Notes: This fic
takes place while Heero and Duo are going to the same school early in the
series. I don't own Gundam Wing or the
characters. I own this fic, please
don't post it anywhere without my permission.
Oh yeah, in case you don't know, Shinigami is the god of death and what
Duo calls himself in the Japanese version.
What is Normal, Anyway?
By Cassandra
Duo
was leaning back in his chair with his feet propped up on the table, reading 1984
for English class and listening to the sound of Heero typing in the next room.
"Done,"
he announced, snapping the book shut.
He swung his legs down, tossed the book to the side, stood up and
yawned. The typing noises continued.
"You
know, it's really kind of unfair that we have to do homework," he said
conversationally. "I mean, as if the
stress of being a Gundam pilot weren't enough, we have to worry about school,
too?"
No
response. Not that he'd expected one,
but it would've been nice.
"I
guess it could be worse, though," he continued, as if he were talking to
someone who talked back. "1984's
pretty cool. Creepy, but cool."
Clickety-clickety-clack-clacka-clack.
Duo
sighed. What's the use? he
wondered. I could have a better
conversation with myself. Heck, I could
have a better conversation with a freaking wall. He ambled over to the doorway and glanced inside. Heero was sitting rigidly with his hands at
the keyboard, glaring at the screen. "Hey,
don't you have homework?"
"I
did it while you were out wasting time."
Duo's
eyebrows rose. A response. That was a pleasant surprise. "Well, excuse me for trying to enjoy
myself."
"We
don't have time to enjoy ourselves."
"Oh
yeah? Says who?" Duo shot back. Not the most intelligent response, but…
"If
you had any sense of responsibility at all, you would agree."
"Oh,
really?" Duo said, now more than slightly irked. "Well, it just so happens I do have a sense of
responsibility."
"Well,
you certainly don't show it."
"And
what's that supposed to mean?"
Heero
sighed, as if the burden of speaking were too much to bear. "You constantly show off and make yourself
conspicuous when you're supposed to be on a secret mission."
"You
just don't get it, do you?" Duo said, half-amused, half-exasperated. "You're being way more conspicuous than I
am."
"I
don't see how."
"By
not being conspicuous," Duo responded.
"That
doesn't make sense."
"The
average red-blooded teenage boy goes out of his way to get noticed by his
peers, particularly those of the opposite sex," Duo explained. "It's unnatural to be so quiet all the
time. I don't know what it's like on
whatever planet you're from, but that's how we do things on Earth."
"Technically,
you're not from Earth either."
Duo
was caught off-guard by the possibility of Heero making a joke. It was actually a pretty good comeback, but
Duo doubted Heero saw this that way. He's
so clueless, he wouldn't know a joke if it hit him on the head, Duo
thought. He reflected briefly that
alien jokes must have been a lot funnier before the Colonies were built, then
resumed his conversation.
"Whatever. My point is, you're
drawing a lot more attention to yourself than I am."
"If
that's your point, you're conveying it rather badly."
"Geez,
for someone so smart, you can sure be dense!" Duo complained. "Listen, Heero. Everyone notices someone with secrets. If, after we're gone, OZ hears something
about us, and they trace it back here, they'll start asking questions. When they ask about you, people will
remember you as the guy with secrets, and that'll get OZ suspicious. Me?
I'll just be that kid with the braid."
Heero
didn't say anything.
Duo
sighed. "Look, I'm just saying it
couldn't hurt to try acting a little more normal."
Heero
stopped typing and looked at Duo. "Do
you think I know how?"
Duo
was a bit shocked by Heero's tone.
Underneath the usual monotone, there had been a trace of—sadness? Pain?
"What—what do you mean?"
"Never
mind," Heero said tersely, turning back to his computer.
"Heero?"
Duo ventured.
Nothing. He'd lapsed back into silence.
Duo
shook his head regretfully and started to leave the room. I was so close to getting him to open up,
too, he thought in disappointment.
He stopped suddenly. Wait a
minute! I'll be darned if I give up
now! With new determination, he
turned back to Heero. "Come on, Heero."
"What
do you want?" Heero asked.
The
coldness in his voice tempted Duo to leave him be, but he stubbornly
stayed. I'll be his friend if it
kills me! "I want to know what you
meant."
"Why?"
"I
don't know!" Duo said in exasperation.
"Because maybe it would help you.
I don't know."
"Why
do you care?"
| "Because, like it or not,
we're on the same side," Duo said.
"We're allies. And I like to
help my allies if I can."
"I
have no allies."
"Well,
you're stuck with them."
"Who?"
"The
other Gundam pilots! If you weren't so
stubborn, maybe you could abandon your pride and see that!"
Heero
slammed his fist angrily on the desk.
"This is all just a game to you, isn't it? It's all black and white, good versus evil, simple and clean-cut,
right?" He didn't wait for a
response. "Why did you even become a
Gundam pilot when you don't understand at all what it's about?" The instant he heard himself, he regretted
saying it.
But
Duo didn't yell at him as he had expected.
Instead, his voice grew very quiet, dangerously quiet. "Why?
Because once upon a time, there was a little boy who lost everything he
ever cared about to the war. He had to
watch helplessly as all the people he loved died before his eyes. And do you know who that little boy grew up
to be?"
Heero
was silent.
"He
became Shinigami." There was an unusual
shine in Duo's eyes as he finished, but he blinked it away. "I don't want that to happen to any more
little boys. That's why I fight."
"Duo,
I…" Heero began. He felt oddly ashamed. "I'm sorry." The words were so foreign to his tongue.
Duo
waved his apology away. "Forget about
it." He tried to force a grin. "Well, now that I've revealed more about
myself than I ever intended for anyone to know, I think the least you could do
is answer my question. Well, what do
you say? You going to tell me what you
meant?"
Heero
blinked. "I forgot what I said."
Duo
stared at him for a moment before laughing.
"You forgot, huh?" He shook his
head. "Well, let's see. I said it couldn't hurt to try acting a
little more normal. You asked me if I
thought you knew how, and then you wouldn't tell me what you meant." He looked at Heero expectantly.
Heero
sighed. "You're not going to let me go,
are you?"
"Nope."
"I
meant—" he started, then paused. For a moment,
Duo was afraid he would refuse to answer, but he spoke again after only a brief
silence. "I meant that I couldn't be
normal, even if I tried."
"How
come?" Duo asked quietly.
"I've
never been any different than I am now.
At least," he hesitated, "I don't think so. This is how I was raised, I guess."
Duo
nodded. "Well, don't worry about it,"
he said breezily. "After all, what is normal,
anyway?"
"Normal
isn't five teenagers piloting Gundams."
"I
guess not," Duo admitted. "Sometimes I
wonder if we'll be able to do anything worthwhile, you know? If we can actually help anyone."
"Who
knows?" Heero said. "Maybe the only
reason for me to keep fighting is because I can't live any other way. Maybe it doesn't really matter."
"Maybe
not," Duo agreed.
The
room was silent. Looking out the
window, Duo could see teenagers on the street below. A boy called to his friends, and they stopped to wait for
him. Another group was weighed down by
binders and textbooks in their backpacks as they gossiped and giggled on their
way to their hangout, wherever it was. A
couple walked with linked arms, lost in their own private world.
"Heero?"
Duo broke the silence.
"What?"
"Why'd
you tell me all that stuff about yourself?"
Heero
seemed troubled by this. "I don't know."
He
looked at Duo, and Duo saw for a moment eyes that must have been a mirror of
his own. They weren't the eyes of a
soldier or a hero. They were the eyes
of a scared kid. That's all we are,
Duo realized. Kids with our
toys. Only we're not playing with
blocks, but with killing machines. We're
playing with human life. We're playing
with death.
The
thought chilled him, and then the ice came back into Heero's eyes and the
moment was broken. Duo turned away, and
Heero resumed his typing.
"I'm
going out," Duo announced.
"Where?"
He
shrugged. "I don't know. Out.
Out wasting time."
"You
shouldn't be so irresponsible."
"I
know."
He
left the room, and a moment later Heero heard the door open and close. Heero was alone. He stopped typing and sighed. For a moment, he debated something, then finally shut down the computer.
Slowly, he stood up, then walked out of
the room and followed Duo out of the apartment.
************************************************************************************
Notes: What
did you think? Please e-mail me at romancherubX@aol.com and let me
know! Don't forget, e-mail is chicken
soup for the fanfic writer's soul!
Disclaimer:
I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters, I only own this fic, please
don't post it without my permission.
