(A/N: Sort of in lieu of When Pink-Haired Digidestined Attack. Iori never has any fans, so why shouldn't he get some? Here goes nothing! Also, if you like Michael Jackson, Tentomon or Iori, turn away or beware! Major bashing ahead.)
the iori fan club meeting
from the files of the hida iori
lovers
(meeting #1)
attendants at this meeting:
Grandpa Hida
Michael Jackson
Jun Motomiya
Tentomon
with special guest appearance by:
God, A.K.A. Iori Hida
They seemed to be in a messy, small room. A familiar red-haired girl prowled about, searching the area. A half-drunk on prune juice old man wobbled on the bed. It seemed to be a boring day for the first meeting of the Iori fan club, would things pick up? This would ruin poor Iori's little heart!
"I'm sorry I'm late!" came an effeminate voice as a figure entered, taking a seat next to the bed. "I heard this was the first meeting and I certainly didn't want to miss it," the figure wore a strange mask, covering extremely pale skin which lead to dark black and knatty hair. "So, what is about this little boy that I've heard so much about?" Jun continued to prowl, searching through drawers, sniffing socks and the like. Grandfather Hida came to attention.
"Eh? Iori?"
"Oh, yes, Iori is his name. But I like to call him---Cody," the man winked. "If you know what I mean."
"Not really."
"Oh. Damn Bandai! I knew I should've listened to Chris McFeely. He did, lest I forget, help me pick my nose prototype," Michael Jackson adjusted some, removing his mask to reveal his face. His nose hung down, attached only by a patch of fake skin. The old man didn't seem very interested.
"Alright! Where's the undies?" Jun screamed, digging through Disney colorbooks, Barbie and Ken dolls, and ripping apart a Raggedy Ann. She paused for a moment, putting a finger to her rounded mouth in thought. A thinking bubble appeared above her. "And why am I suddenly obsessed with Iori? Is this an attempt to include more recognizable and hilarious Digimon characters in this fanfic?" She broke out of it and shook her head, continuing to rip apart the child's room.
"So," Michael began fanning himself as he looked about, causing his nose to dangle about and move. Grandpa Hida became hypnotized. "Tell me more about this--Iori you speak of," Jackson looked about, eyeing the Britney Spears poster on the boy's door. "What's a few--descriptive words you would use for him?"
"Hmm," the man thought for a moment. "Well, he's very strong-willed, yet quiet. Ever since his father died.."
"Oh, well that's not important," Michael interrupted. "Is he under 14?"
"Why yes, he's very young," the old man pulled himself up and gave a groan.
"I see, I see. Well, I'm Michael, but you can call me M.J., it's like BJ except with an m. You can call me BJ too." Michael held out his hand to the elderly man. He took ahold of it and fell off. "Oh my.. And I thought my third nose surgery was a disaster!" The pop singer quickly grabbed up his prosthetic body part and stuffed it away.
"Well hello there, Michaer." Obviously Grandpa Hida couldn't pronounce L correctly, as was his language nature. This also begs the question how the language barrier was broken, yet another plothole for Jun to ponder, but not before she opens the panty drawer! Jun dug in.
"Michael. L!"
"Rrr?"
"L!" He repeated.
"RrrrRrrrRrrr?" The elderly man struggled.
"M.J." Michael gave up.
"M.J." Hida nodded.
Suddenly, a familiar and annoying buggy voice filled the room. "Well, it looks like I came just in time to begin the meeting!" it flew in and landed on the bed. No one recognized it as Tentomon (currently unemployed). "Why hello Michael Jackson, I'm a very big fan of yours! So good to see you here!" Michael blinked for a moment, then poked at Tentomon.
(flashback)
A leather-clad Tentomon jumped onto Koushirou's bed, shaking his ass. Thriller played in the background. "'Cause this is thriller--" before he could continue, his chosen child's had smacked him onto the floor with a moan. The digimon quickly regrouped himself and looked confused.
"Tentomon, SHUT UP! This time I'm threatening to throw out the CD!"
"Ohhh," Tentomon gave a small whimper and teared up, turning the CD off.
(end flashback)
"Well, that was weird," Jun froze for a moment.
"Only I am suppose to know about that," Tentomon crossed his arms. "It was my flashback."
Michael Jackson bit his lip. "Uhm.."
"Anyway! Let us begin the meeting! As we all know, this is the very first Iori Hida fan club meeting. It seems our first gathering has a limited crowd," a sweatdrop grew on the digimon. Jun danced around to Iori's Barney musical CD, Grandpa Hida was knocked out on the floor drooling, and Michael was sniffing at the boy's sheets. "Ehem.. Let us proceed with business as usual? Or, well, not usual. I'll call for order, and then we'll..."
"I FOUND THE UNDERWEAR!" Jun screamed, pulling a drawer out as she paused the CD.
Tentomon changed his train of thought completely. "PANTY RAID!"
Michael jumped up. "Ooh, gimme!" Along with Tentomon, the singer tackled Jun for the drawer. In a rustle of dust, clothing and skin, came a victorious hand grasping a pair of tighty-whities. "I've struck gold!" Michael jumped up. He glorified his victory. As the rubble cleared, Tentomon was seen with Teletubbie underwear shoved over his head. Jun, however, was wearing a complete Iori outfit. "Why, they smell like apples in the morning!"
Michael and the others were interrupted as they heard a noise outside. Everyone froze, clutching at each other. Jun noticed the king of pop hand his hand on her ass. "Hey," she motioned. He quickly moved it and apologized, taking out a can of disinfectant and spraying it all over himself, shuddering. Grandpa Hida's snoring even stopped. Everything stood still.
"Mom, Grandpa, I'm home."
"Is that Iori?" Michael looked about. "Uh-oh."
Click. The door-knob slowly began to turn. Everyone froze! What was going to happen? What were they going to do? How was Tentomon to explain himself? Would Michael sign Iori's CD collection? Everything was revealed as the door opened. Iori Hida, dressed in common apparel, looked upon the group in confusion. "...Huh? What are you--"
"Umm.. You see.. Quick! Get him!" Michael gave up trying to explain himself. Everyone lunged at the boy. His eyes widened as he met an enslaught of crazed Iori fans, tackling him to the floor. Bings, bangs and booms were heard from the room. Some ended up with underwear on their heads, some ended up in the other's wardrobes. Let this never be spoken of again.
From outside, citizens of Odaiba looked up in surprise and horror. He wasn't sure why he was doing it, but it felt like the right thing to do. Michael hung and waved Iori out of the window. The poor boy gave a crazed yelp and wriggled himself about. "What are you doing that for!" Tentomon asked.
"Well, it seemed like a good thing to do at the time! I didn't see you coming up with any ideas!" Suddenly Michael stopped his whining and paused. Jun and Tentomon looked confused, then looked to him. M.J. slowly turned around to reveal one lone shoe. A thud was heard outside. "I made an uh-oh."
--
"Fan-mail time!" cried Tentomon. "Hurry, before the police come to arrest Michael!"
"Do they have boys in prison--"
"Let's see," Jun pulled out a letter. "If I'm reading this correctly, it's from a--Jyou Kido. Jyou Kido writes: Dear Iori Fan Club, I'm currently taking a test. I always take tests. I'll be taking a test during the meeting, so I wrote this letter. When I'm not taking tests, I'm thinking of him. His big, innocent eyes. His beautiful, luscious skin, touching mine as we slowly.."
"Let's stop with that one," Michael grabbed the letter. "This Jyou Kido is far too old."
"Hey! Open up in there! What's going on? Why is Iori pancaked on the cement?" came a voice, that of Iori's mother.
"Uh-oh!" Tentomon looked about. "It seems we don't have time to read the rest of the letters! Every panty-snatcher for himself!" Tentomon grabbed up a dozen or so underwear and flew out the window. Michael looked about, then lay against the (white) carpet and easily blended in. Jun used Iori as a soft landing as she plummeted out the window.
more letters for you iori fans
Dear Iori Fan Club,
I absolutely love Iori! Seriously, he's the best thing since in-door plumbing! I try not to let anyone know, but I think about him a lot. He's so kind and caring, and gentle and loving. I can see myself living the rest of my life with him, despite some indifferences in our family situations. Every night I picture him by my side, holding me, carressing me. Every morning I picture awaking before him, a smile crossing my face as I remember our beautiful love the night before. Oh my Iori, oh my love.
Signed,
(Hey! I'm not signing this! If I did, you'd know I was Yamato's father!)
Dear Iori Fan Club,
Iori has been a big part of my life. My whole world revolves around him! I don't see him as much as I like, but when I do, I must struggle to control myself. I can't let the others know my true feelings, my true love.. With this letter, I confess it all. I love him! I love Iori Hida! I don't care who knows anymore!
With a lot of sweet love,
Vamdemon (Myotismon, damn Bandai!)
P.S. I'm back. For the tenth time.
(A/N: I don't know; it was written on a whim. I loved the idea though! It was absolutely hilarious. I'd like to thank Koushirou especially for helping me suddenly get this hilarious idea. Mayhap it is to be continued? Tell me your opinions in a review! If you liked it, I also suggest When Pink-Haired Digidestined Attack.)