Lyrics: "Remember" by "Josh Groban". Listen to the song while reading in order to taste this story full force.
Remember, I will still be here
As long as you hold me, in your memory
Auburn eyes, sharp and piercing as ever while I sat on the laundry basket I knew she would come to pick. Well of course I'm not boasting about my eyes. That's what others say about 'em. I just...repeat how they compliment me...with extra explanation...! As usual, there I was, keeping a vigilant eye on whoever entered and exited. My furry black ears could pick up even the faintest sound yards away. Which I'm pretty sure your ears can't. Hahaha! Don't they have an award for that or something? I'll ask her.
Remember, when your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
Just remember me
Allow me to introduce myself formally.
I go by the name of 'Serendipity James'. I am a feline. A domestic cat with a wild persona. When I was young, very young...(since I still consider myself young. Don't you dare think otherwise! Those who call me old perish horribly!) I used to introduce myself like this,
"Meow!"
But now I've matured enough to elaborate this 'meow'.
So...as I was saying. Call me Seren. Yes! You there! In the back! Why are you laughing?! Is there some joke written on my face?! Oh? You thought my name was Siren? Well no, kid. I'm not a siren. I'm an honorable citizen so you better behave yourself when I'm around!
Meow...! Anyway...
I live with another pretty girl, Lucy. Err...excuse me, I meant pretty kitty. No! I'm not blushing! She's just too nice to me! And she's cute too. She's ginger. And I'm black. We're like...day and night. Ying and Yang. Sigh...how very romant- I mean...how very synchronizing. Stop snickering! Or else I'll tell her! And she'll throw you in her secret chamber for an eternity! Mwah! Mwah! Meow!
Who is this her I keep referring to, you may ask?
Why she's my mama of course! Who else did you think she'd be?! She takes care of me. And feeds me. And plays with me. And keeps me warm and healthy. She's my mama. I'm her baby. She's my mama, not yours! And I'm her baby, Not you! She's very kind. And gentle. And I love her. I love my mama very much.
I am the one star that keeps burning, so brightly,
It is the last light, to fade into the rising sun
So that was all for the introduction. I'm sure you get the idea of who I am and what I'm like. If you don't, then stop reading this right freaking now or else I'll...I'll do something extra-ordinary that I'd never do under any normal circumstances.
Now then, let's take a look at my regular routine.
Sigh...it's so warm and fluffy. Don't you think? Ahhh...meow...! So...soothing. Wanna know what it is? It's my blankie. Well, technically it's my mama's blanket...but since she's my mama, the blanket is mine too!
Directly across me is a pair of feet.
No, I don't sleep in a mess of zombie human limbs, children. Those are my mama's feet. She's sleeping in front of me. That's how we fall asleep every night. While we gaze at the stars from our bedroom window, she tells me stories. We talk. And then we pray together before sleeping.
So, as I was saying, I woke up to my mama's feet in front of me and yawning, I nuzzle them. She just stirs. Doesn't wake up. I move my whiskers to tickle her. She still doesn't wake up. Yep, that's my mama for you! Sleepy head mama!
I'm getting kinda hungry by now. Growing guy cats (who are very handsome too by the way, thank you very much) need more nutritions. So I decide to wake her up already and mustering all my strength into one breath, I chirp out loud, "Meow? Meow... Meow!"
That should do the trick.
Eh? I'm neither a bird, nor is my mama a magician! Where do you get these silly ideas, kids? What did you say? Birds chirp? Well no kiddies, birds aren't the only ones with a melodious voice. I have a good voice too! I sing to my girlfr- I mean, Lucy occasionally. She thinks my voice is very finely tuned. I myself wanted to take singing lessons. But, they don't have 'em for cats like me. So...I opted for natural talent, singing randomly now and then.
And as for the magician part, yes, magicians have cats, and yes, I mentioned 'trick'...but...Oh forget it! You kids are so dense! I wont explain anymore! It ruins the flow of my narration!
Okay, so recapping the previous scene, I chirped in my wonderful voice. That woke her up for good. And...as always, she's got such a bed-head! Oi...! Meow! Don't you dare laugh at my mama's bed-head! Only Lucy and I have the right to do that!
She sits up, dazed, in a heap of sheets and blankets. And I jump into her lap.
My mama smiles.
And you know what, kiddies?
Her smile is so beautiful, it lights up my world. It brightens my mornings. It takes away all my worries and makes me feel safe and carefree. And...I think you get the idea.
So anyway, I smile back. And I'm sure she can tell that since she pats my head gently. My mama is the best cat-interpretor ever! Don't ya agree?!
And at that heart-felt moment, my tummy decides to growl, reminding me of why on Moon...err...wait, we don't live on moon. We live on...Sun? But no, I can see the sun through the window...if we lived on it, how would I've been able to see it? We live...on...I'll ask Lucy.
I'm with you
Whenever you tell, my story
For I am all I've done
Lucy says we live on Earth. Yep, that's what I meant.
Back to the point, my tummy decided to growl, reminding me of why on Earth was I so eager to wake my mama up.
She chuckles at that. I blush. Another good thing about being all black, it hides your expressions. Although, Lucy and my mama can still read me like an open book.
To avoid more embarrassment than I've already faced for the morning, I jump off my mama's lap as she gets up to get me my breakfast. Following her like the good little baby I am, I trott into the kitchen where she pours me some yummy creamy milk. I am a decent cat, mind you. So I sip on it like a gentleman...err...gentle-cat while my mama prepares her daily mug of cappuccino.
Coffee is healthy. No doubt about it. But only once a day. That's what I keep telling my mama. See? I'm such a caring person...cat.
During our breakfast, mama turns towards me, "Hey Seren, we should do the laundry today, don't you think?"
My heart melts at her smile and I reply her, "Meow!"
Laundry is my favorite chore ever! It's so fun, watching the clothes get cleaned step-by-step. The thought of doing laundry cheers me up and I finish my breakfast quickly, urging my mama to sip up the last of her beverage.
Then we gather the laundry and begin.
Remember, I will still be here
As long as you hold me, in your memory
Remember me
It's evening. And for some reason, I don't feel so good. However, I brush it off as nothing and resume playing tag with Lucy. Today was fun. Lucy and I played hide and seek. Mama did the regular chores to maintain her...our home since it was weekend.
I'm getting tired of running around. So I decide to go to bed early. But I'll still have to wait a bit since my mama is cooking dinner right now. Mmmmm! Can you smell it? It's so...delinquently appetizing! But for the same anonymous reason, I don't feel too hungry.
I am the one voice in the cold wind, that whispers
And if you listen, you'll hear me call across the sky
Okay, I think they've eaten dinner. They're done for today. And now my mama is gonna come here and make the bed. So I jump up on the soft mattress and make myself comfortable, glad at the thought of rest. Maybe tomorrow, it'll all go away.
My mama comes in the room and laughs when she sees me in my usual spot. She knows how much I enjoy it when she makes the bed while I'm on it. No matter how difficult it may be, she always accepts me the way I am. Always looks out for the best of me. And...I really, really love her for that.
Enough with all the mushy feelings! Time to sleep!
Tonight, mama sensed that I was a bit...slower than usual. So she feels my head and tells me I had a fever. Wonder why. Maybe that's why I lost my appetite for today. However, my...sixth sense tells me that...something is gonna happen. Something bad. But I ignore it and try to sleep.
For the first time, I encounter nightmares this night. Shadows, long and intimidating, red eyes filled with blood-lust, thirsty, coming for me, chasing me through the darkness, me screaming at the top of my lungs.
That's how I wake up, yelling with all my might. However once I regain my bearings, I try to calm myself down.
It was only a dream...but...
So close to reality. So close to how I'm feeling. I don't believe I'm going through any hormonal phases since I'm no teenager. It can't be a bug or something... since my mama takes such good care of me. Maybe it's because of the changes in weather... who knows. I just wish it'll pass soon. Because it's ruining my happy life so far.
As long as I still can reach out, and touch you
Then I will never die
It's been a few days since I've been feeling ill. And I'm sure my mama noticed it too because she's been talking to her husband about taking me to go see a doctor. I don't know. I've got mixed feelings about that.
But what I do know is that I've lost my appetite. And that I'm become... slow. Lazy. Like... Lucy would keep nudging me to play with her but I'd opt to rather stay where I'm cuddled in my fluffy spot on my mama's bed. Combined with the fever... I don't feel in the best of spirits.
So today... we go to a doc. He runs a few tests on me and despite panicking internally about needles and whatnot, I let him examine me. Because I myself would like to know what is wrong with me.
The doctor guy drops me in my mama's lap and starts reading through the file of test results he has retrieved. We wait in tense silence, my mama and I.
After a few long unbearable minutes, he pushes his glasses up and regards us with a sympathic stare. I gulp. My mama's grip tightens on me unintentionally. And the guy speaks eight words.
"I'm afraid your cat is suffering from Leukemia."
And these eight words send my world crashing down.
I'd rather not share my sentiments on that.
Covering up the initial shock with a gasp, my mama speaks to the doctor but I just can't comprehend the words. She then pays him and we exit his office to take our leave.
I'm beyond stunned. I mean...I... Serendipity James... have Leukemia. Blood cancer. I'm sick with something so much worst than a cold.
I'm... I'm going to die.
Realization washes over me like a glacial tide and I mewl pathetically. I don't want to die so soon. I can't leave my mama like this. I'm not so heartless. And Lucy... what about her? Who would teach her how to dance? I still haven't told her how much I love her. All my dreams... my goals... was it all for nothing?
Gentle fingers brush my cheeks and I realize my mama is wiping away my tears of distress. I can't help it. I nuzzle into her arms feverishly and keep mewling.
"Seren... we'll go through this together, my baby. We're going to get you the best medicines. You're going to be just fine, love."
Her words are falling on deaf ears though as I keep pleading to no one. Someone pinch me and wake me up. Please, just wake me up!
I whimper quietly, please... I'm begging... please just wake me up... just wake me up...wake... me...up...
Remember, I'll never leave you
If you will only
Remember me
The next days go past like a blur. An array of shapes without form, colours without shade, gestures without motion. Yes, I know I just quoted T. S. Eliot's "The Hollow Men". What can I say? I do have a taste for English literature and poetry.
But to think... to think it'll all be over like this... that soon, things will get much, much worse... the notion sounds so surreal. Like a horrible nightmare that's sinking it's fangs deep within my soul, trapped in an abyss of sleep, not letting it wake up and break free.
Despair... frustration... depression... pain... these are the only emotions I've been feeling lately. The disease claiming me has advanced. And despite the foul-tasting medicines I've been taking, it seems like nothing is working in my favour.
Maybe... that's how things are meant to be. Maybe I'm destined to end like this. Maybe... it's fate. Or is it a punishment? But I don't remember comitting evil deeds. My mama has trained me to be a good cat. And my mama is an angel. I'm her apprentice. How could it go so wrong?
I'm jostled out of my reverie as my mama place some milk before me. Nowadays, even though I don't have any appetite, even the smallest amount of food results in me throwing it back up.
My mama is distressed. I can see it in her shaking hands as she caresses my head. I often have severe pains now that bring me to my knees -metamorphically- and leave me completely exhauseted.
Drained of life.
Remember, I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory
Tonight, I feel absolutely horrible. Actually, that is an understatement. Contaminated by my sickness that's draining all essence of life out of my very being, I feel my time drawing near. I hallucinate. I mewl. I whimper. I scream.
Yet the pain keeps growing inside of me.
"Seren? Seren!" My mama is holding me close to her as I tremble weakly, gasping in pain. I try to take in deep breathes to calm myself but somehow, no air reaches my lungs. My eyes widen drastically and I attempt to suck in precious oxygen again but to no avail.
I cough desperately and a coppery taste fills my mouth as something crimson splatters on my mama's dress. I'm sorry mama, I didn't mean to ruin your beautiful outfit but I... I can't help it. I shut my eyes tight as I feel tears spilling from them.
"Baby you're gonna be okay..." My mama's voice is growing distant. Is it a panic attack? Or a cardiac arrest? I can't tell. All I can see is brightly contrasting spots in front of my eyes that are growing bigger and bigger... till blackness starts consuming me. My heart is getting slower, my breathing has become very shallow. I can't hold on to consciousness much longer. I can feel my body going cold and stiff as my mama keeps holding me, stroking my body gently to probably soothe me. And to assure me that I'm not alone.
Remember, when your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
I live forever
Remember me
God... please. Please keep my mama safe and happy. My time has come. I have to go now. Please take care of my mama for me. I love her very much. Please...
The last thing I hear is my mama's words, "Seren, my baby... I love you."
And a bright light fills my vision before it all goes dark.
Remember me
Remember... me...
A tribute to Serendipity James. And a heart-felt piece of writing dedicated to my cyber-sister, The High Queen Of Angst.
I know it's late, my friend. But you know how life has been. And I had it written half-way ever since I got the news. So today, I completed it... because I too am in a bit of... distress. May our souls find peace and healing in what moments we can cherish now.
Fly on and Don't Look Back,
Hope.