Jake "Hannibal" Morgendorffer floored the accelerator on the van as he drove towards Lawndale High. "Girls, I just want you to know your mother and I realize it's not easy moving to a whole new town - especially for you, D.A., right?"
Daria Anne 'D.A.' Morgendorffer shifted uncomfortably under the weight of her many gold chains. "Did we move...sucka?" she asked in a hesitantly gravelly voice.
Jake laughed around the stogie clamped between his teeth. "I'm just saying you don't make friends as easily as...uh, some people."
"'Queen Lunatic', for instance?"
Jake and Daria turned to Quinn Louise 'Queen Lunatic' Morgendorffer, who sat in the passenger seat next to Jake, singing a tuneless song to herself, occasionally punctuated with stabbing motions.
Jake shifted uncomfortably. "That's not what I meant...necessarily. The point is, the first day at a new school is bound to be difficult..."
The van arrived at the school, launching halfway onto the sidewalk before Jake slammed on the brakes. "I love it when a plan comes together!" he roared, as the students who had dived out of the way of the lunatic driving the van got to their feet and shouted obscenities at him.
Quinn opened the door and ran headlong towards the school, giggling wildly. Jake turned to Daria to offer one last piece of advice.
"Remember, Daria, if any of your classmates have a problem, and if no one else can help them, and if they can find you, maybe they can hire..."
"Remember the cease and desist, dad," she warned him.
Jake grinned. "Right, kiddo! That's why you're the real brains of the S-Team!" S for Super, of course. Jake's idea, of course.
Daria rolled her eyes, said "See you, Dad," and got out of the van.
An Asian girl walked up to her and stared at her chains. "Soooo shiny..."
"Back away from the chains, fool!" Daria barked in her rough-n-tough voice.
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Sincerest apologies to Charles RB.