A long time ago, in a website not that far away...
Star Drama
Episode 1: The Phantom Parody
The peaceful planet of Naboo has been blockaded by the greedy Symbolism Federation. In an obvious symbolic act, the Republican Senate wastes their time bitching about what to do. Does that remind you of anything recent? We hope so, we made that symbolism kind of obvious. However, because this movie was released in 1999, and supposedly planned out during the Seventies, maybe we're looking too much into things. Oh well, whatever. Anyway, while the Senate was bitching and giving themselves a raise, the Supreme Chancellor decides to get shit done by secretly sending two Jedi Knights to the planet Naboo to help them out. I mean really, how is that so hard? And you know what? The Galactic Republic sucks! I mean what the hell? Anyway, the Jedi Knights, warriors of awesome who wield swords made out of lasers, have been dispatched to kick some ass... er, I mean, to settle the problem in a peaceful and civilized manner...
A Coruscantian Fighter makes its way towards the Symbolism Federation's Flag Ship. Upon entering the docking bay, the Droid Guards surround the ship. Its door opens, revealing two men in robes. They are Geoff1 and Kahuna2.
"State your business!" The lead Droid commands, pointing its gun towards the Jedi.
"We are here to visit the head of the Trade Federation." Kahuna steps forward, arms in the air.
"Trade? You mean the Symbolic Federation?" The lead Droid places his gun down. "Sure, whatever. Droid, take them to our leader."
"Roger Roger." Why do Droids say that? Anyway, one of the Droids takes the two Jedi towards the Viceroy of the Symbolic Federation, Newt Gin...er... Chef Hatchet3.
"Why hello there esteemed Jedi." Chef has a forced smile on his face.
"Yeah, hey dude? Why do you have a gigantic Space Fleet surrounding a peaceful planet like Naboo?" Geoff inquires. I say inquire because it sounds classy.
"Well...to..." Chef thinks of a lie. "Well I can assure you, it's not for what you think it is."
"And what do you think we think it is?" Querries Kahuna. That word sounds classy too.
"I think that you think that this fleet is for invading the Planet Naboo in protest of the recent movement in the Senate to tax MY monopoly on Interstellar Highways!" Chef Hatchet starts sweating. "But it isn't!"
"So...what's it for?" Geoff looks around. He sees various plans and holograms, many depicting invasion plans of a sort. There is also a map of Naboo with a red X with the subtitle "Land here to invade", a picture of Queen Bridgette with a bullseye covering her face, and a poster that reads:
Invade Naboo
Capture Queen
Hold for ransom
?
Profit!
"Yeah...dude?" Geoff looks at Chef, who is sweating. "You're totally gonna invade Naboo, aren't ya?"
"No..." Chef slowly, clumsily, and not at all gently moves towards a big red button labeled 'Summon Droids to get rid of pesky Jedi and/or other intruders'. He presses the button. "Yes."
"Dude, not cool bro." Kahuna takes out his lightsaber, and with a movement so quick, chops off the heads of three Droids that were trying to do their job. One of those Droids was made from recycled Uwe Boll DVD's, which explains so much...
"We better get out of here." Geoff exclaims.
"Why?" Kahuna interrogates. That too is a fancier way of saying 'asked'.
"Because the plot demands it!" Geoff's right. The plot demands it.
"Look, our ship!" Kahuna points towards the Ship, which is blocked by Greedo.
"Oh no! It's Greedo, and he's shooting first!" Geoff takes out his lightsaber and deflects the poorly added in CGI laser effects.
"(incomprehensible made up alien gibberish)" Greedo keeps shooting. That was when (Creator of Star Wars) Himself appeared like a shining thing that shines from the Heavens, and erased Greedo from the Phantom Parody.
"Wow! Thanks (Creator of Star Wars)!" Geoff gives (Creator of Star Wars) a high five. The two Jedi enter the ship.
"Like, set a course for Coruscant, dude!" Kahuna turns on the ship. "We need to, like, tell the Senate about this!"
As they lift off, (Creator of Star Wars) begins to laugh maniacally. Using his mastery of the Dar Side of the Force, he shoots some Force Lighting to fry the ship's engines, sending it hurdling towards Naboo.
"Curse you (Creator of Star Wars)! Curse you!1111!1111!" Geoff screams as he hurdles towards Naboo in the ship he shared with Kahuna.
The ship...ok that's boring. Let's skip that shit...
So the ship lands on Naboo on a swamp in Naboo.
"Oh my God! We landed on a swamp in Naboo!" I have no idea why Kahuna repeated what I just said. That is just bad writing right there.
"Oh my goodness, Kahuna, look! A bunch of robots are harrassing that chick over there!" Geoff points towards a bunch of Droids who were harrasing a young woman with ivory skin, a widow's peak, brown hair, chocolate brown eyes, and an obvious Mary Sue aura. "We gotta help her! She's a Mary Sue!"
With loud cries of war, Kahuna and Geoff rush towards the Mary Sue! Swinging their lightsabers to save the Mary Sue!
(Insert Action Scene here)
"We did it my Padawan." Kahuna catches his breath. "We have saved the Mary Sue."
"Oh! Mesa so thankingful!" The Mary Sue nods her head enthusiastically. "Mesa Bella Swan. Whasit you name?"
"Why do I get the feeling everyone's gonna hate you?" Geoff hangs a lampshade on what (Creator of Star Wars) should have seen coming...
TO BE CONTINUED...
1Obi Wan Kenobi
2Qui Gon Jin
3Nute Gunray