This isn't the first thing I've written, but it's the first Star Wars thing I've written, and I haven't written anything for in almost a year (had to get a new computer and all).... I really am not an expert on Star Wars, so if I get any facts wrong, I apologize for them in advance.
This is just a short oneshot about Obi-Wan post-RotS. I was bored, and we simply don't have enough fanfictions about Obi-Wan. Hopefully, this one won't be too horrible.
Last I checked, I am not George Lucas, I don't own Star Wars, and I'm not making any money off this.
When he was a child, and admittedly a very young adult as well, the universe had been a much simpler place. He supposed it was like this for most people. Everything was either right or wrong, and people were either good or bad. There were no gray areas. Well, at least not many. And if he ever did run into a gray area, there was always someone wiser who could categorize it as either white or black for him.
Jedi Masters knew the answers to everything. They didn't suffer, because they were above that. They didn't even have to worry. Serenity would radiate from them in all they did. It was as if they had an aura of peace around them where ever they went, and nothing could penetrate it.
The members of the council. They were nothing short of gods. He knew that they would say that the Force was far above them and that they were merely its tools like everyone else, but he always had felt that they were just saying that because they were supposed to.
High Jedi General of the Grand Army of the Republic. Well, that was a title that had not existed then. But he knew that if that title had existed back when he was a child and a very young man, he would have thought that these Jedi were invincible.
Obi-Wan Kenobi was all of these impressive titles. They didn't really mean anything anymore, but he certainly had possessed them all at one time. And he was none of those things.
Instead, he was angry, bitter, depressed, lost, exhausted, vulnerable, and obsessed. He felt like it was a constant struggle to keep breathing, and fighting the despair away was exhausting. And he was almost as obsessed as he was depressed.
"Master. I've disappointed you. I have not been very appreciative of your training. I've been arrogant, and I apologize. I've just been so frustrated with the Council. Your friendship means everything to me."
He was completely obsessed with those words. They ran through his head constantly, and he just couldn't turn it off, or even turn the volume down.
They were Anakin's last words to him while he was still Anakin. Obi-Wan kept running those words through his head, trying to find some hidden meaning in them. Like this was a code he had to break. However, no matter how hard he tried to break it, he couldn't.
Had Anakin known then? Had he already planned to turn against him? Against them all? Or had he simply felt someone bad was going to happen then? Or did he have no clue at all?
Was it all his, Obi-Wan's, fault? Did he do something wrong? Had he not done anything right at all?
"You are strong and wise, Anakin, and I am very proud of you. I have trained you since you were a small boy, I've taught you everything I know, and you have become a far greater Jedi than I could ever hope to be. But be patient, Anakin. It won't be long until the Council makes you a Jedi Master."
That must not have been the right thing to say. He had thought that it was nice enough. But it must have been wrong.
That was his one moment to save Anakin, and he messed it up.
... Why had Anakin turned to the dark side anyway?
That was the question that drove him almost as mad as trying to break the code that seemingly wasn't there.
He couldn't understand. Anakin was a good person. He always had been. Obi-Wan thought back to the nine-year-old Anakin. He had been so curious, and eager, and enthusiastic, impatient, and caring. The adult Anakin was much the same, he supposed. Just less curious. He was still impatient, always eager to help, and caring. Those were his virtues... and his weaknesses.
He remembered Darth Maul. His yellow eyes that burned with hate. That's what the Sith had always been to him. They were evil and completely inhuman. But now he had to wonder if there was a nine-year-old Anakin behind Maul's yellow eyes too. Had Maul been as good of a person once?
The only explanation Obi-Wan could come up with was that Anakin must have known about Padme's death. He must have had a vision. Anakin had been a good person. Darth Sidious must have manipulated the good in Anakin and twisted it into evil. But why? Why was it so important for Sidious to have Anakin as an apprentice?
Those questions plagued Obi-Wan deep into the night.
Note: I know the "your friendship means everything to me" wasn't in the movie. It was in the script though; it just got cut.