A/N: Updated version with a bit of editing, also I'm changing this from a oneshot to a couple chapters, because I still think there's more story in here. R+R, and enjoy!
"Don't get me wrong Shep! I'm gonna fight like hell to get the chance to hold you again…" Kaidan whispered- a note of pain laced throughout his words. Tears burned at the corners of her eyes, as her chest tightened, breaths becoming ragged and uneven. "But listen, there are things I want…No, I need to say…"
A cool breeze caressed her face, her head swayed back and forth as she struggled to stand up right; woozily she tried to keep it straight-watching the child pace before her. Every breath became more of a chore; she clutched at her side, applying pressure to the expanding wound upon her abdomen in attempts to keep the bleeding under control. The act seemed futile as blood spurted through her fingers, coating her hand with warmth, her strength waning by the moment.
"But you are ready…you, may choose it." The child's artificial voice echoed through Shepard's head, as it stopped before her, it's glowing eyes looking up to her.
"I…I can't…" She sputtered, stifling a cough, as her mouth filled with the taste of iron. "This…this is not my decision."
The bedroom had a chill running through it, giving her a better excuse to pull herself closer to Kaidan, his arms tightening around her as she did. It didn't help her Citadel apartment had been ravaged by Geth merely a week ago; the rebuild could be heard through the walls, making drafts a quite frequent thing. She pulled the blanket up around her shoulder, the feeling of restlessness spreading through her. So much to be done in such an undetermined amount of time, Saren couldn't have been the beginning of this prophecy…
"Hey." His honey like voice breaking her train of thought, he placed a hand beneath her chin- pulling it delicately upward to receive a kiss. "Where are you right now?"
"I'm just thinking of all that needs to be done, wondering if Dr. Chawkwas has had a chance to examine Saren's body yet…" She started to trail off as Kaidan chuckled, feeling foolish.
"You know we're on leave for another week right?" He laughed, kissing her forehead.
"I know it's just I can't stop thinking of what Sovereign said." She pouted, using her free hand to push back her matted hair. "What if that was just the beginning, there's still so much we don't know."
"This is why I love you," Kaidan said- pulling her around him tighter, "Even with forced upon vacation time, you can't stop thinking of a new way to save the universe."
His words halted her panicked thoughts in their tracks, she pushed herself away from him, propping herself up on one elbow, "Did you just say that you loved me?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." He jested, closing his eyes as he stretched out, a sly smirk marking his perfect lips.
"You did, you just said you loved me!" she shot upright, pulling the blankets to cover her bare chest, giving him a playful shove.
He grabbed her wrist as quickly as she had out reached it, tackling her back onto the bed, his weight pinning her down- as he planted another kiss upon her lips. "So what if I did? I can't be the first person to tell the great Commander Shepard she is loved."
"Well…no", she joked, which he returned with a tickle to the ribs, she used her most serious tone through the giggles. "You're just the first one who's said it that I actually know means it, and who I actually return the feeling."
Shepard swayed a top the Citadel; in the distance she could see earth burn- the glowing red and orange dots becoming larger. A tear made its way out, leaving a distinctive clear line down her cheek through the dirt and blood in its wake; she used her free hand to wipe it away to little avail. On the other side she could see the great battle, Reaper ships over taking the fleets that had taken her months to assembly in moments, her friends falling through the sky in flames. She turned back to the child, using what little energy she had left to furrow her brow. "What gives you the right?"
"Chaos breeds chaos, I have explained this." He responded plainly, "We are merely attempting to protect the universe from itself."
"I understand that…" She faltered, the rage pushing her further, "But what gives you the right to decide our fate for us? You have seen under great aversion we can prevail. You have no right to choose it for us, or to give me the power to choose it for us. You are taking our future, and without a future- we have no hope."
"We could leave you now, and just observe- the peace may last for a time, but it would not take long for war to erupt between species, for drought and famine to drive those who are just as spirited as you, to make decisions for their race- for which they have no right." The child said, looking back toward the battle field. "Peace is an illusion, and if you do not choose, the cycle will continue- leaving all those you care about and love…to die anyway."
She did her best to hold back the tears, as the many faces flashed through her mind.
"I thought you were dead, we all did…two years it took me to get over you!" Kaidan snapped, turning his back to her, "and now you show up- acting like nothing's happened!"
"Kaidan, I was dead! I was on an operating table for two years, completely unaware of my surrounds, or if I even was still alive!" She yelled back at him, tears streaming down her face, she had not expected their reunion to go like this. The ghost town of Horizon surrounded them; bodies of collectors littering the ground. "You are being so selfish right now."
"Are you serious, me, selfish?" He turned around to face her; his eyes clouded, "I loved you, so much, and I had to read a eulogy at your funeral…do you have any idea of what that's like?"
She bit her lip, fighting the urge to return his scream, he was right.
"And now, everything I spent two years wishing for has come true, you're here…alive." His tone calmed, though his breaths remained ragged, "and you're with Cerberus, and I find myself not wanting it anymore. I've finally moved on Shepard."
The words cut through her like a knife, the eerie calm of Horizon echoed through her, as she desperately searched his stance.
"Kaidan…" She pleaded, stepping forward.
"I can't." He stepped back, holding up his hands. "Not right now, maybe when you're all done with whatever you're doing…well I don't know."
He turned to walk away, sending one last look over his shoulder, "Just be careful out there, I don't know If can handle loosing you again."
Before her mind had caught up with what her body was doing, she had drawn her side arm, and was stumbling toward the destroy option. This had been three years and coming, every foot step, was another closer to ending this. As she walked, faces of the fallen flashed through her mind. Ashley, Mordin, Jack, Legion…Anderson. It took all her energy to raise her arm; she removed her hand from her side, letting the blood gush free. She began to shoot without hesitation, and as the casings hit the ground- she was filled with a strange sense of peace. No more pain, no more sorrow, just quiet.
"Well, that's what I want, what do you want?" Kaidan asked, placing his hand delicately over hers across the table, his brown eyes eagerly searching her face as he waited for her response.
The newly renovated Presidium Commons were breath taking, the café overlooked the lake, and the artificial sunset in the distance made this the perfect moment. She returned his gaze with a smirk, "I can't bury what I feel for you anymore…and I don't want to."
"And that makes me so happy." He pulled her hand to his cheek, smiling widely.
The Citadel was strewn in ruins upon Earth's surface, piles of flaming wreckage made their search every harder, though Kaidan was determined. He would have a body to bury this time; he would not leave her in such disgrace. Sweat dripped from his face as he ripped through the piles, the stiches on his face starting to come loose. He blinked through his angry tears, remembering one of the last things he said to her, as he held her close- in taking her scent one last time.
"I can't lose you again."
He couldn't, even though he knew what they were looking for was but a body, it wasn't her. He wouldn't leave her again, he didn't care how long he had to search, and how exhausted his body was- screaming at him to stop. "Where are you Keira?" he whispered beneath his breath.
She had achieved what they set out to do, the rest of Earth was littered with wreckage of the Reapers, he didn't know how the rest of the universe was fairing, and right now he honestly didn't care.
"Major Alenko!"
Kaidan shot up right, hearing his name called from across the field.
"We've found her! She's breathing!"