Killing your soulmate for love.

Disclaimer: Not mine, if it was it wouldn't be on the bestseller list.

Summery: Edward's thoughts the night of changing Bella.

I warn you now this is the first thing I have written, ever, with the exception of term papers. I know it sucks, constructive criticism is appreciated, flames fuel my pyro habit. If you have a suggestion for my wrighting skills hit the little purple button. I have no idea what a Beta is but if you wanna, purple button, I'll try to get in touch with you.
Also so you should know this is not the kind of thing I would choose to wright, I like humor, but if you value your eyes, and souls, you will pray that I do not wright any.

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I paced back and forth across the floor, staring to the glistening hardwood not really seeing it. So many emotions were pouring from me that I wasn't surprised when Jasper flinched. He was so sensitive, and the waves of feeling pouring off me like water must have been so hard for him. Anger, pain, self-loathing, love. They burned through me leaving a dull numbness where they were, my body trying to prepare me for the ordeal I would endure tonight.

I suddenly turned to glared at the offending clock that ticked at manic pace ever closer to the hour that I would have to kill the love of my life. I could hear them upstairs, I could hear her. Her heart beat was jumpy, exited? Scared? I stole another glance at Jasper, His face was expressionless he was still reading his war novel. I started pacing again.

At that moment Emmett came bursting down the stairs shouting and whooping. "She's almost ready!" He always get so exited over things, though to be fair, Bella is the little sister he's always wanted. The idea of making her less breakable was 'exceptional' to him. I sighed and listened to Carlisle and Esme's gentle footsteps and mutterings in the upper room... My room, her room, the room I would end her life in.

I had to stop these thoughts were killing me. I took one more glare at the ornate gold and brass demon clock and briefly pondered the consequences of shattering it into a million shiny pieces. Jasper sighed at my sudden surge of hate. "Edward, calm down and quit giving the clock a death glare. I don't care how much you think so, it doesn't deserve it." His soft, calm voice and the sudden suspicious wave of ease that settled over me, comforted me... A little.

I still paced, wearing a hole in the decorative rug Esme had gotten from India so many years ago. I smiled at the memory of that day. Esme had been arguing with the little brown man in the stall while Jasper and Emmett, mostly Emmett had come up with the idea to go peacock hunting. It had not gone well. Emmett hopped off the couch I'm surprised he had been silent so long. "Come on Edward, you can't still be upset that our little Bella is finally gonna really join our family?" I stared at him in shock. "You do realize that in fifteen minutes I'm going up there to kill the woman I love!" I nearly screamed. He looked taken aback.

Jasper placed a marker in his book, then rose and left the room.

"Edward, your taking this too seriously." The soft musical chime of Alice's voice called from the kitchen, they must have just got back. "I am not taking this to seriously, Bella is about to loose her soul because she fell in love with a monster, fell in love with me." I gasp out. I sat down with my head in my hands.

Rosalie pulled me into a loose quick hug, a rare for her. She gave a fleeting sympathetic smile, then walked over to Emmett seating herself next to him on the expensive couch. Alice danced over and draped herself over me. "Oh, Edward. it's all going to be fine, you two will be so happy together. Bella is going to love her new life." She sparkled at me. I felt sick and glared at the traitorous clock, my stomach gave a lurch, five minutes left. I sank down into the overstuffed chair with a grown and refused to move. I could hear Bella's heart rate increase and smiled. Had my angel looked at a clock the same time as me?

I heard Carlisle give her a reassurance and her muttered reply made me smile, how could someone with so much beauty have so much courage? So much spirit? I sighed, yes she had these things and I was about to take them away from her. Alice placed a loving hand on my shoulder. "Edward you may not believe me now but you will see." I looked up into her solemn eyes, a deep gold. I smiled, "I suppose I'm being silly." I laughed and listened to my angels soft breathing upstairs. "Well, I guess there's no getting around this, time to go up and kiss the bride."

I slid off the chair and made my slow, doomed march up the stairs. The clock, perhaps in apology to the stress it caused me earlier, seemed to slow to a crawl. Emmett stood to stand by my side. His eyes that never seemed to loose there warmth, seemed so much deeper to me in our moment of brotherly compassion. "Edward, she loves you. Everything is going to be OK." He clamped his hand on my shoulder in a way of passing and disappeared out the back door with Rosalie.

Alice swayed over and gave me a peck on the cheek. "Edward, we love you." She too swept out of the room. I looked to the top of the stairs where Carlisle and Esme waited. "She's ready now, Edward." Carlisle's warm voice filled me, giving me new strength. It was times like this I wondered if he had powers similar to Jasper's, only in a lesser form. I glanced over to Esme who was watching me with joy filled eyes. I smiled, this is what she wanted for me. I nearly gave way to hysterical laughter. They all wanted to help me by changing my Bella, by killing her, no one seemed to care what it was really doing to me.

I nodded to them both and made my way the rest of the way up the stairs past them. I heard Esme walk down towards the kitchen, but I knew that Carlisle would stay to make sure that nothing went wrong. More to the point, to make sure I didn't kill her. I wondered idly if her bad luck would continue in her next life. Wondered about her less than graceful movements, her blushes, her heart beat.

I think that if I could, I would cry. I took the last two steps to the door or bedroom and braced myself. I just stood listening to her calm, composed and limited pulse, and I tried my hardest not to think of the pain I was about to put her in.

I took an unnecessary breath, and turned the knob.

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Well tell me if you like it or not. Little purple button, you could make it into a game.
I warn you now I'm probably only going to make this a two chapter fic. Perhaps I'll do some kind of sequal if you like it, but this one is only about Edwards veiw on Bella's change. By the way I have no earthly idea weather or not peacocks live in India.