This is my first fanfic so please be gentle. I think I needed to write this for myself in order to endure the next 6 months after this ridiculous finale we had. I wanted to start the first 2 chapters each with Maura's POV and then Jane's, respectively and finish the remaining chapters in third person. It was important for me to be able to show where I felt each were. I hope you enjoy!
**Disclaimer** no copyright infringement intended. I do not own Rizzoli & Isles or the characters because if I did, I wouldn't be writing this story
Chapter 1
Maura's POV
pan∙ic : sudden overwhelming fear.
I couldn't breathe. Scientifically, I knew what taking the next one required, but regardless of how hard I tried, I couldn't muster the energy to physically push my lungs in and out. I was frozen with utter panic. I wanted to scream, but when I opened my mouth, nothing came out. In literally 15 seconds, my life had completely changed. As I looked to my left and saw what I thought was my best friend trying to help my bleeding and broken father, not only did I not recognize her, I screamed at her, "Nooooo! I mean it! Don't you DARE touch him." I looked into the eyes of the person I thought I knew better than anyone in this world, only to find, she had become just like everyone I had ever known, disappointing.
The past 3 minutes played over in my head as I tried to make sense of what had happened. Kevin pointed a gun at me, Paddy was there in an instant and saved my life. The next voice I heard… wait, Agent Dean? Why was Agent Dean there? It was Agent Dean that had shot my father… I screamed "Noooo, don't shoot." And then it was Jane. Jane. I could barely even think her name at this moment without cringing. How could she have done this to me? The one person in my life that I had trusted with everything had betrayed me. She knew Paddy would never hurt me, ever. And Paddy would never hurt her.
I looked at my battered and broken father as he nodded out of consciousness. "Hope…" he had uttered before passing out. I sat looking at a man whom I thought I hated, whom I had never cared about… only to find I longed to actually know him. Something was to be said for a man who gave you away to save your life yet still had pictures and had attended every monumental moment in your life. In one instant, it was going to be taken away from me. He had now saved me 3 times. His first act was his choice to place me in the care of the Isles'. Second, he protected me when he placed an ice pick through the heart of Tommy O'Rourke who, if given the chance would have done the same to me without a second thought. This final time, standing on a balcony in a half burned down building, he shot a man who pulled a gun on me, only to be gunned down by my very best friend and the man she had shared a bed with the night before. Was Paddy Doyle the one person in my life who had actually never let me down? In the state of my extreme confusion, this thought sent a cold chill down my spine.
I am not sure in that moment if it was the potential loss of my father, or whos hands it had come at. If Frost had shot him, Korsak, or even if Agent Dean's bullet had been the only bullet to pierce my father's body, I could have handled it. Instead, it was Jane's. In an instant I was quickly reminded why I don't open up to people, why I don't confide and why it's just so much easier to be alone… because people hurt you. They touch you and sometimes you break. Jane had let me give her everything, and instead of protecting me, she broke me.
I sat at Jane's bedside after she had been shot the entire time she was in the hospital. When Hoyt was after her, I held a loaded gun and sat awake all night on her couch, ready to protect her. I had given this woman, my best friend, everything. When I kept the information about Tommy from her after having to sign a title 18, she was so angry with me. She accused me of not trusting her enough to protect me. Perhaps, that event was a foreshadowing of this. Maybe I didn't trust her enough to protect me. Maybe in the back of my mind I always knew something like this would happen… that she would betray me. Instead of coming back to be with me at the hospital, she was with Agent Dean. I am not sure of the full reason this upsets me so much, but it's all just too much to handle. My mother was almost killed in a hit and run, Jane was in bed with Agent Dean while I sat weeping at my mother's bedside… and Jane had shot my father. Could someone who you loved so much, cared so much for and who you truly believed felt the same in return scar you so deeply in less than 36 hours?
At the thought of these 3 events, I couldn't hold it any longer. Panic set in at the realization of what happened in these last minutes, I began crying uncontrollably and Jane tried to grab onto me and hug me. "DO NOT TOUCH ME!" I screamed as I began pounding my fists into her chest. Even through my anger, I recognized Jane's familiar smell of lavender, a smell which generally brought me comfort, caused my stomach to turn. The harder I screamed at her and hit her, the tighter she held onto me. "I hate you! I HATE you!" I yelled through broken sobs and salty tears. I knew in that moment, I didn't mean it, but I needed to hate someone and blame them for this. I felt Jane shaking as she tried to hold onto me.
In one twist of my body I freed myself of her. I was still kneeling by my father's body and wrapped my arms around myself sobbing like a child. Korsak then knelt next to me in between Jane and I and wrapped his big arms around me. I couldn't fight anymore. I held onto him like he was my last hope in the world. As I looked over his shoulder through tears stained eyes, I saw Jane with tears streaming down her face shaking and looking at me like she had never seen me in her life. Utter shock took her over as she looked at the body of my father. In one instant, she got up and ran out of the warehouse, almost tripping over the scattered debris. My head was happy to see her go, she didn't deserve to be here… while in the very same moment my heart ached for her to be near me for just a second longer and broke into a million pieces… again.