Best I Can
Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue.
A/N 1: Song and title is from Chris Perez's song, Best I Can.
A/N 2: Pretty much AU/Way future storyline. Haven't written a RB fic in a while, and this was running through my head. It was much longer than I expected and is meant to only be a one shot.
Freshly cut grass and not a cloud in the sky.
A sea of red and yellow roses surrounded by other flower arrangements.
Though it was a beautiful day outside, no one was smiling.
Dressed in black, individuals took their seats or stood off to the side. They stood as the casket was being carried in, wiping their tears.
As the priest starts the service, no one says a word but looks on.
The man sitting with his black suit and sun glasses looks at the casket before him. He stares, not moving a single muscle. But that's soon broken as this little person wiggles into his arms, poking their head through. He smiles and places her on his lap. He looks over to his sister and she smiles at him. Sarah rubs his back in support, knowing that her brother is deeply hurting.
Sam wrapped his arms around his little girl, shielding her from the light breeze, protecting the greatest gift his wife had given him. Elizabeth "Lizzy" Swarek was the product of two crazy people madly in love.
Lizzy didn't exactly know what was going on around her, seeing as she was only two years old. But she could tell that people were sad, especially her daddy. She looked up from her daddy's lap and gave him a chubby cheeked smile. Sam smiled back and kissed the top of her head.
This was a day no one ever thought they would see this soon. Andy McNally Swarek was taken too soon from her family and friends, all because of a simple traffic stop.
When I thought I had your heart
To keep forever
Now I live with how it is
Nothing lasts never
I'm never in a place for too much time
I try to leave my troubles far behind
Everything I did, I did for you
Now there's nothing left for me to do
"We still on for tonight brother?" Oliver asked.
"Yeah, come on over after shift. Andy will be off in a few hours, she's catching a ride with Traci and Jerry."
"Alright, I'll see you later with the girls."
"Sounds good." Sam smiled.
Sam had just gotten off his shift and was ready to head home, relax for a bit, then get poker night ready at their house.
"Noelle you seen Andy?" he asked his fellow officer who was on desk duty that day.
"I think she's heading back in with Diaz from lunch." Just as she answered they heard her and Chris laughing as they walked through the front doors. Seeing Sam, Andy went straight for him.
"Hi honey." She smiled kissing him sweetly.
"Hi." He smiled showing his famous dimples. "How was lunch?"
"It was good, always a good time with Chris."
"I'll see you back at the cruiser Andy, I'm going to find Gail."
"Alright."
"See you later Sam."
"Don't be late." Sam joked. Chris laughed and went off to find Gail.
"You off already?" Andy asked.
"Yup, was waiting for you. I'm going to pick up the little bunny a little early today."
"She's going to love that."
"Does Lizzy like when her daddy picks her up?" Noelle asked.
"You should see her face Noelle, her faces lights up when Sam walks in to get her." Andy smiled.
"You guys just had to have a super cute baby didn't you." She joked.
"It's cause she has the killer Swarek Dimples." Sam said proudly.
"Yeah okay." Noelle laughed. "I'll see you guys later."
"It's true." He yelled, Noelle just waved her hand in the air, she knew it was true.
"Okay, so I'm going to get the little bunny, stuff her with ice cream, then head home and wait for you and everyone else."
"Sam, don't even think about spoiling her dinner."
"That's what daddy's are for sweetie."
"Sam." She said sternly.
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. We won't have desert until we all have dinner."
"I know you're going to give her a lollipop or something."
"That's my job. Besides I plan on giving you something later as well." He winked.
Andy couldn't help but laugh at her husband. "I'll be waiting." She said as she kissed him again. "Now go get our little bunny, she's waiting for you."
Sam hopped off the desk and took Andy in his arms. "I love you."
"I love you too."
"Call me when you get off shift."
"I will."
Sam gave her one last hug and kiss before leaving the station.
I'm never gonna fall in love again
The way I love you
You know it's so damn hard letting go
Standing here holding my heart in my hands
Yes I am
Trying to live every day the best I can, yeah
You know it's so damn hard letting go... of you
As the service went on, tears had been slowly falling from under Sam's sunglasses. His family had been sitting next to him, while the officers of 15 were sitting right behind him. Lizzy, being the little wiggle worm, stood up on her father's lap and rested her head on his shoulder, facing Jerry and Traci. The couple couldn't help but smile at the little girl through the sadness. Lizzy started to climb over Sam, wanting to sit with Traci. Jerry saw this and gentle picked up Lizzy handing her to Traci. Before sitting down Jerry squeezed his brother's shoulders showing that he was there for him.
"Come on Lizzy we need to get you dressed."
"Dada!"
Sam smiled at his daughter. "Come on bunny, we can't have everyone see you running around naked." He laughed grabbing the freshly bathed little girl as she was trying to escape.
With a now clothed Lizzy, the duo headed back to the living room to set up the poker table. As Sam placed the chips on the table, and Lizzy happily playing with her toys in her playpen, Sam's phone rang.
"Hey brother you on your way already?" he asked.
"Sam you need to come to hospital right now." Oliver said with seriousness.
"What's wrong?"
"I…you need to come to the hospital…you need to be here."
"Oliver what's wrong? Did something happen to Andy?" he asked as he picked up Lizzy.
"Just get here as fast as you can." With that said Sam grabbed his keys, buckled in Lizzy and drove off to the hospital.
Sam made it safely to the hospital, carrying Lizzy, he walked through the corridors looking for Oliver.
"Sam!" Jerry yelled as he saw Sam walk by.
"Jerry, what's wrong? Where's Andy?" he asked out of breath.
"Sam let me take Lizzy while you talk to Jerry." Traci said taking the little girl, not looking Sam in the eye. Sam then knew that something was wrong.
Sam looked at all the officers sitting in the hallway, settling his eyes on Chris. He leaned and saw that Chris was staring at his hands which were covered in blood.
"No! Where is she Jerry!" Sam yelled.
Just then Chris looked up and saw Sam. "I tried Sam, I tried." He cried.
"I need to see her. I need to see her now."
"I'll take you to her, but it's bad Sammy."
"I don't care, I need to see my wife."
Jerry nodded and led him to Andy's room. Walking into the room Sam didn't know what to say. She was hooked up to a ventilator helping her breathe, her face was covered in blood and so were her clothes.
"What happened?" he asked taking her hand in his.
"Andy and Diaz were almost off shift when they had stopped a car for speeding. What they didn't know is that, that man they had stopped had just robbed a house a few streets down. He got spooked and opened fire. Andy got hit three times, the guy ran out and Diaz got him."
"Is she going to make it?"
"You need to talk to a doctor Sam."
"No, I want you to tell me."
"No, she's not. Vital organs were hit and she's lost a lot of blood."
"Oh god." Sam cried.
"I'll leave you alone with her." He said as he stepped out.
"Hi baby. I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm here." He said leaning in kissing her forehead.
"Sam?" she whispered.
"Andy? Hi honey." He said through the tears.
"I'm sorry." She choked out.
"No no no it's not your fault. No one knew that was going to happen."
"I'm…going…to miss…everything." She said using every breath as it were her last.
"Don't say that."
"Tell the bunny I love her so much."
"You can tell her yourself."
"No, I don't want her to see me like this."
Sam cried. Why was life always toying with him, just as everything was perfect, everything came crashing down.
"I don't think…"
"Don't…" he pleaded.
"I love you so much." She cried.
"I love you." He said kissing her lips.
She smiled. "I need to close my eyes."
"I'll be here." he said not wanting to let go of her hand.
As she closed her eyes she felt calm and at peace.
And with that she was gone.
The hallway had filled with tears as they had heard their fellow officer screaming.
Every day's a brand new start
Of a pain never ending
I can't erase this lonely heart
It keeps on remembering
Every day I live, I live with you
And with all the things we'll never do
Heaven holds a place for souls like mine
Trying to leave my troubled past behind
The death of Andrea McNally Swarek shook the entire precinct. She had been a fellow officer that others looked up to, and was easily loved. They all knew it was going to be an emotional rollercoaster, but knew that it was going to take a toll on Sam.
Days after her death Sam had not left their house. The night Andy had died, Traci had taken Lizzy for the night, and Jerry and Oliver had watched Sam as he downed bottles of whiskey. Their brother was mourning for his wife and knew that they had to let him do things his way for now.
Sarah had gotten a call from Jerry telling her that Sam was in bad shape. She arrived at the house only to find take out boxes and bottles of whiskey scattered around. She headed to the master bedroom to find her brother asleep. She then decided to let him sleep off his most likely hangover while she cleaned up.
Sam had woken up a few hours later to a clean house and his sister making dinner.
"How long have you been here?" he said rubbing his eyes.
"A few hours, good to see you too grump." Sam glared at her as he searched through the cupboards.
"I got rid of all of it."
"Why?" he asked taking a seat at the table
"You shouldn't be drinking. Not at a time like this."
"This is the perfect time. My wife is dead Sarah, dead. There is nothing I can do that will bring her back!" he yelled slamming his fist on the table.
"I know you're hurting Sammy, we all are. We all loved Andy very much, but you're going down a dark tunnel right now." She said taking a seat next to him. "You have to stay strong Sam, if you continue to get drunk every night you'll never be able to move on."
"I don't want to move on, I want Andy back. It would have been our anniversary in a few months and Lizzy would be turning 3. She won't be here for any of that, all because of that son of bitch who shot her."
"Sam there was nothing you could do. It could have been Oliver or Traci, or you Sam."
"I just want her back." He cried.
"I know Sam, I know. It'll get easier with time. But right now you need to shave and shower. Everyone is worried about you and we can't have Lizzy's daddy looking like a bum."
"Lizzy must hate me. I haven't seen her in three days." He said looking down at his hands.
"She doesn't hate you she's too young to know what that is. How could she, when she begs all of us to call you so she can say hi to her daddy."
"She's exactly like Andy."
"She is a fire cracker." She smiled. "But she needs her daddy now. She's having just as much trouble as you are Sam. You need to be there for each other."
"Thanks Sarah." He smiled.
"You know I love you little brother."
"How many people are you cooking for? You have a feast going on here."
"I invited everyone for dinner. Lizzy is with Tommy, who should be here soon."
"I better hurry up and shower then." Sam said as he kissed his sister's cheek.
"Dada!" Lizzy yelled as she walked as fast as her little two year old legs could take her towards her father.
"There's my bunny." Sam smiled picking up his little girl kissing her. "Daddy missed you so much."
Lizzy smiled Andy's smile with Sam's dimples. The look made Sam's heart melt.
"How you doing Sam?" Tommy asked shaking his hand.
"It's been tough, but today is a lot better." He answered as he pretended to eat Lizzy's fingers.
"That's good to hear son. Lizzy missed daddy didn't you sweetheart." Tommy smiled as Lizzy nuzzled herself into Sam's crook in his neck.
Soon everyone else had arrived and they all sat down for dinner. Not wanting Lizzy to leave his side, Sam had her sitting in his lap throughout dinner. While they were eating they all had shared stories about Andy, happy and sad ones, with no one repeating the same story over.
"I'll never forget the day she first told me about you Sam." Traci smiled. "It was when she busted you. After she got chewed out by you and everyone else, we had some drinks at her place, and she honestly couldn't stop talking about you. She kept saying how handsome you were and how stupid she felt she busted an undercover cop. She had the goofiest grin on her face I have ever seen."
"She had the same impact on me." He laughed as Lizzy played with her food.
"She was the happiest with you." Tommy said. "To Andy, forever loved." He said raising his glass. A round of "To Andy's" echoed.
Sam raised his glass and kissed the top of Lizzy's head. He was happy that he had everyone around him, they were his family.
The service was now slowly coming to the end. Everyone was lining up to say their final words and leave a rose to Andy. One by one her friends and family shed their tears saying goodbye.
Lizzy, who was back in Sam's lap, were the last ones. Holding on to her daddy's hand, they walked up to the grave together. Sam bent down so that he was leveled with Lizzy.
"Tell mommy you love her."
"Wuv mommy." She smiled. Sam smiled back and helped her drop the white rose she held in her tiny hand.
"We'll be right over there." Sarah said as she walked up to the duo. She took Lizzy in her arms, so Sam could have a few minutes alone.
"Thanks." He whispered. Sam stood there staring down. He wanted so badly to crawl in there with her. But he knew that he now had to not only live for her, but for their daughter.
"Thank you for everything Andy. Thank you for loving me and for giving me the little bunny. We became one awesome family." He smiled. "I will always love you." He said with a tear. "I'll see you again love." With his final words he left her with a red rose.
You know it's so damn hard letting go
Standing here holding my heart in my hands
Yes I am
Trying to live every day the best I can
You know it's so damn hard letting go
You know it's so damn hard letting go... of you
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