D/c: My words. That's all I own.
Musings. Could be Tyler's.
A downward spiral has to end eventually... where else could it go?
Enjoy.
.,.,.,.,.,
-Spiral-
When did I become this?
When did I lose my voice?
When did I become theirs,
lose the power to say no,
lose my freedom?
I can't feel anger.
No regrets,
Does that make me happy?
I used to think so.
Until it got to the point where I'm lying on the bathroom floor
Naked.
With the heaviest music I own filling the room.
Feeling the bass through my body.
Wondering what it is to feel regret,
Chills taking over me as the lyrics hit home.
Staring at the ceiling,
Picking out the flaws,
Wondering is it's painted
White or Grey.
Wondering if I could move if I tried.
Feeling...
Paralyzed.
Only my eyes darting, unseeing.
Mouth moving, voicing, singing subconsciously
to the words I've heard before;
Friends against Friends.
Parents against friends.
And I can't feel my fingers.
And my arms are falling asleep.
And the bass lets me know I'm
alive.
(I can't separate the beat from that of my heart)
Why can't I say what I really think?
Why don't I let myself feel?
Why am I reduced to 1st person
Narrative?
Why...
Can't I feel the hot water through the steam?
How quickly hours add up as songs go by.
(I have no desire to move.)
I only shut off the radio because I know that if I don't
I'll lie here forever.
(I can't keep pretending everything is okay.)
I end the music with...
Regret.
.,.,.,.,.,
Lines in (parentheses) are afterthoughts. They could be removed.
I hope you liked it. Pop a review if you have a spare moment. It would be appreciated.
Till next time,
-J X