Chapter 1: The Proposal
A/N: I was bored. This was the result. Disclaimer- I don't own Hetalia and if a story like this exists already, I haven't seen it so any similarities are pure coincidence. Also I don't write accents- they're difficult to write and annoying to read when people get them wrong.
Warnings: Language, BTT, and Romano.
The bosses of Nations, over the years, have generally come to terms with the fact that they will always argue with each other for arguing's sake. But that didn't mean they couldn't try, try again right? So, after observing one of the "Nation-only" meetings one day, the First Lady had the brilliant idea to send all the Nations on a "company retreat" of sorts out in BFE, to better international relationships.
That wasn't the bad part. America had also been observing a "humans-only" meeting from the hallway with one of England's spy cameras and overheard the boss-man actually considering it. That was the bad part. Because if his boss had a way with words, which he did, he could very easily convince the other bosses of the swell idea and the Nations would be powerless against it.
America could hear it now, not only would he be forced to spend God-knows-how-long with the most volatile group of beings on the planet, but it would be his fault. Maybe if I just leave early today and don't come back until the meeting, I won't have to say anything to them. He'd suspected the previous presidents must have communicated with each other at the end of each term, mercilessly spilling everything they knew about him. And that meant everything, including the incredibly inconvenient lack of willpower America had against them.
None of the Nations knew why or how, but a boss just had a certain power above them that none of them liked and vowed never to share voluntarily.
But America was America. So naturally he failed epically at hiding that from nearly each and every boss he had because he trusted too easily. Which inevitably meant either he would tell them or they would figure it out.
Which was why he was planning escape from the White House when the "America, would you please come in here for a second?" echoed ominously down the hallway.
Fuuuuuuck. He put on that Hollywood smile anyway and walked confidently into his boss' office, apologizing to his fellow Nations silently in his head as he went.
"Sup, boss?" He dropped lazily onto one of the couches and draped an arm over the back, staring at the man expectantly, who motioned to his wife. The First Lady sat on the couch across from him, an "I just had the best idea ever" smile on her face.
"So, Alfred, there's something I want to suggest to you, and you in turn to the other Nations at the upcoming meeting…"
"Everybody shut up!" There was just twenty minutes left and everyone was either arguing with each other or watching the clock countdown to zero. That was still twenty minutes and Germany wasn't going to waste it. Everyone immediately returned to their seats and pretended they were the mature adults they were supposed to be. "Now, America you said you had an announcement to make?"
"He already had his turn, Potato Bastard! Everyone else has to, I want to go home." Romano shouted, earning a few grumbles of agreement in response.
America loved being the center of attention, just not when it was for something he did. Or in this case was about to do, and England noticed. "Well go on then, what is it this time? A new robot idea to save the planet from global warming?"
"Eh, heh. Ah… no." Now everyone was curious. "So my boss had this idea and wouldn't let me go home without pitching it…" Code for: I had no choice so please just bear with me. Most could sympathize with that, having been in the same boat several times before, but it hardly changed the fact that whatever it was wasn't going to be good for any of them.
"Well, spit it out, git."
"He suggested that the twelve of us should have a break from world affairs for a while." Well technically yes, he did say that.
"That is good, non? Why do you look like you just ate one of Angleterre's charcoal scones?" France smirked at the Brit's now tomato-red face but didn't say anything else.
"He said it would be with all of us, together, 'building positive international relations' by being stuck in the middle of nowhere for a week, not up for discussion."
And then the meeting room exploded in a cacophony of shouts and yells either about or directed at America who was only thinking one thing, What did I do to deserve this?
They stared up at the gigantic metal contraption parked in front of JFK airport. The gigantic metal contraption that would be housing twelve Nations for eleven days while they drove from NYC to LA.
"Why did it have to be your country that we drove across?" England complained, dropping his duffle bag on the concrete beside the rest of the luggage.
"You think I wanted it to be here? I'd much rather wreak havoc across Europe in this thing but they voted on it. Something about 'not wanting to divide the poor continent again'."
"Huh… you know what? Now that I think about it, Alfred, I'm absolutely ecstatic we get to see three days of corn fields. Good on them for making such a good decision."
Gleaming proudly in the hot sun, a massive class-A RV that sat fifteen at max capacity on the road with a tiny Fiat rental towing behind, silently taunted the few Nations that had arrived on time. It wasn't enough that they had to reach the checkpoint at LAX on time but there were keys scattered throughout the country at various locations along the way they had to pick up. If they failed to find even one, the bosses would consider it illegitimate and send them back a month later to do it again.
The RV itself looked fresh off the assembly line with a few added things inside designed for the road trip: pre-packed sleeping bags, camping supplies, tents, and thirteen little iron boxes presumably containing each new clue once they began picking up keys.
So far, America, England, Germany, Prussia, and Canada had arrived on time. They were still waiting on Italy, Romano, Spain, France, China, Japan, and Russia's planes to arrive. Canada was waiting inside for the others at baggage claim while the German brothers felt the need to "make sure it wasn't going to break down" and were examining the entire thing from engine to kitchen sink.
The bosses had really thought of everything. They pooled together enough money to cover gas, one meal per day plus groceries, and the fees for campgrounds. Everyone's credit cards were tapped to deter anyone from booking a hotel and just flying to Los Angeles to meet the deadline. Any and all cheaters would make the entire group's journey invalid. A picture with all twelve of them with each key and city location was also required at the end. And, because twelve beings with millennia of ingenuity between them were a problem, the CIA had kindly agreed to send out various agents scattered across the country to keep an eye on them. Something about "payback for everything we've had to brush under the rug over the years because of you".
Not long after Germany and Prussia finished their inspection and deemed the RV fit, Canada arrived with the remaining priso- travelers. I meant travelers.
"Being trapped in America in an RV with those three for eleven days. One of the many things that is not on my bucket list." England muttered, shoving the duffle into one of the many storage compartments on the outside of the brick-on-wheels.
"Alright everyone, you've got five minutes to grab anything you need from the storage bins, first stop is the supermarket just outside of the city for food. I'm driving." No one bothered to whine about America driving, they didn't exactly know where they were going. The extent of New York that they'd seen over the years consisted of Manhattan alone.
Instead they all silently agreed to plan a nice revenge when this fiasco was over and done with. No one forces Nations to get along. Not even their bosses. A mistake they were going to regret for the rest of their lives.
A/N: So what did you think? It's my first crack at something not horribly depressing and I hope it wasn't too bad. Weekly update schedule.