Scribbles in the Margins

Disclaimer – I still do not own Harry Potter, so stop asking me! : p

Warnings – Some language. Not in excess, though. They say the f-word three times, and that's all of the swears. I don't think that merits an R rating, but let me know if you feel differently.

xxxxxxx

Scribbles in the Margins

It was not a widely known fact that prisoners could receive letters in Azkaban. After all, who would really want to write to the convicts? But it was possible to get a letter, all the same. Not that Sirius Black got letters often. They came about once every three years, all from the same person.

xxxxxxx

The first one came on December 17, 1981. It had been more than a month since Sirius was thought to betray Lily and James Potter, to Lord Voldemort, and than convicted of killing twelve innocent muggles and his friend Peter Pettigrew. Sirius was on the verge of going mad. He wanted to believe that he was a murderer, and that he had sold Lily and James to Voldemort so that the guilt would finally over take him. Then, a letter came.

Sirius,

I hate you. I fucking hate you. I can not even pretend to fathom what goes on in your sick, disturbed, sadistic mind. They were our best friends. I hope that fact haunts your mind every day for the rest of your life while you rot away in a place is worse than hell, because that's not even good enough for you.

Remus

Sirius first wondered how he would be able to kill himself, all alone in his cell. His life was simply not worth living. Not only did he loose James and Lily, but Remus, peaceful, beautiful Remus, wrote him a letter saying he hated him. He fucking hated him, and Remus never swore. Sirius was just about to give up when he saw something peculiar.

There was a scribble in the margin of the paper.

This was peculiar because for all of the years Sirius had known Remus, the werewolf had never left any stray marks on his immaculate papers. Sirius peered closely at the scribble, and he could barely make out three words.

I miss you.

Those three little words gave Sirius hope. They gave him a desire to survive.

xxxxxxx

The next letter came on November 2, 1984. Sirius had been praying for another letter, even one as angry as the last. This time, however, he would be sure to look in the margins.

Sirius,

I don't understand. I fucking don't understand. What made you do it? Were you so incredibly power-hungry that you were willing to betray the very people who would die for you? That's one thing I'll never be able to understand.

-Remus

Sirius almost broke down. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, wildly believing that somehow his cries would reach Remus, wherever he was. He wanted to scream that he would never betray his friends.

He felt his heart beat quicken and his breath catch in his throat, however, when he saw what he was looking for. Another scribble. He held it up to the nonexistent light and read.

You're still my best friend.

Sirius nearly felt like jumping up and down, cheering. Remus still cared about him! Then, a dementor passed by his cell. The happiness was sucked away, but the truth could never be erased.

xxxxxxx

Sirius had not quite figured out the intervals at which the letters arrived, so he waited. He grew weak. Tired. Cold. There was still something inside him, though – a flame, if only a flicker, but burning nonetheless.

The third letter arrived on October 15, 1987. Sirius subconsciously started scanning the edges of the paper, but made himself read the actual note.

Sirius,

I though you were better than this. I never believed that you of all people would do the unthinkable. I can't stand the thought of you living when they're dead.

-Remus

It was shorter than the other two. Why had Remus even bother writing? Hopefully, Sirius though, he had more to say under that largish scribble on the bottom right-hand corner. Sirius studied it.

I have feelings for you.

Sirius held his breath. Could it possibly be, after all of these years? Sirius had fallen in love with the werewolf in his fifth year, and had never stopped. He thought he would scare Remus away if he ever told him his true feelings, but now, Remus may feel the same.

xxxxxxx

The next few years were absolute torture. Sirius wanted to tell Remus that he loved him, but the man he so desperately wanted to hold in his arms was miles and miles away. The days dragged on. And on.

xxxxxxx

November 9, 1990. Sirius ripped the next letter open with hunger. Would a miniscule piece of Remus linger on the parchment? He read the letter with a speed that was vicious.

Sirius,

I still hate you. I still do not forgive you.

-Remus.

Sirius held his breath. The scribble on this letter felt like an answered prayer.

I love you.

It said I love you. He loves him. Unbelievable. After all Remus thinks Sirius had done, he still loves him. A shiver of joy ran through Sirius's body, followed quickly by a shot of pain. Sirius needed to be with Remus. He absolutely could not stand it any more. He had to escape.

xxxxxxx

For the first time in many years, Sirius was able to turn into that great black dog and found that it helped him immensely. The dementors were not as effective, and he felt a certain connection to Remus while transformed. He began building up his strength.

xxxxxxx

The final letter came at a slightly different time than usual. It arrived on May 1, 1993. It smelled like sunshine and chocolate to Sirius. He slowly slid his finger into the envelope and broke the seal. He took out the fold piece of parchment and held it to his nose, savoring the delectable scent. He unfolded the letter and read the single sentence.

Sirius,

I still do not forgive you.

-Remus

It was the shortest letter, Sirius noted, but it had the biggest ink stain. Sirius glowed at what Remus had written.

I've always loved you and I always will.

That was it, Sirius thought. It was time.

xxxxxxx

The perfect plan fell into Sirius's lap in the summer of 1993 when a certain Minister of Magic gave the innocent convict the Daily Prophet while visiting Azkaban. On the front page, there was an all-too-familiar rat.

xxxxxxx

Two years later, Sirius and Remus were sitting on a couch at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. They were both staring into the blazing fire, but sneaking glances at each other every minute. Neither of them had ever acknowledged the scribbles in the margins.

"Hey, Moony," Sirius started slowly. "I never told you this, but I did get your letters while I was in Azkaban."

"Oh." Remus blushed. Sirius loved it when he blushed. "Sorry about those. I was going through some difficult times."

"I also never told you that I wrote a letter back," Sirius said, his voice shaking. He walked to the werewolf and dropped something over him. A piece of parchment floated on to Remus's chest. Remus picked it up and looked at it.

"But, Padfoot," Remus began, "it's blank-"

This is when Remus noticed the five notes in the margins. These ones, however, were not scribbled out.

The first one read I missed you.

The second said You're my best friend, too.

The third – The feelings I have for you are indescribable.

I love you.

I will love you until the end of time.

Remus looked up, his amber eyes wide. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could make a sound, Sirius grabbed him and kissed him fiercely. And Remus kissed him back. Although he had waited for what felt like a life sentence, the kiss finally set Sirius free.

xxxxxxx

Fin.

xxxxxxx

A/N – Hmm, that was my first not too happy fic. Until the end. Because who doesn't love a happy ending?! If something seems inaccurate to you (other than the whole getting mail in Azkaban thing – I know that it is very improbable), please let me know, because I worked hard on the timeline. Please review, review, review! Oh, and I have a new obsession – writing one shots. So, if anybody has any suggestions for one (it doesn't have to be SiriusxRemus), please let me know! Hugs and kisses and cupcakes!