AN: OK, I haven't posted a JABE story in a while, so I decided on doing a one chapter story. It isn't going to be one of my usual JABE stories though. -Danielle
Not Letting Go
Her shoes crunched on the snow as Babe looked around the desolate place. She was the only one there among the gray headstones. She hugged herself closely as she made her way to the familiar spot by the frozen lake.
Everything in this place seemed gray. Even the clouds had taken on that color. They threatened to spit out snow at any moment. The sun was hidden behind them, but every once in a while it would come out and show its bright face.
Babe reached the headstone she wanted, and she kneeled down, and let her hand touch the stone, closing her eyes. She had removed her leather glove so she could feel the texture better. It was still the same as it had been the last time she had visited. When Babe opened her eyes, she looked down at the name on the headstone and sighed.
Babe looked away from the grave and looked up towards the sky, seeing that the sun had finally come back out, giving Babe a break from the grayness that seemed to surround her. It was reflecting off the ice that covered the lake, reminding Babe of the tragic events that had happened in the past.
As Babe looked at the ice reflecting the sunlight off its surface, a memory arose in her mind. She remembered hearing herself scream and a gun shot.
Babe closed her eyes tightly, trying to get the sounds of that fateful night out of her head. But they wouldn't leave. They would never leave. They haunted her day and night, awake and asleep.
When she finally opened her eyes, the sun had disappeared and she was thrown into the world of no color again. Babe stopped fighting the memories of the past, and just let them come. She was shocked by the clarity and realness of them, as if they just happened yesterday.
The tears slipped from her eyes as she became overwhelmed by the past.
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Babe had just sent Bruno home with Little A from the park. Babe decided to go for a walk to think about this morning when JR had given her Dixie's necklace, and to think about how much she really did love JR. This wasn't a scheme anymore, this was real. And Babe was now looking forward to a real marriage with the man she loved and her son.
Babe was passing a warehouse when she heard someone inside, and they sounded like they were crying.
Babe didn't know whether to go in and see what was going on or keep walking. She decided to pull out her cell phone and call JR. When she got his voicemail, she told him to meet her at the warehouse that she was about to enter, and told him to come ASAP.
When she entered and heard the door slam behind her and saw Janet from another Planet blocking the door. Janet was grinning at her and Babe knew she had walked into a trap.
"What are you doing?" Babe asked, backing up towards the wall.
"Well, I was waiting for you, my dear. You see, I don't like it very much when people are mean to my Amanda. It makes me very angry."
"What... what are you talking about?" Babe asked.
"Every time you and JR were mean to my sweet little Amanda, it made me realize that you two needed to learn how to be nice to people. I tried to teach you guys a lesson, but lesson after lesson you were still mean!" Janet exclaimed, walking away from the door and closer to Babe.
"What do you mean by lesson... oh my God. It was you! You were the one who pushed me down the stairs, and poisoned our soup, and took my family!" Babe accused.
"You're not as dumb as you look after all Blondie." Janet giggled crazily.
Babe looked at her, "What are you gonna do to me?"
"What am I gonna do?" Janet said in a deeper manly voice, "Well... since you can't seem to learn from your mistakes, I think I need to kill you."
"W-what? No, you can't. Listen Janet, I'm really sorry I was mean to Amanda. I just thought that she would do those things because she was new in town and I really didn't know her... I'll apologize to her and everything!" Babe tried to bargain.
"It's too little, too late Babe!" Janet yelled, and pulled out a gun.
Babe had kept backing up and she finally hit the wall. Janet stepped one step back, and aimed the gun at her.
"Aw, don't cry!" Janet laughed, and Babe closed her eyes, expecting to hear a loud shot and a sudden burst of pain.
Just then, JR opened the door, and saw Janet aiming the gun at Babe. He saw the look in Janet's eyes, and knew she was about to kill the love of his life.
"NO!" JR bellowed, and Babe opened her eyes and saw JR running towards her.
"JR, don't!" Babe screamed as JR jumped in front of her as the gun went off.
-----
"JR, please, please hold on!" Babe cried, holding onto JR's hand.
JR and Babe were at the abandoned warehouse, and JR was lying on the floor, fighting for breath. Both he and Babe were covered in blood, his blood. JR was bleeding heavily from a small hole in his chest. Babe kept gripping his bloody hand harder, as if she could keep him alive if she held on tight enough.
"You can't leave me like this, and you can't leave our son. We love you too much!" Babe screamed, and then placed her head in the crook of his neck and cried.
JR's breath was becoming more labored and shallow, and he couldn't move.
"I love you, Babe." JR breathed.
"I love you too, so, so much!" Babe said into his neck.
She pulled back and their eyes locked. This was it, the last time Babe would be able to look into his eyes. In that one moment, Babe realized how much JR actually loved her, even through everything. And in that same instant, JR saw how deep Babe's love was for him.
Just then, they both heard someone pounding on the door, and Jamie and Tad's voices filled the empty, cold warehouse.
"We are in here! Call for help!" Babe screamed, and then the door flew open and Jamie and Tad raced in.
"Oh God," Tad ran towards JR, with Jamie in close pursuit.
"He's hurt, badly." Babe said, tears falling freely down her cheeks.
"What happened?" Jamie asked.
Babe looked up at him, "It was Janet! She ran out of here as soon as she shot him!"
Babe felt JR grip her hand a little tighter, and she looked from Jamie and Tad who was talking on the phone, back down at him.
"I have a-always... loved you." JR gasped.
"Don't you dare talk like that! You need to save your strength." Babe gently scolded him.
Jamie walked around to the other side of JR, but kept his distance. He knew that Babe and JR needed this time alone, he didn't know how much time JR had left. It didn't look good.
"No, I need... to t-tell... you. I never... thought I w-would love... you again... but I d-do. I l-love you... so much more... then when we first were married. Babe... you are e-everything... to me. I'm... so s-sorry... for everything I've done... to you. I wish..." JR paused to take a deep breath.
"What... what you do wish?" Babe asked, trying to hold back her sobs, her body shaking with the effort.
"That... we... we could have spent more time j-just being happy and... in l-love." JR told her.
"I wish that too." Babe cried, and gathered him into her arms. "I love you too, JR, so much. You will never know how much you mean to me. And I can't live without you... so you can't go!"
Tad had hung up the phone, and walked over to where Jamie was kneeling and placed a hand on his shoulder. Tad felt tears in his eyes, and he looked down and saw Jamie was also crying, but he was trying to hide it.
Tad knew that JR and Babe loved each other, but he never knew they loved each other this much. He always thought they were playing some kind of game, but now as Tad thought about it... he knew that Babe and JR were soul mates. Babe was the only person that could make JR truly happy, and JR was the only person that could bring out the good side of Babe.
"Where is that damn ambulance?" Jamie asked, looking from JR to the door frantically.
Babe kept kissing JR's head and holding his hand while rocking back and forth. She ignored the fact that her clothes were now covered in JR's blood, as was the floor.
"Take c-care of our son..." JR said almost inaudibly,
Babe's tears came faster and harder, and they dripped onto JR's bloody chest.
"Don't say that... you are gonna be here to help me." Babe said, her voice cracking.
JR looked at Dixie's star necklace hanging from Babe's neck, "It... it is so... perfect... on... you."
Babe leaned down and kissed him gently on the lips but pulled away as she, Tad and Jamie all looked up at the door as they heard sirens.
"Do you hear that JR, you're gonna be OK!" Babe smiled, and looked down at JR.
His eyes were closed, and his chest wasn't moving.
"JR..." Babe said a little louder, and still he didn't move.
"JR!" Babe shook him, and when he didn't answer, she shook him harder, "JR!" Babe screamed.
JR didn't move from his position.
"Oh JR..." Tad said, hot tears falling from his eyes.
Jamie didn't say anything; he just stared at JR's body in shock. Tad kneeled down next to Jamie and held him in his arms as they both listened to Babe's screams, making them both cry harder.
"Oh god, JR NO! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME! NOOOO!" Babe screamed, looking up towards the ceiling.
As the stretcher and the paramedics came into the building and pulled JR's bloody body from her arms, she let out a scream. A scream that sounded like somebody's heart was being ripped out. And Babe's heart had been ripped out, right when JR's body was ripped from her hands.
Babe watched through her blurry vision as the paramedics tried to revive JR, and when they both stopped working on him and looked towards her, she let out a heart wrenching scream, even worse than the first time.
And then Babe screamed again. And again. She fell back to the floor in a heap, still screaming JR's name.
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Babe wiped away the tears from her face, and looked at JR's headstone.
"I'm sorry I haven't visited for a while. Both Little Adam and Samantha have been keeping me busy. She is growing up so fast, you would be so proud of her, little Adam too. He started kindergarten last month, and he loves it."
It had been three years since the love of her life and the father of her children had died. Babe had gotten pregnant when she and JR had been on vacation at the island, and Babe hadn't found out until after JR's death. Her son and daughter had been the only thing that had kept Babe going.
"Little Adam keeps drawing pictures of you, and of all of us as a family. It's so hard to watch him miss his daddy like he does. I want to make his hurt go away, but I can't. And I don't know what to tell Sam. She is only two years old. How do you make a two year old understand that her daddy is never coming back?" Babe choked out.
Babe breathed in and out to try and control her crying, "You dad had actually been a big help, which is shocking. He wanted me to stay in the Chandler mansion, and he spoils those kids rotten. If the circumstances were different, I wouldn't let him do as much as he does, but I know the kids need him in their lives. He is the closet thing to their father as they are going to get. Jamie and Tad have been around, too. Tad also spoils them, and I like Tad's influence better then Adam's."
"Jamie has turned out to be a great help, too. After everything we have been through, I never thought we would be friends right now, but we are. He has helped me so much. You know what he told me the other day, JR? He knew that I loved you, even when me and him were together. He said that he knew that you and I were soul mates, no matter how mean we were to each other. A lot of other people have said the same thing. It's funny how everyone else saw that we were meant to be way before we did."
"My mama and Dad are there for our children too. It's amazing the transformation that happens to David when he is around his grandkids. He is no longer the evil doctor who makes concoctions at his cabin out in the middle of nowhere. He is a loving grandpa, devoted to his grandchildren. And you know mama, she loves those two like nothing else."
Babe paused, looking down at the snow, and then back up to JR's headstone, "I still wake up and turn over, expecting to see your sleeping face lying next to mine. And every time I see your not... I feel my heart break. It breaks into so many little pieces that I don't know how to pick them up. Everyone tells me it will keep getting better, and I guess it has somewhat. I don't cry myself to sleep every night like I used to. I'm better on the busier days, like when I'm working really hard at Fusion and taking care of the kids... I barely cry at all. I don't have time to really think about my pain. It's the days when I have time to myself that kills me. All I can think about is how it's my fault that you died, even thought everyone tells me its not."
"Jamie tries to keep me busy on those kinds of days, but he hasn't been able to lately. After a wedding to Amanda and expecting his first child, he doesn't have time. He feels guilty about not being able to be there for me, but I don't blame him. He has a life; he shouldn't have to take care of me. I want him to enjoy this time, getting ready for his child. He will make a great father, and I don't want to ruin it for him."
"Janet was caught a little while after your funeral. Amanda was the one who turned her in. We both apologized to each other, knowing that we would end up seeing a lot of each other. We aren't best buddies, but she does help me some, and I am thankful for that."
"Bianca visited me after you had died. She stayed for a while with me, and we just talked. About you, about life, about the past. She was there for me, and she let me cry on her shoulder. I couldn't believe that she cared enough about me to do that for me. I know she is an angel on Earth."
Babe felt for Dixie's necklace that was hanging around her neck, "Everyone keeps telling me I need to let you go, to move on. But I won't. I will never let you go. There will never be another person for me, you were it. The love we have... had... is once in a lifetime. I will never find that again. But you know what? I don't want to, and I'm happy for being able to have just been with you. Even though it was only a short amount of time, it was so worth it."
Babe stood up and brushed off the snow from her knees. Babe then brought her hand to her lips and kissed the tips of her fingers, and then placed them on JR's headstone.
"I love you JR, now and forever. I will come back and visit you until I die. And when I do die, I'll expect to see you waiting for me, welcoming me with open arms."
Babe's smile was bittersweet as she glanced down at the grave, and then she started walking away. She stopped though, as she felt a familiar feeling. A feeling of happiness and safety, that hadn't felt in years. It was the feeling only JR could give her.
Babe turned around and sucked in air as she looked by JR's headstone. Standing there was a man... no it wasn't a man, it was more like a bright shadow. It was JR.
He stood there, just looking at Babe. His arms were crossed casually and he wore the smile he got when she was around. It was the one smile of his that belonged to her alone. It showed all the love that he felt for Babe.
Babe couldn't move; she just stared at him. After only seeing JR in pictures, memories and her dreams for the past three years... seeing him like this was a miracle.
Babe finally broke out of her trance, "I miss you." She called quietly.
JR nodded, and kept smiling at her. Then, Babe heard Jamie call out her name from a little ways behind her. Babe turned and glanced back towards Jamie, "Come quick!" Babe cried.
At the sound in Babe's voice, Jamie broke out into a jog.
Babe turned back to the headstone, smiling and wanting to show Jamie JR. But he smiled faltered. He wasn't there. JR was gone.
"What, what is it?" Jamie asked as he caught up to her.
Babe still stared at the spot where JR had been, wishing he would come back, but she knew he wouldn't. Babe then looked back at Jamie and shook her head.
"Come on; let's get you out of here." Jamie said.
Jamie turned away and started walking back towards his car, expecting Babe to follow.
The clouds parted and Babe felt the sun on her face. She closed her eyes, basking in the warmth. She knew that JR was here with her right now, she could feel him even though she couldn't see him. Babe knew he would watch over her and their family, no matter what. Babe smiled, and opened her eyes.
"I love you, JR." Babe turned and started walking back towards the car.
Babe turned and started following Jamie and walking towards the car. All of the sudden, a rush of wind flew past Babe. As it passed, Babe knew she had heard JR's voice.
"I love you Babe."