Hearts Desire

Chapter One: It doesn't mean anything

Maxie sat in the dark on her and Lulu's sofa with a pillow clutched to her chest. Everything was a mess and it was all her fault. Keys jingling in the door tore her from her thoughts. Lulu entered and closed the door behind her.

"So you're sitting here in the dark looking miserable. Good," Lulu said with anger. Maxie stood up.

"Lulu, I know what I did was wrong. It was stupid and I'm really sorry," Maxie spat out quickly.

"Save it Maxie! I Don't want to hear it!" Lulu looked at Maxie disgusted. "You have to have everything and now you do. You had to have Spinelli and you had to have my boyfriend! But wait a minute, you are sitting in here crying your eyes out…looks like Spinelli finally wised up and got rid of your ass."

"I guess I deserve that."

"You're damn right you do," Lulu retorted crossing her arms.

"Lulu….."

"Go to hell Maxie," was the last thing Lulu said before she walked out and went to her bedroom followed by a loud slam of her door that caused Maxie to jump. Maxie retreated to her bedroom and closed the door behind her. It was going to be a long night.

Lulu stood in front of the mirror on dresser. Pictures of her and Johnny were taped everywhere. The times they shared, the laughs they had. Memories that were now tarnished. Lulu began removing the pictures one by one. When she was done she decided on burning them but didn't. Lulu tore the pictures up and tossed them in a waste basket on the side of her dresser. Her phone rang and she walked over to her bed where her purse was and sat down. She quickly searched through it in search for the phone and its persistent ringing. Lulu looked down at her caller I.D. One Missed Call: Johnny. Lulu threw the phone back inside her purse. Johnny was the last person she wanted to talk to. Why was he calling her anyway? Why wasn't he calling Maxie? After all, she was who he threw away their relationship for.

Maxie cursed herself as she lay flat on her back on her bed. She didn't know what to do. Was there anything she could do to make things right? No, there wasn't she had concluded. Maxie got up and walked over to her closet pushing it open. She looked through some of her many clothes and pulled out one of her cutest sweaters and a pair of designer jeans. She would have to call Federico as soon as she could to make sure she got first dibs on any new jeans from the breakout designer that had designed the pair of jeans she was about the to put on. Maxie dressed and headed into the bathroom where she combed her hair and applied some lip gloss to her lips. She was all set. Now all she had to do was go ruin her life some more as if she hadn't done enough of that already.

Twenty minutes later Maxie sat outside in her car parked in front of Johnny's garage contemplating whether or not she should go in. What she did know is that she shouldn't be there at all. The self-destructive side of her was in control. The only man in the world she loved, she hurt and she was about to do it again. But no, Spinelli would never find out about this. He couldn't. There was no way Spinelli could ever know about this. It would break his heart…all over again. A tap on the window of her car startled her. Maxie hit a button and her automatic window slid down. Johnny Zacharra's face came into view.

"God Johnny, you scared the hell out of me!"

"Sorry," he quickly replied. "What are you doing out here anyway? It's past midnight."

"I don't know why I'm here," she lied. She knew exactly why she was there. A short silence passed between them.

"Do you want to come inside? You have been sitting out here for over twenty minutes."

"I was hoping you didn't notice my car sitting out here."

"Well, I did. Why don't you come in so we can talk."

"Sure," Maxie replied reaching for her purse as Johnny opened her car door.

Once inside, Maxie sat down on the same sofa she and Johnny had almost had sex on a few months earlier. A memory of the look of hurt of Spinelli's face flashed across her memory of the day she had told him she and Johnny had almost given into their attraction. It was also the day she had told Spinelli that she would love him forever and she had meant that—then why in the hell did she continue to hurt him like she did she wondered.

"How about something to drink?" Johnny asked. Maxie nodded.

Johnny walked over to his mini fridge and grabbed two beers. He sat down on the other end of the sofa, popped the tops off of both of their beers and then and reached over and handed Maxie one.

"Cheers," he said as they toasted and then took a drink of their beers. Johnny stared at Maxie until she finally spoke.

"Okay, all right, I know you are wondering what I'm doing here, but I think you already know. You aren't going to make me say it are you?"

"Maxie what happened earlier today, it can't be denied."

"Am I denying anything?" Maxie replied looking at him intently. Johnny smiled slyly.

"Wipe that stupid smile off your face Johnny."

"Okay," he replied but his smile never faded.

"Yes I am attracted to you Johnny, but I love Spinelli."

"Let me ask you something Maxie. Are you attracted to Spinelli?"

"Yes." Johnny chuckled and Maxie looked at him like she could slap him.

"So you are attracted to Spinelli, yet you "cheat" on him at the drop of a hat."

"Spinelli and I were not officially together." Maxie looked away towards the door of the garage. The sound of the wind could be heard blowing outside. "It was still wrong and I know that Johnny. I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Nothing is wrong with you Maxie. You are just a sexual being and you need to be satisfied sexually in everyway. Maybe in a way Spinelli can't do for you."

"That's not it. Spinelli is great in bed." Johnny scrunched up his face. "I don't think I needed to hear that and I find that a little hard to believe."

"Well believe it!" Maxie shot back at Johnny.

"Okay, okay," Johnny replied getting the message. "You love Spinelli," he said as more of a statement than a question.

"Yes. I love Spinelli. What about you and Lulu?" Johnny sighed. "I love Lulu. I'm just not sure if we're meant to be. The secret I'm keeping would hurt her so much if she found out. As if I haven't already hurt her by turning my attraction to you. If anything were to happen here tonight between me and you, we would both hurt Spinelli and Lulu even more." He was right Maxie thought, but did it even matter anymore? Spinelli had given up on her and Lulu-Lulu hated her anyway. Johnny's voice broke into her thoughts.

"I'm confused Maxie. If you love Spinelli and want to be with him I assume…then why are you here?" Johnny took another sip of his beer.

"Anything me and Spinelli ever had is over. He will never forgive me." Maxie shook her head from side to side looking down at her beer. "I screwed up. I have no right to ask him to forgive me. You saw him earlier. You were there. He hates me now and I don't blame him. I have never seen him as hurt as he was today." Maxie looked at Johnny with tears threatening to spill. Johnny moved over closer to her and touched the side of her face. Maxie brushed his hand away.

"You never know, he might forgive you. I mean it sucks you know. Spinelli's a good guy but we both know you're no angel." Johnny's eyes narrowed as he looked at her.

"I never claimed I was an angel Johnny," Maxie replied defensively. "We both know damn well I'm not. Spinelli knows it too. I'm self-destructive, impulsive and a million other things, but angel will never be one of them."

"You just don't seem like a woman who wants to settle down with one man. Even with a great guy like Spinelli."

"You don't know me as well as you think Johnny. Yes I'm scared of commitment but I thought that one day I could really settle down...with Spinelli."

"You don't think Spinelli will forgive you at all?"

"No and he won't forgive you either. We're done. There is no going back anymore." Maxie took another drink of the cold beer.

"I'm sorry Maxie."

Johnny meant it but another part of him couldn't help but be happy. He and Maxie had an attraction, not necessarily a connection, but there was an attraction there. One that had caused her and Spinelli to "split". Maxie scoffed shaking her head. She took a huge gulp of beer.

"I can't believe the one man who would do anything for me, the man who loves me so much...the man I know I'm meant to be with, is the guy I can't stop hurting."

"It would hurt him to know you were here Maxie."

"I know." Maxie cast her eyes downward. "And I don't want him to know about this ever. Promise me he won't ever find out Johnny," Maxie urged with a very serious tone.

"We haven't done anything Maxie."

Maxie grabbed his beer and set it down on the floor along with hers. Maxie took off her coat, tossed it on the floor and then moved closer to Johnny. She grabbed his face and then kissed him. After a few seconds Johnny placed his hands on hers and reluctantly pulled away.

"Wow."

"There is more where that came from." Maxie quickly took off her heels and then went for her shirt but Johnny quickly grabbed her hands.

"Whoa, slow down. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes," Maxie quickly replied kissing him again. Johnny kissed back more enthusiastically this time. They stopped for a moment and Johnny removed his shirt. Maxie placed both hands on his chest. "Maxie are you sure?" She nodded, she was sure she wanted to have sex with Johnny but another part of her was holding back and was not sure at all. "I don't want to take advantage of you. You're vulnerable."

"Don't act like you give a damn Johnny. You have been trying to get in my pants for months. Here's your chance. I'm here and I'm willing. Are we going to do this or not?," Maxie snapped at him. Johnny shrugged. Maxie could be really be a bitch at times he thought to himself. But she was right. He did want to get in her pants. He just wasn't sure this was the right time, but once she started unfastening his belt, whether it was the right time or not, it didn't seem to matter much anymore. Johnny grabbed her hands again stopping her from going any further.

"If Spinelli finds out about this, this will hurt him Maxie," Johnny expressed sternly. "You won't be able to take this back, you may even regret it."

"I won't okay. And I'm not going to tell Spinelli. Are you?"

"No." Maxie knew what she was doing was wrong but Spinelli was through with her. Things just didn't seem to matter much anymore and this encounter Johnny would mean nothing to her. She would be getting it out of the way. Her attraction to Johnny that is. This would be a one time thing and it would never happen again. Johnny would have gotten her into bed like he wanted and she would still be in love with Spinelli. Johnny kissed Maxie's neck all the way up until his lips her reached her lips. He touched his to hers tenderly. Something Maxie did not expect. He took a moment to look at the pretty blonde. Her hair was cut into a cute bob and her blue eyes sparkled even in the night. He had to catch his breath. No he couldn't. He couldn't possibly have any type of feelings for Maxie Jones. Could he? She was a handful and he was still not sure how Spinelli put up with her lies and the shit she pulled. Maxie kissed him again pulling him out of his gaze. Johnny flipped her over on her back and lifted up her sweater revealing her flat stomach and the black bra she had on. Johnny leaned down to kiss her again but Maxie stopped him.

"Wait. I want to be clear Johnny. This is a one time thing. It's never going to happen again. I love Spinelli. I'm always going to love Spinelli and he is the only one I will always want." Johnny nodded and then pulled Maxie's sweater over her head…he planned on making her forget all about Spinelli.