AN: I've never written OUAT fanfiction before but this song inspired me and I decided that I'd give in to inspiration and write this. Let me know what you guys think, reviews are cool.
Imani, I did it!
-Usual disclaimers apply, I own nothing. ABC, Eddy & Adam own OUAT and it's characters and the lyrics below to Kelly Clarkson.
Lyrics: Dark Side by Kelly Clarkson
There's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away?
"Now, we wait." Regina looked down at Marian's frozen frame lying on the couch in Mary Margret's office. Her eyes shifted uncomfortably from Marian's frozen body to Robin; she took in the curves of his face, allowing her eyes to linger longer on his lips than any other part of his face. She missed him, she missed the way his lips always lingered on hers for a few moments after they kissed, the ease she felt when she was wrapped tightly in his arms and the way he made her feel like she was the only woman in world.
"Thank you, Regina; I don't know how I'll ever repay you for this..." Robin's words were genuine and his eyes never left Regina's.
Regina shifted her gaze to that god awful painting of a blue bird that Mary Margret insisted on putting up in her old office, unable to look at Robin for a moment longer, "just, be happy Robin." Regina's voice was quiet but still it threatened to crack, and she could feel tears beginning to well in her eyes at the thought of her true love with another woman, loving another woman.
"It's not that easy, Regina and you know it. Don't you think I want to be happy with my wife or that I want to be in love with my wife?" Robin's voice rose slightly before he rubbed his hands across his face to calm himself down, "how can I be happy when my heart belongs to another?" The defeat in his voice was clear, he wanted to be a good husband to Marian but here he was, telling Regina that she had his heart, again.
Regina turned to face Robin, his heart was breaking just as much as hers was and it was written all over his face and she could hear it in his voice. And in this moment, when she could feel his breath against her shoulder she regretted that she decided to forgo her usual 4 inch heels, in this moment she felt exposed and vulnerable; her walls were down and she knew she was about to relive one of the most painful moments in her life, "Robin..."
Then they heard it, a quiet cracking sound coming from the direction that neither of them was paying attention to, the sound of ice breaking. Robin and Regina both turned to Marian and Regina watched as relief flooded Robin's face at the sight of his once-dead, once frozen wife's face change colour, as her lips pinked up and her although they were still shut, her eyelids fluttered slightly before Robin quickly made his way to his wife's side. His hand grasped her still frozen hand in his tightly and his other hand ran along the silky black hair that was beginning to expose itself beneath the thick ice, and Regina took this as her cue to make a silent exit.
.
Regina pressed her back firmly against the door that separated her from the rest of the town, his wife was back. The woman that he would've walked through hell for was back, again, and she was an afterthought, again. Of course you were an afterthought; you'll always be an afterthought, she hated herself for thinking that, but her life had shown her the time and time again that she has never been anything more than an afterthought for so many.Her mind wandered back to her days in the Enchanted Forest, when she was merely a possession in the eyes of her 'husband' Leopold- the way he would climb into her bed when he missed his Ava; to her mother, who only ever saw her as a way to have power and entitlement. Her mind wandered to Henry and to the way that no matter what she did somehow, Emma had the majority of his love, of his affection.
Regina felt her knees give way and in an instant the regal, confident demeanour that Regina worked so hard to build crumbled beneath her. She let herself love again and she regretted it. She doubted anything could've hurt more than seeing Robin reunited with his dead wife, but watching the relief flood his face when she told that she figured out how to save Marian, and the look on his face when he realized that it worked managed to hurt more than the first time he saw his wife did. She closed her eyes tightly, trying her best to fight the anger and pain that she could feel building, she worked so hard to redeem herself and yet, here she was, still alone while everyone around her enjoyed their happy ending.
Regina scoffed at the thought of her happy ending, she wondered if Operation Mongoose would even make a difference, what kind of happy ending could she have knowing her soul mate was married to someone else. Her mind wandered to her initial plan to kill Marian and how much easier this would've been for her if she had followed through. Some days the path to redemption was easier to follow than others and this was one of the harder days. If she had just allowed Marian to be killed by Elsa's snow man she wouldn't have been put in the position of losing Robin to her, twice. Maybe mother was right, she thought, maybe love really was weakness.
.
Regina sat quietly in the kitchen nursing a glass of wine when she heard a knock at the door, she couldn't help but roll her eyes when she wondered which one of the town idiots came to check on her not even 12 hours after she saved her true love's wife. She took another sip of wine, hoping that whoever was knocking at her door would give up and leave. But of course with her luck, the knocking never stopped but she heard a voice from the other side of the door, "Regina, please, I know you're in there. Please open the door."
Robin.
Regina's body stiffened at the sound of his voice, she stood up and quickly glanced down at her outfit, she was wrapped in one of the shirts Robin had left at her place during their short time together and a pair of jeans. She had been crying and drinking, and therefore knew her eyes would've been red and puffy and she didn't want him to see her like this.
She needed him to leave; she couldn't handle having him so close, not yet. But she also knew he wouldn't leave. No, Robin Locksley was a determined man and would wait out there all night if he had to and with the quick flick of her wrist Regina's outfit was changed; she was no longer wrapped in the comforting smell of nature that lingered on Robin, she now smelled of Dior and stood tall in a perfectly tailored pair of black pants, a silk blouse and the pointiest shoes she owned, inhaling deeply, she walked toward the door and slowly turned the knob.
As hard as she tried to stay composed, as soon as she opened the door and saw him her breath hitched and her heart ached, she wanted to reach out to him, to hold him and feel his hands in her hair but instead she crossed her arms on her chest to both keep herself warm and keep Robin blocked away, "I already saved your wife, twice. What more do you want from me, Robin?"
"I just want to talk to you, to thank you. Please."
"There's no need to thank me, I did what I had to do."
"You didn't need to help me, Regina. You did that out of your own goodness, you did it because you're a good person…"
"No, I didn't," she scoffs, "I did it because I had to. Because I felt bad about trapping Sydney in my mirror so he could help me get my happy ending, so he could help me kill your wife." Her words felt like venom, she hated that she was hurting him, but she also knew that he had to stop coming after her, he has a wife and if there is one thing she refused to be was the other woman.
Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am…
Regina watched as the colour drain from Robin's face, as his body stiffened at her words but still, she stood tall; needing to rebuild the walls that once surrounded her. She couldn't let him see that she was hurting, she didn't want him to know just how broken she was.
Regina took a step back and began to shut the door when Robin's arm stopped her. She looked at him perplexed, she expected him to leave. She expected him to be angry and storm away at her admission of wanting to kiss his wife, but instead he stood closer to her, his eyes laced with vulnerability and insecurity "Regina, stop."
"What exactly would you like me to stop Robin? Telling you the truth?"
"Stop trying to push me away."
Regina closed her eyes and shook her head, of course he knew what she was doing, they're soul mates, and they were destined to be together.
Were.
They can't be together, not anymore; not like this, not while he's married. If he cheated on his wife with her he would no longer be the man she fell in love with, the man of honour that she knew too well. "Robin, please," Her once steady and stern voice was now failing her and Regina's voice begin to shake, the certainty of the heartache she knew she would feel by the end of their conversation was already taking its toll on her.
"Just, hear me out. Please Regina."
"Fine," Regina shivered slightly, realizing that she was still standing in front of her door while the Ice Queen turned Storybrooke into a winter wonderland, "come in, it's freezing out there."
"Thank you," he stood still for a moment before he looked at Regina.
She stood unmoving; her eyes locked on his, both of them too stubborn to turn away for what felt like an eternity before she decided that she couldn't cope with the feelings of anxiety and fear that were building inside of her, "what do you want, Robin? You and I both know this, you being here, is a bad idea." She made her way to the living room where she sat down on the couch, signalling for Robin to do the same, and he did.
She wanted to reach other and take his hand in hers, close the gap between them but she resisted and instead pushed her back deeper into the back of the sofa, watching as Robin rubbed his shoulder as his eyes darted around the house he had once grown so comfortable in.
The house that used to feel warm and inviting was no longer. Everything looked the same, yet everything felt wrong. The kitchen where he had watched Regina cook was dark, the door which he pressed her up against as he kissed her deeply, passionately, was now just a way to keep everything and everyone out, the sofa that they spent hours cuddled into each other was now just an awkward space, "I…um…Marian wanted me to thank you…"
"Robin, I've already told you, I don't need gratitude. I did what I had to do." Regina made sure the emphasis on I was profound even if knew she knew he wouldn't believe that her saving Marian had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with her own selfish reasons.
Regina's heart melted as a smile crept onto Robin's face. It was only there for a brief time but it was there long enough to make her heart yearn to see it again, "you know Regina, despite what you think you've never been good at lying to me…"
Before he could finish his thought Regina cut in, "believe what you'd like, but the fact remains that I killed your wife in the Enchanted Forest and I almost killed her again here."
"But you technically didn't kill her in the Enchanted Forest, not after Emma changed the past. And even if you thought about killing Marian after her return what matters is that you didn't do it. You didn't kill her because you're no longer that woman. So please Regina, stop pushing me away."
"Why? Why should I stop pushing you away? You have a wife!" Regina's voice raised as her frustration built. She hated the way things were between them but she also knew that this was the only way she would be able to cope with everything, she was heartbroken and bitterness and anger was all she knew.
"What do you want me to do, Robin? Do you want me sit here and tell you how much I miss you? Tell you that I've spent more time trying to come to terms with the fact that my soul mate's wife coming back from the dead than I've spent trying to figure out how to stop the Snow Queen from turning Storybrooke into a snow globe? Or would you rather I tell you about the way I wear the shirts you left here to bed so I don't feel so alone but just end up feeling incredibly stupid and sorry for myself?"
Robin's eyes were wide with astonishment at Regina's words, he opened his mouth to speak but she raised a hand to silence him as she continued, "if that's what you came here for, you aren't going to get it. I'm doing just fine. I've spent the majority of my adult life alone and I can handle it now. Go home, please. Just, go home to your wife, Robin."
"You can keep trying to push me away as much as you'd like Regina, but it won't matter. I know you're no longer the woman you want me to believe you are and I know that you'll never be that woman again. You're not the only one with a dark past, I too have one too. We both have a past that it would be easy to run back to every time things got hard but I won't do that and I know you don't want to either." Robin leaned in, closing a little bit of the space between he and Regina but ensuring that she had enough space that she couldn't be stifled or overwhelmed.
Regina's eyes met Robin's, the pain and anguish in his eyes broke her heart but she also wanted nothing more than to believe that he was happy. Regardless of how much their situation caused him pain, she had to believe he was happy to have his wife back. She took in the curves of Robin's arms, and stared at his hands that were sitting neatly on his thighs. Her mind wandered back to the nights when she was wrapped in his arms, when his hands roamed her body freely, and then her mind wandered to Robin holding his wife, making love to her and she straightened her back once more and waited for Robin to continue with determined eyes.
"you can sit here and keep reminding me that I have a wife, one that you tried to kill, one that you thought of killing or you can see yourself the way I do, as a woman who was gravely hurt by many people and from someone she trusted. Unless you plan on going back and changing the past personally Regina, the fact now remains that you did not kill Marian. You saved her, twice. I know our situation is a mess, but I won't let you take the blame, you've done nothing wrong. I planned on coming here to thank you, to tell you how much I appreciated what you did for me, for my family…"
"And you did, so you can go…" Regina's voice was quivering, each word Robin spoke felt like a dagger through her heart and every time he referred to his wife, it felt like someone was twisting that dagger while pushing it deeper in chest, "Please."
"Marian is my wife…"
Regina closed her eyes tightly trying to fight the tears that were building from spilling over, this was already hard enough as it was for both of them, she didn't need Robin seeing her cry over him, "I know," she said quietly, her words barely audible.
"I told myself that without honour I'd lose a sense of myself, that without my code I'd be nothing like the man that I've worked so hard to become…"
Regina felt a single tear slide down her cheek at Robin's words, she knew why Robin chose Marian, there was never a doubt in her mind that he would choose his wife after their reunion yet hearing those words again, broke her heart, and the shell she created for herself began to shatter. She felt her shoulders drop and knots form in her stomach, but it was what happened next that truly took her breath away.
She felt Robin's thumb gently swipe at the stray tear, his hand slowly cupped hers and before she could stop it, her body reacted instantly, melting into his soft caress.
"I was so worried about losing my honour that I lost myself; what good is honour when it's causing pain to so many people? I chose my wife because I thought that's what I was supposed to do, I respected the vows I made before her and God but then she died, and I lost her and I moved on. I fell in love with someone else. I've already broken my vows to Marian. My heart is no longer with her, and it was selfish and unfair of me to keep not only myself in a loveless marriage, but to have her stay in the ruse that our marriage has become."
Regina's eyes widened in confusion as her gaze landed on Robin. She had no idea why he was confessing to her that choosing his wife was a mistake, or why he was once again professing his love for her. One thing she did know and she did agree with was how unfair this situation was, she wanted to be able to stay away from him, to let him be happy with his wife but her heart kept pulling her toward him.
"And what's worst?" Robin's voice was now soft and apologetic, "I hurt you. I hurt you for my selfish idea of what was right. I wish it were as black and white as I tried to make it seem but I've realized that there's no use for following my code, or claiming to be following my honour when everyone is suffering..."
"Robin, what are you trying to tell me? If you just wanted to clear your conscious and tell me how sorry you are and how miserable you are, it's not going to help either of us and it isn't fair, to Marian or to me."
"I knew it wouldn't be fair for me to tell you this while Marian waited at home for me and that's why I told Marian the same thing before I came here. What I was doing, how I was living, married to Marian but in love with you, it wasn't fair to anyone and I couldn't live with myself knowing I've hurt you, I couldn't live with myself knowing I let you go."
Regina's gaze was now stuck on Robin's, she watched a small smile formed on his lip, and as he bit down on his lower lip as his eyes hovered over her lips for a moment before he gently took her hands in his, "I wasn't being fair to myself and I definitely wasn't being fair to you but I'm here to ask for your forgiveness because I know now that you're not my second change at happiness or at love. Regina, you're my only chance. I love you."
Regina's breath hitched at Robin's words, for weeks he has been telling her that he was in love with someone other than his wife and she knew he was referring to her, but hearing him tell her that he loved her was different.
He picked her.
He chose her.
He loved her.
And she loved him. A smile spread on her face as she let the moment hit her, he came to choose her, no matter how many times she had been a second choice before, she never needed to worry about that with him, he loved her and she loved him.
"You told her this?"
"Yes. Marian and I, it would never have worked while I was in love with someone else. I got her settled into a room at Granny's after I told her that I could no longer be with her because I love you. God, it feels good to finally that say that, I love you Regina Mills and only you."
Regina smiled and leaned into Robin, allowing her lips to meet his in a passionate kiss, once they finally broke apart, she cupped his face in her hands and smiled at him, "I love you too, Robin."
Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?
