Title: Revelations
Author: amoureuse87
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Includes men to men-action, dldr
Beta: Microsoft Word 2003
Genre: Oneshot, kinda fanservice, first time, lemon, kinda pwp, romance
Word count: 2964
Disclaimer: Do not own the characters but the plot is "all mine". Meaning that it probably has been used before but didn't copy it.
Summary: Kurt is a bit nervous about telling something to Blaine
A/N: So so, it's my first fic in here. This can also be found from Livejournal's kurt_blaine-community, it's me also there with the same name. If you found mistakes with grammar or stuff, do tell. I suppose I can edit stuff afterwards? If not, well... xD ok, enough chibbychabby, would be nice to get some comments too ;D
Revelations
[i]"Today.
Today shall be The day.
I know that I must open my mouth at some point but why does it seem to be so hard? There are three words that my lips and tongue must be able to form. Only three words and yet it feels like I'd have to speak for three whole days. Three small words that mean everything to me. Three words that show me two totally different roads to walk by; one with a broken heart and one with a completed heart.
If I remain silent, nothing can hurt me. But if I remain silent, I will never be completely whole. I'll be only a shadow of what I actually am, afraid and hiding the biggest parts of me. From the outside I'd look totally the same, maybe I'd smile more but that's it. From the inside I'd be totally different. Over floating with feelings, all pink and red and sweet.
I can easily picture his beautiful face in my mind, even with eyes open. His voice echoes in my ears, his last hug still tingles my body. I know that I'm in love, I've been in love since the very first time I met him. I keep hoping that he'd feel the same way and give me some kind of a clear sign but so far – only small signs of affection. I would've never guessed that I'd be the brave one opening my mouth. I know that we've kissed, held hands and cuddled, kind of made us an item but I'd want it to get deeper.
When it comes to love and everything involved, I've always been very fragile. I've never kissed or dated anyone else than Blaine but still I've been hurt too many times. I've been very insecure but now I'm quite confident with myself, I know who I am, I know where I stand my ground, I know that I have my fathers support. Still, deep inside there's a small voice that brings doubts in my mind. How could anyone really love me romantically?
Now, most likely in just 15 minutes, Blaine'll be here. I must speak my mind, I have to let him know. I've kept this inside me for so long. I've practiced, if he says that he doesn't share my feelings, I have a face for that. If he wants to break all the connections, I have a face for that too. Of course it's a totally different thing when it's actually happening but I've tried to be prepared. Oh no, I heard the doorbell ring! That must be Blaine. Wish me luck!"[/i]
Kurt laid his diary to the table, stood up and decided to hide the diary to the usual place. Maybe later he could show the diary to Blaine, he wanted that there'd be no secrets between the two of them. Now it was too exciting, now it was time for something else. Blaine was here, Burt was out. Burt had left when Kurt specially asked him; he wanted to get some privacy. The house was all his. There had been some embarrassing moments when Burt had given Kurt "The lecture" but they both had survived.
"Oh, hey, here you are. The door was open so I thought that I'd just come in", Blaine said, walked to Kurt, held him close and kissed him enthusiastically. Kurt had had no chance to say hi with words so he chose to express it otherwise. He let his hand go a bit more down from Blaine's shoulders, first carefully to his waist and gently then to his butt.
"I missed you", Kurt said and hugged Blaine tight when the kiss ended.
"I believe I missed you more", Blaine whispered and kissed Kurt's ear. He closed his eyes and breathed in Blaine's sweet odour, the one that made him get up every morning.
For a good while they just stood up there but then Blaine gently pushed Kurt a bit away and grabbed his hand. He led them sitting on the bed and drew Kurt very close to him.
"Do you want to do something special today or should we just sit here? Both sound awesome to me, as long as I get to be with you", Blaine said with a wide smile on his lips.
"I want to tell you something but I don't know if I can do it yet", Kurt said, he had learned to be straight enough. With Blaine he could always be himself, nothing more, nothing less.
"Of course you can, to me you can tell everything. There's no need to keep anything to yourself unless you want it that way", Blaine tried to give him more courage.
"I know but it just feels so big. It's like my heart would bump out of my chest if I dare to speak out those words. And I might be a bit afraid, even though I know there's no reason for that", Kurt said. Blaine turned his head and looked at Kurt, looking worried. He knew that Kurt had deep wounds and that it wasn't too easy to speak out his mind but why did he feel afraid? Blaine had thought that he had been careful and gentle with everything that he had said or done. Had he still been too rough? Was Kurt afraid of him or something else?
Sitting there all quiet slowly made Kurt more confident. Blaine wouldn't laugh at his face, no matter how he felt. Deep inside Kurt wanted to believe that Blaine shared his feelings but still there was a small 'but' in his mind. One deep breath, second one. Finally Kurt felt that he was as ready as he possibly ever could.
"I know that we have been dating for a while now", Kurt said and paused for a small while, Blaine was very eager to fill in that break.
"One month, three weeks and five days", he announced. "And some hours more. Even though it kind of feels early for this, I want to tell you how I really feel, there's no doubt about that in my mind. Blaine, I love you", Kurt said and watched Blaine. He was sitting there with watery eyes and took Kurt's hands to his own.
"That's really awesome. I am madly in love with you, Kurt. Have been from the very moment you opened my eyes with Blackbird. It is you that makes me get up from my bed with a happy face, every single morning. I wish I would get more hours to my days to spend all of them with you, even if we could be together all those 24 hours, it still wouldn't be enough", Blaine said and stroke Kurt's cheek.
Kurt understood all the wateriness now, he also was almost crying; the happiness was too over floating. Blaine gently kissed away the one tear that had escaped, then he got back to where his lips belonged; Kurt's lips. Kurt pressed Blaine lying on the bed, still kissing him. After a while they just laid next to each other, holding hands, listening to each others breath.
"You know sweety, I'm so happy that you were so brave. I've wanted to say the same but I didn't have the courage. I was too afraid even though I knew that I shouldn't be", Blaine said.
"Believe me, I know the feeling. It's not that I wouldn't have believed that you loved me but still, I was so afraid. Maybe it'll be easier from now on", Kurt noted.
"Exactly. I could say it to you a zillion times in one day and still it wouldn't be enough! So probably I'll save our time and say it only like once in a day or so", Blaine laughed. Kurt joined the laughter, he had been thinking about the same thing.
Blaine turned back to Kurt and kissed him, allowed his arm to go around Kurt's body. Kurt pulled Blaine on top of him and caressed his back. The lips got hungrier, the kiss turned more passionate. Kurt didn't feel embarrassed that his body started to react, even though he knew that Blaine would notice it. Actually, Kurt noticed that he himself had some kind of effect on Blaine too. The idea of sex still felt a bit scary but Kurt knew that Blaine was the only one that he'd want to study with. And it started to feel like it was a perfect moment for the first lesson.
Kurt used his hands in trying to tell Blaine what he was thinking and somehow he believed that Blaine got the point. Blaine rolled on next to Kurt and started to take his clothes off. Slowly, kissing every inch of skin that was revealed. It was really hard for Kurt to lay still and after a while he stopped trying and helped Blaine, stroked his body and touched him. Kurt's hands were slow in their movements but still they were kind of wild, going to places they usually didn't go.
It was easy to disarm the upper body but Blaine got slower as he moved more downwards. Kurt took advantage of the small break and took Blaine's shirt of and was just gasping for air for a while. He had seen Blaine topless also before but still it was something very breathtaking.
"I just can't believe how beautiful you are", Kurt smiled to Blaine.
"You should take a look at the mirror more often in that case. Are you sure you feel like this? I have no more idea of what I'm doing than you", Blaine said.
"This feels right now, unless you don't want it of course. I don't care if you know what you're doing or not, I want to learn everything with you, we [i]must[ /i]start studying at some point", Kurt noted. Blaine had a wide smile on his face and then he kissed Kurt once again.
"You just remember that if you want to stop, you say it out loud, right?" Blaine said as his hands pressed Kurt down to his back. Kurt nodded and felt a small wave of anxiety rushing through his body. Blaine's hands were soft and demanding, at times he bent over and kissed Kurt's belly. Very carefully Blaine opened the zipper of Kurt's jeans and tried taking them off. Kurt lifted his butt a bit and soon he was lying on bed almost completely naked, he had only his boxers on.
Blaine's fingers were about to reveal the manhood of Kurt but he grabbed Blaine's hands. Kurt did not say a word; he dragged Blaine closer and kissed him. He tasted so sweet that it was almost impossible to understand. It was also a way to get him closer to take off Blaine's trousers. Gently he pressed Blaine down and opened the zipper. His fingers were a bit shy in stroking Blaine's soft skin but slowly he started to be more certain about what he was doing. With some help from Blaine he took off everything that Blaine still had on him.
Seeing Blaine completely naked for the very first time sent shivers down his spine; he also felt that his cheeks probably got a bit more colour on them. It was a bit confusing to just watch Blaine. To know that all that gorgeousness belonged to him. Kurt's hands slowly measured every inch of Blaine's body, carefully getting closer to the area that all the time tried to get closer to him. Kurt touched Blaine's penis with just his fingertips, let his hands float a bit above it. He heard Blaine make some kind of voices but was too busy to concentrate in diagnosing them more.
It felt quite natural to close his hand around Blaine. Probably as natural as it would ever get. Kurt let his hand move slowly and stared at Blaine's face. There was no doubt that he wouldn't have been enjoying himself quite a bit at that very moment, it made Kurt smile wide. He wanted Blaine to be happy and obviously he had succeeded so far. Kurt let go of Blaine's penis and bent over, he kissed the sides of it as if it was made of the most fragile glass.
"Oh my, Kurt, baby, you stop it now or I'll come, please", Blaine suddenly said. Kurt stopped, sounded like Blaine didn't want to cross the line yet.
He sat on his legs and watched Blaine trying to conquer his body. It felt good to realize that he himself had brought that to Blaine. After a while Blaine got up and kissed Kurt. That kiss had nothing too tender in it and yet it wasn't harsh. Blaine had his hands behind Kurt's head, his lips were hungry and also the tongue wanted to join the party.
"Are you certain that this is your first time doing this?" Blaine said and watched deep into Kurt's eyes. All the loving Kurt could see almost made him unable to answer, he had to concentrate hard.
"I really don't remember doing anything even close to this with you before and well, you know that you're my first boyfriend. Hopefully also the last", Kurt said and was rewarded with another passionate kiss.
Kurt felt hands going down by his sides, in a way he wanted to giggle; it made him so happy that Blaine actually wanted this with him. Now Blaine started pulling his boxers lower, Kurt made a little squeak when Blaine touched his penis.
"Everything good?" Blaine asked immediately.
"Yap, I tend to make strange noises at times, this is just so new and different and lovely and horny and", Kurt tried to explain but Blaine cut the explanations and kissed him again. They paused for a while and took off Kurt's boxers but then Blaine pressed Kurt on his back and came laying on him. Kurt liked the feeling of their penises being between them, the small movement they made was very intense.
"Do you want to go further? Thanks to dad, I have condoms in my wallet but nothing to be used as lube. I think we can sort that out anyway", Blaine asked.
"Well that's no problem. Thanks to [i]my[/i] dad, I have lube too. Can you imagine the awkwardness when he handed me some lube and condoms? I don't know who gave him the idea that we should have The talk and bring me the accessories", Kurt said.
"Hmm, I've kind of been wanting to talk about it, it was me, I was worried about your innocence and that you just rush somewhere with no idea of what you were going into", Blaine confessed. At some other time Kurt would've minded a bit more about that but now he was just happy. He pressed Blaine away for a little while and reached towards the little box on the drawer of his night table.
"Would you be on top? I think I'd just like to lay here", Kurt asked and already unwrapped the condom. He didn't even hear Blaine answer; he was too busy getting him ready.
"You do realize it's going to hurt a bit? I was planning that you'd do it first and then we'll see if I'd do it later", Blaine said with some arising redness on his cheeks.
"I can take it", Kurt said and opened the lubricant. He was maybe a bit harsh but at least he knew that Blaine was ready for it.
They kissed for a while more and then started searching for a good posture to be in. "If it hurts too much, you know what to do", Blaine noticed. Kurt nodded and slightly bit his lip. He tried to relax when he felt Blaine coming closer and then really [i]coming closer[/i]. It did hurt a bit when Blaine came in but quite fast it turned out to feel quite awesome. Maybe mentally even more awesome than physically. He, who had been afraid of sex just a while ago, was now [i]making love[/i] with the guy he loved madly.
Blaine seemed to be over careful for a while but he got more confidence as he saw that Kurt was enjoying the situation rather than being in pain. Kurt helped Blaine to find a rhythm that suited them both, it started to get faster and faster. Blaine took his other hand and started to treat Kurt's penis with the result that Kurt's world exploded quite soon. When he was trying to regain consciousness, everything had went black for a while, he heard Blaine making some kind of noise. Kurt felt Blaine's warm and soft body going totally relaxed on him, he kissed Blaine's lips again.
Blaine rolled over to Kurt's side and held his hand.
"Well that was something", Kurt said with a really wide smile on his face.
"You tell me", Blaine said and tried to laugh but it was too much. He just pressed Kurt's hand.
"And we still need to clean you up. I suppose we can just run naked to the shower and wash you up", Blaine said. Kurt knew that there was sperm on him but he didn't actually care about it that much, it was there because he and Blaine loved each other.
"Oh we shall do it. But let's just lay here for a while more, right?" Kurt asked. Blaine hemmed and turned to kiss Kurt again.
"Let's rest, yeah, I don't know if I could stand up right now", he said and brought his lips back to Kurt's. This was a really good way of spending time, Kurt already knew that there would be lots more of it. But not now, now they were too tired and dazzled. Later sounded just as good. This moment was for enjoying each others company.