This one shot is loosely based on something I had written back in season 4, after Ingrid's death. I was a little frustrated that they hadn't let Emma grieve. That only intensified after season 5. So, this is basically my take on season 6. Hook stayed dead and Robin didn't die. It's Anti-Hook and Anti-Captain Swan. For now, I don't think it'll be a multi-chapter fic, I have so much going on, but I was talking to loboselina about all this and had to get it up. But, it's basically Emma Swan actually grieving and feeling guilt, with plenty of Charming family feels.

"Is it over yet?

Can I open my eyes?

Is this as hard as it gets?

Is this what it feels like to really cry?"

-Kelly Clarkson

Snow sat at the kitchen table in Emma's kitchen, glancing around the now bare room. She had offered a million times to help David and Emma with the boxes, but her daughter was just barely letting him help. She glanced over at Neal, who sat in his car seat, cooing and giggling over the toys that dangled above him. She reached down, stroking his cheek. Sometimes she forgot that he was just a baby, oblivious to all that was going on. How she wished she could have his attention span, how she wished Emma still had it.

It hadn't been long since her family had returned from the Underworld, Hook's funeral had only been yesterday. She had expected Emma to want to move out of her new house, she couldn't blame her. This place was supposed to represent her happily ever after and instead harbored terrible memories. She just hadn't thought she'd want to move out so soon.

Snow had seen her daughter through previous deaths and hard times. Each time, she seemed to shut down from them. Graham, Baelfire and Ingrid, all names that barely escaped her lips, Bae's only did when she would talk about him being Henry's father. With his death in particular, she sort of understood why her grief had been nonexistent, they were racing against the clock to stop Zelena. Even though they had to face against the Queens of Darkness after Ingrid, she seemed to not want to talk about her either.

It was happening again. Emma had simply asked her parents if they'd be okay with her moving back into the loft for a little while, just until she could find another place to live. They had of course said yes. Her moving out had happened so fast and only because she was the Dark One, trying to protect Hook.

That name was still a sensitive subject in Snow's head. She knew Emma had loved him, she had supported the crazy Underworld fiasco, but she had her own feelings on the pirate. He had tried to kill all of them. Dark One or not, that couldn't be excused. Emma had been dark during that time too and she hadn't done anything nearly that bad. In fact, all of her evil deeds had been done to protect Hook. The effect he had on her, it was like a trance that she couldn't break. Snow wished more than anything she had put her foot down and talked her out of going to try to save him. To just convince her to see Archie and open her eyes, but she hadn't. She hadn't wanted to lose her daughter, she didn't want to make her pain worse.

And now, there they were. Hook was dead, Hades had been defeated and Robin and Regina were figuring out how best to handle the whole Zelena situation. Storybrooke could get back to as normal as it ever was.

David came down the stairs, a couple of boxes in his hands. He looked over at his wife and son, giving them a wary smile. He settled the items onto the ground and walked over, kissing her. "Emma's grabbing the last couple of things and then we can go."

"Alright."

"Where's Henry? I have his stuff sorted out, but I know he's back to living with Regina."

"He's got a date with Violet. He gave me a list of stuff he wants to keep at the loft, Regia will be back to sort out the rest." She watched her husband nod. "How is she?"

"Same as always. She's talking about going back to work."

"Have you…"

"Not yet."

It had been decided by not just David, but Regina as well, that Emma was not fit to go back to work. She was a ticking time bomb and they all knew this. The last thing they needed was her taking it out on a random citizen. They knew the real Emma wouldn't do that, but she was so far from that. She wasn't grieving, she wasn't facing anything. She was honestly acting as if the past month hadn't happened at all, like her last memory was the party they had in the diner to celebrate Henry fixing Isaac's alternate reality. She couldn't live in denial forever.

"Regina said she's going to find another co-sheriff for me and a deputy, so I can be at home more."

"I wish we could do more to help her and the town adjust again…."

"They understand, we have to worry about our family right now."

Footsteps could be heard and Emma reached the bottom step. She looked exhausted, having not slept much since she took on the darkness. She was wearing a tank top and jeans, her jacket zipped up tightly around her. Her armor, protecting her. One thing they had noticed that had returned since they got back, was that the swan keychain had gone back to hanging around her neck and Graham's shoelaces were around her wrist. They had to admit, sometimes it was still a relief to see her golden curls back. Her Dark One hairdo had looked like she had dipped her head in paste. Of course she would always be beautiful, but it was good to see her looking almost the same as before.

"That's everything." Her voice was quiet, clipped.

Snow nodded, standing up and taking Neal's car seat into her hands. "Okay, sweetie," she smiled softly at her. "Do you need to lock up?"

"The house…it's not even really mine," she said. "Hook…Hook was going to buy it but didn't have a chance before I took on the darkness. I just kinda stole it. I gave the keys back to Gold."

"Oh." Snow and David exchanged a look. "Well, then I guess we're all set to go."

They got out to the truck, loading up the rest of the boxes. Emma turned around to take one last glance at the large blue house, drawing back a deep breath. David put an arm around her and she leaned into him, putting a head on his shoulder.

"We can stay as long as you need to," David said.

Emma's eyes looked like tears were ready to come at any minute, but in a flash, they suddenly changed to anger. "No," she replied, firmly. "I never want to see this place again." She pulled away from her father and went around to the other side, climbing into the back, slamming the door shut behind her.

Emma didn't have to take the news about her being put on indefinite leave at the station, because she barely left her room once they got back to the loft. She didn't say much to her parents. She just caught up on some much needed sleep, ate when Snow brought her a plate and that was it. Maybe once every few days, she'd go down for a shower, but most of the time she was just curled up in bed. With her magic, she had created walls around the room and a door, essentially to keep them out unless invited in.

So, she was grieving, in her own sort of way. Snow and David let her hide out, letting them know they were there. She didn't come to them, though. Not just them, but not even Regina, who arguably probably knew more about what she was going through than anyone. The only person she seemed to put on an act for was Henry. He came over to visit a couple of times and Emma would get out of bed, talk with him and get updated on his life. Even he could tell it was an act, though. They didn't talk about the bigger issues at hand.

Maybe it didn't help that the entire town had pretty much moved on. They were sad that a person had died, but how sad exactly were they supposed to be given the circumstances? They could've all died at his hand. If anything, they were all more worried and sad for Emma. All of them had constantly wondered how she walked about town after all she had been through, so damn confidently. This was the first time they had truly seen something close to resembling grief.

David couldn't set up an appointment on Emma's behalf, she was an adult, but the therapist had said if she came to him, he'd be happy to be of service. Now, all it was going to take was convincing Emma.

Snow walked up the steps to Emma's room, knocking on the door. "Emma, honey, please, open the door." No response. She slowly opened the door and found her daughter face down on the bed, wearing the same pajamas she had been in for days. Her beautiful blonde curls were now a tangled mess. Her mom walked over and sat on the bed. "Sweetie," she placed a hand on her back, causing Emma to look up at her. "Oh my baby." She stroked her hair.

She looked around the bed and her heart felt like breaking. The box with things from her childhood had been sprinkled out everywhere. There were polaroid pictures, the video camera and of course, her glasses case. Nearby was the folder of classwork she had taken from Ingrid's ice cream truck, the card she had given her on top. Snow read the words and felt her heart clench. That whole topic was still so bittersweet for her to think about. Her baby had been loved by someone else, but at the same time, that's what Emma deserved. She deserved to have a gaggle of family and loved ones.

"Mom, please, just leave me alone," Emma's voice interrupted her thoughts.

Snow drew a deep breath. "Your father and I spoke to Archie today…we think you'd benefit from seeing him."

Emma suddenly shot up, clearly becoming defensive. "Mom, no!"

"Please, just hear me out…"

"I'm completely fine."

"No, you're not. You don't leave your room and you barely eat. I know you've been through so much lately, between losing Neal and then Ingrid…" Before she could even mention the latest tragedy, she was interrupted.

"It's not bothering me!"

Snow reached out, trying to stroke her daughter's greasy hair, trying to tackle one thing at a time. "She was a mother figure to you…"

"She's not my mother! Unless that's what you wanted her to be!"

"What? Emma, no, of course not."

"Well I didn't know, maybe if Ingrid was my mom, then you could just focus all your attention on Neal!"

Snow's eyes flew open wide, where had this come from? "Of course that's not what I want! Sweetie, you're my daughter, I just know that you've been through so much, I know you need help…"

"Just leave me alone!"

"I can't do that," it took all Snow had for her voice not to crack. She was at a loss of what to do. Emma was an adult, she couldn't force her to get help, but then what could she do? "I know you're hurting, but I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't want you here! What part of that aren't you understanding?" Emma didn't mean it, she knew deep down she didn't. It was just easier to think that Snow didn't care, that she didn't want her. If she pushed her away, then she wouldn't have to feel anything anymore.

"I understand if I'm not who you want to be around." She did, as much as it hurt. "But then there are so many people you can turn to. Regina, Archie, even Ruby just got back into town with Dorothy…"

"No!" Emma screamed. She shoved her mom, but Snow barely budged. "Go away! I don't want to be near you." Her mother didn't move. "I said go!" When Snow still didn't go anywhere, she let out a screech of frustration, before pushing back her covers, causing everything on them to fall to the floor. The video camera went crashing down with a loud noise. "No…no…"

Emma dropped to her knees and picked it up, trying to turn it on, but to no avail. She noticed that the part that contained the tape had caved in a bit. She tried to get it to open, but it was stuck.

"No! No! No!"

That tape contained some of the few good memories of her childhood. There were the clips of her and Lily, fooling around in that house. The other clip wasn't exactly what she would call a happy memory (she almost always secretly hoped that Kevin interacted with a giant spider every day), but it was also the only recording she had of Ingrid. She would play it to hear her voice, to remember one of the few times she had an adult that cared about her. She attempted to use her magic, but it was no use. The tape was jammed in the broken video camera, never to be seen again.

She threw the camera against the wall and the tears began to fall down her face. They felt so weird, she realized she hadn't cried, at least not since she had killed him in the first place. She put her hand over her mouth, the tears streaming down her face faster than they ever had before. Snow climbed out of the bed and knelt beside her, wrapping her tight arms around her. Emma didn't lean into the embrace, but she didn't pull away either. She just sobbed for as long as she possibly could. Snow rubbed soothing circles on Emma's back, letting her break down. No mother was happy when their child cried, but for Snow, she knew it was the beginning of something.

Or so she thought. Emma suddenly jerked away from her, standing up and wiping all her tears. She grabbed her bag and headed out the door, without another word.

It didn't take long for Snow and David to find her, she had gone to Granny's and had booked a room for a few days. Ruby gently suggested that Emma needed some time. She, Granny and Dorothy would make sure she ate. It was hard for them, but they knew it was also probably for the best. They were worried about Emma, but knew that she needed a change of scenery. So, in the meantime they tidied up her room as if nothing had happened, Snow washed the sheets (including Emma's baby blanket, which had gotten left behind). David sent the camera to August, to see if he could fix it. The thing was old, but even if they could just salvage the tape, he knew it would mean the world to Emma. Of course August had agreed, he had been worried about Emma ever since she took on the darkness.

Emma didn't leave her room much. She couldn't help but notice it was the same one that she had booked with Granny when she arrived to town. The wallpaper was the same, the bed still sucked-not that she'd say it out loud. She didn't have anything with her, Ruby had been kind enough to lend her some clothes and offer an ear to listen, but she had only accepted the former.

She let herself think about it, about all of it. About losing Baelfire, Ingrid, Killian. Her mind flashed to taking on the darkness. She had done it to save Regina, her friend, the woman she had vowed to help find her happy ending. She thought about how hard she had fought it off and she almost won.

Almost.

If Killian hadn't gotten hurt, if her magic had been enough to heal him.

Then what?

The voice popped into her mind and it was one she hadn't heard in so long.

You would've moved in with the guy? You dated him for what, a couple of weeks?

"We…we were in love," Emma whispered.

No. He was in love with you. He told you that you were his happy ending.

There it was. She shut her eyes, laying back on the bed.

All the dark things you did…were for him. You covered up Merlin's murder, you never would've done that.

"It…it was my fault," she tried to bargain and a part of her believed that. If she had just listened to him, not let him die, then maybe…

You were dark and you didn't kill anyone. He almost took out your entire family. Your son, your parents, Regina. The family you fought so hard for. He was going to take that from you.

"I went against his wishes. I…I…"

Are you seriously going to defend that? You, the woman who has called out Regina time and time again for the grudge she held against your mother. He could've wiped everyone out. Changing his mind doesn't make it okay. He only had to die again because of his choices, not yours. If someone else was in your shoes and was defending this relationship, what would you say?

She thought back to her time as a bails bondsperson. Occasionally, she was recruited to track down cheaters. She used to wonder how women would take back men like that, ones who would treat them so terribly. Some would blame themselves, say that if they had just said or done the right thing…

That's what she had done with Killian. If she just went out with him once, maybe he'd leave her alone. If he was happy, then maybe she would be, eventually. If she hadn't taken on the darkness, then they'd be closer. If she had let him die, if she hadn't forced the darkness on him.

Excuse after excuse. Dirty deed after dirty deed to cover his own. This wasn't her. She kept telling herself her "walls were down", but were they ever really that high up? She thought of how easily she let in Mary Margaret and Henry, David didn't take much time after the curse either. No, he hadn't broken her walls.

Just her.

Her hand flew over her mouth as she thought about all she had done, all she had almost given up. Maybe her mother was right…maybe she did need help.

As she rolled over in bed, curling her legs to herself, she let out a deep breath. She heard the voice in the back of her head slowly fade away.

Welcome back, Ms. Swan.

Emma didn't come back around to the loft for another week. She had showered, was in fresh clothes (clearly Ruby's) and had her bag dangling from one hand. Snow and David instantly jumped up from where they had been sitting. Emma dropped the bag and the two of them rushed to her, wrapping their arms tightly around her.

"I made an appointment with Archie," she whispered. "I…I can't believe I did all those things…"

"It's going to be okay," David whispered, cradling the back of her head. "We're going to be with you, every step of the way."

She pulled out of the hug, biting down on her lip. "I'm sorry…I just…I'm sorry."

"We forgive you," Snow said, putting a hand on her cheek.

"After all I did…how?"

"Because we're your parents, we love you, no matter what."

Clearly, Emma would have more of a road to go down, but the point of it all, is that she's starting it. Please let me know what you think.