She sighed, leaning back into her headboard. On autopilot, her thumb flipped open her cell phone, found the right speed-dial number, and her hand lifted the phone to her ear.
One. Two rings passed before the line picked up.
"Hi, Dad." Kate's voice was quiet. Her free hand nearly shaking as it brushed back and forth on her comforter.
"Katie! It's late, honey. Are you alright?" There was a worry in her father's voice. He was always worried when she called him at odd hours.
The curse of being the parent of a cop, she supposed.
"Yeah, Dad, I'm alright." She wasn't really sure what she wanted to say when she dialed the phone. But it felt like the right thing to do. "I'm sorry, I don't really know why I called. You're right, it's late, and-"
"It's fine, Katie. I was up anyway." The buzz of his TV could be heard on her end. "And I always love to hear from you. Whenever."
"Thanks. I guess…I guess I just wanted to check in."
"Everything's great up here. How's everything with you? Did my best Detective catch another killer today?"
"Not exactly," she whispered, remembering the pain of Melanie's case. "I told him, Dad."
"Told who?" Jim sighed; he could hear the fear in her voice. "Are you sure you're okay, Katie? You sound out of sorts."
"Yeah. No." Frustrated, she ran a hand through her hair. "I told Castle what happened. With Mom."
That was not at all what he was expecting her to tell him.
Dad, I got shot at today.
Dad, I got in a car accident.
Dad, I got roughed up taking down a suspect.
Those, he could handle. But this?
"Oh."
"Uh-huh."
"And you're starting to freak out again, aren't you?"
Her voice sounded small. Just like when she was ten and tried to lie about breaking the lamp in the dining room. "Maybe."
"Well, I can understand why you're a little off kilter. Last time you told someone about everything it didn't end so well."
"No. It didn't." Her mind was thrown back to the day she told Will about her mother's case.
It wasn't pretty. They fought. He yelled at her to let it go. She yelled at him that he, of all people, should understand her dedication. At the end of the night Will was left alone in his apartment, and Kate was driving upstate to visit her dad for a few days.
Looking back, Kate thought that was one in a series of arguments that led to their break-up.
"I just don't really know why I told him. I mean…he's Castle." She had stood up from her place on the bed and was pacing her room. "He's childish and irresponsible and completely incapable of being serious."
"And you're absolutely sure of this?"
"What do you mean?"
"You said he has a daughter, right? So, some part of him must be somewhat responsible. And he's been working with you for about a month now, so it's not just some spontaneous need for entertainment."
"What are you trying to tell me, Dad?"
"Katie…" he sighed, "I know he frustrates you, and you tell me all the time that he doesn't listen, but maybe, some part of you wanted to share this with him."
He could practically hear her biting her nails on the other end.
"Have you told him how much his books helped you back then?"
Silence.
"I didn't think so." Again, Jim Beckett sighed. After Johanna died the two of them took a massive blow to their relationship. He had taken to drinking, and she had chosen to stay secluded in her room with depressing music – of both the soft and hard metal varieties. They hardly spoke unless there was good cause.
Eventually, their neighbor helped get them into counseling, which helped considerably. Though, it wasn't until she came across In Hail of Bullets, abandoned in a used bookstore, that Kate really began to be more like herself.
Neither was really sure of when it happened, but soon, they were speaking again, however strained, and were on a track to what their new normal would be.
Now, he listened to his daughter's frustrated, confused thoughts from miles away.
"Well, what exactly am I supposed to say? 'Hey, Castle, remember when I told you about my mom? Well, if it weren't for your books I'd probably still be in therapy!' Yeah, that's real confidence-building in the person supposedly 'inspiring' his writing."
Jim loved his daughter more than she could ever imagine, but she could be so damn hard headed sometimes. Just like her mother. He so wished that he were close enough to pull her into a hug and whisper to her that everything would be okay.
"Absolutely not. That sort of rant would definitely be cause for concern." He waited until the tiny laugh could be heard. "Look, Katie, back when you first got sucked into his books, you never expected that one day he'd be sitting next to you at work. It's a bit of a mental shock."
"Tell me about it," she huffed.
"Maybe you told him that part of the story because you're not quite ready to tell him the rest, about how much those books helped you – helped us – after everything happened. Maybe one day you will be, and you'll be able to sit down and tell one of your favorite authors how big of a fan you really are."
He could practically see her rolling her eyes.
"But you can't know that now. And letting him see that you're not made of steel is perfectly fine. Our past is what brought us to who we are today. Sure, what happened to our family is horridly tragic, and I would never, never, wish that on my worst enemy. But I'm proud of you for taking something so dark, and doing something bright. You give people hope, Katie. And that's why Richard Castle follows you around, calls you his muse-"
"I'm not a muse."
Jim laughed at the instant argument. "Even so, you are incredible, sweetheart. Don't doubt that. I catch myself all the time, wondering how on Earth I raised such an amazing woman."
"Thank you, Daddy. I love you." Her throat was dangerously close to closing up. Kate had never spoken so seriously with her father about this. At least…not in a very long time.
"I love you too, Katie. I'm so very proud of you. I know your mother would be too."
"I'll talk to you tomorrow?"
"You better. I want to hear all about how much Castle's annoying you."
Kate cozied herself back up underneath her covers. "Don't say that, Dad! You'll jinx it and make it worse!"
"Goodnight, Katie," he whispered.
She smiled, pulling the fluffy blanket up to her chin. "Night, Daddy."
Shaking her head, she hung up the phone, laying it to rest on her bedside table. Now that her father had mentioned it, the write was sure to be a royal pain in her side tomorrow.
One of these days Castle was going to drive her up a wall.
One of these days she'd actually thank him for bringing her back together with her dad.
Yes? No? If you liked it, let me know. Yes, I know. That was kind of a lame rhyme. I have no reasoning for where this came from, but think of it as a tack-on to the end of 1x05. I was going to add this to "The Moments That Make Us" but I kind of want it to stand on its own. I hope you enjoyed it!
Tappin!
