I promise, I'm working on 'Hurting' but this came to me and I really needed to get it out. It's along the same lines as my WIP.
I doubt myself. Constantly. School, work, love. I feel like everything that I do will never be enough. And when I think about that, I start to give up on what I have and what I think will never be. I hate feeling this waty but it's all I can do to know that I'm still alive. People don't talk to me anymore. I no longer feel important to those who call themselves my friends. They can go months without saying a single word to me but it kills me knowing that they do not care about me as much as I care about them. Why can't people just let me know that they still care? Yea, Elliot 'Liked' my status last night. But it makes me wonder whether he really got it or not. 'To sleep, to sleep perchance to dream.' Does he realize that that is about killing yourself? That whole soliloquy is a contemplation of suicide. Nothing more, nothing less. Yes, I use it sometimes when I am going to sleep but if you know the meaning behind it, then you would know that there is a second reason that I wrote that. Yea, I wouldn't mind not waking up sometimes. I go to sleep and hope that I won't wake up in the morning. Death is still welcomed to come get me. Everyone thinks that I am perfectly fine again. But I'm really not. I once was. But since, I have been getting back to those places. I try to make my fall as slow as possible because I don't want anyone to notice what I think would be blatantly obvious to people who saw my initial fall. I wish someone would notice.
I feel so small and lonely here. My voice is non-existent and my mind remains unfocused.