Moving on.
This is a: Starfire /Jason Todd (Redhood) story. Hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don not own Teen Titans anything Warner Bros/ DC/ ect. I just write story's.
(Romance/Tragedy) crossover: Redhood and the Outlaws/ Teen Titans/ (Elseworld/ Multiverse)
It's done.
Family life just weren't for me.
It was clear to me the day I entered the Wayne family's ranks, family weren't ever going to be something I was going to have.
We simply didn't have time for it, it was to complicated, and sometimes I think that, maybe I didn't wish to pass on any of my early life experiences of to anyone else who was going to set their feet on this earth.
Maybe…
Maybe it is all just another excuse, I'm not sure.
But then I found love.
And grand it was.
I was ecstatic.
Nothing could compare.
It made me excited and sick at the same time.
This was the fist time I really got to see her up close.
She must have been the most beautiful girl in the universe, cause my eyes couldn't escape her intense emerald eyes, and that incredible glow… of starbolts she send my way the first day we met.
Well met again… she had just send me crashing and scraping in to the ground for appearing behind her, and covering her eyes, in an attempt to surprise her… I guess that was wrong of me?
I don't know… but this time, it wasn't just because, I was out of order, she had forgotten me, really forgotten, everything.
I still wonder how that happened… but she had, and there I was, about to be shot down by an infuriated Koriande'r, who thought I worked for the Gordanians.
I couldn't help but put a smile on my face, since I wasn't one to back down from a challenge.
I had to earn her trust, she was lost, and I had to make her see that I wasn't there to harm her.
I knew what it was like, being lost.
I clearly remember what it was like to lose my memories…
After I died and was forced back to life, my mind wasn't all straight either, everything was all mixed up, and I couldn't remember half of the things that had happened to me… all I had, was a memory of a cruel twisted smile, darkness, and an unhealthy lust for murder.
So I can easily understand why she acted the way she did, back then.
And it couldn't have been easy for the girl; she had lost all memory of everything she had ever learned about this place.
But maybe that was all for the best, sometimes things are better left forgotten, it gives us a chance to start anew, at least that what I tried to tell my self, when "things" had stabilized a bit.
But that being said, when I reintroduced myself to Starfire, and she found out that I wasn't working for the Gordanians well, things started to patch up, and besides working well together, well… we grew quite fond of each other.
The sex was great, no strings attached whatsoever.
I had others. She had others. No big deal… we were… content.
We worked together, we slept together, we didn't always agree, but that was normal.
So, time passed.
Starfire and I had been together for a while, and though my customs confused her a bit, we seemed to live together pretty decently.
We even got married.
And for a time there, I thought that maybe, maybe things could work out.
I loved her, we were in love… and for a while that was true.
The first months of our life together, we did all that newly weds would do, we laughed, we traveled, we danced, we were out late nights, we fought crime, and we had high hopes for the future that we had yet to start planning.
She understood me better then anyone, the anger, the venom within my veins, even with our noticeable differences things were still good and even when things were bad, and things were bad, we always managed to find balance.
We were completely absorbed in each other.
Happy.
But the years went, and bliss was slowly turning in to what I thought everyone else described as the everyday turmoil.
But I was naïve…
Which, might I add, was normally one of her traits, and god forbid, that I at times inherited.
I didn't see till later, that what I thought we had, wasn't, and when I finally did… I just couldn't let go of what I felt we had.
I knew she knew, and I never really understood why she would let it stay the way it was.
Was she trying to make me happy, was it a failed attempt to make the man she really loved regret his choice to choose someone else then her? Or was it just that she was lost in a place where she had a hard time to find herself, her purpose, what she really wanted in life?
I don't know.
But I know that this can't continue, Not like this.
I'm not the type of person that wants to live in a staged life, where every corner you turn there is a lie haunting, and all the smiles you see are fake.
I want more, I want the truth, no matter how brutal it is.
The truth I can deal with, the truth I can handle, and the truth I can do something about.
Lies are like empty shells, when you try to build your life on them, the end up crackling and destroying you.
That's why In the end, we only kept staying together because it was convenient, we had a good friend in each other, we could confide, we could let out our true and messy selves go to our hearts content, and fear no judgment.
But our love… the love was a lie.
We had let it go to far, for to long, and now… now was the time, time to move on.
You could ask why I would have let it stay like that for so long.
I was weak.
In the beginning she had forgotten everything, the Titans, what had happened, how and even why she was here.
When she met me, I didn't bother telling her, and she, she didn't want to know, which suited me perfectly.
I hate lingering in the past.
But there always comes a time when the past comes back and knocks at your door, and if you don't open, it finds a way to knock it down, and make sure you know its still right there with you.
That's what happened.
After some good years of, fighting crime, enjoying life, and listening to Roy's guilt… she began remembering.
And her memories must have been powerful because what she saw changed her persona completely.
In the beginning she slowly began acting like the Starfire I used to know from back in the day, but there was a difference, I noticed it immediately, even though she tried to hide it from me, she became distant, darker.
As time passed, her before so cool and relaxed attitude switched to that of a tense one, she began looking in to some of the old photo albums I had, which she had never had an interest in before. And when she thought I wasn't looking, I saw her stroke the face of Richard with a delicate finger on an old picture of Dick and I.
But even she knew that things had changed, he was happy with someone else, all our lives in general had changed, and she began feeling guilt.
Of cause knowing this, I willingly let myself walk in to our relationship, our marriage, thinking that her feelings might change, that she would feel what I felt for her.
But it wasn't so, and everyday I watched her look at me, I got this sour taste in my mouth... So I decided that enough was enough.
Today was the day it would end, I had finally worked up the nerve to tell her, regardless of how it would leave me feeling heartbroken and empty inside.
"Kori we need to talk" I walked in to the living room from the bedroom.
"Indeed we do..." She agreed, she was pouring herself some coffee, and was looking flawless as she stood in nothing but one of my longer gray and black old T-shirts.
When I approached her I noticed how she tried to avoid my gaze.
She looked to the ground, and I could read from her body language that I wasn't the only one with a confession to make.
"I'm all ears" I sat down on the barstool next to the countertop, placing my cop of coffee firmly on top.
She looked at me straight with her emerald green eyes, which took me a little aback.
"We are married" she began.
"Yes?" I asked confused, what was she saying?
"And you know I am the princess of Tamaran..."
I looked at her, puzzled over why this was relevant.
"I have duties as their princess, to rule my world."
"But I thought..."
She cut me off.
"But I have my duties to you too... We are married, together..."
"Kori..." I hesitated.
"Jason I have to return, the former ruler of my world is dead, and therefore I, as their rightful heir must take my place at the throne."
"So what? That's it? You're just going to leave? When were you going to tell me anything about this?"
Kori looked truly ashamed.
In a way, I could tell that she didn't want to keep this from me, but in her way things were just as hard as they were for me.
"I wanted to tell you, I have known for a little over a week now, and I have already started preparations to return home... But I didn't know how you would react, how to tell you..."
Tears started escaping her eyes, and despite my mellow anger I by reflex stood, walked over to her and hugged her in comfort.
She waited a little before breaking free from my embrace and gazed at me, her eyes swollen and remorse present in the far back of them.
"Jason, you know I love you..."
'Yeah… right...' I thought in the back of my head, but I didn't let it show on my face.
I didn't answer I just waited for her to continue.
"I can't stay, and I know you love earth, I couldn't ask you to leave your entire life here behind, yet that is what I'm about to do, when I ask you now... Will you come with me? Rule by my side and live on Tamaran with me forever?"
This was it, I had a feeling it was coming, but as I heard the words, I hadn't realized how soon they came, and how hard they really were to swallow.
I took a few steps back from her, I could see how she watched my every movement, analyzing what my next move would be, but I could also sense her sadness, as she was most Likely aware of what I was going to say.
Why is there never a decent moment in this life, where you know you've reached that point, where there will be no more suffering.
I looked at my bare feet standing on the cold wooden floor.
Why was it so god damn cold, and why was it so dirty.
"I can't..."
She looked at me with grief engraved in her eyes as the tears that I had once stopped, started to flow again.
But this time I didn't walk over to comfort her.
We both knew the truth we did for a long time now.
It wasn't love, it was loneliness... confusion, wanting to find something real, a bit of shining light and warmth, maybe even refuge, in the pit of pitch black that the world was.
If not for her, then for me.
It was that way all of my life.
I was hurt and I ran. From I was a kid on the streets till I died...
And in death I couldn't have been happier, I was in bliss, I was content, I couldn't have asked for anything else, had I not been brought back to life.
I could have been happy.
But as I learned from Batman, nothing good ever lasts forever.
And as all good things, my relationship with Kori has to come to an end.
This is it... It's time.
My throat tightened.
Salted water started flowing from my waterlines and I slammed the palms of my hands down on the counter to match my pain.
"I HATE Earth, you FREAKING KNOW I HATE IT! …But I can't leave, I have a life here, I love you Kori I really do, but this isn't love and you know it. This... Is something else...
A shadow of something we both really desired… a lie."
I looked at her wanting her to know how much it hurt, a part of me wanted to hurt her, wanted to pretend like what we had, was nothing, like all of this, was just for my amusement and that she meant nothing to me.
But we both would have known that that would have been a lie, and it would have left me in remorse over my own patheticness, it would have made me unable to move on.
So I couldn't.
"I know that you love me, I do, but I'm sure that even you know by now, that the way you love me, isn't the way you loved Richard, it isn't that kind of love.
You love me deeply as a friend, perhaps a little more, but it's not love that roots deeper then desire, it's shallow, an imitation of something we both want, but never really got. So I'm sorry, I can't do this anymore, I can't waste anymore time."
We looked at each other leaving a moment of silence between us, with the exception of her quiet sniffling.
"Is this what you wanted to say?" She asked in tears, as she referred back to the first statement our conversation began with.
I looked at her pained, and I could tell that she was aware.
"Yes this is what I wanted to say..."
She nodded silently sniffling.
"It is true… I did not want it to be so, but it is, and I was weak not to admit it sooner, I have wasted your happiness and used you to my own advantage..."
I couldn't really argue, but I wasn't really angry at her, It was my own fault too, I knew this from the very beginning, I just let myself get carried away by the thought of 'what if', I could have stopped at any moment, but I liked living in the fantasy of me and my beautiful alien wife, living a life that most of out friends would disapprove of, and I would smile at it every time, never regretting a moment of it.
"No... It isn't all your fault, I knew, and I didn't do anything about it, I was curious and slowly falling for you as time passed, and somewhere deep down, I always knew that it wasn't all that I wanted to believe it was, so I can't let you leave feeling guilty over it."
"Still, I am truly sorry, and for what it is worth, you were right, I do love you, just not the way you want. That is why I couldn't tell you right away, that I needed to return, partly because I really didn't want to go, but also because I did not want to drag you away from the world that I love so much, a world that is filled with trouble and darkness, yet still has cracks of beauty and kindness lingering in the oddest of places.
I am sad to leave you, and I do want to be with you... But not like this." Starfire expained.
She finally stopped crying and dried her eyes.
She took a deep breath.
"I will never regret my time with you." she said.
My eyes opened widely.
"Wait… are you leaving now?" I asked in Surprise.
"Yes, I really intended to wait one or two days, but as things are now, I think it is best if I leave tonight, I don't want to keep hurting you, and Tamaran demands that I get back as soon as I can."
"I guess..." was all I could muster saying.
Silence roamed once again as we both were at a loss for words.
"If there is anything you need, anything I could help you with, give you, to assist you in our separation, please, don't hesitate to ask." She offered.
I took a minute to really think about it, and then I answered.
"There is one thing..."
"Yes?"
"Do you mind sharing a bit of your Tameranian tech? It could help me a lot."
"You want weapons?" she asked with a slowly appearing ironic smirk.
"That and means of transportation, you know how it is, being human… not able to fly..."
She started giggling, hearing me say that just couldn't help but make her laugh.
"Don't you ever think of anything but weapons?" She asked.
"Well, I did think a lot about you" I laughed smiling on the outside flirting with her, but on the inside, the story was a different one.
She caught on to it, but decided to play along.
"Don't get yourself killed, I want you in one piece when I return."
"Don't you worry about that princess, I don't die so easily." I laughed, though at times I really wished I did.
"Queen! And I will send some soldiers with the blueprint drawings, and some tech for you, I want you to have it." She smiled.
"So is this it?"
"I think so... I will have to see some of my old friends too before I leave, I cannot leave without saying a proper goodbye."
"Figures."
She walked over to me and gave me an intimate hug that felt like it lasted forever, I hugged her back, feeling her warmth.
As she pulled away, I by reflex grabbed her face and pulled it closer to mine.
She was surprised by the sudden reaction, but didn't reject.
She leaned in and we shared a deep passionate kiss.
When it ended, I felt the slightest bit of anger arise in me, as I felt helpless once more.
But this was it. There was nothing more to be said nothing more to be done, I could only let go of her hand, and watch her walk toward the window as she took her small Tameranian handbag and flew out the window.
Starfire was gone; she had a duty to rule her planet as the rightful heir to the throne... And my life was here.
Because it wasn't really me she wanted in the end, as much as she tried to deny it in her heart, as much as she tried to tell herself that it wasn't so... The only way she saw me, was as the shadow of the only man she really loved, Richard Grayson.
Years later I stumbled upon news about her, I heard about how she was ruling Tamaran, how the others had seen her, that she had remarried, and that she was okay... But that she missed us.
That was five months ago, but things have changed, most of us has died, and those of us who are left are either in hiding; doing what ever we can to keep up the resistance, or has found a way to be in this chaotic existence of occupation.
The war of the multiniverses forced us to the edge of our personas, our morals our beliefs.
When I look at your face here in front of me, as she stands tall and merciless over me, ready to challenge me, I smile, it makes me think of you, but the minute I saw her, I knew that we would never met again.
AN:/
This was written with inspiration from the new issue of; Redhood And The Outlaws: Futures End.
I kinda thought it would be interesting to imagine how their marriage ended (my version...)
Please take in to account that I haven't read very much of Redhood and the outlaws so... Yeah it's probably not as good as it could have been (written my me.).
Anyways I hope you will comment on it, and I look forward to see what you think. :)
Thanks for reading!