Summary: After seeing Tommy kiss Sadie at her 18th birthday Jude leaves. But not before saying goodbye to him one last time.
Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star or Swans by Unkle Bob... as much as i'd like to.
By my side,
You'll never be.
"I'm leaving, and I don't think i'm coming back." Those were my words once, I said them to her on the night that was supposed to really start things for us. But I left, and things were different now. She was saying them to me, at my door.
By my side,
You'll never be.
"Jude, wait. Sit. Talk to me." Things really were reversed, I was begging her to stay. But how do you explain something when you're not exactly sure why or how it happened?
Cos I'm fake at the seams,
I'm lost in my dreams.
"I can't stay and wait Tom, I think I did enough waiting for you." She says softly looking at the ground. I put my index finger under her chin to make her meet my eyes. She flinched at my touch and turned her head to the side. "Jude, don't..."
"I only came to say goodbye Tom. I didn't think it was fair to disappear. I know how much it hurts to have someone leave without a trace."
I want you to know,
That I can't let you go.
"You can't leave Jude. I need you." I say desperately. She shakes her head "You don't need anyone Tom. You've got yourself," She finally looks at me and I can see the angry, the hurt, everything in her big blue eyes. "That seems to be enough for you, from what i've seen at least."
"No, Jude, I need YOU.That's all I need."
And you're never coming home again,
And you're never coming home again.
She ignores my statement this time. "I don't think i'm coming back. Sadie took the offer in New York, i'm going with her. It's time for me to go Tom."
By my side,
You'll never be.
By my side,
You'll never be.
That's when I realized that I was losing my girl. Probably forever. Tears came to my eyes quickly.
I wanted to tell you I'd changed.
I wanted to tell you that things would be different this time.
"What if I told you that i'm done with the... games and i'm ready to be us, no more anything... just us?" I asked frantically, trying my best to convince her to stay. I was literally grasping at straws. "It's too little to late. I was ready, now i'm done."
But I see you, you see me,
Differently.
I see you, you see me,
Differently.
"We're different now Tom," She continued sadly "We're too different."
"We're not, we can fix this, We're Tommy and Jude, we can fix this."
You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again
She looks at me and touches my cheek. For a minute I feel realived, leaning into her palm. She kisses my forehead. "I love you Tommy."
"I love you too." I say in a half-sob.
"Goodbye Tom." She says turning around and grabbing the handle of the door. I grab her waist and drop to my knees burying my face into her stomach "Please don't go." I plead over and over.
"It's better this way. After tonight, we'll never see each other again and I think... it's better that way." I can't tell if she's trying to convince me or herself. She pulls me to my feet and kisses me lightly. "Goodbye Tom." She says again. This time when she goes to leave I freeze, letting her leave. As soon as the door closed I collapsed on the couch, Jude was gone and it was like the air had just been sucked out of me, out of everything around me.
The only thing I knew was that I had to bring her back.. somehow.
What do you think? Should i continue?