Hi everyone!
So, this one-shot is super angsty so WARNING: CAN CONTAINS TRIGGERS FOR DEPRESSION. I always thought there had to be more to Edmunds betrayal, but that is probably because I love him too much XD
Edmund could remember the first time he stole. It was winter and his father's miserable salary wasn't enough to pay for food, especially since the prices were higher every day. The Pevensie family was going through a really hard time: the had to sell their comfortable little house and moved to a poor neighborhood in which street fights and robbery were part of the routine. It was time it caught up with them. He was only five years old but he and his family were starving: Lucy had been sick last week and the money they had to survive the whole month was spent in doctors and medicine. Not that anyone blamed them. The loaf of bread he took from the bakery was a small thing but it was something. When he came back home he lied about someone giving it to him and the rest were too happy to ask more. It was their first meal in three days. As Ed saw the hunger in his eyes satisfied he knew he had finally done something worth it.
Slowly it became a habit. He always acted alone and was as discreet as a shadow. None noticed until it was too late. There was no explanation but to think it was gift. For years he thought that was the only reason he was even born. What else could it be? His family? They hated him, especially his brother Peter who never tired of telling him that he was not part of the family and that it was because of him that all the economic problems of the family had started. Of course, no one defended him, not even his mother who just stood by and sighed, Susan thought the same but was politer when saying so and Lucy was too young to understand anything. As the little child he was, he believed it all. That was how his needed to prove himself was born.
Then they went to mister Kirke house due to the war. By then Lucy had stopped trying to be nice: the constant attack from the oldest Pevensie had finally convinced her that the brown-eyed-boy wasn't worth much. Still, she was the more tolerable of them all. The ten-year-old had grown bitter from the constant rejection. He had no friends, and in his opinion no family. No wonder why when Lucy came back from the wardrobe he had teased 'till he made her cry. It was a small revenge but he took it anyway. Peter wasn't that happy about it and as soon as they were alone he had slapped him for that.
The white witch had used that against him: all the anger and the hurt made him a perfect target. He loved his siblings but he was so sick and tired of them… Everything seemed to go better after the battle of Beruna, he had almost died and somehow that made his siblings realize they actually cared about him. For a couple of days, he had experienced the feeling of love but the happiness wore out quickly and the resentment for his actions towards the caught up, destroying the small balance they had reached.
Now they were in Narnia. They were kings and queens, they had no more problems to eat or to live. Yet, the Just King missed his crimes. At least then he was important, now he was stuck in his sibling's shadows. Peter was High King, the mightiest of them all, appreciated by everyone and admired even more; when it came to the rest of the world he could do no wrong or make mistakes. Once again, the golden boy. Susan was the beautiful queen everyone loved because of her gentleness. She always had kind words for everyone and motherly attitude towards those who needed it. Lucy was the reliable one, the one who would be there for anyone, shining with her innocence. A ray of sunshine. Him, he was just the traitor. It didn't matter that he was the best swordsman in the country or all the times he had saved Narnia from invasion with his web of spies; no one would ever cherish him. Eventually, he had given up and embraced the pain, morphing into one with it. He was now known as the Dark King, and he liked it. People had lost all hope for him and let him do whatever he wanted. Only a few people still tried, which sadly included his stupid older brother. Which lead to situation like this morning.
"Edmund, you shall train with Oerelius in the morning and in the early hours of the afternoon you will prepare yourself to go to Archeland tomorrow." Announced the king, not even taking his eyes off the letter he had received.
"No." answered his brother without raising his voice. If Peter thought he could boss him around because of his title he was wrong. Plus, he already had plans: one of his spies had informed him of a potential threat in the Silent Woods, he had to check it. Not that he would tell that to the rest. They would freak out and make matters worse. As usual.
"Brother, you must understand there are obligations as king, and these are the one presenting themselves right now. This is for your country." They were all looking at him with that tired look of theirs. Cute, they thought they could pressure him into doing this. And talking about Narnia…he had done and was doing more than they could possibly imagine.
"My obligations are to protect and help our kingdom, not to follow your every order. You see, Susan is more feet to go to Archeland for she has the best relations with king Lune. I, on the other hand, have matters to attend right here and thus I shall not travel for the moment being." He knew arguing was hopeless: Peter was too egocentric and headstrong to listen to reasons. Still, someone had to try and everyone else was a coward.
"All I have in mind by asking you such simple tasks is the behalf of Narnia. I know you and don't expect you to comply but I, as your King, will see to it. This discussion is over." The blonde teenager's voice was starting to tremble a little with anger as it did in every argument. Ridiculous. A ruler shouldn't show his emotions. They were his weaknesses.
"You do not order me around. Not now nor ever. I shall continue with my plans, for they are important unlike your 'simple' tasks. If they are so easy to complete anyone could do them. I don't understand why my presence is required." Retorted the dark-haired boy.
"Edmund, I think it's been proven before that I have a better understanding of things than you do. I know better." Did he just go there? The room was silent. Everyone expected him to lash out. He didn't. Truth be told, he deserved it. After all he had done… from day one he had been a burden, nothing but a shadow of what could have been a human being. A disappointment everyone was forced to live with. A punishment for those around him. He deserved nothing but attacks. It was better this way than with people pretending to like him. No one did. Not even himself. He saw himself as he was: a street rat trying to adapt to a world of shining dresses and jewels. But what else was he supposed to be? He had raised himself in the streets, with complete freedom over what he did and dedicating every breath to help his family. He had failed, though. They were still poor and they still went to bed hungry most of the time. Father still had to leave. All because he wasn't good enough. Stop. Don't go there. You'll never come back. Dad left because of him, because he didn't want to see the excuse of a boy he was, the counterpart to Peter's goodness. He was a waste of air. At school, he wasn't much better either. Everyone saw him as the outcast, easy to pick on and he didn't even try to defend himself. The memories of the beatings would stay forever. Kicks, punches, humiliation. He let it all happen because he knew that was all he was good for. The teachers never defended him, after all he was just the lonely kid who failed every test and didn't even care. He would bet his life that they were actually happy to see him coming to class with a black eye. Who wouldn't have been happy and glad to see such a lame little boy suffering the violence of the world? He had it coming his way. Always. His only use was to be an outlet for his fellow student's rage. At least it was something. One might think it's nothing but it was the only thing that his life meaning. And since coming to Narnia his name had been stained. He saw all the dirty glares, the mean comments. By then, his soul was too broken for him to even care that much. It still stung. Like poison. Sometimes he wished he was never born. More often than not. Everyone would be better off. Specially himself. "Ed, I'm so sorry…"
"So am I." said the younger king before walking away, calm as ever on the outside. No one went looking for him after the fight and he was both upset and grateful for that. Was he really worth so little that people wouldn't care to see if he was okay? They weren't trying to understand, at least. His space was being respected. He still would've loved if someone went to him and stayed even if he told them to get lost. But he knew he had no one like that. Alone, once again.
Calming himself was an ordeal. First, he went to the training grounds but ignored all who was there. It was only him and the dummy in which he took out all of his anger using Hell-keeper and Banest, his twin swords, until it was practically disintegrated. Everyone looked terrified which hurt him even more. Did they think he would attack them? Was he such a monster? He started shaking with unease and growing anxiety. What was he supposed to do? The only answer he found was run. And he did so. Soon he was passing the gated of the castle and entering the forest where his sprint turned into a zigzag due to the trees. The hurt and hate were so strong he headed towards the only place where he had ever felt like he was worth something. He didn't care if it was a mistake, if it was a way to fall back into their game. All he cared about was feeling like he was home. Like someone cared. It took over a day of rushing nonstop to arrive at witch's castle. It stood there in all of his icy glory. Old words echoed in his head: "You'll be something your siblings are not.", "Everyone will respect you.", "You are special.". How was it possible that the person he hated the most was the only one who had ever brought him comfort? Sometimes he wondered if he had done the right thing by helping defeat her. Of course, he knew what she'd done was wrong but at least she had been nice to him, even if it ended quickly. Three days passed before he could bring himself to leave, letting go of what little comfort he had found.
When he came back to Cair there was nothing but reproaches and dirty looks. All the pity they had felt had vanished in thin air. Not that it was a surprise. No one was even talking to him. Everyone in the castle was friend with his siblings but never with him. Who could blame them? It was impossible to get through the walls he had built up around him, what they didn't see that it was because they had given up that those walls had gotten thicker and thicker. He just went to his room and started looking for maps of the silent woods, he had to protect them, at least that would redeem a part of his miserable existence….