" You Light Me Up"
Never had there been a man more grateful for a nearly empty plane than Danny Messer. Normally in such a situation he would have been doing one of two things: drug induced sleep or shameful flirting session with the closest flight attendant. Neither was an option, however, since he had no Dramamine and Lindsay consumed all of his thoughts. The events of the past few days had changed his life so rapidly that it was still a bit unreal- dreamlike and the quality was a little misty. Of all the things that could have possibly popped into his head what came to mind was arguably the most absurd option. His mother had this plaque- ok so it was really supposed to be a stepping stone, but since his mother's idea of gardening was letting dandelions grow…- anyways, this plaque, it has that sappy old saying on it that everyone quotes ' If you love something, let it go. If it comes back it's yours, if not you never had it to begin with'. He always made a crack about it when he went home to visit and now ironically all he could think about was how it's the truest statement he'd ever heard. In the back of his mind he had always wondered if Lindsay would ever come back. Walking out on her like that had been the hardest think he'd ever done in his life. So much so that he hadn't been able to sleep for a week afterwards. He kept reliving that moment. That gut-wrenching heart stopping moment when one word from her would have made him stay, would have given him enough strength to fight for what they had. The moment of silence that was so deafening it reverberated through his heart even now. His sigh was distressed and maybe a little defeated. It had not been a proud moment for either of them. Both had experienced a temporary influx of self-centeredness and lunacy and both were too stubborn to admit it. He had walked on her when he knew she needed him more than ever. Whether or not she said the words out loud shouldn't have mattered. He had seen it in her eyes- the anguish, the fight to let go and share the pain. He had been selfish- wanting her to tell him what he wanted to hear, needing that verbal reassurance to satisfy is own emotional insecurity. What had terrified him was the realization that he couldn't fully live with out her. And on the heels of that revelation was the fear that she might be able to live fully without him. Years of being pantsed emotionally had left him more than a little wary and defensive. The funny thing was that up until that very moment Danny had never felt that fear rise up in him because of her. There had always been that connection between them. An ease, both physically and emotionally that had allowed him to let his guard down completely. The first time she had agreed to go out with him had been the best and scariest night of his life.
"Ugh, this has been the worst day EVER."
That was Lindsay. He could hear her mumbling to herself as she pulled her jacket from the locker.
" I need a drink, a man, or a massage. Or a drunken massage by a man."
That made Danny smirk a little. CLEARLY she didn't know he was on the other side of the lockers.
"What was that, Montana?" He asked, the grin evident in his voice.
At first she didn't answer him, he just heard her mumble something that resembled. 'Friggin figures'
"Did you need something, Danny?" Something in her tone concerned him. It was defeated. A little perplexed, Danny walked around the lockers and leaned on the end so he could see her. "Hey. You ok?" Her eyes went to her feet and she wrinkled her nose up before saying "You know. 49ers lost the Superbowl. Bad day for everyone."
Danny's look was telling. Obviously something was eating at her and she didn't want to share.
"ummhmm. So you wanna tell me what's really buggin ya? Cause the Superbowl? That was like 4 months ago." He sat and straddled the bench as he talked. She looked at him hesitantly. The wariness evident. He hadn't earned her full trust yet. "C'mon Lindsay. Seriously. You can talk to me. What's up?" His tone was so sincere it even surprised Danny a little.
She sat in front of him on the bench and tucked her hands under her thighs, then shot him a sidelong glance before saying " My birthday is tomorrow. Peter, my brother, was supposed to fly in today and we were going out tonight. I always wanted to see Rent on Broadway, so he bought me tickets and this great dress and now he can't come because his boss broke both of his legs and there isn't anyone else to cover for him while he recovers. I just- it's my first birthday away from home that my family hasn't come out to visit me and, well, it just sucks sideways. You know?" Her voice broke a little, and she brushed away a single tear as inconspicuously as possible, but Danny saw it.
Compassion swelled inside him as he looked at her heartbroken expression.
"Hey." He said. She didn't look at him so he reached over and nudged her face toward him with two fingers under her chin. "Listen, I know that it's not the same, but you do have a family here Lindsay. Stella, Mac, Flack, Hawkes." He ducked his head to meet her gaze "Me?" he smiled "We're a team." The tears in her eyes continued to flow, but slowly a smile crept in and shone through the sadness. "So, I tell what we're gonna do. You're gonna go home, do whatever it is you do to make yourself more beautiful, put that dress on and I'm taking you out on the town. Rent and all."
"Danny, you don't have to.."
He didn't even let her finish, "Yes. Yes as a matter of fact I do have to. Because that's what we do. That's what families do, Lindsay. They take care of each other. Besides this might be my only chance to take you out, ah?"
Her smile bloomed completely stunning and Danny felt his heart stutter in his chest. How would he ever survive tonight? The woman was armed and dangerous; No Glock required. Their eyes caught and held- blue melting in to brown before she leaned in, kissed him on the cheek and said, " This won't be your only chance Messer."
Dumbfounded, Danny watched her walk to the door. She looked over her shoulder and said shyly " 8:30. Don't be late."
A nod had been all he was able to manage. That night had been the first of many. But it was the most precious of memories for him. He had discovered so much about her that night. After dinner and the show they had gone to an all-night café and talked until the predawn hours. Those few hours cemented her permanently in his heart as she poured out her soul to him without him even having to ask. She preferred iced coffee to hot; coffee ice cream was her favorite, but grasshopper pie was a close second; her family was what she missed the most about Montana; She had left Montana because she was a victim in a case that would haunt her until the killer was caught; her favorite place in the city was this little mom-n-pop Italian restaurant in the Village; She preferred Carrie Underwood to Kelly Clarkson; Pink was her favorite color; he could write a novel on what she'd told him that night. He never told anyone the depth of his wonder that she had put her trust in him. A couple weeks later it had been her turn to return the favor. Louie had been in a coma since the beating, and one night he got a call from the hospital saying Louie had had a stroke and died. He'd shown up on her door drenched and broken. That night SHE had been the one to comfort, to soothe. She'd lifted his spirits with just one glance and suddenly he had known. He could rely on her. He could trust her with the deepest, darkest, secret and she wouldn't run away. She wouldn't judge him, she would accept him- flaws and all. So he told her all the gory details. He told her how he had disappointed his whole family by going into law enforcement, about the string of relationships that was greatly exaggerated around the lab, his love of the guitar and all music, and his slightly embarrassing collection NYC landmark memorabilia. Their connection had been made complete that night. A bond forged by tragedy and disappointment. A tie that could never be broken, no matter the circumstance.
The captain finally turned off that blasted seat-belt sign and when the flight attendant offered him a drink with a suggestive smile he politely asked for a coke and sent her on her way with a look that said 'thanks but no thanks.' It had been just such a situation that had prompted Lindsay to kiss him for the first time. They had been 'dating' for about a month, and it wasn't that they hadn't kissed at all, but he was always the one to initiate contact. He remembered it like it was yesterday. As a matter of fact, if he pondered it too long it still made him a little hot and bothered. It was after the suicide girl case…
Danny walked back to his desk after all those girls had left, and dropped into his chair with a sigh. If nothing else, this job was never boring. A movement in the corner of his peripheral vision caught his attention and he glanced over to see Lindsay standing there. The expression on her face was one he'd never seen before and therefore couldn't easily read. When he raised his eyebrows as if to ask 'what's up' she pondered him for a moment before stepping into the room. She closed the door, and slowly walked over to him. With her hands braced on the arms of his chair she leaned in until her face was scant centimeters from his. Her eyes searched his face- fro what he'd never know- and must have been satisfied with what she found because the next thing he knew she was kissing him with a possessiveness that stole his breath and boggled his mind. He was certain that at that moment someone had taken over Lindsay's body, not that he was complaining. He could do nothing but sit and be overtaken. Her tongue warred with his for control and eventually his hands made their way into her hair to tangle there and hold her steady. The groan she emitted into his mouth made all those months of waiting worthwhile. She was jealous. Of a suspect. It was unnecessary and unbelievably sexy . In that moment he wanted her more than he'd ever wanted another woman. When she finally pulled back her eyes were a little glassy and very playful. He was once again been overwhelmed by her mere presence and those words- those three little words that weren't really so little- had slipped out. Instant panic had been his reaction. He didn't want her to think he was pressuring her. He hadn't planned to tell her so soon. She played is off as calmly as possible with a 'Duh' and a smile, but later that night, as she lay on her couch with her head in his lap she looked up to him with a smile and told him the words he been waiting his whole life to hear.
Snapping out of his reverie, Danny looked out the window. What he was made him chuckle. Farmland. Miles and miles of 'amber waves of grain'. Almost there, he told himself, anxiously glancing at his watch. Almost there.