Response to Wolverine'sDarlin 'Broken' Challenge
I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain awayI keep your photograph;
I know it serves me wellI wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore
Seether feat. Amy Lee-Broken
Inspired by The Fray-Look After You
Garrus stares at his omni-tool. And it said it had been exactly two years and twelve days since Shepard died. The picture that accompanied the running clock was one of the crew. Kaidan had Shepard in his arms bridal style. Jayne Shepard was laughing her head off, tears filling her silver gray eyes. Tali was arguing with Wrex about shotgun upgrades. Liara was standing timidly among them, off in the background.
Lowering his head in sorrow, Garrus deleted it. The next one was of Shepard and Tali, Shepard putting her fingers up in the 'bunny sign' as she had called it, over Tali's head. Garrus deleted it too.
But the next one…he couldn't bring himself to delete it. Jayne Shepard was grinning like a maniac, black hair behind her ears, silver gray eyes twinkling, pale skin contrasting against her dark navy blue uniform, and her arm was snaked around him. She was happy. He looked happy too. But he wasn't happy now…
Garrus heaved a heavy sigh, keeping his eyes trained on the picture. She was probably beautiful or pretty in human terms. But in turian terms, she looked foreign and unfamiliar. She was different. She was human. And he was turian. But she didn't seem to care that he was C-sec or was a turian. In fact, she treated him like a friend. Shepard even told him that.
Shutting down his omni-tool, Garrus draped his dark blue helmet over him. He padded over to the open window, gunning down anybody that got in his way. She left him. She left him for the 'afterlife' or wherever it was that humans went. But either way, she was gone. And he wanted to see her again.
"Cause without you Shepard…I'm nothing."
You've gone away, you don't feel me here, anymore.
The worst is over now, and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, and steal my pain, away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high, and steal your pain.
"Contact's name is Fade on the Citadel. Sidonis was last seen with him. Fade makes people disappear for a price. But we'll make Fade tell us where Sidonis is." Garrus' eyes were dark with anger.
"We'll go immediately…Garrus." Shepard laid her hand on his tense arm. Even though he couldn't feel it, he relaxed.
It felt good to have Jayne Shepard back. He felt whole again. She healed him. But back on Omega, he was ready to die. To be with Shepard once more. But Shepard saved him. He lost count on how many times she saved him. But he would pay it back someday.
Garrus calmed down and smiled at her. Shepard smiled back, her grin the same way as he remembered it. "If you don't mind me asking Garrus, how did Sidonis betray your team? What happened?"
"He tipped off the mercs. Told them where our base was. He drew me out with a false job, then let the mercs hit my team. My men weren't prepared. They tried to hold them off…"
Garrus sadly shook his head, the vivid memories of his men dying slowly. "By the time I came back, they were only two survivors. They didn't last long. All ten of them dead, because of him."
"What are you planning to do when you find him?" It was a question that worried Shepard. Garrus seemed so set on finding Sidonis, that she was afraid that she'd lose him in his quest for revenge.
"You humans have a saying: 'An eye for an eye.' A life for a life. He owes me ten lives. I plan to collect." His tone of voice made Shepard shiver. It wasn't like Garrus at all.
"Are you sure?" Shepard whispered, not fully trusting her voice to go any higher.
"I'm sure. I don't need you to agree with me, but I'd like your help." He nearly spat out 'I'm sure.' Shepard mulled it over and replied back regretfully.
"Where do we find Fade?"
"I've arranged a meeting. We'll meet him in a warehouse near the Neon markets, by the Zakera Ward." Garrus grinned, but it wasn't a happy grin. It almost seemed…sinister. "Thanks Shepard. I appreciate you taking the time to help me."
Shepard stared after him as Garrus went back into the main battery room. "God I'm worried…"
"Move over Shepard. You're in my shot." Garrus commanded her. He's never done that before. Shepard stood still.
"I'm a friend of Garrus'. He wants you dead. And I'm the only thing between you and a hole in the head." Shepard said carefully, making sure Sidonis stayed put.
"Garrus? He's…he's going to kill me isn't he?" Sidonis shook his head, almost accepting of his fate. Shepard wasn't allowing that.
"Damn it Shepard. If he moves I'm taking the shot." Garrus snarled in her ear. She almost flinched.
"Look…I didn't want to do it. I had no choice." Sidonis wavered a bit, voice breaking.
"Everyone has a choice." Garrus argued.
"They got to me. They'd kill me if I didn't help them. What was I supposed to do?" Sidonis shrugged, his turian expression was one of dismay.
"Let me the take the shot. He's a damn coward!" Garrus asked one last time, his hate slipping through. But Shepard kept at it. She was saving her friend no matter what.
"That's it? You were just saving yourself?" Shepard walked along with Sidonis, her elbows leaning over a rail, keeping an eye on him.
"I know what I did. I know they died because of me, and I have to live with that." Sidonis held back a cough. "I wake up every night…sick…their faces accusing me. Food has no taste for me. Some days I just wish it was over."
Garrus pleaded, "Just give me the chance." His voice was getting raspy with concealed emotion.
"You've got to let it go Garrus. He's already dead. There's nothing left of him. Besides, he's already paying for his crime."
"He hasn't paid enough. He still has his life." She could almost feel the tension eating at her. She could just let him take the shot. Then everything would be fine. Except for Garrus. He'd be lost…lost in his revenge and darker side of justice.
"Look at him Garrus. There's nothing alive in him. There's nothing left to kill."
"My men…deserved better." Garrus said determinedly, a hint of anger biting through his usually calm voice.
"Tell Garrus…I guess there's nothing I can say to make this right." Sidonis said, his disembodied dead voice hitting Garrus.
"Just…go. Tell him to go." Garrus relented at last, sweat edging his rough skin.
"He's giving you a second chance. I wouldn't waste it if I were you." Shepard patted Sidonis on the back, reassuring him that he could go.
"Thank you. For talking to him." Sidonis failed an attempt at smiling and walked away, the walk of a man whose life was renewed…different. Shepard knew it was worth the effort.
Shepard walked up to the shuttle, seeing Garrus trudge toward her. "I know you want to talk about this. But I don't…not yet."
"I know." Shepard replied, accepting defeat for once. At least she saved her friend. She couldn't bear to see him lost in such a way.
"Shepard." Garrus knocked on the locked door. She hadn't come to talk to him. She was one to talk to everybody, even if they said they didn't want to talk.
The door lock disengaged but was still kept closed. "Shepard?"
"What?" Came back a gruff voice.
"Can…can we talk Shepard?"
"Yep." Shepard opened the door. Garrus blinked. She looked completely normal. She had been simply hanging out, listening to music and reading holopads. "So you want to talk now?"
"Yeah but I didn't expect you to listen to me when I said I wasn't ready to talk."
"I didn't want to pressure you." She replied back simply, like as if it was the most obvious things in the world.
"It's just…" Garrus sighed. "You let Sidonis go. After what he did to my team? They did deserve better than that Shepard. I don't think you understand."
"I do understand Garrus. I understood when I lived on Earth." Shepard looked away from him, gazing at her fish tank.
Garrus certainly was expecting that. "What…?"
"I'll give you the short version. I was abandoned by my parents when I was a child. The vids about me failed to mention that. I ran with gangs when I was only ten. The vids about me failed to mention that as well. Well there this was one specific gang I was with for a long time when I was fourteen years old."
"The Tenth Street Reds?" Garrus guessed. He had been there when that one strange human asked Shepard for a favor. She ended up shooting him in the end. He had no idea as to why though.
"That was it. His name was Finch. Back on Earth, he was the 'leader' in a way. I was caught up in their promises to protect me and give me a life to live for. They found me before I pulled the trigger." Shepard laughed darkly. "If it weren't for them I would be dead."
Garrus' mandibles fluttered. Shepard was rescued by a human scum gang. 'If it weren't for them…'
"One of the lesser gang members was called Sammy. Became my best friend. He was just another one of those people who promised to protect me. But he didn't." Shepard's voice caught, clearing her throat violently.
"Damned man took advantage of me. He said there had to be 'perks' in order to have his protection. So in a way, he betrayed my trust in him. I never could see 'love' the same way afterwards."
Garrus noticed something wet against Shepard's cheeks. "Shepard I…I'm sorry." He felt horrible. He felt sickened. He felt rage.
"Killing Sammy later on didn't make me feel better. In fact, I felt worse. And killing Finch just made it even more worse. I thought I could take back what was taken from me. Heh, I was so wrong."
Garrus clenched his fists, struggling to not lash out. 'How dare they hurt Shepard!'
Shepard noticed his apprehension. "The only reason I told you this was to prove a point. Killing them did nothing for me. It makes you feel horrible even, and it does nothing in the end. Killing Sidonis wouldn't have brought back your squad. And killing Sammy didn't bring back my…" Shepard slumped over onto her bed, cradling herself.
Garrus followed her, resting a comforting arm around her. 'Apparently losing it is an important thing for a human. We turians are free to release stress. The bonding is nothing to us. Humans can be too emotional.'
Garrus shakes his had, berating himself for thinking that way. 'No no…this was wrong. That man stole it from her. And she didn't even want it. So that has to account for something…why would human males even do so without asking? What would be the point?'
"Humans can be a selfish and controlling species Garrus." Shepard looked up at him, answering his question about humanity. "They take what they want, with brute force if necessary. I think we like to blame it on our short-live spans but that's only a part of it."
"Shepard why would he do that? If it means nothing to him, then why do so?"
"Like I said Garrus, humanity takes what it wants. Even if it means by brute force…" Then the answer dawned on him.
"Oh…" Garrus found himself unable to speak.
"I think I understand now. And thanks…for explaining." Garrus said, now knowing why Shepard did what she did.
"No problem Garrus." Shepard grinned. There was no trace of that wretched look that she bore earlier.
"Shall we go and get something to eat? I'm starving." She patted her stomach for emphasize.
"Right behind you Shepard." She trotted over to the elevator as Garrus murmured to himself, "I'll look after you. And that's a promise I'll keep."
There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Be my baby
Oh, oh, oh
I'll Look After You.