A/N: Okay, so this is my first fanfiction. I've been wandering this site for a while now, enjoying all your stories, and I thought I'd try one myself. :). I love Willow and Tara, and, of course, was upset when Tara was killed. I always wondered what was going on with Tara after that, so I want to start with that. And with that, here goes. Hope you like it. (Set after "Villians") There is no Kennedy. I was thinking about adding more, like more chapters or a sequel, so let me know what you think
Review: I would enjoy some reviews and some constructive criticism, if you feel like leaving it
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, please no sueing me.
Tara remembers when she had been lost. Lost inside her own mind. Trapped with demons and the voices, always those whispering voices. And remembered being found, and given the promise, "I will always find you."
Her Willow was lost. So much more lost than she had been before Tara was ripped from her. So she watched, she listened, and she gave her own promises, promises that were whispered into deaf ears. "I'm here, Willow. I'll always be here, baby. I'll never leave you."
She saw all the things that Willow had done. Had watched helplessly as the redhead destroyed herself in her grief and rage. Tara's heart wept. She watched Willow as she regained some sort of grip on her grief, and watched Willow, so afraid to use the magick that she once loved and found joy in, before the darkness. And at night, when Willow was alone, and could no longer hide, Tara listened as Willow poured her heart out.
Willow returned to Sunnydale, and found her friends waiting for her, accepting her back with open arms. But both Willow and Tara saw the occasional scared glances. Tara cried with her that night, knowing that her Willow would never be the same again. But her Willow was strong, and faced what she needed to face. At least in the light of day. But now, alone in Buffy's old room, embraced by the total darkness, Willow broke. Tears fell unnoticed down her face, her hands clutched to her chest trying to hold the pain inside. After a while, she calmed down a bit. Tara realised that Willow was now calming easier these days, after Tara would sit on the bed next to her, and wrap arms that Willow could not feel around her shoulders. Tara wondered if her soulmate could feel her presence. Willow started to speak, as if she heard Tara's thoughts, and decided to answer.
"Tara...Tara, baby. Sometimes, I swear I feel you here with me. I feel like I can't keep doing this. But there is only one thing to change that, and I know you wouldn't want that. I have to live, for you. I don't know if you can hear me, but, I think you can. I want you to know I'm sorry. Sorry for all the things I did and said. Sorry for the things I did when you died. I feel like part of my soul was taken with you. Probably was... I love you, Tara. One day we will be together again." Tara's hand itched to wipe a tear from Willow's cheek.
A familiar voice spoke from behind her, "You can't keep doing this, Tara."
Tara turned and saw her mother. She smiled with watery eyes. "I have to."
"I know. It just hurts you so bad to see her in pain. I wish you would come with me. You'll be happy. Peaceful. But I know you won't. You've kept yourself here for so long. I did that with you, too. But then I saw that you were going to be okay. I was at peace." She gave her daughter a sad look, knowing that until the two women were brought together again, niether one would be at peace.
"I cant, Mom." She turned away from her mother to look at Willow, who had fallen into a restless sleep. When she pushed the hair out of Willow's face, the red head's expression turned peaceful. That was new. "I can't leave her here alone. We always have to be together. She needs me."
"This is something we have realised. It is being given a lot of thought. Even as we speak." Her mother's voice had changed, and became one among many. Tara turned quickly to look at her. Her mother's eyes were full of light.
"What? I don't understand," she told the voices. She didn't know what was going on. This had never happened before. The only person she had spoken with since her death was her mother.
"You lived your life in the light. Always doing good for others. Selfless," the Voices told her. "Only to have your life torn away by chance. This, we had no control over. However, we can control what happens now. Normally, we would not even speak of such things. Death is a part of life, without one, the other could not exist. Our spirits must go through such trials and such loss to grow."
"Are you saying...th-that Willow needed to go through this?" She felt anger, but also understood.
"Yes, my child. She understands now, the full meaning of the power inside her. She has faced many things. She has faced herself. And now, she can live with herself. She can control the magicks within her, and knows only to use them for the good of others. Her power will help save the world...from the greatest evil."
"The First," Tara stated. She knew about the First. It had tried to use Tara against Willow. To make her kill herself, but Willow had been strong, she knew that her love would never ask that.
"Yes, the First. Now, my child, let us speak of other things. While your body is no more, and will eventually return to the earth, your spirit stays here. Between two worlds, because your soul is in two halves. The other half calls to you, makes it almost impossible to move on. We have seen this before, but only few times has it been this strong, the calling of one half of a soul to the other. It pains us to watch a spirit with such light be colored by such grief. Where we are, there is not supposed to be pain. But your pain, and Willow's, can be heard among the Many."
"I-I don't mean t-to d-disturb..." She hid her face, saddened only more that she had given pain again to those that had been living in peace.
"Stop." The Voices interupted her. Her mother's face turned, as if listening to someone whispering in her ear. "A decision has been made."
"What decision?" Tara was so confused. She thought they were here to force her away from Willow. "I don't w-want to l-leave her."
"You won't, baby." Her mother was back, with a happy look on her face, tinged with saddness. "They are returning you."
"R-returning?"
"Yes, dear. To your Willow. She needs you. I am sad to see you go, but I know you will be happier." Her mother rested her hand on Tara's cheek a moment before she disappeared.
Tara looked down at Willow, smiling. Her body was radiant, covered in a golden light, and she could feel her body gaining substance. The bed began to shift under a new weight. The light rescinded, leaving Tara with a glow inside. She could hear her heart start beating again, her lungs were filling with air.
She was alive. And she was with her Willow. She ran her fingers along Willow's hair. "Willow," she whispered. Willow shifted in her sleep, sighing like a child.
Willow had been having an amazing dream. There was such light. She sighed as she started to wake up. These dreams were both happy and haunting. When she woke from her dreams of Tara, she could almost feel Tara beside her, smell her Tara-smell, and it was almost as if she was sitting beside her. But then she'd open her eyes, and be alone once more. This time, however, she was confused. Without opening her eyes, she knew she wasn't alone. There was a weight on the bed with her, someone running their hand along her hair. It was just like the way Tara had done. But Tara was gone. Buffy must have come in to check on her. She prepared to hide her grief and open her eyes.
"D-don't be s-scared, baby." Tara said, realising now that Willow might be afraid to see her. Maybe think she was the First. Or something else.
Willow's eyes flew open, and emerald met sapphire. "Tara?" Her throat went dry instantly. Fear and hope, mixed with deadly precision to aim at her heart.
Tara saw the look in her love's eyes, and leaned back a bit, so Willow could see her clearly. "I'm here, baby."
"You're not here," she said, angry, "Why won't you leave me alone?"
"I-I'm not the First. Willow, it's me. They let me come back." She reached a pleading hand towards Willow. Willow jerked back and fell off the bed. She got up, quickly, backing away towards the door.
"It's not my Tara," she said to herself. She ran from the room, the house, slamming the front door on her way out.
"Willow?" Buffy was calling from the other room.
Buffy! She could fix this, show Willow that she was really home. She walked out into the hallway as the door opened and Buffy stood at the door with a concerned look on her face. Which changed to shock when she saw Tara.
"What did you say to her?" Buffy had a look of anger on her face. Why would the First pull this trick, now? When it didn't show as Tara before, but had pretended to be Cassie, talking to Willow for her?
"I-I t-told her I'm not he F-first." Get grip Tara! But she was so afaid. What if Buffy attacked her? Oh! The First can't be touched! Why didn't she think of that before? Stupid, stupid Tara, she thought, and almost smaked herself in the face.
"Of course, that is what the First would say. We all know Tara is gone. Why show up like this now? Why be Cassie before, if you couldn't before?"
That was a question Tara had asked, and she gave the explaination that had been given to her. "My soul was too pure for that They said. They also said, because I was caught between two worlds, the First could not pretend to be me."
"Two worlds?" Buffy was confused. The First had not tried this before.
"I c-couldn't leave Willow. She needs me. I d-didn't w-want her to be alone." She wanted Buffy to understand, so she walked towards her. "Look, Buffy. It's r-really me."
Buffy didn't know what to expect, except for the hand reaching out to go right through her. She really didn't expect to feel the pressure of that said hand touch her shoulder. She jumped, hope springing in her chest. "Tara!" She almost tackled the blonde when she hugged her.
Tara laughed, delighted, and felt relief. Buffy thought it was one of the most beautiful sounds she had heard in a long time. "But how?"
"The Many gave me back to Willow. Our soul was split in two." Buffy nodded, it made perfect sense.
"I'm guessing that Will didn't take it well?"
"No," she sighed. "I didn't think to show her that I was solid. I was too happy to be back. For her to be able to see me again. I watched for so long, without her knowing I was there." Tara's face fell, her brow wrinkling in concern. "We h-have to find her. It's n-not safe."
"We will." Buffy and Tara turned to the new voice. "Tara," Dawn said, rushing at her. Once again, Tara's delighted laugh filled the hallway. Tears were falling from all of them.
"Let's go find Willow."
She hadn't gone far. She had made it halfway across the front path before she fell to her knees. Oh, Goddess, why? If the First had really wanted to hurt her, that was how to do it. She had wanted to stay, just to see Tara's face. But she hadn't wanted to listen to the things that the First would make come out of that beautiful mouth.
She heard the door open behind her, but didn't turn. She started sobbing. She felt arms come around her, offering comfort. Someone came to stand in front of her. Buffy. She looked up and Buffy was smiling. It confused Willow. Why would Buffy smile if her best friend was in so much pain? It must be Dawn holding her...but, no. The arms holding her were slightly bigger than Dawn's.
"The First can't touch us, Will," Dawn said from the doorway, watching Tara hold Willow.
Understanding now, Willow looked up, and saw Tara's wonderful blue eyes filling with tears. "Tara?" She wrapped her arms around Tara and cried into her shoulder. "How?"
She smiled. "How doesn't matter. I'm here, baby, we're together now, it's okay."
"Tara I was so lost," she said, with a sense of deja vu.
"I found you, I will always find you." She gave back the promise that had been given to her.