Dear Elena,
Most mornings I wake up and expect to feel you laying in bed next to me. When I don't I like to tell myself that you are in the bathroom, or downstairs eating breakfast. It doesn't take me long though to realize how cold, and un-slept in your side of the bed is and I face the fact that you are not here. You haven't been here. I am all alone.
The realization hits me hard every day. I'm trying Elena, I really am but this is too much for me. Too much pain, too much loneliness. I've held out 65 years. All of our friends are growing old and tired. Almost all of Bonnie's magic is gone, Tyler can't change anymore, Matt's hair is all white and he doesn't walk well anymore. Even Jeremy is beginning to feel the ravages of time.
Ric passed almost exactly six years ago... This is why I didn't get close to people Elena, cause this part is just too hard. I let myself care because I thought you would be here with me for this part. You are supposed to be here. I can't do another funeral alone Elena. I miss you all the time. I can't ever get you out of my head. I need a break from all of this pain Elena. I feel like I'm suffocating.
I hope you don't hate me, when you wake up to find what has happened. I hope you can forgive me for what I have to do. I tried as long as I could but watching our friends die and not having you here is too much for me. I know you are going to be pissed, but if there is anyone who can bring me back from the edge it's you. I know you will find me, I hope you'll forgive me for this one day. I love you, Elena.
Damon sighed as he looked over the last page of his leather bound journal. The first journal he's ever kept in all of his 200 some odd years. He'd do anything for Elena really. He sighed again as an evil voice snaked through his brain Everything except stay. The voice was right. He couldn't go on like this, not anymore. There would be nothing left of him for her to come back to if he stayed. He placed the black leather journal in the middle of his neatly made bed. He hadn't slept in days. Then he grabbed his leather jacket and shrugged it on, making his way out the room. At the doorway he turned and gave one last once over to his 18th century style room. He had packed away all of his personal belongings in boxes and shoved them to the back of the closet. There was nothing left of him except for the journal that belonged to Elena now. It was just another empty room now in the otherwise very empty house. He felt a pit open up in his stomach as he flipped the light switch and felt a light go off inside himself. Before all signs of his humanity disappeared he had one last thought of Elena, she would bring him back, he knew she would. Then he was in his blue Camaro, speeding down the road away from his house and Mystic Falls, not heading in any particular direction, just going anywhere but there.
Dear Elena,
Stefan says I shouldn't mention it to you. He thinks we can get him back in time, but I promised to write everything so I'm going against my fiance's wishes and putting it in here anyway. It's been almost three years since we found the Boarding house empty. None of us read the black journal that was left on his bed, because we know it's for you, but it isn't hard to guess what happened. He turned his phone off and in all of this time, not even Bonnie has heard from him. We have no idea where to start looking and I'm just not as optimistic about the time we have left. Bonnie is old Lena. She is tired and weak, and she misses her best friend. It's bad enough she won't get to say her goodbye to you, but her heart yearns for him. I can't believe he would do this now. He lasted 65 years, why now, at the end would he decide to flip the switch and take off? It's idiotic, and unfair. Poor Bon, she really came to care for him you know?
Caroline groaned to herself as she thought of her friends love for the dark haired, troubled vampire. He was going to screw everything up with this little stunt. Elena was going to be so pissed. She closed the pastel purple journal she was writing in. She stuck it in the first drawer of her new, mahogany desk. Caroline and Stefan had spent the last 50 years traveling the world. After she finished college he flew her out to Italy and they never stopped. She had seen so many beautiful places, and done so many things. The huge office with glass windows she was sitting in was their next step in life.
They had settled down in New York City and Caroline became a wedding planner. Stefan warned her they would not get to stay here long because after 15 years or so people would began to notice that Caroline and her husband were perpetual teenagers. She was happy though. She had always wanted to be a wedding planner, and now she was. With her own desk and huge office in New York City, filled with pictures of all her past projects. She had gotten everything she had wanted out of life so far. She smiled to herself for a moment, letting herself momentarily forget that terrible situation Damon had put them in.
Dear Elena,
I'm positive Caroline isn't listening to me and is writing about Damon as we speak. I know because she took her journal with her to work, and she never does that. She's cute to think I wasn't paying attention. I'm not angry with her, in fact I changed my mind about telling you myself. I don't think we are going to find him this time Elena. My heart hurts. Caroline swears he's flipped his switch, but there is nothing Elena. There is no trail of bodies, no string of violence. Not even any assaults in one area. If he had flipped his switch, there would be something to follow right? But I know he wouldn't not say goodbye to Bonnie if he was feeling something. I'm so confused. He's just gone Elena. I fear the worst.
Stefan tapped his foot impatiently at his desk at home. He closed his brown leather journal. A small lamp sat to his right and it was the only light shining throughout his study. His brother's disappearance had left him distraught. He felt guilty for leaving Damon all alone in the boarding house for all those years. He thought he had been getting enough attention from Bonnie and her family, he thought Damon was coping fine. It was the last stretch after all, this was supposed to be the easy part. After Ric's funeral though, Damon stopped seeing Bonnie as much. Bonnie had expressed her concerns to Caroline and him but they had shrugged it off. After all no one thought he'd be dumb enough to give up within a decade of getting Elena back. The dark room smelled of dust and Stefan tried to keep his head above the roaring waves of guilt that threatened to pull him under. Not only had he failed Bonnie and Elena, he failed his brother. He was supposed to be the one who knew him better than anyone in the world and he had simply turned the other cheek. Now Stefan couldn't even be sure he was alive. He felt a sob threaten to break through his chest and he fought it down. Caroline would be home soon, and he couldn't act like this in front of her. He couldn't let her know how bad he was feeling or she would never stop until she fixed the problem, and there just wasn't a fix to this problem.
Dear Elena,
This will be the last entry of my life story to you Elena. No stop that don't cry, you'll make me cry. I am old and tired Elena. My magic is gone, I miss the earth, the spirits. I can feel the life leaving my body every day. I'm not afraid though. I know that once I'm gone you will wake up, and finally get to live the life you so selflessly gave up for me. I know that my death will mean your life and that is not a scary thought. I do need to ask you one last thing though, and I know I have no right to, but there is another who has given up his life for mine and I owe it to him to try and help. Damon has been gone now for nearly 7 years. For the first time since you went to sleep I haven't even heard from him once.
I'm not sure where he is, or what he's been doing Elena, but you must find him, and bring him back from the edge that I know he is balancing on. I wish more than anything he could be here. I miss him with every fiber of my being. My only regret in this life will be that I did not get to tell him bye, or tell him how much I loved him, before I go. I've put a letter in the back of this journal that i'd like you to give to him, if you ever find him. At least then I can try to ease any guilt he may feel over what he has done.
I owe him so much. He stuck by my side throughout these years. He's been a big part of my kids lives, and my grand kids lives. They miss him too. He's really been so good Elena, you would be so proud. I can't even imagine the pain he must have been struggling with. It hurts me to know I just left him alone with it. Find him Elena, for both of your sake. For my sake. Find him and bring him home.
Bonnie closed the pea green journal and hugged it to her chest. This would be her last gift to Damon, the last spell she could cast to help him get through this. She owed him that much.
"Mother, you should be resting." Bonnie's daughter, Angela stepped into her bedroom shutting the door behind her with a quiet click. Angela looked a lot like Bonnie had when she was younger. Her dark hair fell around her in curly waves. Her mocha skin was smooth and the dark contrast of her lashes made her green eyes pop, even in the dim light of Bonnie's room. Bonnie laid in her bed and breathed slowly as she watched her daughter make her way over to sit next to her.
"I'm fine dear." She managed out in a whisper. Her strength was not what it used to be, and on top of that her emotions were running away from her.
"Were you writing to Elena again?" Angela asked as she plucked her mom's private journal out of her hands. Bonnie had told Angela and her brother Delanie about all the supernatural things around them when Angela started showing signs of having power like Bonnie's. Angela had been 14 and delanie was 16. After Bonnie had told them Delanie had taken a special liking to Damon and since the kid's father had taken off soon after Angela developed her power, Bonnie was glad Delanie found someone he could look up to. Damon had been a very active part of her kid's lives. He was there for every major holiday, school play, sporting event. He was there for Angela's first heartbreak and to give the very uncomfortable talk to Delanie about the birds and the bees. Damon had been at both of her kids high school and college graduations. Angela had asked him to be in the room when she gave birth to her son Damien, who she even named after Damon. Her kids felt his absence every bit as she did. Bonnie knew it and she didn't miss the flash of pain in Angela's eyes when the thick envelope with Damon scripted on the front of it fell out of the journal she was holding. She picked it up and held it between her delicate fingers and then threw an accusatory look at her mother.
"Why did you write this?"
"There are some things I needed to tell Damon."
"Why don't you just wait till he gets back and tell him yourself?" She spat. Bonnie sighed. Her poor daughter was not ready to let her go yet. Delanie had made his peace, he knew his mother was tired. It had taken longer but he had developed powers too and he could feel the magic waning from his mom's body. He knew, that in her heart, she would want to go home to the earth soon. Angela on the other hand was not ready to let go, scared of how she would ever get through life without Damon and her mother. Bonnie's heart hurt for her daughter, but that was life. She learned it when her Grams past and Angela would learn and cope for the sake of her son, who would some day learn the hard truth himself.
"I'm tired Angela. Damon is gone, and the only one who can bring him back is Elena. You kids miss him, Stefan misses him. Holding on is only hurting them now." Bonnie explained in a tired, whispery voice. Immediately tears sprang to Angela's eyes as she frantically started shaking her head.
"But what about your life? What about what is hard for us?" Her voice was shaking as she spoke and Bonnie reached out a feeble hand to grasp her daughters.
"It will be hard baby, but you are nowhere near alone. You have your brother and your uncles jeremy and tyler. Caroline and Stefan are one call away. Damon will return, once this is over, and he will be just as here for you as he has always been. And you will never be without me Angela. Your power will bound you to me for as long as you possess it. I will be with you through it always. But i grow weary of this life Ang. My magic is gone, my strength is gone. I am an old woman who has lived a long, healthy life thanks to the sacrifices of my dearest friends. You have to let me go, so I can finally repay them." Tears streaked down Angela's face in thick streams. She squeezed Bonnie's hand tightly in hers and bent her head over their conjoined hands as sobs filled the room. Bonnie let her cry for a while, knowing this was no easy thing she was asking of her daughter.
"Okay momma, okay." She finally struggled out between sobs and Bonnie sighed with contentment. Now she could go, at peace, knowing she was doing the only thing she could to help. Bonnie squeezed her daughter's hand back for one second and then she fell into a peaceful sleep.
Angela stayed in the room for a while and cried silently. Watching as her mom's chest rose and fell evenly as she slept. Once she was calm enough she placed the envelope back in the journal and left the room silently. Once in the brightly lit hallway of her mother's house she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed a number she had used many times throughout her life. It rang a few times and then a familiar, velvety voice came on the machine. Don't leave a message he said in his usual sarcastic, joking tone. I ignored you on purpose. Angela could practically hear the smirk on his un-aged face. Angela had been with him when he recorded this. She had been about 8 years old and he had come and picked her up from school without her mom's permission. After about the 8th voicemail he had recorded this message, causing a young Angela to giggle. completely delighted. Her mother had been so angry at the two of them she hadn't spoken to Damon for a week.
"Damon, please come home." Angela sobbed into the receiver. "Damon she's dying. We need you here. Please." The last words fell off her lips in a whisper. When the machine said nothing back she clicked the end button and threw her phone across the room. At the loud thud her brother emerged from the room across the hall from her mom's. He was rubbing his eyes like he's just woken up. His eyes were not like her green ones, but were a golden color that reminded Angela of their real dad. His skin was the same creamy mocha color as hers. He stood a foot taller than her and he was cut like a football player. He took one look at his sister's tear stained face and then looked to his mom's door. When he looked back at her questioningly she shook her head. "Not yet, but she wrote Damon a goodbye letter and put it in Elena's journal. She told me I need to let her go now." Delanie never said a word. Angela had never understood how he could just accept his mom's dying but he understood. He had said all he wanted for his mother was peace and happiness, no matter how bad it hurt. He walked over to his younger sister and wrapped her in his strong arms. She cried into his embrace until she felt herself start to be pulled under by sleep. She thought Delanie might have carried her to her room.
Delanie had carried his sister to her room when she had fallen asleep. He had then slipped back into his room and crawled underneath the covers. He had come to terms with his dying mother a long time ago it was true. It still hurt him more than he could say, especially without Damon here. Damon had been like an older brother, a dad, an uncle. Whatever he felt like, Damon was family, and this family needed him now. Delanie wasn't angry at Damon, he had been told the story, Damon himself had even confided in Delanie here and there about just how much pain he felt on a daily basis, so he understood, but the childish part of him really just wanted him to put them first.
Don't leave a message, I ignored you on purpose. Delanie sighed at the familiar message. "Damon man, I don't know how to be the man in this situation. I need you here. Angela needs you here, Mom needs you here. You still have a family here that loves you, If there is any part of you left, come home." Delanie sighed as he hit the end button. Nothing about this situation was fair, and there was nothing he could do to change it.