Authors note: Not exactly sure where I'm going with this one but I figured I would post it and get some feedback...maybe some ideas?? Thanks guys!!
"Go talk to her!"
"I can't, Mark! It's not that easy, she doesn't love me anymore"
"She must love you to put up with your shit as long as she has!"
"Hey! I don't do that much!"
"Oh come on, Maureen. This isn't the first time Joanne has caught you with someone else. Say it with me now, MON-OG-OMY."
She playfully hits me. Don't get me wrong, I love Joanne, but I am so happy it's her dealing with Maureen this time.
"Just get off your cute little ass, go kiss and make up and do whatever you lesbians do."
"Say it with me now Pookie, HY-PO-CRITE."
Maureen and I have been sitting in the loft for the past hour just talking. Well, I guess talking isn't the word. She's complaining, I'm listening, observing.
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Really? You're telling me to go and talk with my girlfriend when you can't even talk with your best friend?"
"Hey, he's the one who left! He's the one who waited a month to call-"
"But he did! You won't even talk to him!"
"Well, excuse me for being just a little `I add sarcastically' pissed. He ups and leaves with no warning, sticks me with the stupid rent, then waits a month to call."
Truthfully I don't care about the rent. I could afford it, thanks to mommy. I don't even care that he didn't leave a note; I didn't expect one. It's just that he left. I can't just talk to him. If I do, I'll forgive him and then I just leave myself open for more pain. I was hoping he wouldn't leave. That maybe just for once, he would just shut down. I mean sure, after Angel's death, he shut down for a little bit, but then he ran. He ran to get away from the pain of loving and losing Mimi. Now, after Mimi's death, what pain is he running from? The only one left is me.
"Sweetie, you knew it was coming. You have to remember this is Roger we're talking about. He has to run, to get away. If he doesn't, he may very well do something he would regret."
"What is this, you come for advice and end up giving it to me?"
Way to change the subject, Cohen.
"What can I say? I'm always here to help" She grins, "Alright, well I'm going to talk to Joanne. God help me." She pecks my cheek, "Bye, Pookie."
Maureen gets up and walks out of the loft. The phone rings and I, of course, screen.
*SPEAK*
"Mark? Mark; please pick up the phone. Listen, I know you're pissed at me, you have every reason to be, but you can't ignore me like this, you can't stay mad! I need to talk to you"
Before I even realize it my ear is to the phone and words are spilling out of my mouth.
"It's okay for you to leave me without a trace but it's not okay for me to try to prevent myself from YOU? Not being able to go filming without knowing if you'll be home when I get there, of never knowing? Don't tell me what I can and cannot do Roger. You lost that ability a month ago!"
*CLICK*
As soon as I hang up I regret everything that I said and not hearing him out. I can't even call him back; God only knows where that boy is! I know that I could very well have just pushed him away forever. He doesn't need me like I need him. He can survive without me. That was always the biggest difference between him and me. He once said that I detach myself, and I agree with him one hundred percent, but I need him here. I have to remind him to take his AZT, to leave the loft every now and then because if I don't I realize how truly useless I am to him, to everyone. I realize how much it wouldn't matter if I were here or not.
*SPEAK*
"Fuckin' A Mark, pick up the phone. You're right, okay? Hate me, loathe me, detest me just pick up the damn phone! Look, I'm sorry, okay? Just talk to me!"
I stand there with my sweaty palm still on the phone. I listen to Rogers plea and can't help myself from picking up the phone.
"Roger Davis, apologizing? I really wish I knew how to save on this damn machine."
I can hear him smiling
"Hey Mark, how are you?"
"What do you care?"
"Would I be calling if I didn't?"
"You can only live so long without your guitar."
When I got home from filming that day, his guitar was still here. I told myself he went for a walk or just "out", anything but the truth. I knew that he had left for good, I just wanted to live in denial for as long as possible.
"Mark, I'm serious"
"So am I, Roger. You don't care how I am" I mock, "You can't. If you cared, you wouldn't have left. If you cared, you wouldn't have left me. Mimi was one of my best friends too, you know. I lost someone too."
I know that at the mention of Mimi, I've pushed it. In my mind, I can see him clenching his fists at me while fire appears in his eyes. I keep going. I know I shouldn't. I should shut up and leave it or better yet, I should do the "Mark" thing and just beg for his forgiveness. But I'm sick of Mark.
"You left me when I needed you most. You forget that Mimi meant something to me too, to all of us, as did Angel and April. Who do you think Mimi and April came to talk with when there was a fight and you took off? I was the only one who ever understood you. They would tell me how much of an asshole you are. I would nod, agree, and then break out into the nice Rogery things you do. We would talk for hours until you came home. Now they're gone and you left, so I'm here, alone, talking to myself for hours until you come home. But you didn't come home and I got quiet"
I know I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't bring up April. I shouldn't bring him back to that time. Not without being with him, making sure the outcome isn't the same. He stays silent on the other line for what seems like forever.
"Are you done, Mark?"
I take a deep, almost painful breath, "Yes."
"Good, so am I"
*CLICK*
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