Authors Note: This is a story of two loves triangles-Rae/Rob/Red by request of one of my viewers, and also Rae/Rob/Star because I just love how juicy that can become.

READ THIS: This story is NOT fluff. I repeat: NOT FLUFF.

Two Shadows On The Wall

To think that I do not feel, that I cannot feel, is, to be very frank, shit.

I feel.

I feel more than anyone knows, and most likely more than anyone else in the Titans because I have no way of showing these feelings. Time and time again I have seen Starfire, Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Robin open up to each other, and occasionally to me, but I could never return the favor, I know that.

But, still…I feel.

I can only be thankful that Beast Boy and Cyborg's journey into Nevermore, my mind, was not even halfway. To think the things they would have found! Hope, and Caring, and Fear, and Pride, and Fury, and Rage, and Hate, and Dark. And then, if they had managed to get to the very end, they would have found-god forbid-Love and Lust. I think it was Azar's doing, seeing as I would have nearly died if any of the Titans had found out what I really felt.

Sometimes, I leave the Tower late at night to go to a shabby little pub that was the first place I visited when I arrived on Earth, not knowing where to go and what to do-that was when Fear had shown her true eye, how strong she could be. That is where I am now, sitting on a booth with a cup of coffee between my small, white hands. They're nice hands, not long and graceful like Starfire's, and come to think if it, they wouldn't look as good intertwined with Robin's. But, still-nice.

The bartender tonight shoots a wink my way. "Can I get you anything else, cutie?" I often get these comments from men these days, and they aren't just greasy haired bartenders-they are teammates-Speedy, Beast Boy, even Aqualad. A few months ago this would have excited and enthralled me, but it doesn't anymore. I don't think a chance with romance will ever thrill me again, except for one case. Unfortunately, it's the most hopeless one.

I shake my head. "No, I was just going."

The door jingles as I push it open and head out into the night. I don't want to deal with that right now. I don't want to deal with anything.

I head back in the direction of the Tower, the closest thing I have to a home. A home I have to share with the boy I'm in love with, the lover of another girl, a boy that never spares me a glance. Some home I have.

My sleeve catches on a rusty piece of barbed wire on a "Beware of Dog' sign. It makes a small gash on my wrist. I glance at it and raise my arm, staring at my cut. My blood, turned black in the dark, trickles down my arm like paint. I run my finger through it and its smell makes me gag.

I ignore it. It's not by far the worst wound I've ever had. I go on my way, and see a shadow out of the corner of my eye move slightly. I tilt my head, and see a flash of red.

It's Red X, and I swear under my breath-I need anything but this right now-my arm sliced open and in normal clothes, no less. I want to get home, I want to get home to…Robin. The shadowy figure approaches me, and I tell myself-this IS Robin. Robin in just another one of his masks.

I speed up.

He does too.

I feel his copper-covered hand grip my arm. "Why would a pretty little thing like you be out so late, now?"

I don't turn around-when I get home I swear I'll give Robin hell about this. "Leave me alone. I'm not a girl you want to cross."

His arm reels me in, and pins me tight to his body. I feel his hot breath on my neck, and I can barely believe this is Robin, my love-struck Leader with a chivalrous attitude. Robin would never touch me like this, he would never touch anyone like this except for Starfire, which he does publicly. "I know exactly who I'm crossing, little bird." His cold finger traces a line down the side of my neck. "And I know I want to."

I kick back, and catch him in the groin. He lets go of me, but I hear no grunt of pain, and I suspect he barely felt it, and is just letting me think I hurt him to toy with me even more. Nevertheless, I run. And he doesn't follow.

I reach the Tower's doors, and type in the code, covering the dial with my aura so no one sees it. I enter the Tower's huge living room, and as usual it is completely dark: that's the way I like it. My room is like that, too, to remind me of Azareth. That thought brings back a memory, a special one.

Robin took a nervous glance around my room, and I could tell it was a bit intimidating to him, as it was to most everyone. "Seems like you like black a lot, huh?"

I smile at his childish comment-Robin is no more mature than Beast Boy. Then, it occurs to me: now would probably be a good time to get to know more about my Leader-he was still a secret, to everyone, even Starfire. "Hey, Robin?"

He turns to me. "Yeah?"

"Do you have eyes under that mask, or do you choose to hide them because they aren't there?" It's a pitiful excuse for my usual sarcasm.

He looks surprised. "I have eyes."

I shake my head. "I guess what I'm asking is…will you show them to me?"

He pauses, and then peels off the Spandex-like material to reveal stormy blue eyes. I stare for a moment, trying to sink in the fact that Robin took off his mask for me, then manage, "They're…blue."

It sounds nothing like me, and I hurry on. "Cyborg owes me five bucks."

He smiles, and my heart flutters-weird.

"Next time, you have to take off your hood. Agreed?"

Sounds like a deal. I nod. "And what next, we take off our clothes?"

He smiles again, and my heart flutters again-again: how strange. "If I'm lucky."

That was, of course, before he fell desperately in love with Starfire. It's not like it means much to me anymore. I reach the steps to the upstairs level, which is by far the largest part of our Tower. As I troop up the steps, I think about tonight's events-and Red X's arms around me had been only too warm and too real-it had been a living person, not just a hologram. It had to have been Robin. I feel something trickle onto my leg, and look down to see that my gashed inner wrist is bleeding much more profusely now. I sigh-wounds never hurt very much for me, as I do not have a physical Pain symptom-but they have always been very annoying, like a fly buzzing around you during a day out on the shoreline.

Also, since the rest of my team is particularly squeamish at the sight of another's wound, I decide to heal myself though it would most likely be gone by morning. I walk down the hall to fetch a Herbal Tea baggie. The taste has always been so strong I find it so much easier to meditate, which makes it easier to control my power, which makes everything better for everyone. Well, almost everyone, that is.

I pass by Robin's doorway. To my surprise, Starfire comes barreling out in a bathrobe. I step aside, and she crashes into the wall. I could care less about whether she broke her nose right now, but I don't necessarily want to waste any meditation time. "You ok, Star?"

She looks up. Her nose isn't even bruised, though it would have cleanly snapped any normal person's in half very cleanly. One perk of being an alien is having weirdly strong bones, I suppose.

"I am fine, Friend Raven. And how are you this lovely evening?"

Like I'll tell her that. I stay silent.

Suddenly she lets out a bloodcurdling shriek that sends Robin hurling out the doorway to her aide. I see she is pointing at my arm, which is now dripping my dark rubies onto the carpet. "Friend Raven has been most grievously injured!"

It's barely scratched. I hold it up to show Robin that there is nothing to worry about, and he is still for a moment. Then he steps foreward, and takes my wrist in one hand, "Raven, what did you do?" I yank it away and see that Red X has left a mark-a small, crimson cross is dug into my flesh, on top of my original wound.

"I think you should know what this is." I answer snidely.

He looks confused. "What do you mean? I was here with Starfire this whole time." I see Star flush out of the corner of my eye, and realize Robin's belt is missing.

I see.

"It's nothing, Robin. I'm sorry for interrupting you."

I walk away, and for once this is much more than even my dark demon's mind was able to soak in with no trouble. Robin was NOT Red X tonight? How is this possible? I reach the kitchen, and open the cabinet to take out my packet of tea bags. I place the kettle on the stove and put the water to boil.

'Admit it, Raven: you miss when Robin didn't love another girl.'

'Get OUT of my mind, Truth.'

In my mind, I begin a conversation with the Robin that is not here with me, and will never be here for me-not anymore.

"You lust for me, Raven." He says, taunting me. "You want to be the one I hold now more than ever."

No, I say, I don't want you any more than you want me.

"Lie. That's a lie, and you know it. You lie to me every day, Raven, and lie to yourself, and your feelings, because you and I both know you're still in love-"

"No." I won't allow this kind of wishing-it's not healthy. The kettle whistles to me. 'Wake up, silly witch.' It says. 'Robin has his whore, and it's time to face that reality.'

I take it off the stove, and pour the steaming contents into a cup, then placing the tea bag in it, watching the water envelope the leaves as they disperse.

It is then I realize: I must move on as soon as I can. Tonight there will be two shadows flickering on Robin's wall, kissing, embracing, and making love. There never has been and never will be room on that wall for one as small and insignificant as my own. I hide from the light, and Starfire welcomes it. I will be alone in my room, not even making a reflection on my dark wood walls-because that's who I am-the girl who lives in the dark.

Well, now, in case you hadn't noticed, this chapter has some un-shown sexual activity involved. If you don't like it, don't read it, and please don't flame-it's just dumb.

Forever yours,

The Author