Author's Note: This is an AU for my story chant of darkness; it will not be a complete retelling, just a series of shorts featuring my oc Justin and Grey Warden Bethany. I would like to offer special thanks to all those who have enjoyed Chant of Darkness. (That means you Murly, Artwo, Pintsizedpsycho and all the others that have left such wonderful reviews over the last year. You are my fuel and I could not do this without you! Well without further ado, I present to you…Broken Sunshine!

Broken Sunshine

She was going to be punished.

That was the one thought that continued to loop through the mind of Bethany of the Grey Wardens. Not that she did not deserve it of course, she most definitely did. She had abandoned her post, went running off to Kirkwall, and had fought at her sister's side, at Wolf's side. There had been no choice, That Knight-Commander bitch had decided to annul the circle of Kirkwall, and as always her sister had managed to get herself right in the middle of the trouble.

Or rather, Anders had landed her in the middle of trouble, Maker's breath, what had he been thinking? Did he honestly think Marian would not kill him for what he had done?

Or maybe that was why he had done it, knowing that she would kill him. He had far more power as a martyr then he ever had alive.

The lying cold-hearted bastard!

Bethany sighed, she had warned Marian years ago, Anders was trouble, but her sister had not listened. Maybe she had felt she had owed him after he had saved Bethany's life in the deep roads, maybe her sister had felt that that had been an act of kindness, worthy of being repaid?

Or maybe she could not get her head out of her pants long enough to see what a monster her lover was turning into. Bethany wasn't sure, and as far as saving her life went…well…

Bethany was not very grateful for that.

The warden sighed, her sister had not understood, joining the Grey Wardens had not saved Bethany's life, it had condemned her, threw her into a life of nightmares and death. Sometimes she wondered if death would not have been preferable. At least then she would be with her family, at peace, at the Maker's side.

Here…here she was alone, lost in darkness.

She was currently laying in her bunk, staring up at the empty bed above her, her roommate, a warden named Sylvia had been killed by an ogre a month ago in the deep roads, so far they had not replaced her yet, not that Bethany minded, she liked the quiet, and truth be told, Sylvia was kind of a whiner.

Unlike herself, Bethany thought with a hopeless chuckle. She made no bones about the fact that she hated this life, but unlike Sylvia, she continued to fight hard, she would not just lay down for the darkspawn if they wanted to kill, she would not make it easy for them.

It is the Templars or the darkspawn Mother; at least I'm allowed to fight darkspawn.

Bethany laughed at those words now; they were how she had convinced Marian and Mother to let her go on the deep roads expedition. Well she had gotten her wish had she not? She no longer had to worry about the Templars, and she would get to fight darkspawn for the rest of her taint-shortened life.

Wasn't she so lucky?

For six years now she had endured being a warden, being forced to fight the monsters that had tainted her. She found no escape from the creatures, she patrolled the deep roads with her fellows, and when not there she was here in Ansburg, or in the warden base in Montsimmard, or even Vigil's Keep in Ferelden. The endless war had consumed her, had blackened her soul, and poisoned her heart. Gone was the young girl with the sunny disposition. In her place had risen a cold calculating warden, she knew what her fellows said about her.

Bethany is a good ally, she maybe cold, angry, and always bitter, but she is a good ally, and a fierce killer of Darkspawn.

The young warden frowned.

Killing…that was all she was good for now.

And it was all Marian's fault, and yet…when she had heard that her sister's life was in danger she had not hesitated, she had ran to Kirkwall, consequences be damned.

Why had she done that? Only one reason came to mind…

Marian was her sister, one of the last of her family.

She could not abandon her.

Bethany may not have liked her sister very much, but there was a difference between not liking ones sibling, and not caring when some Templar bitch decided to kill her along with every mage in Kirkwall.

Despite everything that she had seen and every cruel evil thing the order had forced her to do…

Bethany Hawke still loved her sister…

And for that love, she was going to be punished.

They had arrested her the moment she had returned to Ansburg, taken her staff and dagger. The Lieutenant had ordered her to return to her quarters; technically she was under house arrest, at least until her superiors decided what to do with her.

Bethany sighed, whatever they decided she hoped that it would be quick; she did not like all this waiting around.

What could they really do to her? Execution would be a release, they could force her to go on her calling she supposed, but once again, she welcomed death.

She had nothing to live for now, they needed her to kill, so she killed.

The nightmares continued to haunt her, she welcomed there end, perhaps those dreams had driven her mad years ago, or perhaps the world had always been mad, and it had taken the Grey Wardens to show her the truth.

They could probably banish her to some far off garrison, some place where she would slowly go mad with boredom and the nightmares. It was said that wardens assigned to such places gladly went on their callings, of course that would be a waste of her talents. The wardens had spent years fashioning her into a deadly weapon; she was as much a weapon as the staff she carried.

The commander would not like to part with her.

So here she would remain, until someone important decided what to do with her.

It was so very frustrating.

Her thoughts drifted back to Marian, she wondered what her sister was doing now. Marian had been so…angry after the fight in the Gallows. She was lost in fury and guilt. Once upon a time, Bethany would have tried to help her, but she had come to know that such fury could be very useful.

Such fury had saved her life many times since joining the wardens. Marian would either learn to turn that fury to her advantage, or it would destroy her. In the end, the choice was entirely hers.

Of course, she did have Fenris with her; Bethany knew that if anyone could see Marian through this it was Wolf. She had visited several times over the years; they had spoken of old times, and had discussed how best he could pursue his feelings for Marian.

Though to be honest, her sister did not deserve Wolf's affections. Her sister had chosen to bed down with an abomination, an abomination that went on to murder hundreds of innocent people.

Anders at least understood what she would become, it was not mercy that he had offered her, it was servitude. The same servitude that he rejected, she was surprised that the warden commander had never asked her to execute Anders for his desertion.

Killing Anders would not have been easy, but it would have been…gratifying.

Bethany would be lying if she did not admit that there had been times over the years where she had dreamed of sneaking into Kirkwall, and dealing with Anders, for no other reason than to pay him back for turning her into…into this… warden, but it had been Marian's feelings that had always stopped her.

Marian had loved Anders; she wished no further pain on her sister.

After what he had done, she was hard pressed to admit that she had been mistaken.

It would have been better if she had killed the bastard.

A knock at her door interrupted her musings; she rose with a heavy sigh.

"Enter," she called out.

The door opened, admitting a tough looking senior warden.

"Bethany," he said with a nod.

"Stroud," she said returning it, Stroud had been her mentor of sorts, he had commanded her many times during the last six years. He was also the only warden who she felt safe being completely honest with.

She liked that.

"How was Starkhaven," she asked him.

"Fine," he said quietly, "I found a new recruit. An elven woman named Serene, she is an Orlesian bard."

"How did you find an actual bard," she asked.

"She was sentenced to hang," he admitted, "I had to invoke the right of Conscription. I hope she is worth it."

"Have you heard anything about me?"

Stroud frowned.

"Please Stroud," she asked.

"There… has been news," he informed her.

She raised an eyebrow, he sounded grimmer that usual, must not be good news.

"Word has been sent," he said, "The Lost Garrison is on its way to Ansburg."

Bethany did her best not to look shocked, she knew what the Lost Garrison was of course. They served the same function as the Templars Seekers of Truth. The Lost Garrison policed the Grey Wardens, punishing any wardens that stepped out of line.

Wardens like her…perhaps?

"Are they coming to judge me," she asked Stroud.

"I do not know," her mentor informed her, "there has been some kind of fight in Kirkwall, the Lost Garrison was involved. It could be because of what you did, we can't be sure…at least, not yet."

Bethany nodded, it seemed that she had been a very naughty girl, more than she had realized.

Isabela would have been so pleased with her.

"I will speak with their Commander on your behalf," Stroud assured her, "I will save you if I can."

She appreciated his offer, but if they decided to execute her, well she did not really mind that,

She was growing tired of the Warden life; death would release her from her pain.

Not that she was about to commit suicide, oh no, suicide was a sin against the Maker. No, she would throw herself against their enemies until one finally did her in.

Then she would be free, she could see her parents again…she could see Carver again.

She wanted that now…more than anything.

Stroud left her then, promising to send her some food and drink.

Bethany lay back down, so…the Lost Garrison was coming here. Perhaps she would finally find the release she was seeking.

If they decided to execute her, well…so be it, she did not fear death.

After what she had seen since joining the order, after what the wardens had asked her to do, she no longer feared dying.

She welcomed it…with open arms.

She welcomed a release, a release free of pain and compromise.

A warden did what she must, if that meant dying for betraying the order, so be it.

She would gladly meet her end.

She did not live now after all, she only survived.

She had died long ago.

Now all she wanted…

Was to rest.