Edit: Thanks for all of the nice comments, faves and follows everybody. This was the first fanfic I've ever published, and it's nice to see it get a decent reception.
Steven sat at the kitchen counter, eating waffles with Amethyst while Pearl washed the previous day's dishes. The silence was companionable, if slightly tense. He could tell his guardians were having a little trouble making conversation after Amethyst's meltdown in the Kindergarten. A question lingered on his mind, but he wasn't sure if he should ask. He didn't want to do anything to ruin the calm.
He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't notice when he finished the waffle. His fork poked absently at the plate while he stared into space.
"Yo! Earth to Steven," said Amethyst loudly.
Steven jumped, dropping his silverware with a clatter. "Huh?"
"Whatcha thinking about?" Amethyst pressed.
"Nothing much," he said, a bead of sweat appearing on his face. "Just, uh, how great that waffle was."
"Steven, is something wrong?" Pearl asked, drying her hands and walking around the counter to put an arm around his shoulder. "Are you feeling all right? Waffles don't normally take up that much of your cognitive capacity," she added, putting her other hand up to feel his forehead.
Amethyst rolled her eyes. "I'm pretty sure the only thing he's coming down with is a bad case of not spilling the beans," she said, leaning closer to Steven and getting in his face. "Come on, just tell us what's up already. You've been weird all morning."
Pearl nodded in agreement with her, and Steven squirmed under the close scrutiny of his guardians. Why did they have to get along by teaming up on him? He was surrounded by concerned Gems, and his resolve faltered. "I-was-wondering-how-humans-make-more-humans," he said, the words tumbling out rapidly.
Amethyst and Pearl recoiled, exchanging glances. Amethyst was the first to recover. "This one's all you, P," she said. "I just remembered I have a thing to do in my room, see you guys later." She bolted to the temple entrance, leaving a shell-shocked Pearl alone with Steven.
Pearl's entire face flushed a bright blue as she wrung her hands. "Eeeeehhhh-" She started, then seemed to reconsider. "Weelllll," she tried and failed to elaborate once again.
The temple door opened again and Garnet walked in. Pearl fixated on her as though she were the last parachute on a plane going down in flames. "Garnet! Wonderful timing. Steven was just asking how humans reproduce, and I think you're the perfect person to explain-"
"No way," Garnet cut her off, speedily making her way to the warp pad.
"But-" Pearl raised a finger in objection, but Garnet was already on the pad. The finger curled in on itself, and Pearl's face fell as her salvation vanished in flash of white. She stood like that for a moment before looking down at Steven, who was looking from her to the warp pad in confusion.
Suddenly, her face brightened, and she turned back to him. "Why don't you go and ask your father that question? I bet he'd be able to explain much better than I can, being human and all," she said, putting a hand behind Steven's back and pushing him toward the door.
Steven paused in the doorway, turning to face Pearl again. "Is... do they do something bad to make more people too? Like the Kindergarten?"
Pearl's eyes widened, and she shook her head vehemently. "No, no, Steven. It's not bad at all, it's just," she waved her hands around, searching for the right phrasing. "The whole process is very... physical, and personal. It's not like Gem reproduction at all."
"What about my mom? Didn't she have to do the... human thing to get me?"
Pearl's blush somehow managed to intensify, and she looked like she had just bitten into an especially sour lemon. "Yeessss... sort of. You are a very unique creation. The human method alone is not enough for a Gem and a human to reproduce. Rose had to combine two... techniques."
"Maybe you should come with me then, and you can help Dad explain," he said, smiling up at her.
"Aheheh. I would, but I'm afraid I'm very busy today."
"You were telling me before breakfast that we were going to spend the day together though. Remember? You said we were going to swim and look for seashells on the beach," Steven reminded her.
Pearl's face fell, her eyelids lowering and her brows coming down. "I did say that, didn't I?"
"Please come with me," said Steven, tugging on her tunic. Pearl tried to stammer another excuse, and he made his best pleading face.
"Fine, sure. Why not?" Pearl said. Her tone pitched up, taking on a slightly manic quality as a crazed grin appeared on her face. "How much worse can this conversation possibly get?" She threw up her hands, leading the way out the door, Steven following her with a "Yay!"
It was a full two hours before the car wash opened, and Greg was sound asleep in his touring van. Steven swiftly got to work rectifying that, pounding on the sides and calling for him. Pearl was doing nothing to help, standing off to the side and looking ready to bolt at any second.
"Maybe we should come back later Steven, I don't think he's going to wake-"
Greg chose that moment to emerge, rubbing one eye blearily. "What's going on Stu-ball?" he said, yawning and ruffling his son's hair as he found his footing. He tensed when he spotted Pearl. Her hair was sticking up at odd angles and she was fidgeting anxiously.
"Can you tell me how humans are made?"
Steven's dad fell backward into the van in surprise. Pearl put a hand over her mouth as she watched him scramble around in the junk, and Steven moved to help him back to his feet. Once he was standing again, Greg rubbed the back of his balding head uncomfortably.
"Wow, son. That's a pretty heavy topic to drop on your Old Man this early in the morning," he said. "What brought this on?"
"Well, yesterday I learned that Gems come out of holes in the ground, and it's bad for the Earth for some reason," he said.
Greg's face scrunched up, and he squinted at Pearl. Steven ignored this, plowing straight on ahead.
"And that got me thinking, where do humans come from? How was I made? I asked the Gems but Amethyst and Garnet ran away, and Pearl said you should explain it to me," he finished.
"Thanks Pearl," Greg said through gritted teeth, glaring at her. She clasped her hands behind her back and stared at the sky, pursing her lips. He looked back at his son and blew out a sigh.
"Well, I guess it's about time you knew. You are getting to that age," Greg pinched the bridge of his nose. "Come on, let's go sit down. This is going to take a while."
Pearl smiled, and swung a leg out a dramatic pirouette to face in the other direction."Well, now that that's all settled, I can just come back later and-"
"Oh no, you do not get to bail on this now," snapped Greg, snagging the tail of her waist ribbon and tugging hard. Pearl squawked and stumbled back, flailing her arms to regain her balance. "Steven's half-Gem, and I don't know how Gem stuff factors in to all this. I barely understood anything when Rose tried to explain the whole 'giving up her form' thing."
Steven watched them curiously, wondering why Pearl was trying so hard to get out of telling him about human-making, if it wasn't a bad thing. Greg led them over to a shaded corner of the car wash, setting out three lawn chairs for them to sit in.
After a few more minutes of dithering from Greg and Pearl, they settled into a discussion. First Greg explained the particulars of human male and female anatomy, turning to Pearl from time to time for confirmation on Steven's Gem aspects and how they affected things. She also jumped in with explanations of genetics and Gem-magic that went over both Universe's heads at times, but by the end Steven had a decent grasp of reproductive biology, human and alien.
Pearl's entire face remained blue throughout the explanations, and the arms of her lawn chair were crumpled from her iron grip, but she soldiered on for Steven's sake. Greg was only handling things marginally better. His face had a sheen of sweat, and his voice cracked from time to time when Steven asked him the pointed questions.
By the time they finished explaining all of the physiological factors in reproduction, Greg had settled into a rhythm and lost some of his awkwardness. Even Pearl was starting to relax a little, though she still looked as though she would rather be anywhere but in that chair. Then the conversation turned to the relationship aspects, and suddenly all of the tension was back.
"So... people do this when they love each other, not always to make babies, and sometimes for fun. Is it kind of like fusing then?"
Pearl looked horrified. "No, it's not like fusing at all!"
Steven decided to leave that one alone, she looked stressed enough. "Ooookay. So, I shouldn't do this until I'm at least eighteen, but after that if I find someone special... when will I know I'm ready?"
Greg's eyes widened.
"Never!" Pearl blurted, covering her mouth with her hands and beginning to hyperventilate.
Greg leaned over and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her. "Pearl! Get ahold of yourself, yeesh."
"Sorry," she said, closing her eyes and slowing her breathing.
"What I'm sure Pearl meant to say was that you kind of have to figure that one out for yourself. Nobody can tell when you're ready but you. Just, don't rush into it, okay? These things have to happen naturally," said Greg. "And far, far in the future, you got me? This isn't something you should really be thinking about much right now."
"Yes, far in the future," Pearl agreed firmly. She mumbled something that sounded like 'three thousand years', and Greg shot her a look. She cleared her throat, focusing on calming herself, then looked thoughtful.
"Actually, Steven, I'm afraid I don't even have an estimate on how long it will take you to mature. Human development time-lines don't really apply to you," she said.
"What do you mean by that?" said Greg before Steven could reply.
"Didn't Steven tell you? His age fluctuates based on how old he feels. There's no telling when he'll reach adulthood. It could take six years, or six thousand. Either way, it's as much a mental as a physical process for him."
"Six-thousand?!" Greg asked in shock. "It would've been nice to be kept in the loop on that," he added, slumping back in his chair and crossing his arms.
Steven hopped out of his chair. "Oh! I can show you, I think. Hang on," he said. He scrunched his face up, and called back the depressing thoughts he'd had after trying to throw birthdays for the Gems.
"Steven no!" Pearl said, leaping out of her seat. It was too late, Steven started to grow larger, then rapidly aged until he looked about as old as Greg.
"Aaaahhhh!" Greg tipped backward in his seat, falling over for the second time that day and clutching his chest.
Pearl wasted no time giving Steven a judicious chewing out, and he reverted to his true age even faster than he had left it. As soon as he was back to normal, Pearl knelt down and hugged him.
"Please don't do that any more, it's very dangerous! We talked about this," she released him and stood up, planting her hands on her hips. She did not look very pleased, and Steven knew he had to tread carefully to avoid a grounding.
"I know, I just wanted to show Dad."
Greg had recovered, moving over to give Steven a hug of his own. "Well, now I've seen, and I'd prefer not to see it ever again if that's okay." He broke the hug shakily and righted his chair, sitting down in it and breathing deeply to calm his nerves.
Steven looked puzzled. "I thought you wanted to be in the loop," he said.
"I did, yeah, but how about you just tell me this stuff instead of scaring the pants off me with demonstrations?"
"I couldn't have put that better myself," said Pearl sternly.
That seemed to be the extent of the lecture, and now that Steven wasn't worried about getting in trouble, the implications of Pearl's earlier comments were starting to sink in.
"So, you guys have no idea how long it'll take me to grow up?" He asked, hanging his head.
Pearl's expression softened. "Look, we don't know everything, but we're all here for you, and we'll do our best to help you figure things out," she said, crouching down to Steven's eye-level.
Greg knelt down too, a little more slowly due to his creaky knees. "Pearl's right bud, this is all pretty complicated. All we can go off of is what we know about humans and Gems. There's never been anyone like you before."
He lingered for a second longer, then stood, putting his hands on his back and popping it loudly. Steven and Pearl cringed at the noise.
"I think we've had enough facts of life talk for today. We'll be around when you need advice. For now, you should really just enjoy being a kid, okay?" he said.
Steven nodded. "Okay."
"And I should be opening up the car wash," he added. "Why don't you guys go do something fun? Forget all of this stuff for a while."
"Please let's," said Pearl. "Shall we go and swim at the beach like we talked about this morning?"
Steven brightened at that prospect. It would be nice to move on to less weighty matters for a while. They all stood and said their goodbyes, then Greg went to work while the others made their way back through the Beach City.
Two hours later, Steven and Pearl floated in the waves, resting after a long swim and pointing out shapes in the clouds. Well, Steven was pointing out shapes in the clouds. Pearl was talking about how he was being fooled by his brain's tendency to see patterns in everything. While she rambled, an entirely unrelated thought occurred to Steven. He waited for a lull in the Pearl-explaining, then asked his question.
"Hey Pearl, how did you learn so much about human-making? You guys didn't even know about birthdays," Steven sat up to tread water.
"Pearl? Pearl where did you go?"
His only reply was a bunch of bubbles rising up from where Pearl had disappeared.