Disclaimer: I don't own the puppies, nor the rest of the Potter crew.

Pretence: So I was on Tumblr a while back and there was a picture with a prompt, and it said for any ship to write something. This came from that, and I think I shared it on Tumblr forever ago and I wanted to put it up here.

A/N: For anyone currently waiting for the next installment of In Which Sirius Has a Motorbike and Remus Has a Bit Too Much to Drink- I s2g I'm going to change that title- I'm working on it.

Summary: Coffeeshop/University AU. Sirius works in a coffeeshop. Enough said. Read on!

Today your barista is:

1. Hella fucking gay.

2. Desperately single.

For your drink today, I recommend:

You give me your number.

Remus stared at the little card sitting on the counter of the coffee shop, half amused and half curious. When Lily recommended this place for him to try, he had been a little apprehensive: Remus Lupin was not one to go out of his element and try new things. But this place had seemed quaint, if not a bit… queer. And he didn't mean queer in the sense that it was weird. It was flaming, completely and utterly queer.

"Can I take your order?" Remus was startled out of his thoughts by someone –the 'hella fucking gay' and 'desperately single' barista, he realised- speaking to him. Remus gave him an appraising look before answering.

"A coffee, black. And a chocolate croissant," he added at the last moment, noticing it on the menu. He was always a sucker for chocolate. The barista –Sirius, his nametag read- nodded and threw him an appraising glance of his own.

"Coming right up." And he winked.

Remus rolled his eyes a bit, although he was slightly amused. He watched as Sirius moved to make the coffee and couldn't help but notice how clumsy he was. He dropped the first cup he made and winced as the burning liquid sloshed all over his front.

"Shitfuckow…" Sirius muttered, making a move to clean up the mess and shooting a look towards the backroom to make sure his supervisor hadn't seen or heard. Luckily, Peter was probably asleep at this point in the day, so he was in the clear. He jumped as he realised the customer had moved off of the stool he was sitting on and was wiping the counter with a napkin.

"You don't need to do that. Your coffee will be along in a moment."

"You look like you could use some help," Remus replied mildly, and Sirius didn't –and couldn't- argue with that. Between the two of them, they got the mess cleaned up, and Remus handed Sirius the coffee-stained napkins for him to throw away. Sirius did so and then poured a second cup for Remus, handing it to him.

"Thanks," Remus said with a bit of a smile, taking a sip and sighing in relief as the caffeine coursed through him. He never slept, insomnia combined with writing essays for classes all hours of every night. Sirius handed him the croissant and then leaned against his side of the counter, looking at Remus curiously.

"So, desperately single, are you?" Remus asked, a slight smirk on his face as he set down the coffee cup.

"You have no idea. Haven't had a boyfriend in months." Sirius shuddered dramatically. "What about you, oh mysterious stranger who helped me clean up a mess that I made?"

"Just got out of a relationship, actually." Remus' features darkened for a second, and Sirius caught a glimpse of fire that he wouldn't have suspected was there. The customer looked like your common nerdy little student, but maybe he wasn't…

"Brutal ending?" Sirius asked sympathetically.

"He, uh, decided he was straight and went for my roommate. Who is a female." That was an awkward one, indeed.

"Ah." Sirius made a face. "Brutal."

Remus nodded in agreement, taking another sip of coffee. He didn't really want to think about James right then.

"You at the college, then?" Sirius asked curiously, and Remus nodded. "What're you studying?"

Remus shrugged slightly. "A little bit of everything at the moment."

Sirius nodded appreciatively.

The two chatted for a bit more time, as Remus drank his coffee and took small bites of his croissant. When he finally finished, Sirius took the cup and threw it away. Remus wrote something down quickly and handed it to Sirius, a small grin peeking out.

"Call me sometime," he said with a smirk, and then walked out of the restaurant, leaving Sirius to stare at his –admittedly nice-looking—arse.

Nice talking to someone who actually has a brain.

If that boyfriend position is still open, I'd love to have a trial run.

Call me!

And a phone number was written at the bottom of the napkin. Sirius grinned, pocketing it the number. Oh, he had every intent to put that number to full use.

A/N: The ending sucks, but it's better than the original ending I had. Reviews are lovely, and thanks for reading!