Dear whomever it may concern,
This is going to sound stereotypical or whatever but: I can't take this life anymore. These are going to be the last words you ever hear from me. Whoever finds my body first, read this to the rest of the guys. And if no one finds me, well, tough for me, right?
Mark, you've been one of my best friends for a long time. You've stuck by me through rough times, even when I've hurt or betrayed you. Thanks man. Remember that time we were at home and Collins brought home all that whipped cream from God-knows-where and we had a cream fight? I don't know why, but I've remembered that ever since. You looked so funny with your glasses covered with white stuff and you were stumbling around the loft trying to squirt us when you couldn't even see. Damn, those were some good times. But good times don't last, do they? Keep on filming.
Collins, the ever-lovin' anarchist who ran naked through the Parthenon. Or was it the Pantheon? I forget. You always told me to stay strong. Sorry for letting you down. I hope one of the universities will accept your theory of actual reality. When one does, stay cool for a week, then strip and go molest the other professors. Have fun with them. Just kidding, but if you do take that seriously, good luck. Bring some whipped cream to Mark. He probably needs it. Since I'm probably going to meet her, I'll say hi to Angel for you.
Maureen. What can I say? I never really knew you, although I heard a lot about you from the others. I'm sorry we never got close enough to be real friends. I know we pissed each other off a LOT, but yeah. Don't laugh too much when you find out I'm dead
Joanne. We also never knew each other. I knew you were a lawyer and Maureen's girlfriend, but that's basically all. I know you tangoed with Mark and operated stuff at Maureen's protest. What can I say? You don't know me and vice versa.
Mimi and Angel. You two are probably floating behind me, reading over my shoulder, right now as I'm writing this. You probably know I'm fingering the razor in my pocket and what I'm going to do as soon as I finish this letter. Angel, you were always fun-loving. I never told you that your energy inspired and brought out all the good parts of us. You brought me partially out of my cold shell, not all the way, but enough. Even when you were weak and in that hospital bed, you were as full of energy as ever and always so optimistic. Thanks. Mimi, my special one, the light of my life, I…I don't know how to say it. I should tell you, I should tell you. I love you. I have always loved you. I guess I'll be seeing you soon, so so long for now.
This is all I'm going to say to you, Roger: Forgive me.
Allison baby, goodbye.
Benjamin Coffin III.