Disclaimer: I do not own, RENT and its characters, or any of the song lyrics mentioned. More info relating to these songs can be found at the end of the fic.
Author's Notes: Just a ficlet that came to me. It's sort of a song fic, and sort of not, in that many different songs are used, and in no particular order. Also, I tried to make facts accurate, but the content is hard to research.
VERY IMPORTANT INFO BELOW. IT IS CRUCIAL TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON. OTHERWISE, YOU WILL BE VERY CONFUSED. I KNOW I WAS.
Italics are actions that are currently happening.
Bold italics are song lyrics.
Bold is a letter that is being read.
Normal text is flashback.
Withdrawn
Shed no tears, oh shed no tears
Roger waited as the impersonal answering machine message informing him that the person he was trying to reach was not available, please leave a message after the tone. The beep echoed in his ear, causing him to wince a little. It was one of the first loud noises he had heard since he found out. And then he spoke. "Collins…" He trailed off, stopping to cough at the use of his voice for the first time since he had found out. "I hope this is still your number."
"Speak!"
The ring of the telephone had caught Roger's attention, but he refused to get up and answer it out of laziness. What would the point of having their machine if he actually got up and answered the phone? "This is the New York City Morgue for Roger Davis." The voice was calm, and smooth, young and female. "It would be appreciated if you could come here at your earliest convenience to help identify a body. Your name was found in the deceased's wallet. "
Roger froze, and his magazine dropped from his hands to the floor.
"You have to come back to the city." He broke off, his voice thick with emotion, but tried his best to overcome it quickly. "It's…oh god."
How'd I let you slip away?
"I don't know how it happened. It's just so sudden…I didn't notice anything." A tear started to crawl down his cheek and he wiped it away angrily, inhaling deeply and harshly. He hated crying. Crying was too much of a vulnerable action for Roger. It meant that people could see exactly how hard a time he was having with something.
Dry your eyes, oh dry your eyes
A numb shock crawled through Roger's body as he exited the morgue and started down the street. Suicide. It wasn't a word Roger had expected to hear again after April. Yet here it was, haunting him. The pathologist had told him. There was a note found with the body, no identification, just the note. They had found signs of self mutilation, as it had been put in the doctor's own sterile and professional words. Roger sighed. He had missed all of the signs.
"You need to come back…" He didn't notice that he was repeating himself. He was beyond caring at this point. "I don't know what to do…or if there's something I should do." He broke off again. "Everything is---not OK." He couldn't bring himself to use any of the terms he normally would use. Somehow it didn't seem right.
Everywhere he looked, there was something to remind him. If he closed his eyes he would see the face of his friend, staring back at him. The face was oddly preserved and in pristine condition, enough that it was burned into his retinas. Closing his eyes didn't seem like a possibility again. Eyes of his friend, looking back at him and haunting him. Watching as his emotions were released upon seeing the body of the friend who had gone and jumped off of some building.
No more eyes to frame my falls
"Collins…they don't know. I haven't told the others yet. I don't know how. I need you to come back and help me." Roger slipped to the floor, running his hand through his hair. This was close to his weakest moment once more. He leaned his head back against the wall. "How do I tell them he's gone?"
Camera one closes in
"I feel like I should have been able to see something, or notice he was so unhappy. Everyone's going to look at me Collins. They're going to want to know why I didn't save him. I don't know why…."
I know this is a shock, but I can't stay. Everything is wrong, in any case. I don't fit in with you all, and you all have each other. Me? I'm not good here, or anywhere. So I'm not gonna be anywhere.
The note, they had let him keep it. Everything had been so straight forward that once the body was identified, it didn't matter. The case was closed. His friend had jumped off the building, been found and was dead. It was still strange to say that. Dead. As in not breathing, and never going to be able to breathe again. It wasn't a way he had thought of anyone as since Angel. Now he had to.
Have a dream I'm falling down.
"Collins…please hurry. I'm scared." The tears started falling. "I can't do it without him. Mark's dead, and I don't know what to do without him. Please just come home…" He hung up, and furiously started wiping his face. Crying wasn't how he wanted to deal with it.
Weep no more, oh weep no more, oh weep no more.
His fist slammed into the wall when the tears kept coming. They just didn't stop; it wasn't natural. At least not for him. "Is this what you wanted Mark!" He shouted angrily, getting back up to his feet. "Did you want to be able to just watch me go through this to prove that you actually did matter! Is that it!" He fell back down, his legs failing him. He was defeated. "Because it worked."
Take a bow.
Fin
OK, so this was just an idea that came to me, and I know the likelihood of Mark killing himself is kind of unlikely, but I really wanted to write a story like this, that would confuse the hell out of everyone, so there you go.
The songs used go as follows:
The lyrics "Shed no tears, oh shed no tears." , "Dry your eyes, oh dry your eyes.", and "Weep no more, oh weep no more, oh weep no more." Are all from a song that I once sang in a chorus and it's called Weep No More. I could not find who it was composed by for the life of me, but part of the lyrics are a poem by John Keats.
The lyrics "How'd I let you slip away?" are from Your Eyes, because even though I really strongly dislike this song they really work.
The lyrics "No more eyes to frame my falls." Are from the song "A Man Exists" by Hopesfall.
The Lyrics "Camera One closes in.", and "Take a bow." Come from "Camera One" By the Josh Joplin Group.
The Lyrics "Have a dream I'm falling down" Come from "Black and Blue" By Counting Crows.