It's the Essence of the Soul
A series of one-shots by: Lauis
Come to Me, My Love
Hospitals were stuffy, unpleasant, and most of all unattached in Sora's opinion. Each nurse that administrated his chemotherapy feigned kindness and care. Every second they spent treating Sora's hopeless body was done for the purpose of money. Sora didn't blame the nurses or the doctor or anyone for that matter. After long months in the hospital, Sora ceased to blame anyone for anything. It was pointless now. Instead he focused more on his dreams. It was a silly thing to focus on. He had terminal cancer. Sora didn't know what kind of cancer it was, he immediately tuned everything the doctor said out of his mind once the words "terminal" and "cancer" were tied together without the saving grace of a negative.
Sora was entering the third month of his hospital care and with each trip he stayed longer and longer until they kept him in the hospital and did not allow him to leave. His friends were kind and brought him CDs and movies, but Sora never used guilt to make them stay long. In fact, he didn't want a gang of his friends coming every week. The room wasn't that big and he already felt trapped. The only friends that he could stand everyday were Riku and Kairi. Both were his closet friends and the three of them had stayed together from third grade up to eleventh grade. They never showed any signs of feeling uncomfortable and never spoke of his illness, just the way Sora wanted it.
He didn't want to focus on his cancer at all. It was Sora's natural reaction to anything bad or harmful, to just ignore it. When he was ten, he ignored the fact that his cousin, Roxas, had to move away. From then on out, Sora talked about Roxas as if he was still living next door. In seventh grade, he took no notice that Kairi had stopped talking to him and kept talking to her like normal. Kairi had stopped talking to Sora since he bluntly told Riku she had a crush on him. The biggest thing, though, that he had ignored and never talked about was his sexuality. He didn't mind girls, but men held more attraction in his eyes. No one knew though. The only person who had an inkling of Sora's homosexuality was Roxas, but he had moved before they could have a serious talk about it. Roxas wasn't gay, but he was bisexual and willing to help his cousin.
Nothing ever happened in the hospital. Each day was a repeat of the previous day. Nurses and doctors whisking in doing God knows what to Sora while Riku and Kairi talked about school and the latest comedy. He loved his friends, but day time held nothing for Sora to take. Ever since he was confined to the hospital, night had become his comfort and pleasure. With the night came no bothersome nurses and doctors and visitors. It was just him in his bed. The best part of the night was sleep. During his sleep, Sora would have enchanting dreams that he never wanted to be awoken from. Sora had never realized how great of an escape dreams were until he arrived in the hospital.
Since his night dreams were so enthralling, Sora began to day dream frequently too. The nurses and doctors didn't even notice and Riku and Kairi realized Sora's day dreaming, but let him be since they knew it was what he wanted. Sora decided that his day dreams were nowhere near as awesome as his night dreams, so his day dreams became extensions of his night dreams.
"Sora?"
He looked up to see Kairi's face near his. Sora looked next to her to see Riku standing next to her with his arms crossed.
"We just wanted to say good-bye. You were dazing off again." Kairi said as she lightly ruffled Sora's flat hair. He had a short, brown wig on since he had lost all of his hair during the treatments. Sora gave a weak wave to his friends who walked off. He looked at the clock and noticed that it really was the end of the visiting hours and they weren't just leaving because Sora was lost in though. Even though he never said it, he really appreciated what Kairi and Riku did for him. He enjoyed their friendly company, even if he never contributed anything.
Lazily and with little energy, Sora flipped through the limited hospital channels to see if anything was on, but it was all in vain since he found nothing. That was okay for him. That just meant he could slip into his dream world early that night.
Sora was back in his middle school. More precisely Sora was in the garden that the eighth graders had to take care of, but instead of the mediocre garden the whole area transformed into a humongous tree mansion. Sora stood at the very base with an expression of awe plastered all over his bright face. Today he had used extra gel in order to keep his spikes up in the way that he wanted. Sora had no idea where to start. He contemplated about going up two-way ladder that looked like those big root things Sora used to always trip on when he could walk freely. Then again, he thought, there was a nifty leaf elevator that went to the middle of the tree mansion.
"Sora, what's taking you so long?"
He turned to his right and saw Riku climbing up into the tree mansion by one of the vines that hung all the way to the ground. Sora knew which way to go now. He ran up Riku and noticed that they were both were wearing their middle school uniform of white collared shirts and plaid shorts. He felt a little constrained since his clothes were a bit tight, but Riku didn't notice how tight his clothes were even though Sora could tell they were extremely small on Riku due to the small rips at the side each time he moved.
Sora jumped up on the vine next to Riku and once he reached Riku's level, they raced each other to the platform into the tree mansion. Even though Riku was more muscular, Sora was quicker and lighter. Out of playfulness, Riku would swing his vine into Sora's and they'd laugh, but each time they got close Sora couldn't help but notice that the rips in Riku's shirt were getting larger. They were nearing the platform and in desperation to win Sora immediately leaped as soon as he knew he was able to and won their little race. Riku pounced onto the platform too and when he hunched over from the jump, his shirt just ripped apart at the seams. Kairi was on the platform waiting for them the whole time and laughed at Riku's shirt that was murdered by his bulging biceps and other trusty toned muscles.
It was rude, but Sora didn't care. He just stared and stared and stared at Riku as he decided to rip off the remainder of his shirt. He found nothing funny and thought Kairi was a failure as a straight woman if she wasn't entranced by Riku's body.
"Hey, Sora, c'mere," Riku said. Sora had no idea why but he quickly walked over. In his haste, Sora tripped on a plank of wood that was slightly protruded by fate since immediately Riku bent down and cupped Sora's face in his large hand. Sora's whole body was elated and the best part was that it felt so real, warm, and close.
Sora woke up late the next day and he could tell that easily since Riku was in the room, just relaxing on the love seat next to Sora's bed. Sora couldn't shake off last night's dream when he saw Riku.
"Hey, Riku. Where's Kairi?"
Riku gave a small jolt, turned and smiled at Sora. "Whoa, you gave me a scare there. Kairi had to go to a family reunion since her grandparents finally consented to have one. I never understand her weird family."
"Oh," was all Sora could muster. He leaned back into his soft bed, but elevated it a little bit so that it was like a recliner. He and Riku settle on watching Toon Disney since their chatterbox, Kairi, was no longer present. Sora was sneaking glances the entire day at Riku. He was trying to figure out if his dream was an exaggeration or if it was true. He couldn't tell though. Riku was wearing a loose long sleeve shirt. It was as if he knew, but Sora knew he didn't. No one knew about his dreams since he never shared them. Throughout the whole day, though, Sora noticed how soft Riku's face was and how the sunlight made his eyes bright like a freshwater stream. Not that Sora had ever seen a freshwater stream, but he figured it would be just like Riku's sunlit eyes, but not as attractive.
The day passed by fast and Sora didn't even notice visiting hours were almost up. Before Riku left that day he asked Sora to sign something for him. Sora asked what it was and Riku answered, "Just the most important thing I've ever had." Sora didn't ask any further since he wasn't that curious. It was just a piece of paper. As Riku waved good-bye and exited, Sora felt tired. It wasn't the normal tired he usually felt. He felt heavy, weak, and sleepy. Sora decided to put down his bed and go to sleep early again.
Sora was on a crazy runway with a lot of curves and sparkles and a spinning platform at the end all inside this club. But he didn't care. He felt amazing and hot in his designer clothes. Sora walked down the runway and really enjoyed the photographers and the announcer's smooth voice. As he walked back, he glanced at the announcer with the smooth voice and saw Riku in a suave but modern tuxedo and his blue eyes sparkling just like before.
The show ended and Sora received a bunch of flowers and modeling offers. As he left the dressing room and headed toward his car, he saw Riku holding a large bouquet of every flower Sora knew, which were only roses, sunflowers, daffodils, and those Christmas time flowers you see everywhere and are big and red. Riku's smile was amazing now that Sora realized it. That smile, those eyes, and his overall muscular body made Riku seem irresistible.
"Hey, Riku," Sora said, but with a small undertone of shyness and excitement.
Riku said nothing as he handed Sora the bouquet. The two stared at each for a moment and out of the blue Riku bent down and kissed Sora's forehead. The kiss felt incredible against his skin. It felt better than his hand by far. Riku's firm lips felt so warm and real that Sora wanted to tell him to do it again to check if this was a dream or not.
Sora looked up and locked eyes with Riku's, but Sora didn't like that look in Riku's eyes. His eyes looked depressed. Sora wanted to ask why. Riku was his friend, so he'd have to tell him. Sora lifted his hand slowly and was surprised on how heavy it felt and caressed Riku cheek.
His hand felt wet. It was just a small spot, but it was noticeable. When he tried to move the wet hand, it couldn't move. Sora tried to shake off sleep as quick as he could to see, but the process was rather slow. He felt worse. Sora finally opened his eyes and painfully turned his throbbing head and found it was Riku who held his hand captive. He was tearing up.
When Riku realized Sora had awakened, he gasped and tried to quickly talk to Sora, but Sora didn't want him to say anything. Riku of all people should know that. Sora didn't want this anymore, so he shut his eyes and painfully turned his head away from Riku's desperate face.
It was a glass box. Sora knew immediately what he was trapped in. That glass box. He couldn't move on his own. On the outside, he looked healthy, but internally he was feeling the same as he did when he was awake. He just sat against the glass. Sora didn't even realize the tears rolling down his face.
"Thanks for allowing me to stay during the night, sir." It took Sora's mind a moment to comprehend that the voice was Riku's. It wasn't the smooth announcer, it was his natural voice. Sora never realized before how pleasant Riku's voice sounded. The way he said his "S" was soft but accented and his voice naturally dipped down.
"Well, you had the consent of the patient and his guardians." The second voice was irrelevant to Sora. It sounded like one of the nurses or doctors.
"Yeah, I'm glad Sora signed." So that's what I signed, thought Sora, a consent form. "So, uh… When is Sora…" Riku's voice hushed as if something was stuck in his throat.
"Maybe in a couple of hours or maybe a day. Though a day is a little hopeful." The second person answered the question that wasn't asked.
Sora couldn't move and he wished he was able to make himself deaf. Did they not know he was behind them, trapped in his glass box? He remained on the bare floor and waited for more talking about his condition, but none came. He wanted to turn around and shout, "Just say it! I don't care anymore!" because he didn't care anymore. All of his bottled up feelings dissolved and Sora was on emotional shut down.
Then the glass broke.
The whole box broke around him and Sora could move again. It was Riku. He swiftly lifted Sora and began walking into the endless white. Sora wanted to say something, maybe comment on how hot Riku looked in only his swim shorts.
"Nah, I think you look better, Sora," Riku said smiling.
Sora looked at him in shock and then realized how fast his reaction was and was shocked even more. Soon, a beach came into view and Sora had no idea why. He hated the beach. Sunburns, birds stealing your food, and seeing people who did not pull off the bathing suit they were wearing were things that accompanied Sora with each trip to the beach.
This beach, though, was different. The beach had a cool breeze and the sea was identical to Riku's eyes. The color alone put Sora at ease.
"Sora, I want you to talk."
"About what?"
"About anything you want to tell me. You…" Riku's voice broke off. He knew that Sora didn't like talking about it. Once they reached the shoreline, Riku set Sora down gently, sat down, and rested Sora's head on his lap.
"Lately, I've been having dreams," Sora started. Riku wasn't expecting Sora to talk about anything and having Sora talk made him smile. "A few weeks ago I was the lead in a musical and you were my make up artist and just this week I had a dream that that crappy garden we had to take care of in middle school transformed into a gigantic tree mansion and we raced up vines." Sora left out the part where Riku tested out lipsticks on him and the whole shirt ordeal.
"Wow, is that what you always were thinking about in the hospital? Your dreams?" Riku's voice began to sound sad. They both knew Sora's state and how futile dreams seemed.
"Yeah, that's all I've been thinking about. Well, no. That's not all. I've been thinking about you, Riku. How you're the only friend, no, person I feel really close to. Heck, even in my dreams you're the one who always comes to or who I'm with. You're my only constant."
Riku had nothing to say to Sora. He was filled with surprise, sadness, and elation all at once.
"I want to tell you everything about myself and I want to tell Kairi and Roxas too, but I know I won't get the chance. So I'll just say the most important things, all right?"
Riku leaned down to Sora and gave him a sweet, loving kiss on his quivering lips. Sora never liked talking about himself and he was trying to open up as quickly as possibly before the dream was over. "Okay, shoot."
Sora smiled. "So, I'm gay. It made me really mad when Kairi ignored me over the whole she had a crush on you and I told you about it. I swear Roxas has perverted thoughts all the time. I hate playing the guitar and I have no idea why I agreed to take lesson with Roxas. I laughed at you behind your back when you got braces. I really think you're sexy and…I love you."
Riku and Sora sat in silence for a few moments, soaking in what Sora admitted. Even though Riku knew Sora was dying, he felt so much love for him in the silent moment. He didn't want to think about the future without Sora, he was going to focus on what was going on right now.
"I love you too."
Sora started to feel heavy again and while he could still move he wrapped his skinny arms around Riku's firm waist. "Riku, there's one thing I ask. One thing I want you to do for me." His eyes started to droop down and Sora could feel sleep overcoming him. "Dream about me, like I've dreamed about you. I'll always come when you call. I want to keep living. With you. Even when I die." Sora whispered the last part, but Riku caught every word.
"Of course I'll call for you."
Sora's eyes were half open and still alive, but barely. His dull blue eyes looked like they were waiting, longing for one more thing. Riku sat next to him calmly. He had accepted Sora's terminal situation and wasn't going to regret every little thing they never got to experience together. Riku looked at Sora who was staring at the door. Riku couldn't figure out what was up with Sora. Maybe it was the brain tumor making him talk while he slept and now it was making him stare at the door. Sora had this almost tranquil air about him. He was about ready to die. He knew Riku would never forget him and that was his biggest fear throughout the whole cancer ordeal.
Each time he heard talk of his cancer he didn't listen because it reminded him that he would never have a life with Riku. Now, though, it was all right. His life with Riku would be in his dreams, which was the most comforting thought in his numb mind.
The door fiercely slammed and Roxas rushed into the room with watery eyes. Sora simply smiled happily. He got to see all three people who meant the most to him before his death.
As Roxas began shouting at the doctor about Sora, Sora slipped away slowly from their hands and into their dreams.
A/N: Oh my gosh, done! I haven't written anything decent for a while now and this makes me happy. Also, this is my first Sora/Riku fic. o.o I've written Axel/Roxas and Zemyx, but never Sora/Riku. I feel accomplished. :D Still a bit rusty though. Please review! Please?
The song Come to Me, My Love is a SSA song composed by Kenneth Riggs using the words from "Echo" by Christina Rossetti. I have another piece by David Dickau using the same beautiful poem for an SSAATTBB chorus (Well, it splits into all those parts at times.) but I decided to use the women's trio version because of the title. Both are beautiful compositions that express the poem well.
Here are the lyrics/poem by Rossetti:
Come to me in the silence of the night;
Come in the speaking silence of a dream;
Come to me with soft rounded cheeks and eyes as bright as sunlight on a stream;
Come back in tears, O memory, hope,
Love of finished years.
Oh, dream, how sweet, too sweet, too bittersweet,
Whose wakening should have been in paradise,
Where souls brimful of love abide and meet;
Where thirsting, thirsting, longing eyes watch the slow door that opening,
Letting in, lets out no more.
Yet come to me in dreams that I may live my very life again tho' cold in death:
Come back to me in dreams,
That I may give, pulse for pulse, breath for breath:
Speak low, lean low,
As long ago, my love, how long ago.