POLYJUICE!
Disclaimer: I do not own Across the Universe
Jude: Though you wish that you did
Me: Yes I do wish that I did…CAN I BUY IT FOR A NICKEL?
Max: You can buy ME for a nickel…
Me: DONE!
"MAX! THAT'S NO FAIR! THAT WAS ME LAST COOKIE! I BOUGHT IT WITH ME OWN MONEY, YE STUPID BLOWJOB!" Jude yelled. Max licked his lips and poured himself a glass of milk.
"Well… that's too fucking bad, man. I was hungry, and it was the only edible thing in the house." Max said calmly.
"BUT IT WAS ME LAST COOKIE! I WORKED HARD FOR THAT BOX OF COOKIES!" Jude wined. Max rolled his eyes.
"Well, everything tastes better when it's free. I'll buy you a new box, you fucking woman." Max offered.
"BUT IT WAS ME COOKIE!" Jude yelled.
"Too fucking bad, fucker."
"Go fuck yerself." Jude said angrily. Max froze.
"Is that possible?" Max asked. Jude tilted his head.
"Is what possible?"
"Could one possibly fuck themselves?" Max asked. Jude scratched his head.
"Ye know what? I've never thought about that…"
"Could a person fuck themselves? Hmm… what if you… no… that wouldn't work." Max said to himself. Suddenly, a light bulb appeared above Jude's head and angels started singing.
"Chuck Norris!" Jude exclaimed. Max raised his eyebrow.
"What about Chuck Norris?" Max asked. Jude smiled.
"I bet that Chuck Norris could fuck himself!" Jude said.
"How?" Max asked.
"He's Chuck Norris, mate. Don't underestimate the Chuck." Jude said happily. Max shook his head.
"I won't even ask." Max said. Jude scratched his head.
"What about polyjuice?" Jude asked.
"Poly what?" Max asked.
"POLLY WANT A CRACKER!" Sadie's parrot, Polly yelled. Max took off his shoe and chucked it at the bird.
"SHUT UP POLLY!" Max yelled. Jude rolled his eyes.
"Polyjuice. It's this potion thingy in Harry Potter." Jude explained.
"OH YEAH! That scene where Hermione turned into a CAT!" Max yelled. Jude rolled his eyes.
"Yes, she turned into a cat. Now… I think that I have a book here on how to make polyjuice. Would ye like to attempt to fuck yerself?" Jude asked. Max smiled.
"WOULD I EVER!" Max yelled.
The next day, Max and Jude started to make the polyjuice potion. It took them 30 days, and when they finished, they put each other's hairs into their potions and they drank it. Max turned into Jude and Jude turned into Max and Sadie turned into a pumpkin. Max and Jude then proceeded to fuck each other-- er… THEMSELVES.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Except for Sadie.
Because they couldn't find a way to turn her back into a human.
So they just turned her into a pumpkin pie.