That's so bizarre it sounds like something I would come up with actually-"
"Well thank you for being honest," Ludwig chuckled. "The most talented of minds aren't afraid to learn from others ever once in awhile." Iggy couldn't tell if there was sarcasm in that or not.
"This is what sells now. Don't you get it?" Ludwig continued.
"But the costume on that girl?"
"You mean my singer, Sasha? It you paid attention to the lyrics, the costumes fits in perfectly."
"Those lyrics were horrible."
"They are positive, simple and an ear worm."
It can't be, Iggy thought.
"But- but you always say you want your art to transcend the barriers of traditional musicianship. You abandon commercialism all together for the sake of making something more rich, more substantial for the truest listeners of the art called music!"
"-Iggy. Look at yourself!" Ludwig interrupted.
Iggy came back to his senses. He had rose from his seat and as he spoke his arms frantically waved about. Now Ludwig clapped in mock respect. That was an entertaining five seconds.
"Uh, what just happened?"
"Good effort Iggy but you messed up a bit. I do not completely dismiss commercialism. If I did, I would not participate in public concerts where I am paid."
"Whhaaa! Does not compute! Brain shutting down! #TRIGGERED!"
"Iggy what are you-!"
Iggy rushed at Ludwig. Apparently he was "triggered" again. Ludwig jumped out of the set and made a run for the door, Iggy right behind him. The door was just a few feet in front a Ludwig so he made a leap straight for the door to push it open...
*bang*
...only it was labeled 'pull'. Iggy caught up to him now sane again. By Iggy standards at least.
"It seems you can read music notation better than English," Iggy said as he lended a hand to Ludwig.
"Do not touch me!" Ludwig snapped as he helped himself up. He had a noticeable bruise on his forehead and his hair was a mess. He could have sworn he stepped on some old chewing gum also. "And to be fair, Father did just replace these doors. The older ones opened either way!"
"So are you going to tell me what's going on or what?"
"You are still stuck on that? Okay. Listen here. You are right, that song was terrible and I have been spending the last six days making a EP worth of that garbage."
"Oh Luddy you will not fool me this tim- wait….did you admit it was bad?"
"Yes, from an artistic standpoint. But here's the thing. Not all music be deep or intelligent or require effort or have structure or...what am I talking about? Ow my head.."
"You were justifying your garbage music."
"Oh yes, as long as someone is enjoying it….oh forget this!" Ludwig suddenly yelled.
"Am I crazy or are you crazy or-"
"We are both very mad, Iggy."
"Well of course I'm crazy Luddy, but how are you? I know you hit your head but it takes more than that, I would know."
"For once you are correct. I, Ludwig Von Koopa, will admit my very minor mistake."
"Oh so dramatic as usual..."
"Enough. You know how rarely I get myself in these situations. Alright, no sense delaying it. I...lost a bet."
"And now you have to make terrible music?"
"Correct. And to actually play it in front of a live audience.."
"I knew this was a joke!"
"This is no joke, not for me at least. I don't want to be categorized with Koo$ha, Kylie Cyrus, Lil Koopa, and Goomba Bieber!" Ludwig grew deathly pale. "Iggy, I must say...I am very afraid for my future now."
"You think they may boo you? Hey, what if there are boos in the audience? What would they do? Okay but seriously though, Luddy. It's pop. I'm sure people will at the least tolerate it."
"I hope you are right," Ludwig said while pulling open the door. Iggy followed him out.
"Look, if the whole concert hall is booing you, I'll still cheer you on. Out of pity!"
"Thank you, Iggy. I feel sooo much better…" He rolled his eyes. "Goodnight."
"Bone nui bruder."
"Hmm?"
"Well since you obviously like French German girls."
"Iggy, take your medicine..."
Two days later
Ludwig had his head hung over the table in the kitchen. He had been there for an hour when he was joined by someone. Ludwig didn't need to lift his head to know who it was.
"You little fool," Ludwig grumbled to a smaller figure.
"Ha ha. Pay up sucker." the child said.
Ludwig reluctantly reached into the pocket of his jacket. He retrieved 50 gold coins. The child snatched it away.
"Aww, yeah. I knew you couldn't do it!" the child mocked.
"We'll of course not you little brat. I have a reputation. I hope that… abomination is forgotten forever!"
"Don't be such a baby. I mean, you would have won the bet if you didn't bail in the middle of the concert."
Ludwig thought about it. He would save won the bet had he not walked off stage. It turns out, the audience loved it. All of Ludwig's stage directions were followed perfectly. Sasha sung beautifully. The crowd went wild, some even stood in their seats. The concert stage wasn't meant for such a thing but it held up well. Ludwig even saw a few glow sticks being waved around in the crowd. Where they came from, who knows. Basicly, everything went horribly right. He was playing the last song, the reward for the bet almost in his grasp.
But he couldn't do it. He thought back to his 'code'. He was doing everything he stood against. His discography, filled with his masterpieces that revealed truest emotion, would be tainted by an album he literally made to be terrible on purpose. Not even in a dada sense as this made no statement. He was doing because of a bet! This wasn't art. It was anti-art!
"Fools!" Ludwig had screamed on impulse into the microphone.
The audience didn't notice. It turns out, he couldn't be heard as the microphones weren't loud enough. Ludwig cursed the bad room acoustics and walked off stage. To add insult to injury, no one noticed he was gone until the show was over. The music played automatically from the laptop. The laptop was the actual musician that night and Ludwig would never forgive himself.
"Ludwig," someone called.
"Excuse me?" Ludwig finally answered.
"Ludwig? Why do you even make bets with Junior?" Lemmy asked, having overheard from another room. Ludwig had day dreamed for a about five minutes and Junior was long gone.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time. You know, like the trope?"
"Huh?"
"It' from TvTropes, Lemmy. By the way, don't ever go to there. I still need to research it's time altering properties."
Later that day.
Lemmy, Wendy, Iggy, and Ludwig were eating at the table. Roy came in the kitchen having just come from college football practice.
"Yo, what up losers?"
"I'm not going to respond to that," Ludwig griped.
"Why are you mad again? Isn't your new music doing good or something?" Roy asked.
"You do not understand. They loved my rubbish. Just ask Iggy! He was there!" Ludwig turned to Iggy but he was catatonic again. "Well anyway, It is selling out on iTunes and I have a million likes on YouTube. I'm ruined unless...my next album is better than ever! I must start on it now!"
Ludwig got a pen and started scribbling notes on his napkins. That is how how of the geniuses of old did it right?
"Okay then... Isn't that good?"
"It's not if you make that hipster stuff. For them, not being popular is like, what they want. Just sounds backwards to me. Why wouldn't you want to be popular?" Wendy said, not looking up from her meal.
"But Kookie's genres are CLASSICAL not hipster!" Lemmy shouted putting odd emphasis on the word 'classical' and making food fly out of his mouth. Everyone minus Iggy groaned.
"Do not talk with your mouth open, especially around my notes," Ludwig begged. He was running out of napkins quickly.
"WE ARE FAMILY!" Iggy suddenly roared to life and sang. Everyone jumped at this.
"Later losers!" Roy said as he quickly grabbed his duffle bag. Unbeknownst to him it was unzipped. As he slung it over his back, the contents scattered on the table and on everyone's food.
"Nooo!" everyone screamed. Ludwig screamed the loudest.
"Chill. I'm sorry. Besides I haven't cleaned this thing out in forever."
"You okay, sugar?" Wendy asked Ludwig. His bowl of soup was ruined by a football.
"No, forget the food. I'm out of napkins and the ideas just keep coming!"
"Hey what's that?" Lemmy asked pointing to a bag with Iggy's name on it. Iggy examined it.
"By George it's…. my marbles! My literal ones that is. Now if only I could find my figurative ones!"
Everyone laughed.
"But Roy, you will have to make us dinner again!" Wendy warned.
"Or what? Do I look like I belong in a kitchen?"
"Careful Roy, we will have Iggy attack you," Ludwig said as he pointed to his half healed bruise. "He did this to me afterall."
"Fight! Fight!" Lemmy chanted.
"Don't get me #TRIGGERED!" Iggy started howling like a dog.
"What the-"
Everyone but Roy laughed again.
End
Author notes: I had fun with this one! Not much happens but...I had fun. I hope I didn't disappoint anyone by not showing the actual concert. Also, I mean no offense to anyone that likes pop music. This story is meant the reflect the snobbishness people like Ludwig would have towards it.
Yes, I realize that the title translates horribly... I couldn't find a way to make it less horrible so it's staying as is.
By the way, the long lyrics are the default pop lyrics in Tomodachi Life. I don't actually hate them, I just think they fit the bill as vapid pop music well. Feel free to review. Bye!