a/n my first attempt at writing crack. if you don't like the sort of things it said in the summary, then don't read. i don't want someone yelling at me saying Itachi would never get pregnant. i know he never would would get preganat in the actual Naruto world, but this is coming out of a screwed up world called my mind.
Pein sighed as he entered the secret entrance of the Akatsuki base. Chaos usually ensued if he left for 5 minuets, let alone the 3 days he was gone. His chakra was almost completely gone, so he conserve what he had left. Which meant his senses wouldn't be very keen.
He walked down the long stone corridor leading to the house part of the base. Konan was out at the store getting groceries since there probably wasn't a lot of food left. Pein cringed when he stepped in something squishy.
"REALLY?" Pein boomed and started wiping the shit he stepped in off of his shoes. He continued walking until he got to the concealed entrance of the Akatsuki house. He could already hear music blasting and some screaming and yelling. He took a deep breath and unlocked the entrance with the chakra he had managed to build up.
"Sasori, stop putting make-up on Deidara! Kakuzu, stop swimming in your money! Hidan, quit pole dancing! Zetsu, stop eating our hostages! Kisame, stop crying, your goldfish died two weeks ago, just go get another one! And Tobi, put the camera down! Someone turn the music off!" Pein yelled. Hidan actually listened for once and unplugged the stereo.
"Leader-sama should Tobi wake up Deidara Senpai?" Tobi asked, setting his camera on the coffee table.
"Yeah and get the make up off him." he said starring at the unconscious blonde. He was wearing purple eye shadow, red lipstick, and pink blush. He was also wearing a frilly pink dress and had a white, big ass bow in his hair. Sasori just sat there snickering as Tobi dragged him away to find the antidote for whatever he had drugged him with.
"Now I have two questions. Where is Itachi? And why is there a pile of shit in the corridor?" Pein yelled.
"Tobi found a puppy and it kept pooping and peeing everywhere so Zetsu ate it." Kakuzu said as he picked up his kiddy pool full of money.
"And what about Itachi?"
"He's puking in the bathroom. We think he's fucking pregnant." Hidan said putting his hands on his hips.
"Itachi can't be pregnant. He's a guy." Pein pointed out. How stupid can they be?
"But he's gained weight, he's all moody and he's having weird cravings." Kisame explained.
"It's just his emo hormones kicking in." Pein said, crossing his arms.
"He ate a fucking book!" Hidan yelled. Just then Konan walked in.
"Who ate a book?" she asked in a confused voice.
"Itachi. We think he's pregnant." Kakuzu explained. Konan's eyes lit up. Oh no.
"Awwwe. He's having a baby!" Konan squealed.
"Were not sure yet if he's really pregnant though." Kisame pointed out.
"Okay, give me a minute." Konan said, setting the groceries on the couch before she ran towards her (and Pein's) room. She came back with a pregnancy test.
"Here give this to him." Konan said, handing Kisame the small box.
"How do you work it?" Kisame asked.
"Have Itachi pee on the stick, then wait 3 minuets and see what color it turns." Sasori answered before Konan could say anything.
"Oh." was all Kisame said before going to find Itachi.
5 min. later
"Guys, the fucking timer went off!" Hidan yelled. Everyone jumped up to go see what the result was except Itachi.
"I already told you, I'm not pregnant!" he yelled from the couch.
"Well, according to the test, you are." Sasori said.
"It's okay to be going through denial." Konan said sympathetically to Itachi.
"I'M NOT IN DENIAL!" he yelled, activating his sharingan.
"Calm down, Itachi. I heard stress isn't good for the baby." Kakuzu said sternly.
"Wait, if Itachi is pregnant, then who's the father?" Pein asked. He was still skeptical that Itachi was pregnant, but he wanted to know.
"Sharkface" Hidan said pointing to Kisame.
"Congratulations!" Konan yelled and gave Kisame a small hug.
"Thank you."
"Hey Konan," Itachi called from the couch.
"Yeah"
"Why did you have the pregnancy test in the first place?" he asked with a smirk.
Konan and Pein's faces turned red. "Well… um… you see… um."
"I didn't ask Leader." Itachi stated. His smirk had grown into a grin.
The rest of the Akatsuki looked at them with smirks and grins as their faces turned an even deeper shade of red.
"Uh um… we have important business to take care of, in um… a place that's not here!" Pein stuttered. He grabbed Konan by the arm and ran to their room.
The rest of the Akatsuki couldn't take it anymore and burst out laughing.
Revenge is sweet. Itachi thought to himself. Revenge is sweet.
Did anyone like Itachi's revenge on Konan for saying that he was in denial?
If I get 5 or more reviews saying that they want the story to continue in 1 week i'll make it longer, if not i'm keeping it a one-shot. Even if I do end up making it a longer story, my other story Broken will still come first, so this would not have daily updates. Sorry if there are a lot of mistakes, i hate proofreading, as long as people can understand it and the writing is decent, i'm okay with the story.
Review before Itachi's eats all of your books (including manga books)