I'm sorry to all my Dream a Little Dream of Me readers, I have written most of the next chapter and I promise I will have it updated sometime this week. In the meantime I have this story to keep you occupied.

Enjoy.

10 ways to annoy Edward Cullen:

10. Sing "Bad touch" By the Bloodhound Gang in your head or out loud whenever he is near.

Bella's hips swayed provocatively in the Cullen's living room. In her hand was a bottle of Jack Daniels and in the other was a… condom?

Bella came up with an elaborate scheme to get Edward to sleep with her, well it was Emmett's idea, but Bella agreed.

She had raided Alice's wardrobe and found the sluttiest thing she could wear, which was a cop costume for Halloween.

"He's coming!" Emmett whisper-yelled to her from upstairs, excitement coloring his tone. Emmett had done the unthinkable, the impossible. He somehow got Bella to go darkside, and in the space of two weeks she had already out-smarted and out-done Emmett in every possible way. Isabella Marie Swan is the Cullen family trickster, and boy is she good at it.

Bella smoothed out invisible crinkles in her dress and steeled herself for what she was about to do, she walked over to the stereo and pressed play, right as Edward walked into the house.

Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought.

Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about.

So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts

Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Hebert and you're getting two thumbs up.

Bella resumed swaying her hips and taking swigs out the Jack Daniels bottle. Her hand slid down her body as she screamed out the lyrics.

Come quicker than Fed-ex never reach an apex

Just like Coca-Cola stock

You are inclined to make me rise an hour early

Just like daylight savings time.

She turned around and looked at Edward who was standing in the entry way, eyes wide and mouth wide open. She flicked the condom at him and he caught it, he looked at her shocked, she winked and started belting out the chorus.

(Do it now)

You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals

So let's do it how they do on the discovery channel.

(Do it again now)

You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals

So let's do it like they do on the discovery channel.

(Gettin' horny now)

The music stopped suddenly, Bella frowned and turned towards the stereo. Edward was standing next to the destroyed stereo with a crazy look in his eyes.

"Bella, please go and get changed." He said so calmly and quietly that it sent shivers down her spine. She nodded dejectedly and walked up to Edwards's room, but not before she saw the tent in his jeans, she snickered.

Totally worth it. She cackled evilly to herself.

9. Hotwire his Volvo and take it for a joy ride.

"Bella! How do you know how to hotwire a car?" Emmett asked in awe. Bella simply smirked.

"I saw it on an episode of 24." She replied. The engine started with a purr. They both giggled like little kids who know they are doing something naughty but don't care.

"Do you have the jams?" She asked. Emmett gave her an incredulous look.

"Of course! The only job you give me. I'm gonna do it right." He said. He took out a CD from underneath his jacket and put it into the disk drive, the music blasted through the speakers on high.

I get knocked down

But I get up again

You're never gonna keep me down.

"Let's do this!" Emmett yelled.

Bella put it in gear and gunned it. They were going 120 in a 60 zone but they didn't care. They headbanged to the chorus and sped into town.

Meanwhile:

"Why did you drag me into town, Alice?" Edward groaned as he sat in the store watching Alice try on various articles of clothing.

"No one else would go with me." She pouted spinning around showing off a red strapless dress.

"That one's nice. Brings out the vampire in your eyes." He said sarcastically. Alice glared at him.

"Do you hear something?" He asked looking out the window at traffic. Alice nodded her head.

"Is that… Tubthumping?" She said.

I get knocked down

But I get up again

You're never gonna keep me down.

Just then Bella and Emmett screamed passed the little shop in Edwards Volvo, about five cop cars on their tail.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!"Bella screamed as the car swerved and disappeared from sight.

Edward and Alice stared at eachother in shock. Then Edward fished the keys to the Volvo from his back pocket and held them up.

"Shit!" The cursed in unison.

8. Tell him the relationship he has with Bella is practically pedophile and he could get sent to jail for it.

"Hey Edward, Edward, Edward, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Ed, Ed, Ed, Eddie-boy, Ed—"

"WHAT!"

"Did you know that your relationship with Bella is really gross? You're like 100 years older than her. This is a very punishable offence with a minimum penalty of—"

"GO AWAY EMMETT!"

"Jeez no need to yell I was just—"

"EMMETT!"

"Okay, I'm gone."

7. Give his number to Jessica and tell her he's interested.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Jessica asked her. Bella had her head in her hands and was wailing hysterically. They were sitting in the cafeteria at school; everybody had their eyes on a wailing Bella.

"E-Ed-Edward b-broke up w-with m-me." She sobbed adding more tears and wailing for effect. Jessica patted her back awkwardly, really hoping she would shut up.

"Uh, I'm sorry about that." Jessica said, inside she was screaming with joy. On the other side of the table no one noticed Lauren who made the boo-ya sign with her arm.

"I-its o-okay I'm t-totally o-over h-him." She sobbed some more.

"Well if there's anything I can do…?" She trailed off. Bella suddenly stopped crying and turned to face Jessica.

"Edward wanted me to give you this." She said handing over a card with a number on it.

"It's his phone number, he's interested in you. Call him." She said. Jessica stared slack jawed at the card

"I-I will." She promised, a weird glint in her eyes. Bella nodded and walked out of the cafeteria. She met up with Emmett at the tree line. Since it was sunny the Cullens couldn't come to school.

"Did you do it?" He asked. Bella smirked.

"Thunderbirds are go." She said.

"Now all we need to do is wait."

Meanwhile:

"Yo, Edward. Where's Emmett?" Jasper asked from upstairs, Edward shrugged uninterested. Suddenly his phone rang, the harsh sound vibrating from his pocket.

"Hello?" He answered not bothering to check the number. Deep breathing came from the other side.

"I've dreamt about this moment for like, forever." A woman's voice said.

"Who is this?" He asked confused.

"Only the woman of your dreams." The voice replied. Edward shook his head and hung up. Three seconds later his phone rang again.

"Hello." He answered.

"Edward? Why did you hang up on me?" The voice said. Edward sighed and hung up again. A minute later it rang again.

This is going to be a very long day. He groaned to himself.

6. End every argument with "Bite me, Edward."

"No, Bella. You are not becoming a vampire." The tone of his voice clearly said end of discussion, but Bella was stubborn.

"That will never work! I'll be an old grey virgin because you refuse to have sex with me!" She yelled. The Cullens snickered from downstairs.

"Can't you put your self-loathing issues aside and just turn me?" She said quieter now. Edward sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"No, Bella." He growled. Bella huffed and glared at him, his eyes immediately softened.

"I'm sorry, love." He murmured reaching forward to embrace her. She moved back and glared at him.

"Bite me, Edward." She growled and stormed out of the room. Downstairs the Cullens burst into loud laughter.

"Damn Emmett."

5. Call him Romeo behind his back and to his face.

"Romeo, Romeo. Where art thou Romeo?" Bella voice floated downstairs. Jasper and Rosalie looked at Edward confused.

"I'm down here, Bella." He ground out. A minute later Bella was on the couch snuggled next to Edwa- pardon me, Romeo.

"Can we watch a movie, Romeo?" She asked. Edward stiffened and glared at the window.

"Of course, Bella." He barely managed to keep his voice above a growl.

"Yay!" She squealed and ran over to their DVD collection.

"Man you are so screwed." Jasper's voice laughed at vampire speed.

"Shut up."

4. Whenever he complains or argues respond with "What are you gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?"

"Bella, do we have to drive your car?" Edward groaned. Bella glared at him, she was sick and tired of hearing him bitch and moan about her beloved truck.

"What are you gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?" She sassed.

That shut him up the whole way home.

3. Tell him his hair isn't bronze, it's ginger, and he should stop denying himself- he's a ranga.

Bella was running her fingers through Edwards's hair. She had a contemplating look on her face. It was a lovely peaceful moment.

"What's on your mind, love?" He asked. After a moment she responded.

"You're hair isn't bronze, it's ranga, you should stop denying it, sweetie." She replied.

Lovely peaceful moment ruined.

2. Whenever he leaves the room or says goodbye, get on your knees and beg him not to leave you, not again.

"I'll be right back, Bella. Alice needs me." He said getting up off the bed and walking towards the door. He didn't get far because a human sized thing was latched onto his leg.

"No! Don't leave me! You promised you wouldn't leave me again!" It wailed and screamed. Edward looked around in panic.

"Bella, I'll only be a minute, I'll be right back." Edward reassured her. She sniffed and jumped up, a smile placed perfectly on her face.

"Okay then, hurry back." She chirped and skipped over to the bed.

What the hell just happened? Edward thought as he walked out of the room.

1. Take his phone and change the ringtone to "Like a Virgin." By Madonna.

"Will you be okay, love?" Edward asked worriedly. Bella nodded and sniffed.

"I'll be fine, it's just a cold. You go to school, but keep your phone on. I'll text you if I need anything." She sniffled. Edward nodded and kissed her forehead.

Edward was sitting in Biology, thinking about Bella and whether she'll be alright. Suddenly his phone went off and the monstrosity of a song blasted from the tiny speakers.

Like a virgin

Touched for the very first time.

Like a virgin

When your heart beats,

Next to mine.

Laughter erupted from the room and Edward knew that if he was human, he would be so red right now.

"Edward Cullen! Do you have a phone?" Mr. Banner yelled, he was delighted that Cullen finally got in trouble with something.

"Well, yes but—"Edward tried.

"Hand it over." He said holding out his hand for the phone. Edward handed it over; the person who was ringing had called over and over again. Edward caught a flash of who it was, Bella. He growled.

She is so dead.

Coming up next is: 10 ways to annoy Jasper Hale.

This chapter was soooo hard to write, I hate Bella/Edward, it makes me so… grumpy.

Since the next chapter has nothing really to do with the first, maybe I should turn it into a Bella/Jasper fic?

What do you think?

I probably will, but for all you Bella/Edward fans I will make it light.

Peace out,

ZooperDooper.