Title: Healing Old Wounds

Summary: When a meta steals Barry's powers, he's left to go through life like a normal human. Sadly for him, when Cisco finally reaches his breaking point, this includes healing like one too. Barry whump incl. Angst as well. Hopefully no one is too OOC.

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I own nothing of The Flash or it's characters or their TV portrayal. I wish I did.

Author's Notes: Hello *waves* This is my first foray into The Flash fandom and I hope you don't regret it. lol. This is an AU fic, in that I change how Barry and Cisco make up. Rather than doing it during the alien invasion, they do it my way instead. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that it's easier for them to make up during the alien invasion because of what happens here.

2: I apologize if anyone (especially Cisco) is OOC. In order for this fic to come about exactly the way I wanted it to, I had to tweak some of them a bit.

3: A big thank you to water4willows and NickNikki for the beta. Without them, this fic wouldn't be as good. Thank you! *muah*

Here's hoping you enjoy this!

oOo

"Thanks, Flash," Leach purred, her pretty brown eyes turning to red as her power surfaced. Barry felt the energy drain from him as his speed was sapped. He staggered as his exhausted body attempted to keep him upright. "Oh," she added with a coy smile, "you might want to catch a cab. You won't be going anywhere for a while." With that parting shot, Leach ran, zooming off so fast that Barry couldn't keep track of her.

"Barry, what happened?" Iris's voice in his ear made Barry jump.

"Leach," he said, his voice rough as he panted. "She touched me."

oOo

Cisco knew the rain that fell in sheets was cold, but he didn't feel it. He had been soaked to the bone within minutes of having arrived but all he could see was the gravestone staring back at him - just as cold and gray as the day. It had been six months since Dante had died. Six long months where Cisco had spent his days trying to feel something other than emptiness and his nights begging for that feeling as all the pain flooded his soul, threatening to drown him. It didn't seem real - Dante being gone. Even now, as Cisco stood staring down at the granite which marked his brother's birth and death, it didn't feel real. He didn't want it to be real. Because if it was, not only would he never hug or talk to his brother again, but it meant that his best friend was responsible for it.

As Barry's image popped into his head, Cisco felt heat flood his veins as rage and hurt bloomed. Of all the people he thought would screw him over in life, he had never pegged Barry Allen as one of them. He felt betrayed, but he also felt angry and lately that feeling had been growing. Every time he saw Barry these days, Cisco had the almost uncontrollable urge to hit him; hurt him. Sure, the pain wouldn't last that long for Barry thanks to his connection with the speed force, but it would sure as hell make Cisco feel better. Or so he hoped.

"Hey."

Cisco's head popped up on hearing the very person he was just thinking of as though he were standing right behind him. "Speak of the devil and he will appear," Cisco mumbled as he turned to look at the man he had once called friend. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to be here," Barry said, his eyes earnest, concerned, and guilty. "For you."

"I don't want you here. Go home." It was the nicest way he could think of to tell Barry that he didn't really want to see him ever. Yet, though he had never thought Barry Allen to be stupid, he clearly wasn't going to take the hint since he kept showing up and being in Cisco's space.

"Cisco," Barry began, his voice faltering like it usually did when he was upset or sad.

This time Cisco didn't fight the urge; he simply swung. It was a little awkward because Barry was taller than him but pent up anger had a way of leveling the playing field.

The sound of his fist meeting Barry's cheek was..disconcerting yet satisfying. Cisco had forgotten the deadening meaty sound flesh meeting flesh often gave. The sound made him a little sick to his stomach but his anger wasn't diminished in the slightest. As Barry looked up at him in astonishment, Cisco began to feel a bit of horror at what he'd done.

But when Barry opened his mouth to speak, that horror faded, his anger replacing it, and he swung again, this time refusing to think about what he was doing.

"I am so sick," he said, aiming a kick at the speedster's side, "of you using me to soothe your own guilt." Another kick. "I get it, you want me to think you feel bad." Another kick. "Or maybe you think that I'll eventually forgive you for killing my brother just because you wanted to fix what was broken in your life." Another kick. "Well I'm sorry Barry, but all that look does is make me want to wipe it off your face." Another kick, and this time, Cisco didn't have it in him to do any more. He looked down at the other man, hoping his expression was as cold as he felt inside while he refused to acknowledge the guilt that was already starting to burn in his stomach.

Barry lay on the wet ground, soaked, bleeding from a split lip, a bruise blooming on his cheek, and curled around his left side as though to protect it. As Cisco loomed over him, the speedster put his right hand out, his posture pleading for mercy. "Cisco, please," he said, his breathing coming in shortened breaths as tears rolled down his eyes. "I'm so-"

Cisco backed away, turning away from Barry before he obeyed the urge to shut him up by knocking him unconscious. The more hurt than angry side quietly wondered why Barry wasn't healing but Cisco refused to listen. "I don't want to hear how sorry you are, Barry," he interrupted. "Sorry isn't going to bring my brother back."

"And this will?" Caitlin's voice interjected, turning Cisco's attention to her. She stood in the graveyard, soaked as well, with the necklace on and pain and anger in her eyes. She stepped forward, putting herself in front of Barry who was just now struggling to stand. "Cisco," she began, "I understand that you are angry, believe me I do. But whether or not you believe it or accept it, Barry is still one of your best friends. Beating him to death isn't going to bring Dante back."

"No," Cisco admitted, tears rolling down his cheeks. "But just maybe I can show him how much it hurts."

"You think I don't know how much it hurts having someone you love taken from you?" Barry growled. Where Cisco expected to see anger, he only saw desperation and pain. "This whole mess started because I know exactly how that feels! And I get that you will do anything to make the pain go away, so how can you blame me for wanting to do the same?"

"I don't blame you for doing it!" Cisco yelled, no longer feeling in control of own his voice. "I blame you for not doing it for me!"

"Cisco," Barry said, the tone a mixture of exasperation and a cry. "You have no idea how that will affect someone else. What if I were to go back and change the timeline only for Iris, or Wally, or Caitlin to pay the price for it? You don't want that on your conscience man."

"No, I don't," Cisco answered almost in a whisper. "I just want my brother back." The tears were now coming in a flood and Cisco collapsed under the weight of his own grief.

"I know, man," Barry assured and Cisco heard him slowly come closer. As much as he wanted to pull away from the hug he knew was coming, Cisco couldn't move. His limbs were too heavy and his body seemed to no longer obey his commands. When Barry pulled him in, Cisco went willingly, collapsing entirely against the speedster's chest before letting all his pain loose and crying until he couldn't cry any more.

"It's okay," Barry soothed in his ear. "We got you."

When another pair of arms, probably Caitlin's, wrapped around him, Cisco allowed himself to be pulled under by his grief. He knew no more until he woke up in S.T.A.R Labs on one of the medical beds with a blanket wrapped around him and Caitlin sitting beside him. "What happened?" he asked as he tried to blink the cobwebs away. "How did I get here?"

"We had Wally speed you here," she answered, her voice quiet and gentle. "How are you feeling?"

"Honestly? I don't know," he answered, still trying to get his equilibrium back. His world had been upside down for so long, the feeling of it slowly righting itself was making him dizzy. "Why did Wally bring me? Did Barry have more important things to do?"

"No, Cisco," she answered. The sadness and worry in her eyes concerned him but as he couldn't tell if it was aimed at him or for Barry, he didn't let it fester too much. "He couldn't."

"Why not? It's not like I hurt him that badly. You've seen how fast the guy heals."

"Right after you left to go to the cemetery, we got a hit on here Leach was. Barry went to confront her."

The sick feeling in his stomach which Cisco had been ignoring ever since he'd taken the first swing started to gnaw at him with an intenseness that made him think he truly was going to throw up. He thought he knew where she was going with this but he had to make sure. "He confronted her. Didn't he?"

"She..borrowed his powers to escape, leaving him without his speed and without his healing abilities for a while."

Cisco scanned the room where another bed was. Relief made him momentarily weak when he found it empty. "Well he must not have been too badly hurt, otherwise you would have kept him here."

"He didn't think you would want to see him for a while, so he allowed Iris to take him to the hospital to get checked out."

"Wow, never thought I'd see the day when Barry Allen willingly went to the hospital for some bruises," Cisco dryly quipped as he got off the bed. He didn't see the hit coming until he felt heat bloom in his cheek. He stared at Caitlin in shock, surprised to see anger burning in her eyes. "What was that for?"

"You just mercilessly beat your best friend to a pulp, breaking three of his ribs in the process, and all you have to say for yourself is a joke? Do you hate him that much?"

"God knows it would be easier if I did," he whispered.

"What would?" Caitlin countered snappishly. "Knowing that you willingly hurt your friend, that you took some sort of satisfaction in it? Or knowing that he accidentally changed the timeline?"

That was fair, though he wasn't necessarily going to admit that. "Both," he answered. Gathering his coat, his dry coat, Cisco started to walk out the door.

"Where are you going?" Caitlin called as the sound of hurried footsteps told him that she was rushing to join him.

"I'm going to see Barry," he replied, surprising the both of them. He hadn't meant to say that. What he'd meant to say was that he was needed some time to think. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized that, yes, he wanted to see Barry. Though his injuries weren't dire - unless someone kicked him again and one of his broken ribs punctured his lung, and please God don't let that happen! - Cisco felt that he should check on him; just to make sure. He paused, waiting for the elevator and looking to Caitlin. "Is Iris with him?"

"Yeah, she said that she was taking the day to take care of him." She gave him an encouraging smile. "He didn't tell her what happened. Just that he lost his powers and was attacked while getting back to S.T.A.R Labs."

"That sounds like Barry," Cisco quipped, this time without mirth. "Always willing to be the martyr, even if it means allowing your best friend to beat the crap out of you."

"He'll be glad to see you," Caitlin assured.

"Yeah, but will I be glad to see him?" Cisco countered, stepping into the elevator.

Caitlin gave him one of those looks. A look that implied her doubt yet also challenged him to do it all the same. "You won't know until you get there." She paused and then added, "Either way, you're going to have to through Iris to get to him."

Yeah, he thought on a sigh as the doors closed and the elevator began moving. If only she wasn't able to sniff out a lie as easily as her father, I might actually have a chance in hell.

oOo

By the time he had arrived at Joe's house, Cisco had almost managed to talk himself out of the idea. He still wanted to check on the speedster, of course, but he was feeling a little cowardly about facing up to his mistakes. Cisco took his time on the stairs, heart racing and palms sweaty. He had to force himself to knock, knowing that if he didn't, he wouldn't be able to go through with it.

The door opened and he mustered up a smile that faded the minute he saw the glare aimed at him from the woman who answered. "Can I help you?" Iris asked with more chill in her tone than Caitlin could manage when she was Killer Frost. Had Barry told her what happened?

"He told you," Cisco said, managing to harden a little more as the idea took full effect. It shouldn't surprise him, really. Barry wasn't exactly known for keeping secrets and this was Iris - the love of his life; he wasn't going to keep this from her. Cisco wasn't entirely sure why, but this felt like another betrayal, like it was just one more thing he could use to fuel his anger at his…well, at Barry.

Iris didn't move but she didn't have to for him to feel her shake her head. He was getting much better at vibing things, that was for sure. What he felt coming from her was more than anger or fury, there was pain too. Pain, and pity. "He talks when he dreams," she said by way of a negative.

"Dreams," Cisco said doubtfully. Something in the way she had said that hinted at more than just Barry dreaming.

"You would probably call them nightmares," she said, now stepping out of the doorway to let him in.

"But you wouldn't?" he countered, all of a sudden not sure if he wanted to enter. The nauseous feeling was back and the room felt a little warmer than it had a few minutes ago. Had he really given Barry nightmares?

"I've seen Barry dream about his parents' murders every night for weeks," she answered as they both made their way to the bedroom. "After he came back, they became worse, and then after he learned what happened with Dante, with Caitlin.."

She trailed off but Cisco knew what she had planned on saying so he said it for her. "His subconscious won't give him peace."

Iris nodded, watching him. After a minute's study of him she asked, "Does that make you happier, knowing that he tortures himself almost as much as you want to?"

"That wasn't what I wanted," Cisco denied, wondering if he was lying to himself as much as he was to her. It was horrifying to know that, on some level, it did make him feel better to know that Barry was suffering for what he had done; that he wasn't just going to speed through this latest mistake and think that there weren't any consequences for what he'd done. Cisco had never thought of himself as vindictive but apparently, now he was.

"Wasn't it?" Iris countered, looking like she believed him as much as he believed himself. "Sure looks like it to me."

She walked away, leaving him at Barry's room. Cisco's hand shook as he opened the door as quietly as he could; a part of him was secretly hoping that Barry wouldn't be awake, that his visit would go by unnoticed. He walked in to find that his wish had been granted. Barry lay, half naked, propped up by several pillows, his head lolling to the right, and his limbs twitching. The bruise on the speedster's face was all too noticeable against the pale cream of Barry's skin. Damn! Cisco hadn't known he had that much strength. It was both cool and not cool at the same time. But what really drew his attention was the bruising on Barry's side. An ace bandage may have covered the worst of it but Cisco could see patches of it peeking out as gravity took over and spread it further down towards his hip. Or had Cisco simply kicked him that much? He honestly couldn't remember.

As he slowly started to make his way closer to the bed, Barry's twitching grew worse, changing from barely there to practically fending off his demons. "Cisco," he whispered, a small whimper escaping his throat. "Cisco, please. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. No more. Please, no more."

And just like that, what little nerve Cisco had had, left. He ran out of the room, straight to the bathroom where he could retch in private. Now he knew what Iris had meant. Barry hadn't told her what had happened voluntarily. He had been reliving the beating over and over and over while he slept. God, what had he done?!

"Cisco?" Iris's voice reached through the door with ease and Cisco felt himself collapse again under the concern he heard in it. Given what she knew, how could she treat him with such..compassion? The door creaked open as something evidently told her he wasn't using the bathroom, and she looked down at him with tears and worry in her eyes. "Hey. You okay?"

"No," he admitted, feeling as though he would be sick again. "How could I do that to him?"

She sat down against the wall, opposite him, careful not to get too close, though he couldn't tell why. She sighed. "You've spent all this time living in your grief that you've forgotten to actually grieve. You spent plenty of time on denial and bargaining that you just sort of got stuck in depression without actually addressing anger. You just, sort of, buried it. And today you finally let go."

"On Barry," he said, feeling like he was going to be sick for a third time.

Iris scooted closer so that she could grab his hand and give it a squeeze. "I don't think it was coincidence that it was Barry." Cisco's heart sank as he thought of all the implications of that but remained silent, allowing her to continue. "For the longest time, I've watched you be angry at the universe for taking Dante. But then Barry shows up one day, acting like a completely different person, telling us that he has done something to the timeline and I watched that anger slowly shift onto Barry rather than the world. I think finding out that Barry messing with time was the reason your brother was gone was only the icing on the cake. You were already angry with him before that. Caitlin telling you that only made your pain, your anger at him valid." She paused a moment to let that sink in, holding on to his hand and not letting it go. "It's easier to deal with pain and heartbreak when you have a target to hate. When you have an actual person to be furious with, it makes the pain a little easier to bear, doesn't it?"

A tear rolled down Cisco's cheek as he whispered, "Yes."

By this time, Iris was now sitting next to him and she pulled him in for a hug. "I think, that of all people who can understand that," she whispered into his ear as he silently cried, "Barry can."

oOo

Cisco didn't know how long he and Iris stayed on the bathroom floor. It could have been minutes. It could have been hours. What he did know was that he wasn't sure he could go back up to that room and listen to Barry fight off demons which took Cisco's shape. It might just break him if he tried and the last thing he wanted to do was break down again in front of Barry.

"Iris?" Barry's voice made Cisco tense. Please God, let them have been there long enough for the speedster to get his powers back. His sounded outside the door before the man himself entered the room, saying, "Hey, are you okay? I thought I heard voices?" He cut off just as he finished, his eyes focusing on Cisco with a mixture of confusion and forced emptiness in them. "What are you doing here?"

Cisco was both disappointed but unsurprised to find that Barry's injuries were still prevalent. After all, Cisco wasn't going to be let off that easy, was he? He was about to answer when Iris cut him off with, "That can wait." She stood up and moved towards her boyfriend, grabbing him gently by the arm and leading him away from the bathroom. "First, you need to sit back down and then you two can talk." Cisco wasn't sure whether Barry was hurting too much to argue or he knew the futility of it, but either way, the speedster allowed himself to be led to the couch where Iris proceeded to put as many pillows behind his back as she could. "Do you need me to get you anything?"

"No, thanks," Barry answered with a smile. "I'm good."

Cisco was sure that both he and Iris knew it was a lie but neither of them called him on it. That smile was more telling than Barry wished it to be, no doubt. It was the one he always used to cover pain. Barry Allen was one of the most easily read people that Cisco had ever met. Just one look at him and you would be able to tell if he was happy, or hurting, or angry, or defeated. It was actually one of the things that Cisco liked about him. Today it wasn't doing Barry any favors because the more he tried to pretend that he was fine, or that he was indifferent to Cisco's being there - Cisco could always read the truth off him. He was ashamed to find that Barry wasn't mad at him for coming - he was scared. Did the man seriously think that Cisco had come to hit him some more?

"Okay," Iris answered with a small, sad, smile. "I'm going to go get a few things for dinner." She looked over at Cisco, her expression neutral, and then asked, "Are you okay with me leaving you alone?"

Ouch. Did she seriously think that Cisco would try to hurt Barry again? Or was it that she wanted to make sure that Barry was okay with being left alone with him? It was hard to tell.

Barry smiled at her, this time with a more loving gleam in his eyes. "I'll be fine. Go. Make sure Joe will be home for dinner. I'll be here when you get back."

"You better," she said, pulling away from him and grabbing her things. "It'll hardly be a family meal if you're not." She leaned down over the back of the couch and gave him a kiss on his non-bruised cheek. She looked over Barry's shoulder to Cisco. "Will you be joining us for dinner?"

"Uhm," Cisco stuttered out, unsure how to answer. He looked to Barry for a hint of what he wanted but found only a question in his eyes. "I don't think I should," he finally answered, his heart sinking when he saw what he now recognized as hope dimming in Barry's eyes. "I'm not sure I'd be very good company."

He didn't say that his main reason was the he wasn't sure how welcome he would be, especially after Joe found out what happened. Oh he knew that Joe did his best to stay out of all of their business and let them handle things on their own but he was also Barry's father, and Cisco would be able to understand if it was hard for him to be neutral in this case. Iris smiled her understanding, making him wonder if she could somehow vibe other people's feelings like he could. She said nothing more before she walked out and left him and Barry alone.

Here we go, he thought as he prepared himself to have a the same conversation he'd been having with Barry ever since Killer Frost had told him about Barry's involvement with Dante's death. Only this time - Cisco had some apologizing to do too.

TBC