A.N. So this is a little different than the Jily stuff I've written in the past. I tend to write fluff, and humour, and a lot of mean, murdery plot twists, so this was new territory for me. Basically, I just wanted something to show that they're an ordinary couple, that they fight, and sometimes it's really messy. Please enjoy!
Disclaimer... these characters belong to JKR.
A kick to the teeth is good for some
A kiss with a fist is better then none
- Kiss With a Fist, by Florence + The Machine
October 5th, 1978
"I can't believe you, Lily!"
"And why the hell not? It was a kiss, James, grow up. We were drunk, and Caradoc kissed me."
"Why were you even drunk with Caradoc? He's with Lark!"
"You know why – they invited me for dinner, there were a few too many bottles of oak matured mead, Lark went to bed, he kissed me. One time. I left, came home, and explained."
It was a familiar position for both of them. Two feet apart, hands on hips, glaring furiously.
"It was a betrayal," James said tightly, his voice starting to shake a bit. He could almost see a hint of remorse in Lily's eyes as she heard his voice but it was gone in the next second and her eyes were hard and impermeable again.
"Are you trying to tell me you never kissed anyone else while we've been together? You and Lark never backslid?"
"Fuck, is that why you did it? To try to hurt me about Lark? Lark and I were over before you and I even began. You've never been cruel, Lily."
"I didn't kiss him!" Lily hissed. "He kissed me – and god, I told you that, why are you being like this?"
"Because I've always trusted you and now I can't."
That stopped her. Her lips sealed together firmly, trapping whatever else she wanted to say, and Lily rocked back on her heels. For the first time since they'd been together, when James looked at her, he didn't feel the under riding current of love that was always there. When they'd fought before, whatever anger he'd felt had been tinged with adoration. Now it wasn't. Now it was only anger.
"I'm sick of this," Lily finally spat. "Of your mad expectations – we're not teenagers anymore, James! This isn't some high-school romance, we're adults and we're married and we're fighting a goddamn war, and you just want everything to be lovely and for us to just get along all the time-"
When Lily got angry she tended to pepper her speech with more Muggle curses and references. It just made James feel farther apart from her.
"Of course I want us to get along! We're married, I don't want to fight all the time!" James shouted. "Of course I don't, but me being upset about you snogging someone else isn't being unreasonable!"
"You're a bloody control freak!" Lily hurled back, eyes shining with tears. "Even when I was friends with Sev-"
"Why the hell Lily? I thought you were done with Snape, why bring him up?"
"Because you always thought you owned me!" she screamed.
That silenced the both of them. Lily was breathing hard, hair coming down in scarlet wisps around her face, wand in her hand.
"Are you going to curse me?" he asked, raising his hands so they rested out, palms facing up.
"Fuck you," Lily gasped, chest rising and falling quickly. "Just – fuck you James."
There was a sick pit of anger in his stomach, and he wanted to hurt her, and it just made him feel sicker. What was wrong with him? That he wanted to throw as many barbed words and accusations at her until she collapsed? You could always hurt the ones you love more than the ones you hate. Lily was shaking and flushed, green eyes bright as a curse. Her hands were clenched tightly, short nails biting into the skin of her palms.
For a moment, James wanted to walk over to her and uncurl her hands and kiss away the marks that her nails left. The impulse passed as his eyes passed back over her face. She was furious. She didn't want comforting, she didn't want soothing, she wanted them to rage against each other until one of them broke.
"I think we're done," he said coldly, more coldly than he felt, and he walked away.
Inside, he wasn't cold. He was burning hot with anger and unspoken words. The words felt like they were being burned inside his chest, fuelling the fire there.
Lily was shaking with spent rage. They had fought before but nothing like this. The last time there had been anything like this, was fifth year. And she'd been more upset about Severus Snape, then.
She slammed her fist into the wall by the fireplace. It went right through, and she pulled her hand back, the knuckles dotted with blood and plaster, her whole hand aching.
"Fuck," she hissed, and sunk to the floor.
By dinner time, they were fighting again.
"I just don't understand!" Lily was fighting tears. "I made a mistake and I'm sorry, but right now this is your problem, not mine."
"You kissed him."
"He kissed me! But how you're reacting, James, that's your choice. So grow the fuck up and deal. Stop being such a child."
Her fingers were tingling and she couldn't tell if she wanted to kiss him or hex him.
"I just wanted you to apologise!"
His heart was hammering in his ears and he couldn't tell if he was furious or heartbroken.
"I did! The second I explained! James – get over yourself! I apologised but right now I wish I hadn't."
She took a step closer to him.
"You're so self-centred – it's not all about you, Lily! I get to react!"
He could feel the warmth of her body.
"Not like this you don't! God, you bloody, dramatic Gryffindor-"
"That's rich, coming from you-"
"Shut up, just shut up-"
They were close enough to kiss and they were both hot with anger and pain.
James kissed her, but it was less a kiss and more a half-painful half-pleasurable clash of flesh and teeth and lips and Lily met him, tangling her fists in his hair and pulling his head back like she wanted to devour him whole.
"Fine," she breathed.
"Are you-?"
"Fine – and y-?"
"Fine – shut up-"
It seemed both contradictory and entirely logical, this mess of anger and desire, their bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces but at the same time smashing against each other like weapons. James could barely breathe, too busy with mouth and hands and body to care. Lily could barely think, too busy with sensation and anger and want to notice.
It was pleasure-pain and it seemed to do something to the pool of sickness in James' stomach, burning it away.
"I'm – not – your – property," Lily hissed, punctuating her words with bruising kisses. Her teeth nipped a bit too hard at his bottom lip and he nearly yelped before she crashed their mouths back together.
"No," James managed to get out, "No you're not. And I'm not yours."
"Trust me," Lily said.
"Understand me," James said.
The kisses seemed to be answer enough, at least for the time being.
A.N. Thank you for reading! A review would mean the world.