TITLE: Like A Pill
AUTHOR: Ben is Glory
RATING: R for language and implied rape
PAIRING: Spuffy
DISCLAIMER: Characters by ME, song by Pink, selected lines by Joss ^_^
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, here's the lowdown. I was very nervous about writing this fic. Rape is a very heavy issue, and I'm not fully confident with the way I portrayed it. Therefore, this fic might come right back down off FF.net, depending on feedback and what I think is best. But for now, lyrics in italics, thoughts in quotes, and *** indicate a conversation taking place in the past or future.
FEEDBACK: It's called constructive criticism, people. Therefore, if you have something worth reading to say, mainly if I portrayed the situation correctly, then please share your thoughts. If you're going to say OmG lYk YeR sToRii SuX!!!1!1!1 then take it somewhere else, okay??
"Ask me again why I could never love you."
"Buffy, my god, I didn't-"
"Because I stopped you. Something I should have done a long time ago."
I'm lyin' here on the floor where you left me
I think I took too much
I'm crying here, what have you done?
I thought it would be fun
Buffy was stunned. She sat on the floor of her bathroom, thinking about the horror she had just endured. "How the hell could he do that to me? After he told me he loved me? And I believed him. I was just some stupid bitch that listened to him. It must have been me. I did something wrong," she thought. "I made him do that." She cried harder.
***
"I can't do this anymore."
"What do you mean? This? Us?"
"It's wrong, Spike. You know it, I know it."
"But Buffy, I love you."
"Well, I don't."
***
I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but she's being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here
"I just wanted it to stop!" she sobbed. "The pain, the agony. The memories. I wanted a release! Instead I get this freak-show. And it's all my fault!" She buried her face in her hands and curled herself into a ball, as though if she made herself small enough, she would disappear completely. The guilt and the shame was too much to take.
Where I can run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill
You keep makin' me ill
"What will my friends think when they find out I've been Spike's whore?" she thought frantically. "They'll never speak to me again. Oh my god… what have I done?" She grabbed a nearby towel, balled it up like a pillow, laid down, and cried.
I haven't moved from the spot where you left me
This must be a bad trip
All of the other pills, they were different
Maybe I should get some help
Memories came flooding back to her. How she had once been repulsed by Spike. She was so hurtful to him, but he never lost hope, never stopped loving her, even when he should.
***
"I'm drowning in you, Summers. I'm drowning in you."
***
I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch,
I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me itch
I said I tried to call the nurse again but she's being a little bitch,
I think I'll get outta here
By this time, Spike was at a gallop. Moving as quickly as possible. "What the hell have I done?" he thought. "She was everything. I loved her more than life itself, how could I *do* that to her?" Hot, salty tears stung his eyes. "I just wanted it to stop! The pain, the agony. The memories. Oh god, how can I…? I can't stay here, knowing that she's… I have to get away."
Where I can run just as fast as I can
To the middle of nowhere
To the middle of my frustrated fears
And I swear you're just like a pill
Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill
You keep makin' me ill
***
"Spike, it's me. It's you, and it's me, and we'll get through this.
***