Deep in the Meadow
Chapter 1
My name is Katniss Everdeen. I'm seventeen. I live in what once was called District 12. I survived the Hunger Games twice. I was The Mockingjay, still am I guess. I had a sister, Prim, and I lost her, because of the rebellion I caused. The one thing in life that keeps me going through all the pain is the boy with the bread: Peeta.
The sun peaks through the open windows of my bedroom; the rays licking my face, waking me from my sleep. I don't open my eyes just yet, but I do stretch slowly. First my finger tips, wrists, arms, shoulders and all the way down to my toes, which wiggle to keep me awake. I finally let my eye lids open and brace the sunlight peering in. The beautiful feeling of the orange rays bathe me in warmth and I roll over to find the other side of the bed empty, not warm. My smile would have diminished if I didn't immediately start smelling the sweet cheese rolls lofting from downstairs. My smile grows wider as I throw the covers off of my warm body and let my feet touch the redwood floors. I race down the steps in a too-large for me simple shirt, my hair wild from sleep and my feet naked on the floor. I reach the entry to the kitchen but I pull myself back abruptly, as I notice Peeta's white knuckles clinging onto the back of a chair. I can't see his blue eyes for they are closed tightly as if he is in pain. My knees knock together in fear knowing that if I make one sound I could set him off. I stayed glued to the spot before my mind reminds me of all the times Peeta has held me when the pain of Prim dead, long gone hits, when the nightmares wreck my dreams, and when I remember it's my entire fault. 'Those darn berries.' I think inside my head. I pick up my left food and force it forward. My right foot has to follow and soon I'm walking slowly towards Peeta. I circle around him; still not sure he has heard me. "Peeta?" I whisper so he doesn't jump when I circle my arms around his shaking form.
"Katniss? Real or not real?" He whispers back to me.
"Real." The words don't hesitate on my lips as they sometimes did before in the earlier months. I can feel Peeta's back muscles unhinge and relax and slowly he releases the chair one hand at a time. I turn his body towards me so he is facing me. My fingertips graze along his eyelids begging them to open for me. A few minutes pass before he lets me see his blue eyes meeting my grey eyes. His eyes scuttle to the left and that's when I smell the smoke. He rushes off to turn off the oven, the moment gone.
Many moments pass either ignored or refused between the both of us. We both are to blame for shying away from each other. During the games we were sewn together at the hope of both staying alive. When Peeta was taken captive we unraveled those seems. Now slowly, we both are working together to fix them, to repair the frayed edges of our lives and sew them together to live once more.
Peeta has flung open all the windows in the kitchen and adjoining living room to clear the smoke. The smoke clears and the smell hits me; the Primroses. My knees shake, knocking together and soon I'm in a heap on the floor. Just a little reminder of her sends my whole body into heart wrenching pain. It has only been almost five months now since the bombs. I watched Prim burned alive.
The sobbing is what draws Peeta to my attention. I'm curled into a tight ball on the kitchen floor, sobbing for my dead sister. His strong arms circle me from all around. I don't smell the Primroses any more but only cinnamon. That's what Peeta smells like. My sobs get softer but lost for a while. Peeta just holds me, in his lap, just like he did in the second arena on the beach. I close my eyes and just listen to his heart beat. The steady rhythm always keeps me grounded when my mind falls apart.
I don't hear the footsteps in the house or the door that must have opened but Peeta speaks to someone about closing the windows. My breathing has become slower as if I'm asleep but I'm not there yet; just drifting. I feel my body stop shaking when the sobs subside but now I'm drained.
"Is she asleep?" I hear Haymitch speak softly. The white liquor must have run out again that is why he isn't drunk.
"I believe so." Peeta whispers back to Haymitch. I feel my weight being shifted in Peeta's arms. Peeta lifts my still frail body into his arms with no problem at all.
"What was it this time?" Haymitch asks again softly, so unlike him.
"The smell of her roses outside," Peeta answers. "I'm taking her back to bed." The movement jostles me and I figure Peeta has taken a few steps.
"Wait, she is bleeding." Haymitch's fingers move to the side of my ribcage. I still don't open my eyes because I'm too far gone but I feel the wetness against my ribs, back and along my neck. My tissue like skin must have fallen apart when I tried to hold myself together earlier. I hear Peeta curse to himself but he keeps moving up the steps and towards my bedroom, or is it our bedroom now. I can hear Haymitch now following Peeta from his loud footsteps. Peeta lays me on the covers. I feel his body heat fall away from me and I'm suddenly cold.
"Haymitch can you get the cotton from the bathroom, maybe we can get the blood stopped." Peeta whispers thinking I'm asleep. I'm not entirely sure I am. I just am floating. I smell Haymitch before I hear him. "Here take this too."
"No, I'm not putting her under. " Peeta whispers. I feel his warm fingers touch the skin around my neck and he starts dabbing gently. Where he dabs he later puts some cool lotion over my skin, or is it some fancy capital medicine? Peeta is very gentle with me as he had to go through the same treatment for his burns. His fingers hold still at my neck. "Haymitch do you mind leaving. I made cheese rolls." That is all the incentive Haymitch needs before he closes the door to my, our, bedroom behind him.
I feel Peeta's fingers at the frayed end of the long night shirt I'm wearing. He moves it up slowly and my eyes pop open wide. I sit up but don't jerk back away from him. "What are you doing?" My voice sounds to kind for the action of what he was doing.
"I'm repairing your skin Katniss." Peeta stays his hands. "You can't do it yourself. Please let me." His voice pleads gently with me.
I shake my head. "I'm not comfortable with you seeing me naked yet." My eyes must be large and full of fear because Peeta takes my hands into his.
"Katniss, would you rather Haymitch do this?"
"No," I respond quickly.
Peeta smiles softly reassuring me. "Nudity is not a big deal with me, you know that. Just let me heal you, Katniss. I promise it will be alright."
I can feel my broken skin burning and I know he is right. Before I can scare myself into saying no for a final time, I nod my head.
Peeta drops my hands gently and raises the shirt slightly never letting his eyes leave mine. I raise my arms up and he stands to pull the shirt off of me. The shirt drags against my skin and a cringe and a small sound of pain escapes my lips. I'm left in just my undershorts and all the scars for Peeta to see. Peeta's eyes still don't leave mine. "Are you okay?"
I nod my head once. Peeta dabs away the blood on my sunken in abdomen. He throws away the bloody cotton swap and then dips his fingertips into a vile of soft green lotion. "Lay back Katniss, please." My eyes go wide again but I see his reassuring eyes meeting mine once more. I lay down against the covers and Peeta's fingertips gently run the lotion over my front in small circles. I can't help myself but I close my eyes at the feel of it all; just a soothing feeling. I feel Peeta stop and take my hands. He pulls me to a sitting position. "I'm going to finish your back then you can get dressed. " I nod understanding and he swings his legs over the bed behind me. I feel him dab at the blood then the small circles once more. I wish I could admit to him that I don't want him to stop but then he is finished. He stands, seals the bottle and pulls out a soft cotton shirt of his, from the dresser. He opens another drawer and pulls on my cotton shorts. "Here let me help you." I raise my arms and he slides the shirt over them, pulling the shirt down over me. He then helps me with my shorts by holding my arms gently as I slid them on. I get a soft smile from him. "See, nothing to it." He whispers and kisses my forehead. A blush rushes to my cheeks but my stomach grumbles ruining another moment. Peeta laughs. "Let's get you some food inside of you, Katniss." I tilt my head forward slightly embarrassed. I feel his fingertips under my chin, raising them up to meet his lips. The kiss lasts only for a few seconds but that is all I need, he is all I need to get through this life.